Hmmm...well, initially, no, I don't think there can be true equality in a relationship
As time goes by, though, and each of the people in the relationship realizes just how much the other loves him/her, then, yes. I think true equality can be achieved.
Because, wouldn't you want to love someone and sacrifice only as much as the other person does?

Ofcourse hitting a woman is just plain unacceptable.Just not on. That was what I said a slap my a woman won't hurt probably but it is still violence right. Just because it doesn't hurt that much should it be acceptable because as Vilde stated violence is not acceptable in a relationship but the thing is that this kind of violence even though it doesn't hurt at all is still acceptable by society whereas a manz slap isn't because it is "assumed" that his one will hurt which "generally" is true. What is not being taken into context is the emotional damage because you do realise that it hurts a manz pride when a woman just slaps him because shez mad at him and also the genralization that the manz one will hurt more.

Anyways please don't misunderstand that am saying that women have more power in a relationship. Nope not at all, I just completely disagree with Vilde's statement that being born a man makes you extremely privileged maybe that kind of stuff happens in some kind of third world country or something but it doesn't happen in mine or any properly developed country and its kind of saying that men make it farther than women in something because they have been more privileged which is not on with me.

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Angel Beats--best anime of the 2010 spring season

You know i think you're both right. A man should not be allowed to abuse a women. However there are cases were the man is abused and because of the way the law system works, the woman is most definatly not likely to get charges. It should be wrong both ways. That is not eqaulity to say women should be allowed to use a little violance right? Even though they are weaker it still causes damege if she grabes a mullet and smacks you.
You know i would never hit a women but if i get hit i'm sure that it will not be looked on as something as serious, even if i were to recieve a fair beating.
It because men are more capable that it is more accepted for women to hit you. "You can take it".
Is what this comes down to. Thats not equal.

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Yes there can be equality, its a possability. Just depends right?

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I believe in letting people do as they wish, as do I myself. Sometimes, of course, what I wish to do is kill them and they do not wish to die. This gives life interest.

Well i'd think that True Equality doesnt exist, as stated before me, for a simple reason: we are different from each other, so there are things to us that we will never give up on, and the same goes for the others. So I think the best condition is "alternate sacrificing", for a couple: one day we do as you like, another as I like (on a variety of different matters).
In the end it all boils down to being HONEST, speaking what we like and what we dont, so the other party can attune him/herself to us, or just say "sorry but no, im no game for this" But im digressing.

Anyway NO EQUALITY, THAT IS AN IDEAL.

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I live in a so-called 'third world country' - and I am a woman. I can assure you there is NO discrimination by gender here, or, come to that, in most (though not all) of my neighbouring countries (which are also third-world, a.k.a 'uncivilized' countries).

Get real, it's not about the 'development' (I have no idea what you think a country's economy has to do with the abuse of women lol) - it's about the people. If you believe there aren't men (and a LOT of them) in America / Europe / Britain (or in other words, 'developed' nations) who think they have the right to dominate women just because they're males, you are much mistaken. I have lived equal parts of my life in a very developed country and a very under-developed one, so I think I have more experience than you do on this matter (though I'm probably younger than you). It's wrong to think that just because a country is poor, all the crap in the world is happening there

And by the way, tartufo, so sorry I ignored my own and advice went off-topic...I hope you don't mind!

Last edited by calstine at 10:11 am, Jun 15 2010

does equality in relationships exist? i voted yes, though i'm sure this is a matter of definition. i believe that equality is most likely not attained in all aspects at all times, that it's not a question that can be answered in calculated percentages.

how much one partner loves and compromises will always fluctuate. what makes a relationship equal is for both partners to accept that, to accept the other person as an equal partner and stand by them, even if you don't feel as in-love as last week, or even if you don't feel as loved as last month. in bad relationships, where you feel that the difference is too much and the partner doesn't value you beyond their most recent moods - there's no equality to be gained there. good relationships though will attain balance at times and there'll be enaugh trust to feel equality even where an outsider sees difference.

so i generally agree with grandexeno, but i don't see why that couldn't be equality.

When referring to development I was mainly pointing out education which is an important part concerning a country and also should have referred to cultural traditions and social norms present in that country. My bad if you thought i was referring to economy and gdp per capita of a country etc. Take africa as an example and its higher prevalence of HIV when concerning woman as an example....reasons as to why this is happening is basically a lack of education on the womenz part as norms dictate that women should be in charge of the domestic household and therefore there is no need of education thus they are not very well informed about the transmission, consequences of HIV etc. Also there is the whole thing about wives having to fully trust their husbands and that its a sign of mistrust to ask your husband to wear a condom. Anyways you will notice I used the word "maybe" because I did not want to totally disregard what Vilde said about men being more privileged and was thinking that perhaps he/she got this train of thought after witnessing some of the disparities that exist in some third world countries which are much more media-savy than what happens in the first world countries.

I also don't get how you concluded that I was talking about men having the right to dominate women etc. I did not even refer to that in my quote, what I referred to was that it is absurd to think that "just because you are "born" as a man you are then extremely privileged". How does that have anything to do with men dominating women in relationships?I never also sad that all the shit is happening in third world countries did I? Also actually i have also lived my fair share of life in an under devloped country, was born in Dhaka, Bangladesh and was there for 10 years and its been 8 years in New Zealand. So unless you are more than 18 years old or whatever no you have not got the more experience

Last edited by John21 at 10:41 am, Jun 15 2010

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Angel Beats--best anime of the 2010 spring season

Hmm I think it's possible. It's just difficult to gauge. Love means something different to everyone

As for equality between women and men, there is no such thing. I don't know about other countries but in America, it only pretends to exist. I also don't believe in our half-assed Feminism.

Anyway interestingly enough, men worry about impressing women, while women worry about impressing other women. However, if a women worries about impressing men, she's a slutty cheap whore who has no self-respect.

I agree with that. It'd be nice if equality was possible; but it's not going to happen, period. No matter how much people try to deny it, men and women are different- and society makes those differences all the more glaringly obvious, no matter the country.

By the way, I also voted 'yes'. But, like calstine explained (much better than I could have); it really depends on the personality of the couple.

And, please stop making this a conflict between the East and West, third-world and developed , America and Asia etc. The talk about how different countries see the roles of different genders should get its own topic. If you guys care so much about that, start a different discussion!


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The thing is he wasn't talking about a minority. The way he worded himself made it seem like he was speaking about relationships in general. If he had made a comment that clearly stated that he was talking about male abuse victims I wouldn't have had a problem.



The fact is that there is not a single country in the world that has full equality. Women are still payed far less, abused more etc. than men, even in some of the most developed countries in the world. The last comment is not emotional it is a fact. Just like being white and straight will also make you more priviliged than someone who is black and/or gay.
That doesn't mean that a black lesbian woman can't be sucsessfull(or is by default a victim), but it does mean that she is way more likely to meet difiiculties based solely on the fact that she is a woman, that she is gay or that she is black. So, yes, in our society being a man makes you priviliged.



When I said acceptable, I meant what I personally find okay, not what is okay by societies standars. I, personally find it completely unaccaptanle for ANYONE to hit their spouses. Male or female. Mental abuse is also not okay, BUT you talk about mental abuse and physical abuse as if they're completly separate. In wich they're not. Physical abuse is extremely mentally damaging and are almost always accompanied by mental abuse such as slurs and cruelty. Abusing someone you're supposed to care for is forcing them to submit both mentally AND physically. So, yes, Pyhsical abuse is more severe in most cases.



Like I said before; saying that men are priviliged is not a subjective opinion. It's an objective one. It's a fact. I'm going to quote;

"Pointing out that men are privileged in no way denies that sometimes bad things happen to men.

In the end, however, it is men and not women who make the most money; men and not women who dominate the government and the corporate boards; men and not women who dominate virtually all of the most powerful positions of society. And it is women and not men who suffer the most from intimate violence and rape; who are the most likely to be poor; who are, on the whole, given the short end of patriarchy’s stick. As Marilyn Frye has argued, while men are harmed by patriarchy, women are oppressed by it.

.. pointing out problems is not the same as perpetuating them. It is not a “victimizing” position to acknowledge that injustice exists; on the contrary, without that acknowledgement it isn’t possible to fight injustice".

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As for the original question; yes I think it is possible to achieve an equal relationship. It's probably hard, but I don't want to think it's not possible.

There are marriages/relationships where the two people involved love each other equally, but it seems to be a rare occasion when that occurs seeing how one of them seems to love the other person more than that other person realizes.

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There is only one point i want to disagree with you here though...Women are less payed in quite a few standerd jobs. Sports being the main one. However i want to point out that women in the uk are more likely to be succesfull in bussness down here according to stats.
Men more privilaged? im not so sure about that in the uk. Perhaps in the lower class jobs we are more priviliged but i hardly think thats a privilige Think about it.

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And what equality are we on about here anyways? Its so vague...


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I believe in letting people do as they wish, as do I myself. Sometimes, of course, what I wish to do is kill them and they do not wish to die. This gives life interest.

It is just naive to think that there isn't one person who loves the other at least a little bit more/less. Seriously guys. I agree that a 48:52 ratio is more realistic.

And considering the fact that you can never truly know just how much that person actually cares for you means that there is really no reason to worry about it. There is nothing you can do about it.

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I'm not an expert on UK, but the few statistics I've seen show that men are far more likely to be in leading positions and positions of power than women. (Ex. 6.7% of women and 15.8% of men are owners or managers of their own business. And only 27% of self-employed people in the UK are women (73% are men) etc.) Still, I don't doubt that there are jobs where woman earn more (nurse, dancers etc.), but on a bigger scale woman have next to no power in our society, wich is the main problem. I'm glad to hear that you think woman in the UK is likely to be sucsessfull, though. That sounds like a good thing. =)

Yes there are more men who own more buesnesses but it is more likly for a women to be succesfull at the moment. I think i was watching dragons den, They said it also has something to do with the fact that there are more men in the indurstry as to why women are more likly to succed. The stats you have aren't wrong but it doesn't mean men are more succesfull in bussness.

Last edited by fr33noob at 6:20 pm, Jun 16 2010

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I believe in letting people do as they wish, as do I myself. Sometimes, of course, what I wish to do is kill them and they do not wish to die. This gives life interest.