How'd you get that?
I don't mind following orders, as long as when it matters - to me, for the situation, whatever - my partner follows my orders too. Actually, I don't think I'll ever be able to stand someone who doesn't have the backbone to order me around when I need to be ordered around, or the sense to follow orders when they should be followed.
I'd much rather be alone than be with someone who doesn't get me - and sometimes, ordering me is the only way to get things done
As far as 'Love' is concerned, I believe an emotion like that does exist, but that I shall never find it. It's not my destiny, it's not in my future, it's not my fate.......so on. You get the drift. I don't believe in fate and all, so put in what you want that fits the meaning
If you don't mind, I'll avoid commenting on the rest, other than that that (not a typo) really doesn't matter to me.

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There are times when you will miss what you never had. I wonder how you will find what you so desperately need.

That sounds like a really depressing life to me. Like seriously... I couldn't imagine living like that.

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Don't get me wrong, I'd only choose to be on top the first time round; I'm actually a very lazy person (I'm not fat, just so you know). It's only because I rarely trust people other than myself to get things right (I'm a bit of a control freak) that I'd be willing to temporarily discard my dislike of any physical exercise that can be avoided.

It's not like I'd blame myself for something that is not my fault; if there's anyway I can deny it, you're not going to get me to admit it. If I say it's your fault, nothing you say is going to make me change my mind (didn't see that one coming, did you); I'm always right, even when I'm not.
In your proposed scenario, technically speaking, it wouldn't be his fault either; there are factors that are outside anyone's control. However, if that were the case there are still things that can be done to minimise the risk of getting hurt. You should use plenty of lubricant and gradually stretch the hymen and the interior of the vagina over an extended period of time prior to intercourse (if it works for men who were born in the wrong body and underwent a sex change, it should also work for those of us that were born as girls).
The only reason why I prefer to be responsible for any mishaps myself is that I'm the type of person who'd hold a grudge; so, if you don't want me to hate your guts for the rest of your life, I'd be best if I can't blame anyone other than myself, because if I can I will.
And I probably don't have to worry about being attacked because apparently I exude a "stay away and leave me alone, or I'll bite your head off" aura; very few men have dared to approach me without being introduced to me by another girl (it's not because I'm ugly or anything; I've been told that I'm actually quite pretty, and people are usually very surprised to hear that I'm still single).

I usually travel by car, so I tend to be paying attention to the traffic; so, unless he throws himself in front of my car, I wouldn't notice him even if he was juggling with torches while doing a back flip. When I'm driving, someone could be murdered by the side of the road, and I'd be completely oblivious of it (unless it's too close to the road, or if I get bloodsplatter on my windscreen).

You have a very *vivid* imagination though.


Last edited by WandereroftheDeep at 1:16 pm, May 8 2011

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Meh. It's true, as far as I'm concerned. You get used to it

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There are times when you will miss what you never had. I wonder how you will find what you so desperately need.

Is it a self-esteem issue, where you don't think someone will love you so you can't love back?

Or is it really that you literally can't feel love due to some mental abnormality?

If it's the former, then perhaps you could work on your self-esteem a bit (and work on your attractiveness in various ways), and lower your standards. No offense intended towards anyone.

It's what I had to do for myself. For instance, I find perpetual camera whores physically attractive, but I have a hard time imagining that they'd like me as much as they like themselves, and while that might not matter in the short term, it's not something I'd feel comfortable about in the long run. It comes close to being a deal-breaker. So I'm find myself more drawn to people who aren't as photogenic as they could be.

Or you just need to find the right person that will make you confident. If you had told me 2 years ago that I would have a serious and meaningful relationship with somebody who would share most of my nerdy interests then I would have laughed, at that point in time I fully believed that I would be single for most of, if not all my life. Though I'm no longer with her, she changed my way of thinking completely, and I realised that there are people out there who will love me for me.

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Neither of the above. I do not have self esteem issues, I know almost exactly who and what I am, and how good I am. And I know that people do find others who love them for who and what they are. I just don't think I'll ever find that. The reason is certainly psychological, but it's because I know most of my negatives as well as my positives, and I focus on both. Some of my negatives are not things someone I'll be attracted to would tolerate, and physical attraction is not my only criteria.
In summary, -
I'm pretty complicated and convoluted - emphasis on the convoluted.
It's like saying a succesful woman is attracted - more than just physically - to a total bum. A complete disaster in the making.
I'm gonna get worse pretty soon, in a few months, when my college application is denied. Destruction of dreams does that to you...

Edit - @theSG, you leave me amazed with the lenght of your posts.

Last edited by Casey D. Geek at 10:09 pm, May 8 2011

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There are times when you will miss what you never had. I wonder how you will find what you so desperately need.

Ok, granted, my description of the problem wasn't complete. It's not merely a "self-esteem" issue, but I think you'll have to admit that my implied, holistic assessment was dead on.

My suggestions were to build yourself up, and lower your standards a bit.

From what you describe, particularly the analogy you use, "it's like saying a successful woman is attracted - more than just physically - to a total bum"... well:
- you might want to build yourself up from the bum level.
- you might want to lower your expectations a bit.

I don't mean any offense to you and the women you pick. (A woman doesn't necessarily have to look like a net idol/camera whore to be an excellent girl friend. I know that. Get off my back, guys!) What I mean by "lower your expectations a bit" just means to give girls who don't initially appear to be "successful" a second look. It might help you not only understand girls in general, but it'll help you understand yourself a bit more.

If you don't care that much. That's fine too. Everything I've said was comes with the precondition that you actually care. It's not a huge deal if you don't think it is. You're young and in a few decades we'll have some pretty good sexbots, I'm willing to bet. So there's no need to feel *forced* to adjust your expectations.

EDIT!!!
I just noticed your location is India. While I know more about India than most Americans, I don't know enough about the culture and socioeconomics there to confidently comment. I only feel confident making such casual observations/comments on America, Canada, Australia, East Asia, and some of Europe. On the other hand, India, Middle East, Africa, and some other places are out of my league. Apologies given.

Last edited by N0x_ at 10:43 pm, May 8 2011

@ Casey D. Geek

Sorry about the weird reply earlier by the way; I wasn't quite sure what you meant, and obviously I misconstrued your intended meaning, so sorry about that .

And about love; recent studies have shown that it really is a drug; it apparently has roughly the same effect as cocaine, and you really can become addicted to it.
It'd be nice if somewhere in the not too distant future I could find love, but that's really outside anyone's control; if it happens, it happens, and if it doesn't, it doesn't. It's just that so far, it doesn't seem like it'll be happening anytime soon, but never say never.


@ theSG

Did you delete your posts, or did the moderators finally think you crossed the line and removed them?
I do wonder what exactly you think goes on in my mind (I'm definitely not into BL, I'm all for gay rights, but I have no desire to see what goes on in their bedrooms; or anyone else's for that matter); not everyone thinks the way you do .

Last edited by WandereroftheDeep at 11:16 pm, May 8 2011

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Yes, your overall assessment was dead on.
First, let me say this - I'm a teen, and I've never had a girlfriend. That should help you with your assessment.

Second, if you know India, then you know IIT. I'm a guy who gave up on a almost certain chance of hetting into a good IIT to pursue other dreams that are about as probable as Gaddafi's removal within a week.

To clear up the analogy, it's just that - an analogy. I am not shallow enough to consider things like paygrade an assessment of success. If I was, the second point would've been moot. I factor in various thing to assess the success of someone, the main points of which are how happy they are, and how intelligent they are.

My standards do not need to be lowered - the only things I ask for are intelligence, backbone, and telepathy(empathy will work too). Good looks are a plus, but I don't care about that much.

Again, I know people like me have found perfect partners, but I honestly do not believe I will. Maybe because of high standars, which I doubt, maybe because of issues, but mainly because I don't think I can. I'm not lucky enough

Edit - oh, and while India is in question, let me tell you that is most big cities, Indians are as bad as Americans. While I have been lucky enough to not have falllen into the wrong crowd, I am not unaware of what goes on.

@Wanderer - Maybe you're right. I've considered that viewpoint also, but I'd much rather not torture myslef looking for 'the one' in the face of every girl I like even for a millisecond.

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There are times when you will miss what you never had. I wonder how you will find what you so desperately need.

You say that you don't have self esteem issues, but to me that sounds exactly like poor self esteem. Thinking you can't do something or that you aren't lucky enough to find the right person is poor self esteem.

Or am I completely getting self esteem confused with something else?

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Again, maybe I do, but it might be more complicated. I honestly do like myself - I don't think anyone else will. And I don't care about the majority which don't matter to me, but I think that'll be an impediment in my searc for love if there was one.

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There are times when you will miss what you never had. I wonder how you will find what you so desperately need.

Yeah, I get that. That's why I put "successful" in quotations, because I understand that it was part of an analogy and was metaphorically representing an amalgam of factors.



Not lucky enough?! Oh come on. You can't say that isn't a problem with esteem.



lol, we have pretty crappy reputation for someone to automatically assume I'd agree with a comment like "as bad as Americans".

I'm curious though, "as bad as Americans" in what way? I have Indian friends/coworkers who complain about a lot of things in large Indian cities, but the complaints mostly center around the power grid, real estate, their wages, and traffic. Especially traffic. Especially Mumbai. I haven't hit 30 yrs, and I already feel like I'm going to get a heart attack from the traffic there. The cab drivers there are daredevils, and it's a wonder they don't run over a guy every month.





Are you going through a similar experience as Casey? If it means anything, I have a friend who had a tough time finding a long-term relationship until the current relationship. The person she is with now didn't initially give her "chemistry". I told her that "chemistry" was probably what was preventing her from finding that good long-term relationship that she wanted.

It might depend on your definition of "love", but those recent studies you bring up sound like they are referring to "lust", where you are enslaved by biochemistry. I don't know about you guys, but it seems... almost... primitive to me. Is that all "love" is about? Biochemistry? What's the hubbub?

I know you claim to be apathetic about it ("if it happens, it happens"), but I think it would really be a shame if you were really searching for that "spark/chemistry" and never found it. You did claim to seem "cold" to some others, so perhaps you can sympathize with others who lack that certain charisma. You sound cute from what you've written before, and you'd be doing a great disservice to a lot of your fellow chemical-lacking guys by taking yourself out of the chemical equation.

Of course, there's no rush to worry about long-term relationships, since you and Casey are both fairly young.

Last edited by N0x_ at 11:49 pm, May 8 2011

I'm not saying you should, but maybe you're doing it anyway subconsciously; apparently your brain only needs a fraction of a second to fall in love (in other words, to determine whether the person in front of you is genetically compatible or not); the essence of love is pretty unromantic.

Edit

@N0x_

It's not that I have trouble finding a long-term relationship; it's that can't seem to find any romantic relationship. And it's not that I don't want to fall in love, but I just haven't experienced instant attraction or developed special feelings for someone I've known for a longer period of time.

Of course chemistry is not all there is to love; it does play an important role, but what determines whether your relationship will be successful is of course the compatibility of your personalities. Studies have finally proven that the initial feeling of 'being in love' only lasts for about a year, so after that if you didn't have anything going for you other than physical attraction, you won't last long.

Last edited by WandereroftheDeep at 12:06 am, May 9 2011

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Right, sorry, my bad. I was refering to my experience of Americans, which is bascially limited to the TV and news. I probably shouldn't have said that. And I know that all of that isn't true.
I meant that they are pretty promiscous, just take out the physical part. They'd like to say that they are 'modern'. I'm probably not making this clear(I feel awkward discussing this), so I can only hope you get my meaning.
I was trying to say that most of experience with Americans should apply to Indians too, other than the cultural differences, which most Indians now ignore.
Sorry again.


Last edited by Casey D. Geek at 11:59 pm, May 8 2011

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There are times when you will miss what you never had. I wonder how you will find what you so desperately need.