Ok ,I don't want to get all preachy and stuff, I'm not all that religious, but this thought came to me as I was talking to a co-worker of mine,
We both have lost someone recently, and we were just discussing what people generally say in condolences, "They are in a better place" or "They are with God" and I said that people take comfort in those words sometimes, but then, where does it leave all the rest that are not religious?

I'm not saying I completely reject the notion of a God, but I don't go around saying things like "It's god's will" or "God this and God that"...so even though I think that my little niece is in a better place, I don't quite know where that place is.

I'm no stranger to death, but it was just that that question came to mind.
My co-worker and I are dealing with our lost our way...but the question in my mind formed when she said that the father was not crying and was very calm because "She's in a better place" and I realized that for some people that idea that their loved one is in 'a better place' helps them with their grief.

So...discuss?

Last edited by catandmouse at 1:04 am, Oct 22 2011

I am religious, though I make a point of not preaching since I think religion is something you need to find on your own. No matter how much I try, I couldn't describe colours to a blind person, religion is the same to me.

When my Nanna died, I was devestated. It was sudden and I was lost without her. I had my family, and we're very close to each other, and my best friend drove 2 hours to be with me, but it was all a distraction. That pain and the emptiness doesn't go away, not completely, it just gets bearable. You learn to live with it. People would always say "I'm sorry" or "She's in a better place", but even though I'm religious, the words didn't comfort me.

Grief is a very selfish emotion, but it is also a necessary one. I believe my Nanna is in Heaven, but that belief doesn't make me miss her any less. It doesn't stop me thinking about her everyday or wishing I could speak to her. I think, regardless of your beliefs, that sense of loss is always the same.

I also think it's one of the good things about life. Everything must die, and it is only by suffering through the death of a loved one that we come to truly appreciate those around us, that we come to truly empathise with others who are suffering and we come to truly cherish life.

EDIT: As Sarah said, I do find meaning and comfort in religion. I live in Tohoku, Japan, and have been out to Ishinomaki (one of the cities worst hit by the tsunami) to volunteer. It was very upsetting to see all this devestation and meet the people living in community centres having lost so much. It made me question a lot of things, but seeing their strength, their hopefulness and kindness reminded me of the good in people. It would be easy for them to sit around and resent their loss, but they were picking up the pieces and moving on. Every day people go to the coast to volunteer. On weekends there are traffic jams stretching miles to get into the major volunteer centres. I've met people who drive the 8 hour journey from Tokyo every weekend to help out. I don't know why God allows such diasters to occur, but it is encouraging to see how people come together in the wake of one. Some things aren't fair, they don't make sense, but religion allows me to trust that there is a reason why bad things happen to good people, and I don't need to understand what it is. That there is a reason at all gives me comfort.

Last edited by CuthienSilmeriel at 10:59 pm, Oct 21 2011

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The pen is mightier than the sword...and considerably easier to write with.

i am religious too
but i've never been in a situation where i had to deal with the death of someone close to me
mostly because my family members are scattered all over the world so i barely know most of them
but anyway
im very sensitive when it comes to death
sometimes when i hear stories about people my age who lost their lives, i start crying even if i never met them before
when it comes to death im not sure if saying "they're in a better place" will help, not in the first few days atleast
but i think it wil somewhat help me with moving on
i will still feel sad but i will come to accept sooner or later

putting death aside
i find comfort in religion in everything else
whenever i have a problem, i feel much better after praying
somehow, the thought of someone watching over you,listening to you and protecting you is very comforting.

I bet this thread will eventually escalate into an argument and get locked lol.
Personally I just don't like to think about it because it causes controversy. We'll all find out when we die and if you're extremely eager to know you can jump off a skyscraper or something lmao >>.

I'm not religious, at all. I don't reject the idea of a creator God, but I don't believe in an afterlife.

This leaves me with a problem of course. I don't want to believe that the people I love truly are gone, and I've lost many, but I've had to accept that. This led me to the inner quest to find meaning in life. If it doesn't last forever why did it happen at all?

I found my answer and comfort in interactions and emotions. A life has its impact upon the world in the relationships that the person had with others, the actions that brought on them, and the emotions and memories they built with them. All of everything will eventually come to an end, my life, yours, the universe itself, but our existence is no less meaningful because it ends.

So, they're gone. As I will be, and as everyone I know will be. But we are the validation of that person's existence, everything meaningful that they accomplished in their life. Even one action that they acted on me can have caused me to treat someone else differently, and they will do so in turn. Everything that everyone has done has built upon itself into our present and will do so into the future, until the end of time. That is our immortality.

That is how I've come to deal with loss.

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I'm not too religious but somebody show me with the bible that when we die is like when we are asleep, everything (feelings, toughts, dreams, etc) just stop, like when you're in a deep sleep, just that nobody can wake you up, but in the future God can give people life back and we can live again in a better place like a paradise or something...
I think that is a nice thougth, that we are remember by someone who can give us real hope... I don't know if this sound to weird but I feel this can comfort me more than just say " is in a better place" or " They are with God", having a real hope make you pain more bearable... but again that's what I think and would like to believe...

I think it's a case of "comfort in faith", rather than religion.
That you believe in an afterlife, in a reason, in a cause comforts you.
Religion is nothing but a set of rules that often goes against many things, while supporting few.

While I agree faith can bring comfort to certain people, there's still religion and many interpretations of a set of rules that condemn a lot of good people by cherry picking bits and rules from a book and saying those people are sinful and bad.

For example, I don't believe in any god and I don't follow any religion.
Does it make me a bad person that should burn in hell?
According to today's dominating religions and a lot of people, yes it does.
Does it make me a bad person that I like sleeping with people of the same sex?
According to today's dominating religions and a lot of people, yes it does.

But why? Because it's said so somewhere?

A person can be religious, faithful and one who hasn't committed any serious sins, but his faith could be in a different god than someone else believes.
Does it mean that person should go to hell?
According to religion, there's only one god.
But people fight to distinguish which religion this one god really prefers.


What if a small child dies? Should that child go to hell?
According to religion - yes.
People who spawn new rules and interpretations might say that it's not true, that their god is a merciful one. But that's their way of bending the written word.
If a person would take every single rule in, let's say, the bible literally, this person will be sent to jail and put to death (although while according to the bible killing is wrong, there's the whole eye for an eye thing).
People don't even live by the rules of the bible anymore. They live by the rules somebody said should be followed. They don't believe in a god or in a religion, they believe in what they were taught which was then labelled.

I could go on and on.
My point is, that I don't think religion can give comfort.
Faith can. If you want to believe, go ahead. I will think less of you as a person and respect you less, for choosing to cling to an unknown popular entity, but it's your right to do as you please.
But religion to me is an evil.

Last edited by NightSwan at 12:27 am, Oct 22 2011

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And if the world were black and white,
you would be my rainbow in shades of grey.

Click 'n Play!

If I had a fantasy self, it'd be a tentacle monster.

I agree with NightSwan and TheShawn. I believe God exists (don't know what kind) but i despise religion. All those rules and restrictions and judgement... it's just not for me.
I've lost some people and i find that the best way to deal with the situation is to remember them fondly for the things you enjoyed and how they changed you. It's not an easy thing to do, but it makes the pain go away faster. I still think about them but in a nostalgic kind of way. Life goes on, whether you like it or not. And chances are: you'll lose even more people you care about.
What i do find scary and terrifying is that as life does go on those people will be forgotten, not by me, but by future generations and it will be like they never even existed. So what is important for me is the perservation of memories.

That is the sad truth, though, no matter how hard we try, time heals wounds, so the people are not forgotten, but they move to a back burner, and it's a sad thought. It makes me think of Fruits Basket, how Tohru desperately tried to hang on to her mother's memories by refusing to admit her feelings for Kyo.

i was really anti religion, but my family is religious and when my grandmother died religion seemed to bring them comfort. as i see it religion's only good service to man kind is that it makes death a little more bearable, bur for me personalty it seems like a delusion i might as well think that my grandmother went underground to join the teenage mutant ninja turtles. so i just accept that i have a certain amount of time in this world, and i try to make the best of it. instead of wasting my brain and effort trying to get more time after i die, and frankly religion seems to me like the ultimate form of greed

I think there are two sorts of people, those that need religion and those that don't, we all like to think there is something more, we all want to think that our family are happy, to me, if there is a heaven, i will be really annoyed. Don't get me wrong, i love life and only those who know me know just what a ridiculously happy, bubbly person I am, but if I die and find out that I am going to have to continue living I am going to be so peeved. For my relatives it is the same, I prefer that finally my grandpa can just go to sleep, not have to worry anymore. I wouldn't want them to go to a heaven like place were everything is good, that would drive you mad, and eventually it would become meaningless and you would hate everything, you can not know love without knowing hate, you can not know joy without having pain. Naturally, I am expecting to die old but i live my life like i am about to die and take joy from the simplest of things. I am assuming that your niece is younger than you and will be quite young, in that case, perhaps being able to sleep isn't what will comfort you.

Cry.. allot, but out of happiness for every wonderful moment you spent with her, she is alive in your memories, the good and the bad, the person herself. She may be in heaven, she may no longer exist, what matters is that you love her so much and that she had a great life. I think you should try getting knowledge from books, The Book Thief (if you haven't already read it) I think would really help you.

Hope this helps



Last edited by RattixEmpire at 2:31 am, Oct 22 2011

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We work in the dark, we do what we can, we give what we have, out doubt is our passion and our passion is our task, the rest is the madness of art. Henry james

EDIT: For wrong use of the term religion. I meant faith. My apologies.

I definitely think religion is a comfort when dealing with death.
I would however further that idea to say that religion gives one comfort in life in general. For example when one is in an unpleasant situation which is out of your control, religion can help you deal with this in the way that you are not rendered helpless. You have belief that your God will help you, plus you can help yourself through the power of prayer. Therefore you will feel as if you're doing something and not feel as useless.

I also think that religion can also be used as a shield at times. Like for example you will believe that all evil in the world will eventually be prosecuted at the hands of God, so you don't lose all hope in humanity. I also know some people that believe that God will shelter them from tragedies (e.g. murder, rape) because of their faith and this can really lessen a person's stress. I think it's no surprise that apparently religious people are happier and live longer, they seem to have much less to stress about.

Just one last point, I believe that religion is greatly advantageous to those with weak mentalities. If you're weak to stress, or frequently unhappy, lost faith in humanity etc., religion will benefit you. Most likely if you are able to accept a religion and have great faith in it, your general happiness with life will increase and stress levels will fall. And if you ask why doesn't just everyone believe in religion then? Because not all of us want to or can believe in it wholeheartedly due to various reasons.

I'm not anti-religion and I am also not religious, but this is just my opinion.

I try not to judge those who take *personal* comfort in faith or religion after the death of someone close. After losing my dad, I would listen to my grandmother's prayer sessions, they would get extremely desperate and her voice would rise through the walls and the rest of would simply stare a little harder at the t.v. or our screens or books/whatever. She needed a care, we couldn't give it to her.

I remember after my dad died though that those words of 'comfort', really didn't sit well with me. It felt more like someone comforting themselves. Though that may've been because these were not people close to me or that I knew of to be not particularly religious themselves to be using these words.
I understand my paternal grandmother and even my maternal grandfather's third ex-wifes' position, but the rest of those people? They didn't know me or my dad's family that well, so it's rather invasive to assume that invoking god is the right way to settle the score with death and those left behind.

It pissed me off when my mom's friends' daughter claimed my dad was in the room with us and had a mesage for my mother. I highly doubt my dad would choose someone that would half-jokingly tell him to stop and she's the effing medium, ect. Sorry but while I wasn't a daddy's girl or even that emotionally close with my father I knew him better than that. We weren't in any spectacular trouble, so why the hell if there is a choice would he come to this girl to say something any one with a brain could cobble together about the whole thing? I let this one go as well, because it hasn' been brought up again and I think she got the memo that that's a no fly zone.

These will irritate me, but I tend to just pokerface my way through that because I don't know what to say to agree or disagree, because I really don't know. I will gladly admit I'm not omnipotent or that my reasoning on any particular faith isn't any more reliable than yours (though suggesting that your Religion is somehow better than others because *you* believe in it and *you* (and somehow therefore god, through you) can't be wrong.). Looking at you grandpa on that last one.

I'm genuinely afraid of death, I can't find any staying power in the belief of an afterlife and that scares me.

Sometimes I might pray, but that feels like fear again and I'll mentally kick and reason myself back to my *personal* sense of comfort where it might be "Okay, there might be someone called called god out there" or " God is individual" and "Okay, I'd rather not die today or tomorrow, so... no skyscrapers... that's the plan. For my part."

Hopefully something in there made sense... much longer than I anticpated and that's leaving out the strange belief system of my mother...

As your post is an resume of most people toughts I will use your post.


Spiritism never disagreed with science, in fact, spiritist books from 1856 claim many things that where later uncovered by science, examples: Evolutionism, the existence of eletrons, protons and neutrons, the fact that Jupiter is mainly liquid. Furthermore, it's common sense between spiritists that if science shows a different point of view, spiritism is wrong until it is proved otherwise. This hasn't happened so far


We think the Bible is a good historical source, but hardly something you can take literally, afterall, it wasn't written by only one person, and was changed a lot with the passing of the years to adapt to the catholic church interests. As examples, we can take the existence of the devil and the trinity, both invented by King Constantine to make catholicism more acceptable to former pagans.

Not at all. First, devil and hell doesn't exist. How can God let a being whose only objective is to cause pain exist? How can God, all piteous, let a spirit suffer eternally? Hell is but a way to sell indulgences and all it's variations.
Not at all, charity and love makes you a good person, not religion or sexual opinion, how can loving someone be wrong, and hating someone for loving be right?

This one was basically answered before. God loves love, not tributes. God loves enlightnement, not eternal ignorance.

Yeah, how can you someone fairly if he didn't have the same lifespan as another person? Example:
Guy A acts bad until he is 20, then something happens in his life that makes he realize a different truth and he starts acting well. He dies at 80 and is obviously sent to heaven. Guy B is the same as Guy A, but someone kills him when he is 18, and he is sent to hell. I don't see anything fair here.
Totally agree. Jesus says you should love everyone, one of the bible author says you should kill your wife and children if they are not obedient... "...but to him who gives you a blow on the right side of your face let the left be turned" ---- "An eye for an eye"--- Really?

Can spiritism bring comfort?... Not really, spiritism to the ones who only seek comfort in a religion is a burden. Knowing that simply praying at night will do you no good, knowing that only seeking God when you are in a bad position will do you no good, knowing that simply giving money to a church will do you no good, knowing that suicide won't free you, is not comforting.
And worse, knowing that true happiness will only come with love and self-sacrifice for the greater good(charity) is not comforting AT ALL.
But, for those who seek truth and the greater good, spiritism is not a comfort, but a guide.

says who?
on what basis did you arrive at this conclusion?