|Just some random ones that I've heard
Spoiler (highlight to view)
“A father asked his son, Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears. Confused, his father asked Johnny what was wrong.
"Oh Pop," Johnny sobbed, "for me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you're telling me now that grown ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in!"
“Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.”
“Why is a man like a snowstorm?
Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.”
“Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.”
If it weren't for the gutter, my mind would be homeless.