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Lady Porn

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secretdesires
Post #520183
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Raw
Member

1:18 am, Jan 31 2012
Posts: 859


So I was in class the other day and I noticed this girl beside me who was absolutely consumed by this romance novel she was reading. Since then I've been contemplating the ridiculousness of romance novels, heterosexual romance novels at least. I've also been wondering if anyone shares my disdain for them or if I'm just being bitter and critical. So tell me your views on heterosexual romance novels.

Oh I guess I should elaborate on what I view as so ridiculous about romance novels. First of all I hate the covers. The is male always this greatly muscled guy in an open shirt and his hair is almost always long. Then the female always look absolutely brainless and ready to be blown over by a breeze. Lucky for her she's always somehow braced on males greatly muscled chest.

Next category of annoying things is the words and phrases used to describe sexual intercourse. Things like: throbbing steel, man rod, man meat, throbbing manhood, her delicious cream, her woman honey, mound, her sopping honeysuckle. Yea you get the picture.

I hate how the guys are portrayed as supposed absolutely perfect. Always rich, well muscled and alpha male (forceful) sprinkled with some occasional gentleness (when things are going their way). Oh and of course his penis is always painfully big and he has tremendous stamina sexually.

Now the female almost isn't worth mentioning because there isn't much going on for her in the personality region. She always beautiful, fragile and vulnerable in someway and she's just waiting for gentle alpha male with his steaming man rod to make it all better, make her all better. Of course the author is always trying to make the female seem strong willed, stubborn and independent but in truth she just puts up enough resistance to make it half way through the novel then she gives in. Yea and what the author calls being strong willed is just her saying no to sex after being groped to death.

Yeah so now your views shy

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No one gives a shit what trite garbage you write here.
caozhi
Post #520187
user avatar
Nice desu ne
Member

1:51 am, Jan 31 2012
Posts: 1055


I think they're hilarious. It's mostly lonely lonely lonely landwhales that take them seriously. A classmate brought one of those to school and we read it out loud - has to be the single greatest achievement in american literature EVER.

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Yuri for Dummies (wip)
KaoriNite
Post #520189
user avatar
Member

2:13 am, Jan 31 2012
Posts: 392


I don't like them but I do think they're hilarious. How can you not laugh at throbbing man meat? Yeah it's ridiculous, but porn can be ridiculous too just in a different way. Or maybe in a similar way when it comes to painfully big penises and tremendous sexual stamina

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"Dangerous...Abstinence is Dangerous"
tactics
Post #520190
user avatar
Is a female
 Member

2:20 am, Jan 31 2012
Posts: 3373


Yeah, you've pretty much summed it up. I don't read that kind of stuff anyway. Tend to avoid it.
Not saying something like hentai/porn isn't ridiculous though. It's just as ridiculous, but without the sparkly stuff.

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The Steed
Post #520282 - Reply to (#520183) by secretdesires
user avatar
Mind Wrack
Member

5:36 pm, Jan 31 2012
Posts: 212


Quote from secretdesires
So I was in class the other day and I noticed this girl beside me who was absolutely consumed by this romance novel she was reading. Since then I've been contemplating the ridiculousness of romance novels, heterosexual romance novels at least. I've also been wondering if anyone shares my disdain for them or if I'm just being bitter and critical. So tell me your views on heterosexual romance novels.

Oh I guess I should elaborate on what I view as so ridiculous about romance novels. First of all I hate the covers. The is male always this greatly muscled guy in an open shirt and his hair is almost always long. Then the female always look absolutely brainless and ready to be blown over by a breeze. Lucky for her she's always somehow braced on males greatly muscled chest.

Next category of annoying things is the words and phrases used to describe sexual intercourse. Things like: throbbing steel, man rod, man meat, throbbing manhood, her delicious cream, her woman honey, mound, her sopping honeysuckle. Yea you get the picture.

I hate how the guys are portrayed as supposed absolutely perfect. Always rich, well muscled and alpha male (forceful) sprinkled with some occasional gentleness (when things are going their way). Oh and of course his penis is always painfully big and he has tremendous stamina sexually.

Now the female almost isn't worth mentioning because there isn't much going on for her in the personality region. She always beautiful, fragile and vulnerable in someway and she's just waiting for gentle alpha male with his steaming man rod to make it all better, make her all better. Of course the author is always trying to
make the female seem strong willed, stubborn and independent but in truth she just puts up enough resistance to make it half way through the novel then she gives in. Yea and what the author calls being strong willed is just her saying no to sex after being groped to death.

Yeah so now your views shy


I'm going to the library right away...
Will give you my review after some samples.

Yours faithfully,
The Steed.

________________
He who hides the truth with lies,
Will only be left with his inner cries.

Sincerely Yours,
The Steed
Whatever
Post #520293
user avatar
Member

8:53 pm, Jan 31 2012
Posts: 436


Sounds alot like most smutty shoujo & josei manga. Sounds alot like most yaoi as well. The uke may as well be a tit-less woman w/ a tiny pencil dick. Most of these things are written by women for women...Perhaps this is what most women secretly enjoy & crave?
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Ex: Junjou Romantica-Misaki&Usagi

Mamsmilk
Post #520295
user avatar
 Member

9:03 pm, Jan 31 2012
Posts: 7704


They're just plain terrible.

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Every time you think the most stupefying incident in this world already happened, there comes one more.
mogiks
Post #520301
user avatar
Member

9:37 pm, Jan 31 2012
Posts: 791


Oh god. My one experience of these is when I was 14 or 15 or so and a friend accidentally bought one of these novels at a car boot sale/flea market or something, just because it was cheap. She brought it in to school one day to show us and we were all in hysterics at all the sexual euphemisms.

TV Tropes calls it "Mills And Boons prose" (Mills and Boon being the UK equivalent of Harlequin, apparently). Then there's the opposite, IKEA erotica, which is when the descriptions of sex are oddly basic/plain/clinical. Literary Review has an award for particularly bad sex in fiction, you can read some passages here, although in my opinion they don't even get near as bad as sex scenes which use terms like "throbbing man rod" or "her sopping honeysuckle".

Oh, and there's the general TV Tropes Romantic Novels tropes page, love tropes, and particularly sex tropes.

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世界のどこかに 必ず
キミの居場所が ある筈
Cherelle Ashlee
Post #520306 - Reply to (#520183) by secretdesires
user avatar
Shoujo Queen
 Member

9:55 pm, Jan 31 2012
Posts: 405


Quote from secretdesires
So I was in class the other day and I noticed this girl beside me who was absolutely consumed by this romance novel she was reading. Since then I've been contemplating the ridiculousness of romance novels, heterosexual romance novels at least. I've also been wondering if anyone shares my disdain for them or if I'm just being bitter and critical. So tell me your views on heterosexual romance novels.

Oh I guess I should elaborate on what I view as so ridiculous about romance novels. First of all I hate the covers. The is male always this greatly muscled guy in an open shirt and his hair is almost always long. Then the female always look absolutely brainless and ready to be blown over by a breeze. Lucky for her she's always somehow braced on males greatly muscled chest.

Next category of annoying things is the words and phrases used to describe sexual intercourse. Things like: throbbing steel, man rod, man meat, throbbing manhood, her delicious cream, her woman honey, mound, her sopping honeysuckle. Yea you get the picture.

I hate how the guys are portrayed as supposed absolutely perfect. Always rich, well muscled and alpha male (forceful) sprinkled with some occasional gentleness (when things are going their way). Oh and of course his penis is always painfully big and he has tremendous stamina sexually.

Now the female almost isn't worth mentioning because there isn't much going on for her in the personality region. She always beautiful, fragile and vulnerable in someway and she's just waiting for gentle alpha male with his steaming man rod to make it all better, make her all better. Of course the author is always trying to make the female seem strong willed, stubborn and independent but in truth she just puts up enough resistance to make it half way through the novel then she gives in. Yea and what the author calls being strong willed is just her saying no to sex after being groped to death.

Yeah so now your views shy



Wow, your cool!! You summed up everything!!! It seems like you are an expert on them because exactly what you said, is what's in the book!!
I'm still laughing at woman honey!!

Well, I feel like a bit guilty because I have read a few actually over the summer dead . They are good for a quick read but thats it, they are not meant to be taken seriously, because I dont. no

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secretdesires
Post #520315
user avatar
Raw
Member

10:46 pm, Jan 31 2012
Posts: 859


Honestly I prefer plain porn. Although some of the 'plots' are just plain retarded, at least it's straight forward and without the ridiculous embellishments. And even hentai with the overly large breasts, penises and the rivers of cum are still better than the exaggerations in romance novels.

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No one gives a shit what trite garbage you write here.
silent killer
Post #520349
user avatar
chasing oblivion
Member

2:45 am, Feb 1 2012
Posts: 1365


The closest I've come to this stuff is Anita Blake series by Laurell K Hamilton. This stuff is bad, and I didn't get past the first book which doesn't even have sex in it. Frankly, if anyone can finish these types of books, I applaude them. Because they are terrible.

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Klapzi
Post #520378 - Reply to (#520183) by secretdesires
Member

4:47 am, Feb 1 2012
Posts: 390


Quote from secretdesires
She always beautiful, fragile and vulnerable in someway and she's just waiting for gentle alpha male with his steaming man rod to make it all better, make her all better.


Made my day.
laugh

mogiks
Post #520437 - Reply to (#520349) by silent killer
user avatar
Member

2:19 pm, Feb 1 2012
Posts: 791


Quote from silent killer
The closest I've come to this stuff is Anita Blake series by Laurell K Hamilton. This stuff is bad, and I didn't get past the first book which doesn't even have sex in it. Frankly, if anyone can finish these types of books, I applaude them. Because they are terrible.


Oh man! I got one of Hamilton's Merry Gentry books as a free eBook once. Premise: girl has to have sex with loads of supernatural people/creatures. Pretty awful but almost addictive in that trashy, this-is-such-a-trainwreck way. Well, I didn't buy the next one though.

I've never read the Anita Blake series but its Tv Tropes page is hilarious. Apparently one of Anita Blake's sexual partners has a penis that's six inches wide and a foot long. And apparently Anita Blake can take that without her body rupturing. Props to her.

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