I’m looking for manga like Dear Green. To me that would mean NOT a “rape to love” story. It would also mean it’s realistic and has good character development. It doesn’t have to be slow. I’m also not partial to wether the characters know they’re gay or not in the beginning of the story, but it would be better if it’s something they can at least come to realize and accept. I don’t want them to be saying “I’m not gay, but...” Any recommendations along these lines are welcome!

"realistic and good character development" made me think of Koimonogatari (TAGURA Tohru) and maybe Sasaki to Miyano, but maybe you've read them already? theyre quite popular in my mind

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I love gender bender and delinquent manga

Haven’t tried these yet, thanks!

I tend to prefer adult couple stories as well, rather than high school if you have any more recommendations!

Yamashita Tomoko is my go-to for BLs about mature adults. Her Dining Bar Akira is probably my favorite of hers, but her short stories are all worth reading too.

Anything Yoshinaga Fumi writes is pretty good too, if you haven't read them yet, particularly What Did You Eat Yesterday?

I also remember generally liking ymz's stuff, particularly her Happy Birthday (ymz).

Oh, and Enzou's Sayonara, Itoshi no My Friend was pretty nice too.

Also, there's a lot of sex (and the main characters are college students), but All About Lust is a fairly good story about two people genuinely in love with each other putting their all into having a good relationship.