I like the plot seems like it would make an interesting drama manga lol Why not write the book/manga in English then have someone translate it for you in Japanese? Easier but hey, your decision
Like you I too am working on a little story of my own and it's been 3 or 2 years already. I can draw pretty well when I set my mind to it but I'm no good with drawing backgrounds and inking and using photoshop for me is suicide

If your work ever gets published I would certainly like to read it someday. Just got to keep a positive attitude and be determined to work on it. (Unlike me lol) Some manga characters are often bullied so I don't see how that doesn't occur in reality because it does. It depends on where one lives and goes to school and how that person makes their decisions.

Yey!~ Someone else who has dreams to publish a manga as a hobby! ^_^

It's great that you've got a pretty solid prologue, and characters too! Now all you need (if you haven't already) are character designs! If you have, give us a teaser
A test run, as suggested before, would be good too ^_^

It also sounds like you can pretty much handle the project by yourself - which is a plus.
I still have to work on my prologue(I'm a perfectionist >.<, I keep changing it 'coz I want it to be epic ), setting and some character designs.

Well anyways. all I can say is, Good Luck!

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Everyday I'm tumblin'

Hmm, your overall plot is definitely solid and well-explained but I think there are some parts that you may consider revising. (I am kinda new to shoujo and even less in josei, if this is josei, so you can ignore all my comments) You should consider why she got the package with the diary, you want to try and clarify that as the story progresses. Another part is that you want to have parts in your manga that can clarify Sunny from time to time or maybe in one go. But aside from those, again, you don't have to listen to my advice, good luck with your manga.

To those who are discussing about such bullying existing, YES!! It exists in America and happens a lot more than you think happens. There has been girls beaten up, shaved bald, and even made to streak down the street. Why? Frell if I know, maybe the bully doesn't get enough love, maybe she's jelous, or maybe she's messed up in the head. There are tons of reasons and half of them are a reason why I was a ghost in high school. One of them was because I got "hazed" by a female senior. So don't think it doesn't happen. I still hate the mornings.

I agree that the story lacks something that will grab the audience but I was thinking that having us be the "test subjects" will help you with your artwork, backgrounds, and even your storyline. DO understand that there will be people who will LOATHE your artwork and even possibly your storyline but that's not the reason why you write manga. You write it for the fans and only for them.

Anyways, you got my opinion now. Just tell me when you decide to start putting your manga online so I can read it. Oh yeah, think of a title.

Love and peace,
SG

________________
If it looks like I give a $*^%, smack my face because I sure as hades don't." - Unknown

I actually did write a bigger summary [for a friend >>] but I didn't want to make it as big here, since it would be tl;dr. xP

But I guess I'll go a bit in-depth here...

The father's sudden reappearance and motive is basically the entire plot of the story. Maemi knows he has something to do about it, but frightened horribly by him, she doesn't speak [it's like rape sometimes - some girls don't speak up]. What if is true, and he destroys the diary, whatever else she's got? So she's set on solving this on her own. His abuse is very important and also significant, but I can't give anything away about it. xP Sorry.

The "goth" character is Sunny. "Sunny" is a nickname. His real name is not known. Nobody knows his real name. Sunny enjoys mystery. He keeps his real name secret, to have his own little "mystery". His "goth" appearance is based on mystery. Mystery usually gives off the impression of the colour black. So he dresses all black, giving people the impression that he's gothic. On the contrary to his looks, he has dyed hair. He's a natural blonde, and has dark brown eyes. When he was a baby, he was cute, and bubbly, and always smiling. Thus gaining the nickname "Sunny". Like his name, he's full of smiles, and is actually very nice, outgoing, and bubbly. Exactly like his name. People just pre-judge him as being "rude" or "cold" or something like that because of his looks. He doesn't like it, but deals with it as he doesn't want to cause trouble.

He's actually surprised when Maemi tries to strike up conversation at him, but being a bit too surprised, he pushes "him" away, and a bit rude [he didn't mean to be rude].

He does, however, befriend Maemi after he sees her crying. He was walking around the neighbourhood, and sees Maemi crying as she's taking out the garbage [father beating]. Not knowing she's the same person from school, he starts talking to her.

So he tries to comfort her, and this time it's Maemi who's surprised, since he's all nice to her, unlike the way he was to her at school [she thinks that he knows they're the same person]. etc etc When she realizes that he thinks they're two completely different people [and genders!] she decides not to correct him, and actually creates the alter ego then and then. It wasn't intentional, but she does see some benefits in having an alter ego.

Being dense as he is, he doesn't take into consideration that Maemi Tsukahara from school and Maemi Tsukahara from the neighbourhood are the same person, despite having the same name. >_> [Maemi is a unisex name]

Basically, he's one of the main characters because he's Maemi's best friend [Azusa's her best friend, but Sunny's her best friend in Canada :3] and he knows about the diary. Diary = mystery. Sunny = loving' mystery. You add it up. 8D

Before I forget, Sunny is Japanese [even though it doesn't show]. He was, however, born and raised in Canada. Both his parents are Japanese, but his grandmother from his mother's side is part American. Thus him gaining western features. :3

Sanyu is her brother [well duh >>]. There's a lot about him, but I can't say much without giving too much away. x__x; I can try though...

For one, he finds out about the diary and what Maemi's doing behind their father's back. Being rude, jerky, and a delinquent [OMG DELINQUENT ALERT >_>] he uses that knowledge to his advantage... and blackmails Maemi. ;D <3 OMG, HUGE IMPORTANT PART OF THE PLOT. LIKE, HUGEEE.

Keep in mind Maemi's father abandoned her when she was 6. Maemi is 15 now. Sanyu is 18. They have the same father. He's OLDER than her. What's wrong with that picture?

Greg... he's like uh... I dunno how to explain. x__x; Umm... let's think Fruits Basket. Maemi, Sunny, and Greg are like Tohru, Kyo and Yuki. 8D <3 And like... the Mizuki, Sano and Nakatsu of Hana-Kimi. :3 <3

WELL, BACK TO GREG...

Greg is a year above Maemi, and he's the first to do anything about the harassment she has endure around school. He's a playboy at school, but still helps Maemi. ^_^ With his help, Maemi is able to contact Japan, thus letting her get the diary. He's the first person to figure out that "Maemi" and "Maemi" are the same person, but keeps quiet about it [his own reasons - can't reveal].Yes, he meets Maemi before her hair was cut. >w> How does he get Maemi thinking that he thinks "Maemi" and "Maemi" are different people? 8D Aha, sorry, you'll have to wait for that. ;]

I suggest you really don't read the following... o_O It's a spoiler on the romance



Maemi and her cross-dressing.

Let me start off first in Japan. Maemi hated the school's uniform - it was too girly for her, the shirts were too tight and a bit too girly for her, and the skirts were too short. She wanted to wear the boy's uniform, because being a tomboy, she'd prefer that over the uniform. >_> Azusa, her best friend, manages to change her mind. When she's sent to Canada, she's free to dress however she wants to in school. So she dresses in Sanyu's clothes, seeing as she doesn't have girl clothes. >w> The next year, though, her school gets uniforms. Her father doesn't want to buy her a uniform, and the boy's uniform is cheaper [not the set, but each separate piece]. With Greg's help, she manages to buy... the boy's uniform. Hey, she doesn't complain. >_> The girl's uniform is even worst than it was in Japan. xP

So I actually don't blame Sunny much for confusing her for a guy. XD Aha. >w>

Azusa and Ren... well, first of all, Azusa has been in love with Ren since they were kids. Ren, however, is in love with Maemi. Maemi, being like... unique and whatnot, and he only sees Azusa as every other girl out there. Ren's known Maemi since they were babies, and Azusa met Maemi when they were 7. Ren's known Maemi longer, but Maemi's closer to Azusa. They're still close though. Maemi confides in Ren about her "alter-ego", but not Azusa [complications arose... I'm sorry, if I tell you, I'd spoil >w>].

Azusa does know, however, about the diary [no fucking duh. She SENT her the stupid diary]. At first, she's only seen and met through letters she exchanges with Maemi, but when Ren visits, you learn a bit more about her. You get to really see her - see her when Maemi visits Japan.

....

Are there any more questions? n.n I've be willing to answer any.

And yes, this kind of bullying does happen. Worst, actually. Compared to other, what Maemi has to go through is nothing.

And no, I won't make Maemi whine like a little bitch like every other heroine out there when she's bullied/harassed. @w@; She barely cries. She's strong, and has a hard past [SORRY, ALSO CAN'T REVEAL TwT;]. I TRY TO BE UNIQUE, AND MAEMI ISN'T YOUR AVERAGE GIRL. ;D I might tell you more about her later. <3

Here's a drawing of Maemi while in "boy" mode. It was done in pchat, and it was a bit fucked up [rushed too XD]. >w> Erm... skin thingy was accidentally put on lineart layer, so uh... yep. x__x; Didn't try after that.

http://img340.imageshack.us/img340/7897/maemi2byreinfr3.png

**PLEASE KEEP IN MIND SOME STUFF I POSTED ABOVE MIGHT CHANGE AS I PLAN OUT MORE STUFFZ**

*saintguardian Titles for me are like babies. I normally don't come up with them till half-way through the story. Like, you won't come up with a name for a baby till after they're born, or a while into pregnancy. >__>; I mean, what if you pick a boy name and it turns out to be a girl? o_o

Not all people do that, I know, but I'm particularly like that... ^^; Names usually pop out at me while working. I don't struggle my poor brain to think of one.

One of my earlier ideas was "Outcast by Appearance" but as Maemi's character completely did a 360 while I was working on her, the title went down the drain.

MAN, THAT TOOK A WHILE TO TYPE >__>

Last edited by Dubby at 7:53 pm, Nov 15 2007

Just gotta say the uniform (At least I think it's the uniform??) looks like a catholic priest's clothes. xD

And wow.. So bullying really occurs. O.o i've heard of it, but the concept is so vague to me. What if the person you're bullying dies What if he/she tells their parents and tell my parents?!!! I'm a mama's girl. Shuddup.... i really don't understand how anyone would want to hurt someone else to feel better. Personally, I'd feel worse. <-<

I know. I'm such a saint.

Not the uniform, it's just her regular clothes. ^^; The choker was her mother's.

And well, there are some pretty fucked up people in the world. x__x;

Well that does clarify a few things. With this much insight on what you are planning I can grasp the overall concept, but to me it still feels like it is missing that something which will make it stand out. Don't get me wrong I think it has the potential to be a good manga, but it doesn't have the extra element which separates the good from the great. And I still can't see Maemi's uniqueness. You could argue that not crying every two seconds could be unique, but there are plenty of heroines who will bite there tongue and endure the pain. That's just one man's opinion though. It could be that I'm just not heavily into the teen angst theme. Not to mention love pentagons. Makes it feel kind of soap-opera-y. Overall, though, I would say it is a solid piece of work. A few areas need polishing, but that would come naturally.

P.S.
I like the artwork (it has a sort of Metal Gear concept art look to it), but I'm not entirely sure it would coincide well with a manga layout. A graphic novel perhaps, unless of course you plan to go into a more line or vector art form.

________________

after some major filtering of all the XD, <3, and n_n, i find that your story line closely resembles Complex (shoujo) ...i think your plot is pretty solid, and since it's your first time, that's a pretty good place to start at....now, if you think your plot has some cliche events and twists, you can improvise on the art...i don't know how many times have i seen art like Good Morning Call in all those shoujo mangas, so you can set your future manga apart from the other cliche ones by adapting to a unique drawing style, maybe even more realistic than the others (less anorexic chicks and more manly-looking guys) i would be interested to read your manga, in any case ^^....good luck with that!

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The Deviant

Plot line is nice.

Personally i've always loved writing stores too... but i suck at drawring LOL XD. I won my school's writing competition 3 years in a row (years 7-current year)

Well, see, I have it in my head her "uniqueness" but I can't put it down it words... ;

I have to arrange my thoughts first BEFORE putting them down in words. When I was creating the diary plotline, my thoughts were all mixed up and it was hard to arrange the thoughts. XD

And actually, my art style changes a lot. @_@; That's not my original artstyle - it's more anime-ish. I just wanted to try something like, semi-realistic [shape of face and whatnot] for once. ;_; </3

Some stuff that represents my regular style:

http://fc05.deviantart.com/fs12/f/2006/322/0/1/Gaia_Lineart_by _DoubleLn2.jpg - That's from November of last year ^^ I feel happy to say I've improved a lot on eyes and whatnot XD

http://fc05.deviantart.com/fs13/f/2007/079/5/b/Slutastic_WIPpy_ 2_by_DoubleLn2.png - A wippu I never finished. >w> I didn't have my tablet then o.o

http://img413.imageshack.us/img413/7851/fashauh1.jpg - Wippu from September. I rushed the inking [less than 5 minutes >w>] that's why it looks so bad o__o;

http://img105.imageshack.us/img105/7404/nikkilineartdb3.jpg - Lineart I did in like... May? o_O Got lazy to colour. >w> I tried a new style of inking... but failed miserably. -_- I was also trying to go for a new art style and experiment... but I don't like it. >_>

http://img204.imageshack.us/img204/9585/sketchhma3.png - I actually drew this 2 days ago on pchat... XD I was at first going to just try to make a simple school girl [bust shot] but it turned into a fullbody. I'm not that good at legs, probably because I don't draw fullbodies a lot. ^^;But I've been practicing. >w< Tried a new style for the face.

***

As you can see, I love to experiment with art styles. My styles change a lot, and I'm never stable with a single style. The most I last with a particular style is like... a month. XD

Ahaha. I dunno if that's good or bad. o_O

okay, I looked at the artwork and it's not to the point where I'll stab my eyes out. So your storyline is the only thing that we need to see. So now I'm just waiting on you doc.

Love and peace,
SG

________________
If it looks like I give a $*^%, smack my face because I sure as hades don't." - Unknown

Is that... bad or good? ;__; </3 What's your tolerance of art before "stabbing your eyes out"? XD

I'll probably do the "test" thingy, it sounds interesting. ;3 But it'll have to wait, sadly. >w>

For now, enjoy a sketch I drew of the "trio" during class today out of pure boredom. XD <3

http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/8830/trio003rn5.jpg

Left = Greg, Middle = Maemi, Right = Sunny

I started off with Maemi [no duh], and it was only going to be a drawing of her. I drew her head, face, and neck, and went to the bathroom. When I came back 5 minutes later, my friend had drawn a little headband thingy on her, AND drew her glasses. ;_; She completely ruined Mae-chan's outfit [and hair]. D; </3 I drew with a pen, so... o_O; Couldn't fix. >w> Now, Maemi isn't that tall. XD I was going to show it, since I thought a fullbody would fit on the page... guess I measured wrong. >___>

You might be wondering why Mae-chan looks so different... see, it's a special outfit she has to wear... in a... place. >w> Thingy. IT'S A SECRET. 8D <3 But that's why her hair's all weird, and her clothes are... out of place [Sunny and Greg are wearing the school's uniforms. :3 Sunny's wearing the vest, though >w> WHAT AN ORIGINAL UNIFORM!]

I tried a different drawing style [mostly the shape of the face] yet again. XD I completely failed - I don't like it. >w> Maybe I should take my time drawing instead, instead of always rushing. O_o; Then my drawings wouldn't come out so half-assed. >w>

BUT YAY FOR HALF-ASSED CHARACTER POTRAITS? O__o;

Aha, I should just stick with one style. -_- This one I just tried right now sucks ass, doesn't it? @__@;

EDIT : Forgot about Greg's left arm... I didn't draw that - another friend drew that for no reason during my French class o_O; She said she thought since no arms showed in the entire drawing [Maemi's were hidden in the long sleeves, Sunny's left hand was behind Mae-chan, his right arm was cut off, and the same thing with Greg]. >w>

It ruined it, but you can't do anything about it since it's pen... x___X; Oh well.

Sorry if my post made you think you had to rush, I was willing to wait a year before you finally start your manga. I believe you told us you weren't really wanting to start it until you graduate since your busy with studies.

My only advice when it comes to drawing is that you need to not rush it. The head does not match the body. Ask your art teacher (if you don't already know) on how to use the head to measure the body. Other than that, for a quick draw, it's pretty good. Use a blue pencil when you draw, you can take the blue out when you scan it.

Now when it comes to my previous post, sorry, it was a bad joke. It's good, just keep drawing random things and even try drawing just clothing or even people that aren't going to be part of your manga. Take your time doing that and slowly refine your artwork. For example, if you take a look at earlier volumes of O!MG (Oh! My Goddess) then look at now, you'll see a huge difference.

Other than that, I just gotta say I'm now a little impatient as to see what the manga will look like. Remember, take your time doing the manga and HAVE FUN with it. If all else fails, make an omaka. I think I spelled it right but that's when you make your characters do something that is completely hilarious that they wouldn't usually do.

Okay, that's enough suggestions today. Class dismissed

Love and Peace,
SG

________________
If it looks like I give a $*^%, smack my face because I sure as hades don't." - Unknown

I liked the storyline, even though it was a bit too 'normal' for my taste.

You should try to make Sunny look more goth........

How about a picture thats not all sketchy, you know, forgetting to erase the head circle?