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Should I confess

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tartufo
Post #366672
user avatar
Member

3:10 am, Mar 27 2010
Posts: 1355


@Jooles, I totally disagree. As a woman, I don't think I would look at a friend who confessed to me as a guy suddenly whipping his, erm, thing out. What kind of rotten friends would I have, lol? In fact, I'm more likely to trust a confession from a friend who I have known for a long time and whose behavior and character are known to me. Sure, if this friend was a player and a douchebag (in which case he wouldn't be my friend anyway), I would know not to trust a confession. But my friends are actually pretty decent guys. They have sex drives but they're not players. I mean, I would trust a confession from one of them. Just the fact that it takes so much GUTS to confess to a friend would make their confession to me seem serious. Knowing them, anyway... Lol. Plus the advantage of a friend becoming a lover is that you already know that you get along with them and that you share some interests, and they know you well enough that they're ok with your warts-n-all - I mean they've seen your true self over time and are still interested in you as you are. So this kind of relationship is actually more likely to work out than a random meeting in a bar or a bookshop something... smile

I also think it's a silly idea not to fall in love with someone until you've slept with them... Huh? Can people really control themselves and not start falling for someone until they're already in the sack with 'em? That's some mighty emotional self-control! And if you have to have sex first, then are you falling in love or just in lust with their bodies? The whole argument does not compute. bigrazz I can tell you that a woman WOULD be offended and totally turned off by this kind of approach. Most women who are balanced and have healthy self-esteem will prefer it if a guy loves them FIRST, not just after getting in their pants (which wouldn't be "love" anyway, if you had to wait for that to know for sure). I'm sure there are women who also appreciate some occasional casual sex and who have healthy self-esteems, but those aren't the ones you're talking about, are you? Since you're talking about finding "love" with them, obviously it would be stupid and suicidal to sleep with a woman who just wants a one-night stand and then hope to find love with her. D'oh. biggrin You'd have to love a woman FIRST, and have her be the sort of woman who'd WANT love, before sleeping with her. That way, you actually have a chance of finding real love with that woman. I don't think that you're immediately friend-zoned into an inescapable abyss, if you don't have sex with a woman at the drop of a hat.

The whole Friend-Zoning Of Doom thing I also disagree with. I think it's possible to fall for a friend that you haven't necessarily considered that way before, simply because you've changed or they've changed as the years have passed, or because they now approach you in a way that calls attention to them as potential romantic interests. I think it's entirely possible that if I were single, I would seriously date a friend who suddenly confessed to me. I think what a lot of guys misunderstand about the friend-zoning is that they think it's some sort of rock-solid fortress or a maximum-security prison, lol. The truth is that for most women, the friend-zone is permeable and people can move in and out of it depending on the circumstances. It's NOT over even if you're in the friend-zone, because just a little proactive action on your part may take you out of the friend-zone. Most of the time, guys are friend-zoned because they don't make it obvious that they're attracted to the woman, so she thinks he just wants to be friends and friend-zones him to avoid any drama. But the sincerity of a confession from such a friend can allow a woman to take the guy out of her friend-zone, even if it doesn't guarantee acceptance of the confession (just like any other confession isn't guaranteed to have good results... but it MAY have good results!). So even if you ARE a friend, if you're in love with the girl, I think you should confess. As long as she's available, lol.

It is true that I have once rejected and therefore lost a dear friend who confessed to me, but that wasn't because he was incontrovertibly "friend-zoned" - rather, it was because he didn't confess to me until I was ALREADY with someone else. I mean, I'm not a cheater - so obviously I turned him down, since I already had someone. But if he'd had the courage to confess to me before I got together with my S.O. at the time, I really might have agreed to it. I definitely would have agreed to date him at least, although whether things might have worked out between us in the long-term wouldn't have been guaranteed, just as it isn't in any dating scenario. The gamble for us both would be a lot more costly, since we might potentially lose a friend if things didn't work out... But guess what? We lost a friend ANYWAY. I think it's a lot better to take a chance on a friend who's available and that you know you get along with, rather than refuse them just on the friend-zone basis and lose them anyway. I mean... Yeah.

Just a girl's point of view! I'm sure that there are some women who think differently, but I just HAD to counter Jooles's statements because they felt so strange to me. No offense, Jooles... I just feel differently. smile

Kitteh_13
Post #366678
user avatar
Member

3:38 am, Mar 27 2010
Posts: 749


OMG Tartufo I love you
That post is so you. You always have the longest ass posts ever.

I saw a review on some manga yesterday and I was like "Holy shiz this is long. Reminds me of Tartofu." Low and behold... XD

And I have to agree with Tartufo. Most friends who have come to confess are sincere and it took them a LONG time to confess.

The best moment though when this guy I was just kinda friends with asked me out and I turned him down. He got mad and became a stalker. After a long fight with him he eventually apologized by saying:

"I'm sorry. I thought you were easy." (No lie) LOL He couldn't understand why I would sleep with everyone else but him.
*Understand that I'm so innocent I've at most kissed one guy my whole life and it wasn't even a french kiss.*

He just wanted some and I knew that from the get go so we never became close friends. smile wink grin

Also as for the sex thing. How do you explain all the marriages that have lasted so long where there was no sex before marriage? I mean it IS possible. But not everyone is the same.

________________
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Alannaeowyn
Post #366680
user avatar
Member

3:48 am, Mar 27 2010
Posts: 381


Tartufo, thank you for replying to Jooles. Now I don't have to say it all myself. biggrin

Seriously, Jooles, your approach freaks me out. I, for one, would definitely not sleep with a guy unless I loved, or thought I loved, him. Sex is not the determining factor of love. It's part of a romantic relationship, yes. The most important part? Hell no.

Last edited by Alannaeowyn at 4:21 am, Mar 27

________________
They say it's the thought that counts, but then they tell you, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions......"

Will no one scanlate Takahashi Miyuki?! T_T
Jooles
Post #366823 - Reply to (#366672) by tartufo
Member

6:24 pm, Mar 27 2010
Posts: 71


Quote from tartufo
@Jooles, I totally disagree. As a woman, I don't think I would look at a friend who confessed to me as a guy suddenly whipping his, erm, thing out. What kind of rotten friends would I have, lol? In fact, I'm more likely to trust a confession from a friend who I have known for a long time and whose behavior and character are known to me. Sure, if this friend was a player and a douchebag (in which case he wouldn't be my friend anyway), I would know not to trust a confession. But my friends are actually pretty decent guys. They have sex drives but they're not players. I mean, I would trust a confession from one of them. Just the fact that it takes so much GUTS to confess to a friend would make their confession to me seem serious. Knowing them, anyway... Lol. Plus the advantage of a friend becoming a lover is that you already know that you get along with them and that you share some interests, and they know you well enough that they're ok with your warts-n-all - I mean they've seen your true self over time and are still interested in you as you are. So this kind of relationship is actually more likely to work out than a random meeting in a bar or a bookshop something... smile

I also think it's a silly idea not to fall in love with someone until you've slept with them... Huh? Can people really control themselves and not start falling for someone until they're already in the sack with 'em? That's some mighty emotional self-control! And if you have to have sex first, then are you falling in love or just in lust with their bodies? The whole argument does not compute. bigrazz I can tell you that a woman WOULD be offended and totally turned off by this kind of approach. Most women who are balanced and have healthy self-esteem will prefer it if a guy loves them FIRST, not just after getting in their pants (which wouldn't be "love" anyway, if you had to wait for that to know for sure). I'm sure there are women who also appreciate some occasional casual sex and who have healthy self-esteems, but those aren't the ones you're talking about, are you? Since you're talking about finding "love" with them, obviously it would be stupid and suicidal to sleep with a woman who just wants a one-night stand and then hope to find love with her. D'oh. biggrin You'd have to love a woman FIRST, and have her be the sort of woman who'd WANT love, before sleeping with her. That way, you actually have a chance of finding real love with that woman. I don't think that you're immediately friend-zoned into an inescapable abyss, if you don't have sex with a woman at the drop of a hat.

The whole Friend-Zoning Of Doom thing I also disagree with. I think it's possible to fall for a friend that you haven't necessarily considered that way before, simply because you've changed or they've changed as the years have passed, or because they now approach you in a way that calls attention to them as potential romantic interests. I think it's entirely possible that if I were single, I would seriously date a friend who suddenly confessed to me. I think what a lot of guys misunderstand about the friend-zoning is that they think it's some sort of rock-solid fortress or a maximum-security prison, lol. The truth is that for most women, the friend-zone is permeable and people can move in and out of it depending on the circumstances. It's NOT over even if you're in the friend-zone, because just a little proactive action on your part may take you out of the friend-zone. Most of the time, guys are friend-zoned because they don't make it obvious that they're attracted to the woman, so she thinks he just wants to be friends and friend-zones him to avoid any drama. But the sincerity of a confession from such a friend can allow a woman to take the guy out of her friend-zone, even if it doesn't guarantee acceptance of the confession (just like any other confession isn't guaranteed to have good results... but it MAY have good results!). So even if you ARE a friend, if you're in love with the girl, I think you should confess. As long as she's available, lol.

It is true that I have once rejected and therefore lost a dear friend who confessed to me, but that wasn't because he was incontrovertibly "friend-zoned" - rather, it was because he didn't confess to me until I was ALREADY with someone else. I mean, I'm not a cheater - so obviously I turned him down, since I already had someone. But if he'd had the courage to confess to me before I got together with my S.O. at the time, I really might have agreed to it. I definitely would have agreed to date him at least, although whether things might have worked out between us in the long-term wouldn't have been guaranteed, just as it isn't in any dating scenario. The gamble for us both would be a lot more costly, since we might potentially lose a friend if things didn't work out... But guess what? We lost a friend ANYWAY. I think it's a lot better to take a chance on a friend who's available and that you know you get along with, rather than refuse them just on the friend-zone basis and lose them anyway. I mean... Yeah.

Just a girl's point of view! I'm sure that there are some women who think differently, but I just HAD to counter Jooles's statements because they felt so strange to me. No offense, Jooles... I just feel differently. smile


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrjwaqZfjIY

I'll answer more in-depth when I have the time.

Kiks
Post #366829
user avatar
Member

6:48 pm, Mar 27 2010
Posts: 86


for the azuro guy, yikes, tough decision, but whichever you make I hope it works out for you, and What the fuck(had to curse here) is up with your friend, he knew you liked the girl and he didn't even really like her but he still played her, and you call him a friend....there's smt wrong with your interpretation of the word friend XD

@unravelingmess, I really hope he says yes, but if he didn't when you confessed and didn't even already know you liked him....well I don't wanna burst your bubble but I hope you don't get heartbroken too much T_T

and as for tartufo.....OMG, you should play the piano or any kind of string instrument, I think you'd be awesome since I usualy die after an hour or 2 of playing and by how much you type on every post that shouldn't be a problem, though I like ppl that have an opinion and post long posts since they are usualy the nicest ppl around as well

Kitteh_13
Post #366854 - Reply to (#366823) by Jooles
user avatar
Member

8:49 pm, Mar 27 2010
Posts: 749


Quote from Jooles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrjwaqZfjIY

I'll answer more in-depth when I have the time.


If someone did that to me they wouldn't finish. Because I would have punched them in the face before they could.

And I don't know how you could call her wrong unless you are a female.
She has a female point of view that rings true with most females.
Just like how you may have a point of view that rings true for males.

But seriously... that video. -_-'

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otakuness
Post #367036
user avatar
jail bait
Member

1:15 pm, Mar 28 2010
Posts: 1434


you should confess!! true.. there should be some things left unsaid.. BUT it is still better to live without any regrets!! go for it!!! go! go! go!!!

anywaysss.. as for the long distance relationship.. i think you shouldnt sweat the smal details.. if you two are really that into each other.. then distance is just <i cant think of a word>.. something that should be crossed!
as for the awkwardness after rejection.. dont think about that!! think postive thoughts!! but if things would go awkward.. remeber that you are both graduating.. laugh

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Jooles
Post #367040 - Reply to (#366854) by Kitteh_13
Member

1:51 pm, Mar 28 2010
Posts: 71


Quote from Kitteh_13
Quote from Jooles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrjwaqZfjIY

I'll answer more in-depth when I have the time.


If someone did that to me they wouldn't finish. Because I would have punched them in the face before they could.

And I don't know how you could call her wrong unless you are a female.
She has a female point of view that rings true with most females.
Just like how you may have a point of view that rings true for males.

But seriously... that video. -_-'


I hard time sentencing thoughts. Hangover.

Riiiiiiiiiiight. Taking advice from women was what got me through 20 years of life with little more than a makeout once in a while. Then I started listening to MEN, and stopped being a bastardized version of a straight queer.

"No offense, Jooles... I just feel differently." Feel is the magic word. Men are from Mars [Logic] and women from Venus Emotion.

But again, hangover. I'll answer Tartufo's post later with a reply that most certainly will sound misogynistic, but is really why I love women. Men and women are different for a reason.

chulian1819
Post #367041
user avatar
chulian
Member

1:53 pm, Mar 28 2010
Posts: 836


good luck will cheer u on XD

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Recommended B Gata H Kei <3 Conveni-N XD
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Kitteh_13
Post #367201 - Reply to (#367040) by Jooles
user avatar
Member

3:17 am, Mar 29 2010
Posts: 749


Quote from Jooles
Quote from Kitteh_13
Quote from Jooles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrjwaqZfjIY

I'll answer more in-depth when I have the time.


If someone did that to me they wouldn't finish. Because I would have punched them in the face before they could.

And I don't know how you could call her wrong unless you are a female.
She has a female point of view that rings true with most females.
Just like how you may have a point of view that rings true for males.

But seriously... that video. -_-'


I hard time sentencing thoughts. Hangover.

Riiiiiiiiiiight. Taking advice from women was what got me through 20 years of life with little more than a makeout once in a while. Then I started listening to MEN, and stopped being a bastardized version of a straight queer.

"No offense, Jooles... I just feel differently." Feel is the magic word. Men are from Mars [Logic] and women from Venus Emotion.

But again, hangover. I'll answer Tartufo's post later with a reply that most certainly will sound misogynistic, but is really why I love women. Men and women are different for a reason.


Is it so hard to believe that some people (in general) actually enjoy monogamy?
If someone wants to just go out and have sex I can't see it being that hard.
And not having sex is an easy choice as well.

This guy LIKES the girl. And has liked her for a while.
I'm pretty sure he is thinking about more then getting action.

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PiLiPiNoY
Post #367209
Member

3:42 am, Mar 29 2010
Posts: 22


Quote
about my close friend, i really shouldn't have said close but more like just friends. i mean we joke around and stuff together but nothing really intimate or personal. I call him a douche because he knew i liked her and he told me he didn't like her than told me he was gonna make her fall for him, so he did and kinda played with her the whole time


Yo, sorry in advance I might sound like a prick. But you are an idiot for not confessing sooner. You knew he was just playing her, like wtf were you doing. so Yes! do what you should have done long time ago and confess.

John21
Post #367212 - Reply to (#367209) by PiLiPiNoY
user avatar
Member

3:52 am, Mar 29 2010
Posts: 749


Quote from PiLiPiNoY
Quote
about my close friend, i really shouldn't have said close but more like just friends. i mean we joke around and stuff together but nothing really intimate or personal. I call him a douche because he knew i liked her and he told me he didn't like her than told me he was gonna make her fall for him, so he did and kinda played with her the whole time


Yo, sorry in advance I might sound like a prick. But you are an idiot for not confessing sooner. You knew he was just playing her, like wtf were you doing. so Yes! do what you should have done long time ago and confess.



Totally agree with this dude ahaha. You knew he was playing around with the girl that YOU liked and yet you allowed this to happen. Forget about confessing, you didn't even put a stop to it?? Anyways just confess man. See how it goes, if she says no move on because there is plenty of chicks in this world and the right one will be there for you. Also allow her some time to get over this dude or else you might end up being a rebound bro

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robbit
Post #367220
user avatar
I am the Devil
 Member

4:12 am, Mar 29 2010
Posts: 2083


Advice: it's the last few months of your time together so do it. Even if you get turned down, you can probably still be friends, at least for the time remaining. Besides, graduation times encourage hooking up.
However, in my experiences, waiting at least two weeks after a chick has ended a previous relationship works best. Otherwise, they might either think of you as an ineffective comforter or as a unemotional *ahem* schmuck.
But dude, what did you expect the advice to be? No one wants to make you feel down and tell you no don't do it.
What you really need is opinions from her friends.

Chaoswind
Post #367233 - Reply to (#367212) by John21
user avatar
Lord of nonsense
Member

7:40 am, Mar 29 2010
Posts: 1307


Quote from John21
Quote from PiLiPiNoY
Quote
about my close friend, i really shouldn't have said close but more like just friends. i mean we joke around and stuff together but nothing really intimate or personal. I call him a douche because he knew i liked her and he told me he didn't like her than told me he was gonna make her fall for him, so he did and kinda played with her the whole time


Yo, sorry in advance I might sound like a prick. But you are an idiot for not confessing sooner. You knew he was just playing her, like wtf were you doing. so Yes! do what you should have done long time ago and confess.



Totally agree with this dude ahaha. You knew he was playing around with the girl that YOU liked and yet you allowed this to happen. Forget about confessing, you didn't even put a stop to it?? Anyways just confess man. See how it goes, if she says no move on because there is plenty of chicks in this world and the right one will be there for you. Also allow her some time to get over this dude or else you might end up being a rebound bro


Agreed... However, that ship might have left port long ago... Confess, but don't expect everything to go smoothly

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BimboSilly
Post #367327
user avatar
Crikey!
 Member

6:20 pm, Mar 29 2010
Posts: 1308


It would be nice to know what happened since the day has already passed .... feels like Densha Otoko bigrazz

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