Related to this request thread.

I was suddenly reminded of this topic today because I was contacted by a former colleague and old friend from a school where I used to tutor part-time about 2 years ago. While I was teaching at this school, I discovered that one of my students (a girl of only 14) was seriously self-injuring, after which we all freaked out, as teachers do, and got her immediate medical treatment and counseling, etc. That was when I found out that this girl had been raped by her former stepfather (the mother immediately divorced him and he ended up going to jail, thank god) - but obviously, even though it had been a few years since then, the girl was still disturbed by it. And understandably so.

When I heard about this, I was... seriously gutted, like someone had punched out my solar plexus, or had taken off my head and replaced it with this roiling, acidic cauldron of poisonous, horrified rage. And this was even though I hadn't really known her or been close to that student personally - I'd just seen her in class, as this child who sometimes paid attention and sometimes didn't, but was basically a good student and a nice girl. And I couldn't even DO anything for her, since she was immediately sent back home and didn't return to school after that... (Not while I was teaching there, anyway...)

I remember thinking, then - if this was my reaction to a student that I only knew incidentally being raped, then what if I'd found out that this was someone REALLY close to me, like, someone I really loved? What if I'd been this girl's mother and had found out about her rape? Holy SHIT...

I still haven't quite answered the question of how I would cope, or how I should cope, or... I don't know why, but sometimes this question really bothers me. Which is weird, but it's probably a result of that incident and that the fact that it still haunts me. And especially after the recent controversy about the Catholic Church and how people are now finding out that their loved ones had been abused by the most trusted leaders of their community... It just made me think about it even more, you know? Reminded me of that case all over again. The horror of finding out that ANYONE - close to me or not - had been through such an experience.

I honestly don't know how I'd react if it was a loved one. Probably be very supportive, but not intrusive? Aside from trying to get them to agree to professional counseling... But would even that be too intrusive? Or not intrusive enough? I don't know... I'd prefer to keep treating them the same, and keep the knowledge only in the back of my head for whenever they wanted to talk, because if it were me, I definitely wouldn't want to be "treated differently" - that would only make things worse... Or would it? I don't even know. Maybe it's good to be more sensitive and visibly more considerate with someone after discovering something like that. Jesus, I don't know...

Anyway... What would YOU do if it was someone close to you? Maybe discussing this will get it off my chest, or something. I kind of wish anonymous comments were allowed, because then people with real-life experiences of dealing with rape (either their own or their loved ones') might be more willing to comment.

Sorry for posting such a depressing topic. I don't usually do this, but... This is seriously bothering me. Sorry.

I don't usually talk about topics like this on the net(or at all, really) because it's a very personal subject for me, but you seem really serious about it so I'll share.

During my life so far I've had three people tell me they were raped. Wich is quite a lot considering I'm only 17.
The first time was when I was 14 years old. She was a classmate ans a friend of mine. We were having sexual eduaction and she sent me a note that said "I didn't want it" i didn't get what she meant so i asked her what and she answered "The sex. I didn't want it" before running out of the classroom. I ran after her and found her sitting outside school; crying. I was at a loss, but I remember just holding her asking if she wanted to talk. She talked. She had gone to a party with an older guy(22)the night before and he had forced her against her will. I then told her we needed to go to the police. She kind off agreed, but didn't want her mom to know so I asked her to tell the nurse what happened, because she couldn't say anything and she was an adult, while I talked with the vice principle about getting the day off. She talked with the nurse and I simply said to the vice-principle that I couldn't tell her what happened, but that is was important and we needed to go to the police. Being the wonderfull woman that she is she actually offered to drive us to the police station; no questions asked. We took the offer and got to the police and I held her hand while she testified. I then told her that she needed to tell her mother and at that point I think she was simply to tired to argue. Me and the nurse followed her to her mothers house and I literally had her in my lap, crying into my shoulder, while the nurse told her mother what happened. It's most probably one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life. Her mother looked so devastated, and her daughter couldn't even look her in the eye. It all worked out and I went with her and her mother to the gynocologist the next day.
As for the two others they were more similar to me with that it happened in the past. I just kind of listened. They were both boys so they had more trouble coming clean about it, i think, and they only told me after i confided about my own past. There wasn't really much to say or do at that point,so I just listened and told them that I really DO understand.

What I've experienced is that there is not one correct way to treat victims of rape. Some just want to forget it and get on with their lives and others need help. Its different from person to person and the degree of trauma is different as well. Some people neber really want to talk about it, but the girl from my story seemed to find it thearaputic. Just showing someone that you care about them and most importanlty making sure they know it wasn't they're fault and I think you're good.


Last edited by Vilde0806 at 7:59 am, Jun 14 2010

I'd ask them how they want me to rape the person in question.

I haven't dealt with this exact situation, but my friend came to when when her mother committed suicide.

I think with any situation that severe you need to just let the person come to you when they need to, and not bring it up unless they do. But its also important to make sure these people get the help they need. My friend was unstable from abuse and had just stopped cutting herself at the time so I made sure to look out for warning signs. I think if it had gotten serious and I didn't try to get her help I'd never forgive myself.

________________

This. Let Mams rape them.

after comforting them I'd track down the sob in question and castrate them with my bare hands, only after reporting it to the authorities and informing them they'd need an ambulance as well as police, of course.

Or I'd call mams

This. Minus the part of getting busted and getting the perpetrator medical assistance.

I would wait till he was out of jail and stalk him till I can get a good opportunity then I would castrate him and beat the crap out of him. Probably enough so he would die of it. Slowly. I'd also be careful enough not to leave any evidence so I don't go to jail.

If it was someone i just knew well, i would be cautious of what i say.
Try to comfort them but not push anything...Like saying stupid things along the lines of "its ok, everythings going to be a alright" or "don't worry you'll be alright". Just let them know i'm there and so are many others like her family but defiantly give them some time.

However if it is someone close to me, i'm not going to lie*have no reason to*...it's time to look for my shotgun.
Logic goes out the window at that moment and i will be looking for someone to beat to death, even if it means i will have to use my house key to rip his eyeballs out of his eye sockets and watch him bleed to death.


Last edited by fr33noob at 3:34 pm, May 29 2010

________________

I believe in letting people do as they wish, as do I myself. Sometimes, of course, what I wish to do is kill them and they do not wish to die. This gives life interest.

Let the person in question decide.
I don't belive in "making" people talk about their problems even though they don't want to.
Some things need time to heal and talking is not always helpful. At least not until the victim decides to do so.
Tiptoeing around this person is not helpful as well.