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Marriage question

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bully_jesus
Post #34521
Member

6:02 pm, Aug 12 2007
Posts: 686


Hey guys, i'm back,

I just returned from a wedding and have a question for you. I ( as an atheist ) was wondering who i would want to speak at my wedding ceremony and seal the pact of marriage. I realized pretty quickly that even if i was religious i don't rhink i would want a priest/rabbi/father/imam/..... to precide over the whole thing. At least not one who isn't at the same time a close friend or relative. It just doesn't seem right for anybody else than someone who knows both of the couple well to do it. I guess in a close knit small community its ok if bride and bridesgroom belong to the same church, but chances of that are i think relatively small. And on the other hand, i think its somewhat strange for a person who has vowed never to take a wife or husband to join others in wedding, so some of the holy men are in my opinion even less suited to do it. So who to choose? I don't really know and am asking your opinions.
P.s. i am not anywhere near marrying, it's a theoretical question.

Gediminas
Post #34524
user avatar
Member

6:15 pm, Aug 12 2007
Posts: 481


Some "harr-harr" ship captain. They can do that.

________________
Don't waste your time or time will waste you.
Mamsmilk
Post #34526
user avatar
 Member

6:19 pm, Aug 12 2007
Posts: 7718


Marriage is not even needed, it's only a religious norm.

________________
Every time you think the most stupefying incident in this world already happened, there comes one more.
TofuQueen
Post #34527
user avatar
Crazy Cat Lady
Member

6:22 pm, Aug 12 2007
Posts: 1850


Hmmmm.... If you want to be legally married, you need someone who has the legal authority to perform marriages, which I think is limited to faith leaders (minister, rabbi, etc.) and judges in the U.S. (could be different elsewhere, I don't know). Of course you could always have the official thing done by a judge at the court house, and then have a party with whoever you want speaking or whatever, later on.

A Unitarian Universalist minister might be a possible solution. UUs advocate a free and responsible search for meaning, and you can find athiests, christians, jews, buddhists, pagans, agnostics, and just about anything else in a UU congregation. I have several relatives who had their marriages performed by a UU minister, even though they're not part of the UU (or any) congregation. Most ministers (rabbis, pastors, etc.) do require meetings with the couple before they'll perform a marriage, so you might feel like they're a pretty good friend by the time the wedding actually happens.

If you ever do get to the point of wanting to get married, your spouse-to-be (or her family) may have strong enough feelings about the wedding that it's easier/more comfortable to just do it their way... eyes My sister married Catholic & my brother married Christian (er...something kind of fundamentalist, can't remember the denomination) because it was very important to their spouses' families.

________________
"[English] not only borrows words from other languages; it has on occasion chased other languages down dark alley-ways, clubbed them unconscious and rifled their pockets for new vocabulary."
-James Nicoll, can.general, March 21, 1992
bully_jesus
Post #34529
Member

6:33 pm, Aug 12 2007
Posts: 686


got to clear things up,
i don't mean the legal thing. Thats just going to the right place and signing the write stuff. Less complicated than buying a house.

I mean if you want a ceremony ( not necesarrily any specific one, just a ceremony ( and yes, i know you don't need one )) , which i do, ( would be sort of boring otherwise, have to do something before everybody starts partying ) who would you pick to lead it and say some solem words of advice and so on. My reason for not wanting a minister or somebody else to do it is because he doens't know shit about me or my bride ( or very little ) and is basicly just serving me the same stuff he does all the other couples he marries. "BlaBlaBlaBla ....", nothing that actually is specific to me or the bride. Get what i am meaning?

Would you guys pick a friend or relative or are you comftobal with a professional ?

TofuQueen
Post #34531
user avatar
Crazy Cat Lady
Member

6:39 pm, Aug 12 2007
Posts: 1850


Ah, I see. In that case, just get someone who knows you both, that you both respect & admire, and together with them make up your ceremony. Doesn't matter who it is, really, could be a relative, old teacher, etc. The problem might be finding someone you both know well, who'd agree to do it - lots of people hate public speaking of any kind.

Have to say, though, from the UU ministers I've known (three, now), they meet with the couple & get to know them before they do the wedding, and they tailor the ceremony to exactly what the couple wants so it's not just a generic ceremony. But really, though it's worth thinking about now, the whole situation may be different when you get to that point (due to families, etc).

________________
"[English] not only borrows words from other languages; it has on occasion chased other languages down dark alley-ways, clubbed them unconscious and rifled their pockets for new vocabulary."
-James Nicoll, can.general, March 21, 1992
bully_jesus
Post #34536
Member

6:56 pm, Aug 12 2007
Posts: 686


yeah, your right i guess, isn't worth thinking about it until it comes around, anyway, thanks Quenn of Tofu

Xeronia
Post #34537
user avatar
Member

6:59 pm, Aug 12 2007
Posts: 1650


My aunt and uncle, when they got married, did a fake ceremony with someone, don't know who that was, after being pronounced man and wife by a judge and then had a big party with the dresses, cake, etc.

Anima
Post #34538
user avatar
Member

7:01 pm, Aug 12 2007
Posts: 169


you don't even need a priest to get married. just get a civil marriege

Xeronia
Post #34551
user avatar
Member

8:34 pm, Aug 12 2007
Posts: 1650


and party afterwards as if it were a religious marriage.

ladybrasa
Post #34556
user avatar
Member

8:48 pm, Aug 12 2007
Posts: 279


I think in the US "Justice of the Peace" can perform a ceremony. I'm not sure what Germany has of whom can officially marry a couple.

I also second TofuQueen's suggestion of Universal Unitarians. I am not really a part of that group, but what I've read about them I like very much. Very egalitarian and humanitarian, all faiths (or lack thereof) accepted ... except things like satanism, I think.

But in the end, I think getting an idea about such things now is nice, but when the actual time comes, there will probably be many things coming into play when you do get married, not the least of which is what your Bride's thoughts are.

adliss
Post #36693
Member

2:04 pm, Aug 16 2007
Posts: 189


I know a Pagan High priest that does it. Great parties after. He and few others are certified by the church of allworlds. They can do deaths too.

________________
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