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Post #467658 - Reply to (#467650) by Casey D. Geek
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12:20 am, May 9 2011
Posts: 184


Quote from Casey D. Geek
Quote from N0x_
lol, we have pretty crappy reputation for someone to automatically assume I'd agree with a comment like "as bad as Americans". wink

I'm curious though, "as bad as Americans" in what way? I have Indian friends/coworkers who complain about a lot of things in large Indian cities, but the complaints mostly center around the power grid, real estate, their wages, and traffic. Especially traffic. Especially Mumbai. I haven't hit 30 yrs, and I already feel like I'm going to get a heart attack from the traffic there. The cab drivers there are daredevils, and it's a wonder they don't run over a guy every month.

Right, sorry, my bad. I was refering to my experience of Americans, which is bascially limited to the TV and news. I probably shouldn't have said that. And I know that all of that isn't true.
I meant that they are pretty promiscous, just take out the physical part. They'd like to say that they are 'modern'. I'm probably not making this clear(I feel awkward discussing this), so I can only hope you get my meaning.
I was trying to say that most of experience with Americans should apply to Indians too, other than the cultural differences, which most Indians now ignore.
Sorry again.

No need for apologies about that around me. I don't know about others, but I'm not sensitive to common assumptions.

I understand what you mean. Urban Indian culture is similar enough to American culture. That's what they say for Urban East Asian culture though, and from what I've found, superficially, that may be the case, but once you start going in depth and look at the environments from a nuanced perspective there are still profound differences that won't be seen if we only focus on pop culture (like Hollywood and Bollywood).

It's a mix of socioeconomics and culture that produces some of fascinating and paradoxical effects whereby Americans can both overestimate and underestimate the "progressiveness" of East Asian cities. Some things that, IMO, play a significant role in gender power dynamics in Chinese cities that we don't really consider in America:
- One-child policy
- gender gap
- 4-2-1 rule
- Aging population
- historic culture
... etc.

On a superficial level, a particularly arrogant American can just visit Shanghai for a few weeks, become a self-proclaimed guru, and claim that Chinese cities are "just as bad as Americans", but without a nuanced perspective that comes from someone who has a deeper understanding and sympathy for the people there as well as some socioeconomic insight, it's hard for me to take him seriously.

I don't have that level of knowledge of India, its history, culture, socioeconomics, etc, as I do with other countries... yet. That's why, even if you say that the cities have become "progressive" like the US (I don't think of that as a good thing bigrazz ), I'd still feel like I'm overstepping my bounds in my observations/comments to you.

For instance, I still don't completely understand the caste system, and its effects/implementations. I just that "progressives" tend to overstate the obvious and overestimate the damage it does. (No offense intended, but my views tend to be more conservative when viewing other countries, and I tend to give their cultures the benefit of the doubt. From my own understanding, the caste system had historically practical applications.) I don't know how much that system as well as the prevalence of arranged marriages plays against the comments I've made.

Last edited by N0x_ at 12:26 am, May 9 2011

Post #467835 - Reply to (#466270) by TheSG
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1:26 am, May 10 2011
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Hello!!

@LittleKittyGroans & @sarah-eats-cupcakes

I also want to ask something from the two of you!!

If you don't want the guy to have "**x" with you, then you won't allow him to do it with anyone else either?!

I mean, everyone has sexual desires, especially when you are talking about guys, you don't even need to ask.

So, I think you should give them the freedom to do it with someone else if not with you!
Because they will feel frustrated to have you around as their wife but still can't do anything like that with you. It will ultimately result in a broken relationship.

I mean, if you really like the guy or if you care about him, then you should think about his feelings and desires.
And if he's acting good enough by not having "**x" with you, then you should let him do it with someone else to satisfy his desires.
It's just too selfish to expect the guy to not have sex with anyone and just sit around dreaming about it throughout his life, like, "Ooooh, do I really have a wife?! Huh? then why isn't anyone taking care of this thing down there?! It's acting like as if it's saying, "Hail ho!". Man....., I want a girl!! Huh? But I do have a girl in my house right now, who is supposed to be my wife?!!?!"

Even if there's a guy who tells you that he can do without having "**x" with you, he is just saying it. Guys can't control themselves for long, that is, when you're his wife, there's no way he's going to wait for long to do "that" with you. If he really isn't doing it with you, then there's a great chance that he's doing "that" with someone else. In cases like this, there's a great chance of extra-marital affairs because people are not satisfied with their 'married life'.
So why not allow him yourself to do that with other girls?!! Then everything will be even!

Otherwise, One day, ultimately, he will jump upon you, and then he will explore each and every part of you to his content to satisfy his frustrated desires.*Muhahahaha*
And, it could be more like a rape, so to prevent such situation you should allow him to do "that" with others.

I mean, normally and usually people marry to copulate and reproduce, if they just want a good friend, then there are many more choices for that. They don't have to marry to just have a good friend.

Well, I'm a super-rare and super-exceptional case, so it's fine with me even if you don't want me to do "that" with someone else.

But what about other guys?!!!
You won't find anyone like what you want, if you can't even allow "him" to do "that" with others!
You have to let them, or else they will feed upon you. *Muhahahaha*

I hope you are getting it now clearly that your thinking is too selfish and childish.

Any questions? Ask 'The SG'!!


See you!!




Hello The SG. Sorry about the late reply. :0 I think it’s probably too late for me to say anything, but I’ll say my response anyway to this since you asked me,
Well…I guess it’s not easy to answer this question, but I kind of understand what you mean. If you’re in love with someone, it’s only natural to want to be closer to them more than you would just friends. Nevertheless, when I said I don’t want to lose my virginity, I don’t exactly think I will exclude all sexual activities in general from a relationship if I have someone in the future. (Although I’d rather be married when going further down the list that I’m mentioning here)… I think kissing/touching/ masterbation/hand work/ and oral (I guess in some regards that is sex >.>) should be ok if the want is mutual... I mean, I’d still have my virginity intact, and the needs of my partner could be fulfilled as well, so it’s win-win right? Although, it’s not like I have much experience in this field XD
And I might just be a special case about it too (yeah, sorry I’m still a pervert >.>), but that’s how I feel.
And to answer your thing about how guys have needs, I agree, and I would claim that girls do to. But I think first and foremost, that if someone is cheating in the relationship, it will not work out.
Not only will the person cheated feel the same feelings that most people feel when their lover cheats on them, but there is also the risk of the cheating lover falling for one of her/his sexual partners. It’s just doomed for failure.


P.S. I respect your want for chastity too. You go, man! eyes Don't let people make fun of you about it either. It's your body, so it's your choice if you don't want to do it. Humans weren't just made to F all day.

Last edited by LittleKittyGroans at 1:39 am, May 10 2011

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When that nasty rumour spread around and everyone believed that. laugh

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Post #468359 - Reply to (#88285) by Dubby
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1:39 pm, May 12 2011
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Quote from Dubby
After about a month, he started pressuring me into having sex. I didn't want him to not like me, so being the idiot I was at the time, I had sex with him. :3 Not only he did take my virginity, he took my first kiss. >_> And.. other firsts of mine.
A week later, it was all over the school. -_- Little prick HAD just been playing with me. It had been a dare between some other pricks to see if he could steal my virginity. Such nice people. 8D <3 Of course, it was also my fault for being so stupid... >>


Quote from Dubby
OH, WELL, MY BOYFRIEND IS JUST AMAZING. ;D <3 I'll make it up to him. xD <3


I really hope that #2 doesn't turn into #1 over time. Best of luck in future for you tbh, but you should have known better, virgin girls eventually go for anything to get that bit of sex...shame really.

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Post #468380
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4:27 pm, May 12 2011
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Was in college. Involved a bottle of whiskey and an older woman, was a mistake but I don't really regret it. Virginity is a stupid concept anyway, especially for males, because it is not like you actually lose anything or it makes you a different person afterwards. Sex is just sex no matter if it is your first time or your hundredth time, though with practice it will be better. So yea the whole waiting for the person that you love and want to spend your live with is bullshit, because sex does not equal love. The whole idea of the the first time being romantic and perfect is a Hollywood fantasy, it will be weird and awkward but fun, so just sit back and enjoy yourself.

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Post #469060 - Reply to (#468380) by Rabin
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1:50 am, May 15 2011
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Quote from Rabin
Sex is just sex no matter if it is your first time or your hundredth time, though with practice it will be better. So yea the whole waiting for the person that you love and want to spend your live with is bullshit, because sex does not equal love.


i dont like thinking of sex that way,u make it sound like a sport(what you said about practicing) xD
i think sex is something important and im sure you'll feel happier giving up virginity for someone worth it.

and @TheSG
"I hope you are getting it now clearly that your thinking is too selfish and childish." laugh
i think i didnt make myself clear enough shy
from what i see nowadays stuff like highschool relationships raaaarely last,and most married couples are either unhappy or decieving eachother
so i kind of made a commitment of my own,to never lose my virginity before marriage(if i ever get married that is =P)because atleast the relationship would be more serious and it will be harder to run away.
but i dont like the idea of getting married anyway,i want to be independent and make my own decisions in life,i just dont like the idea of someone having a huge influence on me


Post #469063 - Reply to (#469060) by sarah-eats-cupcakes
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1:59 am, May 15 2011
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Quote from sarah-eats-cupcakes
Quote from Rabin
Sex is just sex no matter if it is your first time or your hundredth time, though with practice it will be better. So yea the whole waiting for the person that you love and want to spend your live with is bullshit, because sex does not equal love.


i dont like thinking of sex that way,u make it sound like a sport(what you said about practicing) xD
i think sex is something important and im sure you'll feel happier giving up virginity for someone worth it.

and @TheSG
"I hope you are getting it now clearly that your thinking is too selfish and childish." laugh
i think i didnt make myself clear enough shy
from what i see nowadays stuff like highschool relationships raaaarely last,and most married couples are either unhappy or decieving eachother
so i kind of made a commitment of my own,to never lose my virginity before marriage(if i ever get married that is =P)because atleast the relationship would be more serious and it will be harder to run away.
but i dont like the idea of getting married anyway,i want to be independent and make my own decisions in life,i just dont like the idea of someone having a huge influence on me


You are so right eyes .

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Post #469103 - Reply to (#469060) by sarah-eats-cupcakes
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7:48 am, May 15 2011
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Quote from sarah-eats-cupcakes
Quote from Rabin
Sex is just sex no matter if it is your first time or your hundredth time, though with practice it will be better. So yea the whole waiting for the person that you love and want to spend your live with is bullshit, because sex does not equal love.


i dont like thinking of sex that way,u make it sound like a sport(what you said about practicing) xD
i think sex is something important and im sure you'll feel happier giving up virginity for someone worth it.



It is not that I see sex as a sport, my point was that the only difference between the first time and any other time is that with experience the sex should be better. I just did not want to have to say that if you fuck a lot you learn shit, so I said it another way, and this is true of any activity, everything from sex to math. I also think that sex is important, I'm not saying go and sleep with anyone you can find, just don't let yourself be cought up in these fantasies that some people think sex is and what it means. If you can lose your virginity to someone your find important in your life, that's great, just don't think that means you two are in love and that you will spend the rest of your lives together, because in the end all you did was have sex.



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Post #469579 - Reply to (#469060) by sarah-eats-cupcakes
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6:49 am, May 17 2011
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[quote=sarah-eats-cupcakes]
Quote from Rabin
Sex is just sex no matter if it is your first time or your hundredth time, though with practice it will be better. So yea the whole waiting for the person that you love and want to spend your live with is bullshit, because sex does not equal love.

That sounds depressing lol. but yuup, it's the other reason I don't want to have sex. Not only does it not equal love, but the more of yourself you put into the relationship for that person, the more it will hurt when you actually break up. Especially
if they never really loved you anyway, and just wanted to get into your pants. Again, already gave my first kiss to a player. Don’t want a nightmarish repeat.


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@ Rabin

Men and women instinctively have different ideas about sex, and that has everything to do with those nasty little rascals that come out nine months after. Even though now we have these wonderful things called contraceptines, the instinct is still present; evolution is not to be taken lightly embarrassed .

As you probably all know, the underlying reason why humans, as well as all other animals, are made to feel the need to copulate is to reproduce (naturally it is designed to at least make the initiating party feel good otherwise there wouldn't be any motivation to invest energy in the act of copulating, and the species would go extinct). Males, with the exception of seahorses (maybe others too, but this is the only species I can think of where the male gives birth), have to invest less time and energy into producing off-spring, whereas females (again with the exception of seahorses) have to invest a lot more time and energy into producing and rearing off-spring.

Because the male does not have to invest a great amount of time and energy, he tends to be less selective in choosing a mate; his "objective" is to spread his genes widely.
The female on the other hand, is far more selective in choosing her mate; she has to provide nutrients for her off-spring to feed on until they are ready to be born, and provide for them until they are ready to survive on their own; so, she wants to be inseminated by the male with the best available genes so her off-spring will successful.

Humans' off-spring takes particularly long to reach independence; therefore, the child-rearing process is very hard on the mother, who has to divide her attention among her many children (remember, we're talking about times where birth-control didn't exist yet). Because the child-rearing process requires so much time and energy, the human female aims to seek a mate who will aide her in the difficult task of caring for her off-spring and forms a partnership with him.
The human male also benefits from forming this partnership, because it enables him to pass on his genes for sure, and it provides him with a female who will allow him to mate with her repeatedly; however, because the male will only have to invest time and energy into the off-spring produced with his partner, he can still mate and produce off-spring with other females without having to commit to it, so he is likely to do so when given the chance.


That's why women generally won't have sex with any random guy, but men generally are willing to have casual sex.

And for women the first time is very different than for men; it's not like it hurts for men.

For a guy, his first time may be a little awkward, but he'll feel good and walk away a happy man.

For a girl, her first time will probably be quite painful, she might bleed, and if the guy wasn't careful enough she might end up pregnant, endure the pains of labour, and end up taking care of the child by herself while her figure will never be the same again.

I hope you understand now why for us girls it does matter.

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@wandereofthedeep - I disagree with you, and so do Prof. Jeremy Wolfe, MIT and Prof. Paul Bloom, Yale.

While the mating process you describe is sound, it is incomplete. You forget to include one crucial factor that is specific to humans only - civilization.
Why do humans have the urge to marry, or, if we go a bit more into emotions, why do they feel love? Because it is in our instincts to find a family, to settle down. We do have the urge to propogate our genes, but we also have the urge to take care of each other; the mother of the father, and vice-versa. This results in a mutually beneficial social structure called family. And it is one of the cornerstones of civilization - if all males and females were to behave as you suggest, the only thing on their mind would be finding the next mate to fill up with their seeds.

I believe that in cases like these, males have been severely underestimated(I'm pretty sure there's a better word for this). Yes, there are male players, but there are also female players. You cannot apply your generalization to the entire male population, as I cannot apply the 'Mary Poppins' generalization to the entire female population. Even in the time period in which Mary Poppins existed, there were rebels of both sexes. You cannot simply say that all males are looking for their next f**k. There are many males who are faithful to their partners, who are extremely choosy in their mates, and so on. A fact made very popular is that 50%(or so) of US marriages end in a divorce. While people focus on the glass half empty, they forget the glass half full - 50% of them end only with the bride and/or groom's deaths.

Every relationship needs some work. If the other person is a jerk, then it's your fault for not noticing it in the first place, and never let anyone tell you otherwise. And it's even worse if you stick around even after you know that. But that does not mean that you can apply that person's image to a whole body of people the count of which estimates to 3 billion. If that were true, every male who ever had his heart broken by a female would have the right to say the same about females, and let me tell you, their numbers aren't so less either. If there are 'players', then there are 'nymphoes'.

Edit - And any guy worth his b**ls feels more pain than the female does in all the experiences you describe, simply because there is nothing he can do to help alleivate it. From my personal experience, nothing feels as bad as being helpless when a loved one is in pain.

Edit 2 - Those profs are psychology professors, and their videos are available on iTunes U.

Last edited by Casey D. Geek at 2:41 pm, May 17 2011

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I agree with Casey. @WandereroftheDeep, you're way over-generalizing it. It's not as black and white as you think it is. While it's like that with animals, we're humans. We have feelings, thoughts, and ideas that don't always have to be about reproducing. And what can I say, sex is fun. No wonder so many people love partaking in it.

I've met too many guys who have been heartbroken by their significant others because of cheating. Yet, they love the bitches to pieces and that is why they hurt so much. Women can be bitches too! Some of them cheat on/break up with their significant other because they found someone better in bed.

And who says that guys can't not care about their first time? My boyfriend was the more cautious one regarding that topic. He was the one who was scared about giving his virginity to me. He was the one who made us wait because he was terrified of getting me pregnant. Of course, I was terrified to and I did value my virginity, but I was confident enough to trust him with it.

Point is, it's completely sexist to just say things like that about people. There are so many caring guys out there that treat sex as a sentimental thing and more than enough girls that love one-night stands.

Sex is amazing. It feels good, it's fun, and definitely de-stresses you. One day, I hope you understand.

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This thread is not for debating the merits and meanings of sex. If you truly wish to discuss this, take it to a private message, or hell, make a thread for it if you think you can keep it civil without insulting each others intelligence.

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6:10 pm, May 19 2011
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I lost my virginity when I was sixteen, just a few weeks after my birthday. I am now nineteen.

And I'll be one of the few to say that my first time was magical, if a bit awkward. I wouldn't change it for anything, even though I'm no longer with that guy. Couldn't have asked for a better first time. Or better first time song. Rob Zombie...hellz yea.

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Um.. Pending. bigrazz

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