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Am I fetishizing gay/lesbian couples?

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Post #798589
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3:40 am, Aug 4 2022
Posts: 2

TW. Homophobic

So I'm a had read man(hwa/hua/ga) for 6 years now. I read a lot of genre especially romance, slice of life, supernatural. But lately I started to read BL & GL because my friends read it too.

I was reading 'Hotel Phryne' by Studio Sibo and 'Ring My Bell' by Yeongol. I get noticed by my old sister. And she surprised me by saying "Eww, you read GL?". I told her that this manhwa have interesting plot. But she just leave me... And that when my nightmare start.

She assumed that if I read GL and that mean I read BL too.. and she right but she doesn't know what manhwa I read.

She will sit next to me and randomly said something like "Two man/girl doing it just disgusting" and keep saying "you read BL/GL right?" But I just ignore her. But lately it becomes worse when she brings up my past 'which is bad', she tell me that if I read BL/GL my life will become just like my past again.

I read a lot of things. She didn't have problems when she saw me read a scene when a long hair women and masculine man having sweet moments. But when I read BL/GL or when a straight characters having sweet moments with their same sex friends, she always have something to said. She just keep saying that I fetishizing gay/lesbian couples and that offensive. I just tried to read ONE BL/GL peacefully! And more if I do find more BL/GL that have interesting plot.

Do you think I really fetishizing gay/lesbian couple? Or worse? I just need to vent this but if you really have something to said please tell me what should I do now.


4:13 am, Aug 4 2022
Posts: 1

If you want to know my opinion (which should probably be taken with a grain of salt), I don’t think she gets to make the call of whether or not you’re “fetishizing” gay/lesbian couples while also being offended by same-sex couples in GL/BL stories having sweet moments when she’s not offended by opposite-sex couples having the same kind of moments. If you’re really just reading them for the plot, you’re fine; it doesn’t seem like you’re fetishizing them at all. I’m not sure what advice I can give that will really help, but try not to let her get to you, okay?

Oh, and in regards to her bringing up your past, I don’t know what your past was like, but it seems to me like she’s just using it to scare you into not doing something she doesn’t like.

Last edited by IchoSuzu at 4:38 am, Aug 4 2022

Post #798592
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Freedom is life

10:49 am, Aug 4 2022
Posts: 171

I honestly don't understand how anything you said is related to your question about fetishizing couples. But yeah, don't listen to your sister she is very openly homophobic not much you can do about it.

Post #798593
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10:53 am, Aug 4 2022
Posts: 254

Your sister is being toxic and you need to stop entertaining her opinions on this. As long as you don't apply the generalizations/tropes you see in fiction to reality it doesn't matter what you read.

She will sit next to me and randomly said something like "Two man/girl doing it just disgusting"

She just keep saying that I fetishizing gay/lesbian couples and that offensive.

It's really messed up that she first made a homophobic comment and now suddenly she's playing the oh-so-virtuous defender of LGBTQ couples. She obviously realized that the first comment had no effect on you and is trying a different angle.

Either way, she clearly has some homophobic bullshit of her own to unpack and it's not your responsibility to help her do that, nor should you entertain any of her comments any further. She sounds like one of those preachy twitter people who try to control the content others consume, but irl. This isn't a healthy conversation.

Last edited by Alimeru at 10:56 am, Aug 4 2022

Post #798597
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3:49 pm, Aug 4 2022
Posts: 596

Your sister is a homophobe.

I think it could be argued that yaoi as a genre fetishizes gay couples since the main audience is straight women. I don't know whether it offends gay men or not that women are being titillated to often absurd depictions of gay relationships. Either way that clearly isn't your sister's concern, she's just a homophobe.

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Josei Addict

12:13 am, Aug 5 2022
Posts: 87

A fetish is more often than not how you engage with something. Consuming media that revolves around a certain thing isn't inherently a fetish. A lot of BL/GL manga can be very stereotypical and fetish-y, but there are also a lot of poignant, moving stories where the MCs just happen to both be men or women or somewhere in between. There are a lot of basic stories, too. It's a mixed bag and it's not weird to read BL/GL -- we're all humans going through the human experience, with some tweaks here and there (and as someone who used to read a lot of BL/GL, homophobia is usually played for laughs, if ever mentioned, but normally being gay is treated as the norm and the main couple isn't hassled, unless it's an angsty plot point). So there's no way we can answer the question for you without deep diving into how you engage with the BL/GL manga you're reading and if you're applying it to people IRL.

That said, your sister is just being homophobic. I'd stop putting so much stock in her opinion.

Last edited by flowinmyboat at 12:15 am, Aug 5 2022

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Post #798601 - Reply to (#798589) by yosunin

3:25 am, Aug 5 2022
Posts: 6

It depends on how you consume a media:
-if you read BL and GL stories only for the sex and the fanservice, that's fetishizing;
-if you read BL and GL stories for the interesting plot, well-written romance and fleshed out characters, that isn't fetishizing because you're just enjoying a good/excellent story whose main romance just happens between two men or two women.

As for your sister, I have the impression she's an homophobe with an obsession for traditional gender roles (given that you said she likes only romantic moments between a traditional masculine man and a traditional feminine woman) who wants to force you throught gaslighting to not do things that she doesn't like.

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Mr. Brightside

4:45 am, Aug 5 2022
Posts: 132

Your sister is homophobic.

As to if you're fetishizing gay/lesbian couples... does it matter? I don't think what manwha you read in privacy on your own affects anyone else. Enjoy what you like and don't let anyone try to stop you.

"We can not resort to simplistic or extreme solutions which substitute myths for common sense."
― Jimmy Carter

7:55 pm, Aug 8 2022
Posts: 137

doing what your sister says
or doing what strangers on the internet say
oh decisions, decisions

you're certainly fetishing beautiful people
because people in the real world look like !@#
usually this is done as experimentation and to be 100% safe with no risk involved
because a lot of bad things can happen after your love declaration; many of which involve you actually starting a relationship with your crush, and then the safe consumable manga storylines rapidly evaporate

your sis is being mean. siblings as a general rule DO want you to succeed and be happy, but can have a difficult time showing open support; especially if they are on the younger side.
maybe ask her in a serious conversation that goes beyond 2 word snarking
what strategies she uses to find a quality partner?
how do you advertise yourself to someone after you find them? etc etc

like most things in life you don't get better at them without actually trying them
there's lots of exercises you can do while reading (in between having huge eyes and ragged breathing)
maybe consider spending a few seconds in thought on what to do next when a situation is presented before flipping the page,
it's good to get practice in because if you do find a high quality person you'll want your meeting to lead to more meetings

how bad can your love life be?? I'm going to a speed dating event for cat lovers, and I hate cats.


11:46 am, Aug 16 2022
Posts: 21

I'd also like to know what is behind the complaint about fetishization which I've also encountered. I once gave a yuri manga to a friend when I finished it, but he showed it to her sister who reacted by calling it a gross fetish aimed at men. It's more likely they're freaked out by depictions of lesbians, but aren't comfortable saying that anymore, and so they say it has to be a fetish that is somehow demeaning to real lesbians or something. I don't think you should have to take these kinds of complaints seriously, (which are just empty critiques by uncreative homophobes who couldn't manufacture better arguments.)

Usually as you get older you care less and less about what other people have to think about your preferences. "De gustibus non est disputandum."

There are more serious LGBT work out there, but it's not as though straight people necessarily want to read serious/realistic romances (or josei) either. She might be complaining that it's not an authentic depiction if it's not aimed at a gay audience, but I think that criticism would be in bad faith and you should retaliate by criticizing her fantasies for a change.

Last edited by sensualaoi at 11:59 am, Aug 16 2022

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