So, let's share some puns! <3 Keep 'em relatively clean folks. ;P

I'll start off with some common ones, all of which I've laughed heartily at:

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer."How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge".

"I think I just lost an electron..."
"You sure?"
"I'm positive!"

Mercury, silver, and platinum are in a bar. Gold walks in. Silver shouts, "'EY, YOU, get out of here!"

Yea, mine were all nerd ones, but yours don't have to be. 🤣

"ey, you" thats a good one. The only pun I've memorized is two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

An instant or an eternity. Both are the same, in the passing of an instant lies the beauty of eternity.
-Ginen Shounen

Because I am a small man, my heart is moved by what's in front of my eyes, not by what the whole world needs.
-D.Gray-man

three guys were walking down the street. one walked into a bar, the other two ducked. ( the pun is he ran into a pole kind of bar where the other context bar is a place where they serve alcohol ). that was so funny. 😐 especially because i took the time to carefully explain the " funny " part.

Let's do the Italian man one.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

[img]https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/753/22668593615_519ce54b81_o.png[/img]

There was a silly white horse joke my dad told me and my brothers once. We didn't get at first, but when we figured it out we were laughing so hard for a long time.

I don't know if said pun is an actual pun or just a joke -- but my dad tells me a lot of dorky puns that are to not laugh at. Unfortunately, I never remember any of 'em.

Everytime my girlfriend starts singing I'm going outside, to prove to my neighbours it's not domestic violence.

I'm quite fond of puns and quotes that are intended as puns...

Quote from Avian3

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

🤣 🤣 🤣 the awesomeness of puns!
anyway..
im writing very slowly because i know, you read slowly.
p.s. im going to put in money with this letter but i already sealed it off.
the sign said "Yale" so i screamed with all my might.
the shampoo said "for dry hair" so i didnt wet my hair, the shampoo is broken.
🤣

oh please do click this!
The sweeter the apple, the higher the branch. The quieter the fart, the nastier the smell.
GUESS WHO??

Love them! I have a friend in college who dies a little everytime I come up with a new one, and now that we're in the zoo I'm coming up with animal-themed ones by the minute! 😀

Like today, said fellow was saying how he's been instructed to stick with drawing the seals for the day, something he deeply regrets, to which I replied; "Looks like you fate has been sealed today!"

Quote from Highway-STAR

"Looks like you fate has been sealed today!"

Gold.

I love puns. The endless stream is wonderful. Like in Dragon Quest.

Well...
The chicken kicked the ball into the goal, but it was fowl.

So this girl came up to me and said she recognised me from vegetarian club.

I was confused. I've never met herbivore.

[img]http://i.imgur.com/OkzQ4.png[/img]

Did you hear what happened when the red ship collided with the blue ship? All of the sailors were marooned.

"Well done. Here come the test results: "You are a horrible person." That’s what it says. We weren’t even testing for that." -GLaDOS, Portal 2

i wasn't poor i was po'
i couldn't afford the "o" "r"

why because i am the president of the student council of course

[img]http://i707.photobucket.com/albums/ww73/chewy_bubble2004/2d360793.gif[/img]

Submarine commanders like to submerge themselves in their work

"It is those who know little, and not those who know much, who so positively assert that this or that problem will never be solved by science."