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westsiders2
Post #569823
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Peaceful Dictator™
Member

10:40 am, Sep 13 2012
Posts: 733


After re-watching kaiji and and reading one piece and all those shounen manga that promote frenship, i've been thinking

1)How far will you personally go for a friend?
will you take out a loan for them knowing that if the fail to pay you will have to?
will you give up yur friend if your boy/girlfriend does not get on with them?

2)Generally how far should one go for a friend?
3)How long will you personally need to know someone before you will publicly call them a friend?



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Mamsmilk
Post #569831
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 Member

12:08 pm, Sep 13 2012
Posts: 7718


1) To safe lengths. Would not be part of mortgage securitization etc.

2) It's one's own choice.
Personally I think you should never give more than you get.
You'll turn into a tool and people will always come to you for help,
but only then when they need help. They will use you if you let them
understand that you are a sacrificial lamb.
They are expecting you to do the unconventional deed,
after all, you always have.
Never take a shot for someone if you can't handle it.
Though you can never tell if you have the persistence, you can't see
what's to come, so it's not a bad idea to be careful when you have to do
something big for others.

3) It's relative. Might take a day, might take a month, years even, or never happening at all.
Friendship is always relative though. They aren't your family. Friendships start and end,
they gradually fade if they aren't maintained or explode due to some conflict.
They turn distant and awkward, because people change. You befriended them due
to some trait, condition or experience that made them stand out of the rest.
But those things aren't set in stone. People change, after all. You stop appreciating
some parts of people, or the parts fade away altogether. Same goes for you.
Some people make friends easily and draw the line in a different spot than others,
they make friends faster, but they might not put much emphasis on the depth of relations.



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CynicallyOp
Post #570128
Member

11:08 pm, Sep 15 2012
Posts: 127


1) I'd give them my jacket (friend), lend them up to two hundred USDs (best friend), call them to make sure they're still alive(both), drive a state away to pick them up when they're disoriented(pretty much part of the family), and heck I might even let them crash with me (pmptf and best friend).

For more life altering situations, I'd call the cops if they were on the receiving end of a danger or I might rescue them myself if I thought my life wouldn't be horribly impaired doing so.

No, I doubt I'd take on a loan and if I did, I would've wanted to pay it in full to begin with. Or I would've made an unbinding contract with the person I'm taking out the loan for. I couldn't give up a pal just because my significant other and them are having a little spat. However if there was evidence of my pal's guilt in some horrible past circumstance or they're becoming rather creepy, I would toss them. It works in reverse too.

2) I personally don't think a person should do something that could jeopardize their life and the lives of others for the sake of one individual. But there are situations where such can't be helped, but they shouldn't do something they'd regret. Also I agree with the "give and take" approach.

3) It depends on my mood. I might call someone a friend out of common courtesy or just as a general term for someone I get along with. For them to be a true friend to me we have to hang out and know one another for 3 months tops.

Best friend status comes to those I know for a good two years and hanging out/chatting constantly. Part of the family is someone who I've known from 5 years-kindergarten.

I've been called a cold person before because I didn't recognize them as my "best" friend, but it's to be expected. Back then I didn't really call anyone my friend and even stated right to their face that while I liked them, I wouldn't be friends with them. Though when I'm adjusting to a new place, I'm quick to meet potential friends and act friendly. Or not...it depends on my goal there. -shrug-

So yeah, friendship. Shounen is so weird with it. "I've only known you for two days and you just tried to stab me but I think somewhere you're a good person so I'm going to take this bullet for you! Literally!" The freaky thing is that they're almost always right. When they're not it's a "there's good in everyone" or "well, i can't be helped"

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whitespade
Post #570251
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Member

8:05 pm, Sep 16 2012
Posts: 448


i don't think i will do anything for anyone, I'm a friendless person, and not friendly either. i don't even think i will do much for my own family. it's not that i hate people, or think friends and relationship is 'unnecessary' i am just damn lazy to do anything of any importance. that's why i really like nakama manga, i can live through them!

*forever alone lol*

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manga challenge: read top 50 completed manga in MU
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pierzing
Post #570447
Member

7:27 am, Sep 18 2012
Posts: 26


About how far one should go for a friend, I make sure that I do not establish myself as a doormat. I help within the limits of being reasonable with myself. It also depends on the person definitely, as the closer I am with them, the further I will help. Normally I do what I can unless it needs too much effort lol.

I will not take out a loan for them. Not worth it especially if the amount's huge. There is always a chance that even the best of friends might default on payment, albeit intentionally or not. They need to have some responsibility in bearing their own burden.

Won't give up on being friends with a person if my lover cannot get along with them. I don't like to distance away from people just because of relations, until there is a valid reason.

I take a long time to warm up to people, the time subjective on the comparability between the person and I. Really good friends that I trust mostly are those that I have spent like, 4 years being with them at school. I have to spend so much time with them that I feel really, really comfortable in their presence. Otherwise, everyone's just acquaintances.

Quote from Mamsmilk
Friendships start and end,
they gradually fade if they aren't maintained or explode due to some conflict.
They turn distant and awkward, because people change. You befriended them due
to some trait, condition or experience that made them stand out of the rest.
But those things aren't set in stone. People change, after all. You stop appreciating
some parts of people, or the parts fade away altogether. Same goes for you.


So true. Insightful, too.

Edit: That's why I do not really like shounen mangas that have the protagonist meeting many people within a day and already declaring them BFF. Unrealistic.

Last edited by pierzing at 4:50 pm, Sep 20

calstine
Post #570474
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Lone Wanderer
Member

4:05 pm, Sep 18 2012
Posts: 1305


This is something I used to vaguely wonder about back when I was young and naive enough to believe in 'friendship' -- the kind you see in fiction.
But now that I'm older and more cynical, and have come to realize that not one person I'm acquainted with will ever be a real, honest-to-goodness friend to me, I've decided I won't go too far trying to help those who call themselves my 'friends'.

1) I wouldn't take out a loan for her/him. That's the kind of thing I'd only do for my parents and/or sister. It's just not worth the risk for someone I don't greatly care for, and whose care I can't be assured of in return.

No boyfriend currently, and don't have any intention of dating for a few years to come (too busy with my studies), so this question is pretty moot with me.

2) Lend a bit of money (not anything more than 20 US dollars or so). Give them a ride home from college now and again even if it means going out of my way. Lending class notes and helping with homework / assignments. Helping them overcome any emotional problems they might be going through, provided they want my help. That's about as far as I'd go.

3) At least 2 years. Possibly another year or two wouldn't hurt.

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sarah-eats-cupcakes
Post #570478 - Reply to (#570474) by calstine
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his and her sonnet
Member

4:55 pm, Sep 18 2012
Posts: 1125


Quote from calstine
But now that I'm older and more cynical, and have come to realize that not one person I'm acquainted with will ever be a real

same here, except ive somehow always known that i would one day arrive at this conclusion. even before i matured enough to comprehend why i should have this kind of mentality, i always knew/felt that most friendships that look serious can be really fragile beneath the surface and come to an end quickly after, say, moving away or something...this is probably the reason why i can honestly call only 2 people my "friends"...these two stood with me through good times and bad...all other "friendships" i have are the types that would be over if we stopped sharing classes in school or university or if i moved away (i.e. if we werent bound together by circumstances)

now to answer your questions, i need to clarify something first...the 2 people i mentioned above are the only REAL friends i have...the sort of friendships that wouldnt wither through the years...but

among these two, i can discuss my problems honestly with only one of them, mainly because we have so much in common so she would understand me more since our thoughts are on the same wavelength most of the time...so this naturally makes her much closer to me than the second one so here comes the answer to your first question 1)i am willing to go far enough(within sensible bounds...) for that one friend i am completely open with, but not for the second one

2)it depends on the situation and my history with said friend

3)time doesnt prove anything, its the rough situations people get involved in that give you true insight to their characters....sometimes you get to see people in sticky situations from the first or second meeting, sometimes years after knowing them...but until this happens you'll never know for sure whether they're the right people to be friends with or not

LilyNanami
Post #570480
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Member

5:16 pm, Sep 18 2012
Posts: 313


my real frinds are like brothers and sisters to me, so I can give my life for them. Even if it's not necesary to go to extremes like that I think it's important to always be there for what they need, even in hard times.
I try to listen to them, their fears, their joyful stories, whatever thing they want to tell me I'll smile or cry with them. Empathy =)

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