OK peeps. This is a kinda personal topic but I feel I have to get it off my chest. I don't feel like I can not talk about it anymore so sorry if this sounds weird. I guess I have some degree of trust of the people in the MU forums.

My dad sometimes has temper tantrums. Occasionally, something that starts out really small like not washing dishes or somebody criticizing him escalates into a huge shouting battle between my dad and and someone else in the family. Sometimes the topic is a lot more serious but still.

The main point here is what do I, a mere 14-year old teen, do when my dad or even anyone else starts arguing and it starts feeling that shouts will start turning to blows, no matter what they're arguing about, be it stupid or something major? I feel pretty scared when my dad argues about ANYTHING and I feel scared for whoever he's arguing with. My siblings and I don't know what to do when he's arguing with my mother, who usually tries to calm him down.

He doesn't listen well and keeps on talking, leaving little chance for anyone else to talk even when he's calm and it's a normal conversation I'm trying to have. He doesn't like to LET GO of things. Sometimes on long road-trips, after literally 20 minutes after the argument was over, he brings it up again, as angry as he was before!

In general, what should I do when my parents or really anyone is arguing with another person? How do I stop it or how do I change it from an argument to something calmer?

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Trip Fall Die

GAH! My plot doesn't bend that way!

Whatever you do, don't shout. o__o It'll only escalate. Try to behave as calmly as possible (like talking in a normal/non-angry voice and without making any violent gestures), and maybe he'll settle down somewhat.

Try to divert the subject to something he adores (football? o__o), uhm, or just divert the subject into a 'safe' area. There's really nothing you can do against an angry person, especially a stubborn one.

You can settle a compromise for not washing the dishes, make clear rules on who does what. You have to say that everyone needs to do their part, we're a family~ I don't know...

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walk in another room: given your dad's attitude, and the fact you are too young to be taken seriously by him, you cant do anything. He'll never change as soon people grant him a source for venting his anger (analist is needed imho)
So, golden rule: dont mess with the messed. Just take as easy as possible, go out, take a walk, listen to music.

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My mother is a shout-doesn't listen person...
When she gets in one of her mad modes she doesn't stop, usually until the next day, or for more...

She has been that way as long as I can remember.
From my experience these type of people cannot be stopped.
How? If they don't listen to what anyone has to say, while they're in that state?
Just stay away... When your father is arguing you should probably best not to get near/on his bed side... Wait untill it passes.


If you want to change to something calmer, you can try taking his side on the arguement. Suck up your pride, and just go along. You can try and change the topic later on.

You can try make him go see a professional about his problem, if you're really scared and this has gone out of control...
But maybe you should discuss your mother beforehand.




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I dare suggest to see a professional, cause this behaviour, being unnaturally angry over small things if not over anything at all (like he WANTS to pick a fight), could worsen over time, leading to violent behaviour and actual beatings.

So sad, so real. Im with you, its not easy.

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my mum is like that, the not listening. i just walk away and turn my music up...

but you lot need to sit down together with someone to try and solve the problem.
the thing is, both your parents should want to get it resolved so you dont have to suffer.

from my point of view and experience I would say that you keep calm and think about the situation before you say anything so it doesn't make it worse at least (I have made that misstake)
If your father works long shifts or depending on the job, builds up a lot of stress a good way to make sure he doesn't flip right when he comes back is to do some chores, like cleaning a bit, do the dishes, have a cup of coffee ready (this one had bad results when i tried, he asked right away what i had done ^^).
If he is stressed, you could ask him to take a day or two off also.

If things get out of hand, talk with your mother/uncle/aunt/gandparents


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In harsh times, the strongest currency is cooperation.

Hmm xD

For me, I would just argue and shout till we are both satisfied and understand each other's feelings. Sometimes, there are ppl who needs the yelling before they could understand what you want. Yes, for me, people will think " hey, that girl isn't respecting her elders" but I really do not see it that way. If your parents can't really see sense...I think its my duty to make them see the sense. I fight with my mum like daily~~ the blows comes and go and we are still cool, but that isn't what I would suggest to a 14 year old kid with their dads.

You have a few options

1. leave the room and lock yourself in room and study.
2. Sit down there listening to him rant off as long he is coming after you to hit you or something.
3. Listen to him, try to understand him...if it fails and you are not the type where you maintain the image or feel guilty to yell back, by all means YELL
4. Go to sleep, this option is an answer to everything XD ( for me )

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my mom is the same mate, in those situations i just calmly listen and try not to aggravate the situation since when u get right down to the core of it the little things arent the cause of the blow up but rather the extra cherry on top since chances are something major happened at work. best thing to do is let your dad sort it out of his system and try not to cause any additional trouble for a couple days following a blowout

My dad was extremely similar to this. He'd start yelling, throwing things, it'd get really bad at times. Sometimes he'd start yelling about the stupidest things, for no reason. My mom would at times have to call my brother to get him to pick me up, since he had a tendency to target certain people.

Honestly, there was no way to solve it other than divorce. My mom had spent a good 15 years at that point trying to get through to him. She really did everything she could to keep the peace, and it just never worked. People like that can't be reasoned with.

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My mom is like that...I try to stay as far from her and interact with her as least as possible.
But I don't think that will help your relationship with him...>_> Try talking to him? I'm too scared to talk to my mom...

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♪MONSTARR~ will eat all your cookies and steal your bishies~♪ Φ_Φ

god, I understand how you feeling. :-s my parents were exactly the same. when I was young and small it was so scary to stand such a situations, when they both were starting to shout and fight and then beating each other up and even us kids... it was like a nightmare. still remembering it makes me shiver...

my advice: whatever you are doing NEVER provoke your dad. don't argue with him either when he is like this because it is useless, he won't understand your reasons since his anger has made him blind. just avoid him as much as you can but be careful to not do this very obviously. wait for a minute patiently while pretending that you are listening to him then stand up and leave the room like you normally do. if he feels you are ignoring him on purpose this may makes him even more angry than before.



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I think you should tell him how you feel.
Walking away from the situation might end
that arguement, but it will not change your
father's behaviour, since he'll feel that he has won.
If he won't listen, write it on paper.
If your father is an adult, his conscience
should be alarming when his children are
afraid of him.

Mams, this is what you should do with REASONABLE people, not with someone who behaves as she said. I dont think he cares much how others feel about him, he wants to overpower people by winning debates and discussions, raising his voice, never listening to anyone.

Besides, in most households (well maybe more in asiatic ones?), being feared by own children = more respect/obedience, not much else to ponder about.

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I actually found a solution to this problem, now that I'm older. My parents were really terrible when I was younger -- anything would lead to a shouting match that would last forever.

I realized that their anger comes from somewhere else, and they are simply letting off steam. The problem my mom had was that she was insecure and frustrated about another problem in her life. By arguing with people she trusts, who wouldn't hurt her, she had a safe outlet for her feelings. She realized she was creating a bigger problem, though, but couldn't stop herself.

What I did, was to make up excuses to take her out places -- just the two of us. I would plan it with her ahead of time, so it wasn't like I was taking her out right after she started the arguments. During our outings we would talk about random stuff. It started as shopping, or picnics, seeing shows and movies -- things like that.

She started opening up to me -- telling me what was going on at work and among her friends. She had a lot to be frustrated about. Parents don't usually tell anyone their problems, especially not their children. But after she realized I was a good outlet for her, and that we got closer, she started planning outings for us more often. We would run together and talk about things -- giving each other advice. It was a give and take thing.

After a few months the arguments were like a bad memory. We still had arguments, but if it ever got out of hand, all I had to do was give her an unhappy look and try to divert the conversation or focus on resolving the issue directly.

I hope this is helpful to you. Just remember that your dad isn't evil and isn't trying to hurt the people who love him. He's yelling for attention, even though he doesn't realize how immature he's being.