The "Holding Back" Talk
11 years ago
Posts: 27
Hai guys!
In many romance/smut that I read there's always those"I can't control myself"/"I'm trying so hard holding back"/"You should be grateful that he is holding back, how long are you going to make him wait?" things that the guys say. It is obviously cliche, but does this seriously occur in real life?
I saw someone write that "It is cute of him that he is holding back for her", how is that cute? Am I the only one that facepalms when stuff like this happens? Any thoughts? D:
:3
11 years ago
Posts: 498
Hmmm.. First order of business: this topic seems more fit to chatter box, since it is IRL talk instead of actually being about manga and/or anime. I'm sure a mod will move it eventually.
Second:
Quote from maddeok
Am I the only one that facepalms when stuff like this happens? Any thoughts?
No, you are never the "only one." This is the internet, son. Enough people here to have a bunch agreeing to pretty much anything, including the obscene, the atrocious and the depraved.
And then to the actual question itself: Yes, it most definitely occurs in real life. Can't give you anything even resembling percentages, but people aren't cut from the same cloth. Some can go fast, some can't. This applies to relationships and car racing in equal measure.
Someone wants to kiss and fondle, the other isn't ready for it for whatever reason. The need to hold back is there. Whether or not this need is respected is another matter, as are the consequences of failing to do so.
11 years ago
Posts: 27
Aaah, I'm sorry! I don't have much experience on this forum at all :< Guess I was too fast with creating the thread!
By the way: I know that I'll never be the only one, It's more like a way of saying (at least for me) when I'm frustrated D: And I know every couple is unique, some are fast, some slow. What I was referring to was the fact that people express themselves with words like that and so on :>
:3
11 years ago
Posts: 498
Ah, ok.
But really, why not? Sure, "It is cute of him that he is holding back for her" is a more rare way of expressing it. Usually you'd say something along the lines of "nice" or "considerate" or whatever, instead of cute, but I'd say the wording isn't all that important.
At the end, what is being communicated is that party A approves that party B is capable of something and is giving voice/form to said approval. The word "cute" can, in some context, have some capability of being an offensive word, particularly when combined with the right tone, but in this kind of context, it might as well be a filler word that could be replaced by a bunch of other niceties.
Perhaps the person who used the expression "cute" happens to like the word and tries to insert it whenever the circumstances allow? Sure as sugar, I'd like to use the word "mellifluous" more, but the opportunities continue to slip past me.
11 years ago
Posts: 27
I wasn't referring to the people who describes is as "cute", but to the characters in the mangas that express themselves with "holding back" and so on. Sorry for being a bit unclear D:
:3
11 years ago
Posts: 498
What, another miss? o_O. Yeah, you certainly are being rather vague with what you are after..
Now, I'm not sure I understand even with the 2nd clarification. Looking at it, your original post kind has two questions, but you actually answer one of them yourself?...
Quote from maddeok
but does this seriously occur in real life?
Quote from maddeok
I saw someone write that "It is cute of him that he is holding back for her", how is that cute?
This implies that you've actually encountered the use of the phrase in written form outside of manga, yet you ask "are people actually using these kind of expressions?"
As for the use of that kind of expressions in general... Yeah, some folks do use that kind of language IRL. An acquaintance of mine used to be a proverbial horny playboy, the stereotypical playah. Sometime past 20, he kinda calmed down a bit. He was still a horny bastard, but once he got interested in a girl who wasn't quite as wild as he was, he made the effort of not trying to immediately swim up her panties and, instead, connect on some other levels with her first. He expressly used the local equivalent of "holding back" when talking about it, since he was still aching to get some action as fast as possible, while still doing it "right", as he called it.
Edit: Yo yeah, I should add that he resumed his previous ways of tail-chasing as soon as he decided it wasn't going to work. That particular dog still has his spots.
11 years ago
Posts: 662
Yeah, this is kind of the golden phrase in non-smut shoujo manga - meant to show both that the guy is hot for the girl but also respects her enough to not pressure her into anything.
Were a guy to say this to me in real life, I would take it as a way of him saying 'why are you making me hold back?' and I would feel uncomfortable and ignore it and we would last a couple more dates before an awkward break-up (...). And even if I did interpret his words in the manga sense, I would think something like 'well go home and watch some porn then...'.
So I think it's a little silly to say IRL, but I also understand why it's used so much in shoujo manga, where the guys and relationships tend to be unrealistic and idealized.
11 years ago
Posts: 176
Quote from Baalzebup
No, you are never the "only one."
its called a rhetorical question, might want to look it up.
Quote from hkanz
And even if I did interpret his words in the manga sense, I would think something like 'well go home and watch some porn then...'.
so youre saying watching porn is as physically and emotionally satisfying as having sex with you, you must be a real catch.
im pretty sure not many ppl irl actually use the words "holding back" (except maybe manga obsessed girls). to me it always sounds like the guy is one second away from raping the girl. but then again there are much more facepalm worthy cliches in manga.
like said earlier the situation itself probably happens quite often, unless both parties are sluts one usually wants to wait longer than the other one.
11 years ago
Posts: 662
Quote from Pocono
so youre saying watching porn is as physically and emotionally satisfying as having sex with you, you must be a real catch.
Yup - I thrive on mediocrity. 🙂
11 years ago
Posts: 4764
I think they generally talk too much during sex.
Just shut up.
Can't say I've read many titles with that line before sex though.
But then again, I don't read shoujo smut.
It's pretty stupid. And what's so nice about it?
If the girl's not ready, what, you gonna rape her?
Oh, you're "trying" not to? Big hero. Go fap in the bathroom.
Read some Yoshihara Yuki. The characters are older and nobody's holding back. : D
In real life though... Yeah, that happens.
But that's not out of respect.
It's just trying to make the girl feel bad about not putting out.
Guys pressure girls into having sex like that all the time.
And before guys take offence, I'm not saying ALL men do that.
But horny teenagers are horny, man.
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11 years ago
Posts: 498
Quote from NightSwan
But that's not out of respect.
It's just trying to make the girl feel bad about not putting out.
Guys pressure girls into having sex like that all the time.
And before guys take offence, I'm not saying ALL men do that.
But horny teenagers are horny, man..
Sad to say, this is very true. But like you said, they are horny. The imperative to get to the goods makes teens do all sorts of stupid and dishonest stuff.
More than likely, this is the context where it will be used the most.
Member11 years ago
Posts: 7789
Well you are reading smut.
11 years ago
Posts: 208
OP, you're not the only one who thinks it sounds stupid! I don't read shoujo, but I see the ridiculous 'holding back' line in BL too. I believe that saying it in real life is disrespectful to males more than females because it implies that men are just depraved animals who are as another poster put it, "just a second away from raping" their love interests. I know it's just manga, but I do wish mangaka were more aware of the implications of using language like that in their work (even in smut with plot)...
11 years ago
Posts: 27
to me it always sounds like the guy is one second away from raping the girl.
Quote from Nirhtuc
OP, you're not the only one who thinks it sounds stupid! I don't read shoujo, but I see the ridiculous 'holding back' line in BL too. I believe that saying it in real life is disrespectful to males more than females because it implies that men are just depraved animals who are as another poster put ...
That's exactly what I think about it!
Sad to say, this is very true. But like you said, they are horny. The imperative to get to the goods makes teens do all sorts of stupid and dishonest stuff.
The thing is that I've never encountered this with any guy, It wasn't many years ago that I was a "teenager". Being horny is not a valid excuse, just like blaming that you're drunk or stuff like that D:
But yeah, once again: I do read shoujo/smut.. I just can't find any good josei mangas.. I think I'm too picky :<
Quote from NightSwan
Read some Yoshihara Yuki. The characters are older and nobody's holding back. : D
Thank you for the tip by the way! :3
:3
11 years ago
Posts: 498
Quote from maddeok
The thing is that I've never encountered this with any guy, It wasn't many years ago that I was a "teenager". Being horny is not a valid excuse, just like blaming that you're drunk or stuff like that D:
Yeah, I don't think anyone here would actually claim that is would be a valid excuse. Doesn't stop from it being used as such though. It's quite the same with all other self-control related excuses, they usually excuse pretty much nothing.
Please note that I'm not claiming that is is used often or widely, only that I have personally noted it being used and, barring the one story above, it has pretty much been limited to attempts of guilting a girl into having sex.
I agree that the line is very much overused in smut and hentai, but the scenarios are usually equally silly anyway.
