manga04_jpg login_tab_left_jpg
Username:   Password:    Forgot Password?
App
Try out our new iPhone application!
App
Manga Poll
For background art in manga, you prefer...
Lots of detail
An average amount of detail
Very little detail
Sparkles and patterns that fit the mood is just fine
I don't really pay attention to the backgrounds
I don't care
 
See Old Polls

Manga is the Japanese equivalent of comics
with a unique style and following. Join the revolution! Read some manga today!

Coded in ConTEXT

Join #baka-updates @irc.irchighway.net

RSS Feed
 
center_left_tab Forums center_right_tab

You are now viewing a topic.

Arguing Parents

Back to Chatter Box


Pages (2) [ 1 2 ]   You must be registered to post!
From User Message Body
Mamsmilk
Post #248093 - Reply to (#248089) by grandexeno
user avatar
 Member

3:16 pm, Jan 13 2009
Posts: 7698


Quote from grandexeno
Quote from Mamsmilk
I think you should tell him how you feel.
Walking away from the situation might end
that arguement, but it will not change your
father's behaviour, since he'll feel that he has won.
If he won't listen, write it on paper.
If your father is an adult, his conscience
should be alarming when his children are
afraid of him.


Mams, this is what you should do with REASONABLE people, not with someone who behaves as she said. I dont think he cares much how others feel about him, he wants to overpower people by winning debates and discussions, raising his voice, never listening to anyone.

Besides, in most households (well maybe more in asiatic ones?), being feared by own children = more respect/obedience, not much else to ponder about.

I do believe there is still a human inside him,
so it should not be impossible to make him
reasonable. If not, then professional help is needed
for him to see what he is and what he is doing wrong.
People that crave some sort of superiority have usually
been traumatised by something in their life.


MadameRed
Post #248109 - Reply to (#248093) by Mamsmilk
user avatar
Madame Red
Member

4:39 pm, Jan 13 2009
Posts: 2171


Quote from Mamsmilk
Quote from grandexeno
Quote from Mamsmilk
I think you should tell him how you feel.
Walking away from the situation might end
that arguement, but it will not change your
father's behaviour, since he'll feel that he has won.
If he won't listen, write it on paper.
If your father is an adult, his conscience
should be alarming when his children are
afraid of him.


Mams, this is what you should do with REASONABLE people, not with someone who behaves as she said. I dont think he cares much how others feel about him, he wants to overpower people by winning debates and discussions, raising his voice, never listening to anyone.

Besides, in most households (well maybe more in asiatic ones?), being feared by own children = more respect/obedience, not much else to ponder about.

I do believe there is still a human inside him,
so it should not be impossible to make him
reasonable. If not, then professional help is needed
for him to see what he is and what he is doing wrong.
People that crave some sort of superiority have usually
been traumatised by something in their life.


well mams, i don't think you can send your father to teraphy that easily. it is just like an invitation to more yelling and fight. since he wouldn't listen your reasons and would get angrier since you thought that he was wrong.

i think the best thing you could do is to ignore. after a while you get used to him yelling all the time and start to not to hear anymore. you can always try to sing in your head or try to solve a math problem. well, it was like that for me at least till 1 year ago. now i just yell him back since i don't need his money anymore.

________________
User Posted Image
Mamsmilk
Post #248110
user avatar
 Member

4:40 pm, Jan 13 2009
Posts: 7698


But that will no save him. .___.
It will only help you grown
ignorant.

Ameonna
Post #248120 - Reply to (#248110) by Mamsmilk
user avatar
The hope
Member

5:46 pm, Jan 13 2009
Posts: 205


Quote from Mamsmilk
But that will no save him. .___.
It will only help you grown
ignorant.



If my memory serves me right once I heard a quote which was some thing like this" God saves the people who want to be saved" means if some one doesn't want to be saved, no matter how much you try hard, it is futile.

my dad was exactly the same and it was impossible to talk with him about this matter. parents like this either considering their position in family as gods, asking for an absolute power in the house or they are so frustrated and angry from different problems in their daily life that don't want to be lectured by their own child at the end of the day, so what will they do? simple, ignoring their child's emotions and thoughts and keep shouting as loud as they can... and this is a viscous spiral.

Of course there are always exceptions. there are also parents who still love their kids and deep in their hearts they feel bad for behaving violently in front of their dear ones but it is not some thing you can see every day.

________________
...
Mamsmilk
Post #248121
user avatar
 Member

5:51 pm, Jan 13 2009
Posts: 7698


More than he does not want to be saved,
he'd seem not to know that he has a problem
and needs to be saved. For I have not seen the
person and can only rely on one single point
of view, I cannot tell if the problem is the man
or the "victims".

jinx_you
Post #248123 - Reply to (#247932) by roadblock4
user avatar
Member

6:08 pm, Jan 13 2009
Posts: 1134


I can't say I've had the same experience... but in my opinion, family are the few people you should never feel any fear of. I think the most important thing is always to stay calm to make sure the situtation can't be triggered worse. But, in truth, what I think you need to do is in a calm setting and enviroment, sit down with your family and have a discussion about this. Explain your fears and worries. Despite going off the handle on things, your dad loves you all so I'm sure if you explain your feelings he will try to make improvements or even go and get help. There's a lot of self techniques people can do to help calm themselves down during a fit of anger. Which by doing something as seeking help it will not only improve all of your relationships by removing any fears and worries you have, but it'll help your dad live in a healthier way.

________________
If it weren't for the gutter, my mind would be homeless.
Ameonna
Post #248135 - Reply to (#248121) by Mamsmilk
user avatar
The hope
Member

6:50 pm, Jan 13 2009
Posts: 205


Quote from Mamsmilk
More than he does not want to be saved,
he'd seem not to know that he has a problem
and needs to be saved. For I have not seen the
person and can only rely on one single point
of view, I cannot tell if the problem is the man
or the "victims".



I seriously hope you are right, then maybe he still can be stopped before hurting his dear ones more than this.

________________
...
hatsumimi99
Post #248142
user avatar
manger le toupee
Member

7:26 pm, Jan 13 2009
Posts: 282


I think any man, even one that nags and argues a lot, who can stand to be in a car with people he can't stand on "long road trips", must not really hate those people all that much.



________________
[We need more staff!] Visit us at: http://www.stilettoheelsteam.com/
sefinalishehalif
Post #248155
user avatar
Member

8:35 pm, Jan 13 2009
Posts: 245


Going off of what LillithGloria said, if a person doesn't admit or know they have a problem, then they can't solve it. Look at it logically. How can they fix themselves if they don't have a problem?

My dad used to be the same way. I mean, I'm still afraid of getting him angry, and I'm terrified that it might come to blows. He's still got a fair amount of muscle from his army days. But, now I talk back, because it's not fair that I have to sit there and let him yell whatever he wants at me. There's no way of course that I say everything I want to. But I do say stuff.

If you tell your dad that he scares you, he might get angrier. I did that, and it just escalated the whole thing over again. But at least I got the idea into his mind.

I know you're 14, but try being out of the house more. I'm at college now, and the arguing has decreased A LOT. You wouldn't believe how little we argue nowadays. Join a few clubs or something.

But if he ever does hit you, or scare you that badly, just call the police. Nobody should be that afraid of their own parent.

And, I can't remember who said it, but you're going to have to suck up your pride a lot. Get used to that. The only place where you'll have any shred of pride is away from him. Cause, you never really know what's going to set him off and get him in a bad mood.

Sorry but I'm remembering stuff and it's saddening sad
I don't even know what to say. It's just all specific to each person, and I clearly don't know your dad. *gives lots of hugs*

________________
"I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts." -John Steinbeck
Skydreamer
Post #248168
user avatar
Member

9:31 pm, Jan 13 2009
Posts: 60


It could be that he fully understands that he shouldn't do that and he has some comprehension of how he like to deal with situations, but when something happens and he throw a tantrum everything becomes blank, its more like your conscience is taking a back seat and anger takes control and you dont really "notice" it happening until afterwards.

atleast thats how i was when i was a bit younger, well im young now too, but this was when i viewed the world a bit differently.

I can now say with 99% certainty i will never throw another tantrum because of my increased self control and my new view on the world.


I dont know your father, but he may feel a bit trapped, maybe he doesnt work with what he dreamed, he cant always go where he wants, he has little freetime and feel that work has become life.
Then all small things will set him off and he will have problems dealing with em because of his mental state is a mass, everything is against him, he may not even know it himself.


Don't take my post as any wiki post, this are my own thoughts and ideas and is purely posted to jumpstart your mind in to finding the root of the problem.

________________
Ore wa sugoi da ze..
roadblock4
Post #248210
user avatar
The Alpha Male.
Member

11:44 pm, Jan 13 2009
Posts: 319


Wow guys. Thanks for all the advice and your views. I don't really think about him having a session with a professional is exactly necessary though. It's not like he's a mad man. And it's not like this happens exactly often either. It's just that when it does, it's pretty bad. Not like he breaks chairs or starts hitting things or people (though he might from a vicious point or gesture) but it's that once he starts, it's almost like trying to stop a bull.

________________
Trip Fall Die

GAH! My plot doesn't bend that way!
Rainy Days
Post #248240
user avatar
it's a boy
Member

2:39 am, Jan 14 2009
Posts: 2895


Your dad sounds like my dad~

slayra
Post #248250 - Reply to (#248210) by roadblock4
user avatar
Member

3:09 am, Jan 14 2009
Posts: 21


Quote from roadblock4
Wow guys. Thanks for all the advice and your views. I don't really think about him having a session with a professional is exactly necessary though. It's not like he's a mad man. And it's not like this happens exactly often either. It's just that when it does, it's pretty bad. Not like he breaks chairs or starts hitting things or people (though he might from a vicious point or gesture) but it's that once he starts, it's almost like trying to stop a bull.


Might not be too much now, but what if he is suffering from stress?

Perhaps you could tell him or your mother, that. It might help him to recognize his problem with controlling his temper and even seek a counselor or something.


TofuQueen
Post #248273 - Reply to (#248210) by roadblock4
user avatar
Crazy Cat Lady
Member

4:00 am, Jan 14 2009
Posts: 1840


Quote from roadblock4
Wow guys. Thanks for all the advice and your views. I don't really think about him having a session with a professional is exactly necessary though. It's not like he's a mad man. And it's not like this happens exactly often either. It's just that when it does, it's pretty bad. Not like he breaks chairs or starts hitting things or people (though he might from a vicious point or gesture) but it's that once he starts, it's almost like trying to stop a bull.

Could you talk to him about it some time when he's NOT upset? Maybe if you try to approach it in a way that won't put him on the defensive, you might be able to help him understand that his behavior really needs to change. It sounds like maybe things are just building up (frustration at work, etc. etc. etc.) and once he hits the *breaking point* he doesn't know how to stop himself or calm down again.

________________
"[English] not only borrows words from other languages; it has on occasion chased other languages down dark alley-ways, clubbed them unconscious and rifled their pockets for new vocabulary."
-James Nicoll, can.general, March 21, 1992
grandexeno
Post #248319 - Reply to (#248210) by roadblock4
user avatar
Form is Emptiness.
 Member

9:25 am, Jan 14 2009
Posts: 928


Quote from roadblock4
Wow guys. Thanks for all the advice and your views. I don't really think about him having a session with a professional is exactly necessary though. It's not like he's a mad man. And it's not like this happens exactly often either. It's just that when it does, it's pretty bad. Not like he breaks chairs or starts hitting things or people (though he might from a vicious point or gesture) but it's that once he starts, it's almost like trying to stop a bull.


well, professional psychological counseling insnt about "being mad", but dealing with all the degrees of mental disturbs such as common stress, paranoia, difficulty in relating with others (and obviously also more serious issues).
Its not that he will be confined to a white room for the rest of his life eyes
A counselor in those aspects can simply provide, talking with him, better relief than if you (or family member/friends) talked with him, because of his knowledge of the triggers and situations that may or may not afflict his behaviour.

Anyway, we are all rooting for you, so rest assured that at least here on MU, youre not alone *hugs* :3

________________
Quote from Mamsmilk
Quote from x0mbiec0rp
Quote from Mamsmilk
I need a die with 2 sides.

That's known as a "coin".

Oh, thanks. Too much D&D.
Pages (2) [ 1 2 ]   You must be registered to post!

Back to Chatter Box  Back to Top

Search This Topic:
 
Manga Search
MANGA Fu
MEMBERS
TEAM-BU


footer