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Having a baby..

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Poll
If you were getting a child, what gender do you want it to be, preferably..?
Boy..
Girl..
I don't care what gender it is..
I don't ever want to have children..
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tps2
Post #239229
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Topaz-sama
Member

4:40 pm, Dec 19 2008
Posts: 872


I changed my mind about having my own kids... I am now seriously thinking of adopting... somehow whenever I think of myself as a father it is a little girl that comes to my mind.
I am still thinking what would be the best age to adopt

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TofuQueen
Post #239281 - Reply to (#239229) by tps2
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Crazy Cat Lady
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9:14 pm, Dec 19 2008
Posts: 1847


Quote from tps2
I changed my mind about having my own kids... I am now seriously thinking of adopting... somehow whenever I think of myself as a father it is a little girl that comes to my mind.
I am still thinking what would be the best age to adopt

This is all for the US, & may be very different for other countries:

For a private adoption (through an adoption agency), you often have to be at least mid-20s and under 50, and have a medium-to-high stable income. They do interviews etc. and try to make sure you'll be able to provide a stable, loving home to a child but how far they dig into your background is going to vary by agency. There's often a LONG wait if you want a baby that has a "clean" background (no mental health issues on either side, no prenatal alcohol or drug abuse, etc.) and the process is NOT cheap.

If you're adopting through foster care, the age and income requirements are often more relaxed, but the background check is more rigorous. You *will* be fingerprinted and have to sign a statement about any arrests, tickets, etc. you may have had, and if you have certain things in your history (or at least in your recent-ish history) you won't be considered. Most kids adopted from foster care are older (not newborns) and many/most have problems or potential problems of some kind. The cost of the actual adoption is pretty low.

Adopting internationally is like private adoption through an agency, except that you also have to meet the requirements of the agency in the other country (many, though not all, are affiliated with a religion & have religion requirements) AND both governments. To bring a child into the US through adoption, you have to show that you have what the govt. considers a high enough income to support the child well & not have much chance of needing govt. assistance in any way. The kids are usually older (at least a few months old at the youngest) and it's also pretty expensive.

I hear a lot of people say, "oh, more people should adopt instead of having biological children" and I agree BUT it is not easy or cheap to do so. no

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Mamsmilk
Post #239303
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 Member

10:20 pm, Dec 19 2008
Posts: 7709


Just like TofuQueen said,
adopted kids are not usually the
starter's kit for kids, but they vary
from intermediate difficulty
to very hard difficulty.

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TofuQueen
Post #239308 - Reply to (#239303) by Mamsmilk
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Crazy Cat Lady
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10:52 pm, Dec 19 2008
Posts: 1847


Quote from Mamsmilk
Just like TofuQueen said,
adopted kids are not usually the
starter's kit for kids, but they vary
from intermediate difficulty
to very hard difficulty.

Hey, I didn't say that! laugh

Just pointing out that adoption's not as easy as a lot of people make it out to be.

I have two birth kids & would love to adopt, but my income's too low; I'm fostering now & would love to keep him but have to wait & see how everything works out.

________________
"[English] not only borrows words from other languages; it has on occasion chased other languages down dark alley-ways, clubbed them unconscious and rifled their pockets for new vocabulary."
-James Nicoll, can.general, March 21, 1992
Mamsmilk
Post #239332 - Reply to (#239308) by TofuQueen
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 Member

12:01 am, Dec 20 2008
Posts: 7709


Quote from TofuQueen
Quote from Mamsmilk
Just like TofuQueen said,
adopted kids are not usually the
starter's kit for kids, but they vary
from intermediate difficulty
to very hard difficulty.

Hey, I didn't say that! laugh

Just pointing out that adoption's not as easy as a lot of people make it out to be.

So you did say that! laugh

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TofuQueen
Post #239389 - Reply to (#239332) by Mamsmilk
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Crazy Cat Lady
Member

4:34 am, Dec 20 2008
Posts: 1847


Quote from Mamsmilk
So you did say that! laugh

Hmm well my two ended up costing over $40,000 and that was over 10 years ago, so birth kids aren't always cheap either (fortunately my insurance paid for most of it).

I also got the special "two-in-the-time-of-one" deal, which is quite a way to learn to be a parent, and not something that usually happens with adoption (unless you specifically *choose* two at once...). laugh

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"[English] not only borrows words from other languages; it has on occasion chased other languages down dark alley-ways, clubbed them unconscious and rifled their pockets for new vocabulary."
-James Nicoll, can.general, March 21, 1992
hubris
Post #239596
user avatar
Pharmakeus
 Member

4:03 am, Dec 21 2008
Posts: 416


Don't really want children. I would be a terrible parent. I get enough grief from dealing with my little cousins (all little boys; there is a huge age gap between us --- their mothers, my aunts are much closer in age to me). I've seen how... well... unclean girls can be thanks to my sisters. They've all scared me from considering having children (though, like most people I may change my mind later)...

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Kittycat101
Post #245019 - Reply to (#235718) by shaggievara
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 Member

1:28 am, Jan 5 2009
Posts: 204


Quote from shaggievara
Sometimes I think I want a child, even if I can't have one. Like, I'd want to be able to prove that I can do a better job than my parents had.

wow, crazy thats just like me. i mean i love my parents and all but i cant help thinking how i would raise my kids differently and how i would never do the stuff they did that hurt me when i was growing up. normally i think that after they hurt my feelings and i think how if i EVER have kids in the same situtation i would treat them way i wanted to be treated back then?Because i knew how it felt i guess. Though im not even sure if that paragrapgh made sense ^^; mah. But maybe thats just me. >.<


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Ayakashi
Post #245540
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Member

2:32 am, Jan 6 2009
Posts: 55


I definitely want kids, but I don't care what gender my kid would be. Though, I'd probably prefer a girl. As a girl who grew up with two sisters, I really can't imagine that my kids won't have a similar experience and be the same gender as me.

I wouldn't mind if I had a boy, but it would take more time getting used to. Girls also get cute things like adorable baby clothes, which I like, while boys become more oriented towards things I care less for, like sports. I hope to have a few kids, though, maybe one of each gender would be nice.

base_coat
Post #245563
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Fruit Salad
Member

3:31 am, Jan 6 2009
Posts: 1356


I don't think the gender matters much and care about the "girls being cleaner and smarter" and boys being such and such kind of stuff. It really depends on how you raise and educate them. You can always teach girls to play sports. Being active is always good for anyone. Mind you being a good parent takes a lot of time, efforts and skills.

weirdhobo
Post #245902
user avatar
Member

5:57 am, Jan 7 2009
Posts: 36


Boy for various reason that outweigh the cost-benefit of having a girl: Do not have to deal with:
Pregnancy
Other Men
PMS
and so on and so forth, but obviously I don't have a choice if I were to have a baby. I would be just as happy with a girl.

LunaMay
Post #265588
user avatar
Desconocida
Member

1:33 am, Mar 10 2009
Posts: 1139


I definitely wants kids. Preferably more than 6, seriously the more the merrier. I'd actually prefer to have boys though, they seem less problematic, but I wouldn't mind having a girl either way. Since twins run in my family I'll probably have a pair though. But I wouldn't want to have them; I've seen my older brothers and my mother and her sister, having twins means having to deal with a lot of insecurities among parents and kids.

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jinx_you
Post #265684 - Reply to (#265588) by LunaMay
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Member

5:42 am, Mar 10 2009
Posts: 1143


Quote from LunaMay
I definitely wants kids. Preferably more than 6, seriously the more the merrier. I'd actually prefer to have boys though, they seem less problematic, but I wouldn't mind having a girl either way. Since twins run in my family I'll probably have a pair though. But I wouldn't want to have them; I've seen my older brothers and my mother and her sister, having twins means having to deal with a lot of insecurities among parents and kids.

Football team! That's what I always tell everyone.
But seeing all these things about women and their multiple children... well, I may have to rethink my football team...

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Calíbre
Post #265698 - Reply to (#265588) by LunaMay
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Madman
 Moderator

6:13 am, Mar 10 2009
Posts: 3342


Quote from LunaMay
I definitely wants kids. Preferably more than 6, seriously the more the merrier.

Why am I not surprised?
In fact, I'm surprised that I'm not surprised! eek

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LunaMay
Post #265831 - Reply to (#265698) by Calíbre
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Desconocida
Member

7:13 pm, Mar 10 2009
Posts: 1139


Quote from jinx_you
Football team! That's what I always tell everyone.
But seeing all these things about women and their multiple children... well, I may have to rethink my football team...

Heh someone else who understands! That was my first thought 9 kids and I can make myself a football team! that woman that gave birth to 8 babies just encouraged me to have more kids than her!

Quote from Caliber
Quote from LunaMay
I definitely wants kids. Preferably more than 6, seriously the more the merrier.

Why am I not surprised?
In fact, I'm surprised that I'm not surprised! eek

laugh Darn people are starting to catch on rather quickly here. I'll have to start going back to my innocent days. Pfft. biggrin

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