This is gonna be a long one.
TW S**CIDE AND SH MENTIONS
No spoilers
Alright so let me start off by saying that when I first started reading this, I was gonna drop it. The first few chapters felt like a total wtaf am I reading what is this garbage. But I only prevailed bc I generally like suicidal themed stories bc they're realistic in a sense. Like tell me how ur gonna make an mc that just suffers throughout the entire story yet never considered suicide? Like the fact that they do generally shows good character writing so that's why I stayed. And omfg I'm so glad I did. The mc is so well written. His struggles are so real and relatable and what's better is the way they are visually presented. As a mentally ill person, the visuals were beyond perfect at portraying the emotions in specific scenarios. As much as I did enjoy seeing my experiences perfectly visualized, half way through the story, I got hella triggered. Like that shit is TRIGGERING. And I'm not even talking about the usual TW ppl give and it's not that triggering or like Pearl boy type of thing. It's so much worse. Generally when I'm reading triggering shit, I kinda force myself to dissociate in order to not let it get to me as much but this story's writing and visuals literally broke through my dissociation and ended up sending me down a suicidal spiral similar to that of the mc's bc it was quote literally too real.
Now moving on to the other characters. The romance is garbage. The ML is garbage. Literally the blandest character ever. He has little to no depth at all and just exists to be a contrast to the antagonist. I did not like his backstory cuz it looked like it didn't affect him at all. He was so one dimensional and he has 0 chemistry with the mc. This story would've 100% been better off not being a romance or if mc just ended up alone.
Now moving on to the antagonist. Ngl I liked his character way more than I liked the ML. I guess u could say that the antagonist was also the second lead. But at the beginning, I thought he was just one of those typical characters in BLs that only exist to make mc's life a living nightmare and honestly, that's how he was portrayed for the majority of the story. Only at the end or like the last quarter of the story did he get some real depth and omg I loved it sm. Ofc I didn't want him getting together with mc after all of what he did to him but I genuinely felt bad for the dude. I felt actual emotions towards him unlike the ML bc this dude isn't one dimensional.
A little side note on the art. I loved it a lot. It wasn't the most beautiful or aesthetic or wtv but it felt realistic in a way. Like the noses, proportions, and even the way they did the kiss scenes like it had an odd realistic art style so that was weirdly nice and kinda rare
Anyways final thoughts: I'd actually recommend this manhwa esp if ur like rly mentally ill like me cuz the way it visualizes everything makes ur weird and enigmatic feelings make sense and makes u feel understood. I loved that aspect of it. But oh boy MAKE SURE to know the triggers and properly prepare urself bc it might actually end up rly triggering u and make sure to try not to let it influence or affect u a lot cuz at the end of the day, it's just another story, a piece of fiction. Ok?
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