Boy I hope this doesn't get violent, but I was surfing youtube and I saw this video about this guy saying what he hates about China.

Now, he also made one about what he loves about China, but this discussion will focus on what he talked about in his first "What I HATE about China" video.

One of the things he brought up was the fact that Chinese people seems to be deceptive and dishonest about what they really mean.

Knowing better, since I took a course in Asian social culture some time ago, I know that the east Asian culture derives it's complicated relationships from certain practices of which is not straight forward like the west. It doesn't mean Chinese people are dishonest or deceiving, no, in fact I think Chinese people are one of the most honest people on Earth. For example, tipping in restaurant in China is usually not a common practice. If you leave extra money there, even a couple of yuan, the restaurant owner will actually come after you and give you back your money.

Now back to the main point, I think that the whole east Asian culture have a common theme of maintaining relationships while not embarrassing and offending other parties. If you find yourself dealing in a social gathering with a true Chinese, he/she may hint at things and not directly tell you. It's all part of "saving face" practice. Even the west practice it to some degree. For example: Rather than just blurt out "Your breath stinks", we may say "hey, you want gum?" or "hey, what you eat for lunch today?"

It saves the other person from embarrassed and direct confrontation yet delivers the message. Of course if you aren't use to this kind of practice, you may be quite offended and shocked. I hate to see the spread of ignorance lol

And anyone who knows about this part of east asian culture or who is a east asian should happen to agree or disagree, please reply. It's helpful to get everyone's opinion.

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this is not about cannibalism...please get back on topic

Quote from Toto

I think it is exactly the topic. I see nothing wrong.

Well I can't relate to all the Chinese in general but I am Chinese myself. In fact, my relatives are quite the opposite - they're loud, brash and very blunt (to the point of being offensive to some). To me, they seem to 'operate efficiently' as they don't appreciate time wasting - particularly if something's blatantly obvious - so instead of being discreet/tactile they tend to be more direct in their approach. Yeah, they're not the type to spare anyone's feelings (and that is why I LOATHE family gatherings / sitting at the dining table...) But again, this is just my personal experience.

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Damn it Bae... where are you when we need you.

[color=green]"Officially, this machine doesn't exist, you didn't get it from me,
and I don't know you. Make sure it doesn't leave the building."[/color]

I'm Chinese, and I see where this guy is coming from. But I think the majority of his venting should be directed toward the Chinese government, not the culture. "We're taking you to the hospital in an ambulance, only to take your temperature." No logical Chinese person, or anyone for that matter, would say that. Chinese government's just kind of screwy.

As for the fact that Chinese people are indirect, I think Asians as a culture in general are more indirect and have a lot more, for lack of a better word, tact than western cultures. But at the same time, most of the Chinese people I know are pretty straightforward themselves, more so than their western counterparts sometimes. I know a couple people that leloMew describes perfectly. The indirectness, if there ever was any of it, has never been a problem for me, but I'm Chinese myself so maybe I'm just used to it. Who knows 😕 .

My big biff with the culture is the need to be OVERLY hospitable or OVERLY courteous as a host or a guest. I go back to China, and go to a family friend's house. The mom comes in and offers me a snack. I don't want the snack, so I politely refuse. She reasserts the offer, this time with a more *ahem compelling voice. This continues to the point it almost becomes an argument. Gets kind of annoying.

On the otherhand, say it's an extremely hot day. There's an ice cream cart so I go buy some ice cream. I ask my friend if he wants some. He politely says no. But its obvious that he really wants that ice cream cone. He's staring at it, he's licking his lips, he's sweating profusely, ya get the point. No matter how many times I offer to buy it, he'll always politely refuse. I feel like there's some sort of distance between us because of this overly hospitable/courteous-ness, and I don't like it.

I think the above three paragraphs can be summed up with saying that Asian cultures are a lot more reserved, and it's not a bad thing, but it can be annoying sometimes.

Quote from Toto

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Damn it Bae... where are you when we need you.

I think you posted in the wrong section, lol

interesting family you have leloMew.

naixing, so maybe the Chinese, or rather east Asians, should be less courtesy. I have heard my friend say: "Asians tend to be overtly courtesy that it makes me seem distant." Maybe people feel a bit more distant with them when they are so overtly courtesy. Like, you're always courtesy with strangers and people you don't know well. And with your friends you can over step that boundary and do things because you are familiar.

Gay book discussion thread

Quote from you_no_see_me_

this is not about cannibalism...please get back on topic

Quote from Toto

I think it is exactly the topic. I see nothing wrong.

Nope.

It's the right one.

Besides, this thread's ridiculous.

[color=green]"Officially, this machine doesn't exist, you didn't get it from me,
and I don't know you. Make sure it doesn't leave the building."[/color]

Quote from Toto

Nope.

It's the right one.

Besides, this thread's ridiculous.

Why so? I mean I learned quite some things about east Asians just from those two posts. It's always good to talk to actual asians before making assumptions.

Is this more ridiculous than Pick a date- feel like gambling or Japanese Cultural Trends
I think this topic has its worth, unless all you are interested in is "what's your favorite soda?" or "Erasers!"

Gay book discussion thread

Quote from you_no_see_me_

this is not about cannibalism...please get back on topic

Quote from Toto

I think it is exactly the topic. I see nothing wrong.

Those act are the unwritten rule of life... I dunno what is the term in english... Closely tied with the cultural strenght and cultural evolution of social group or community. So basically since every culture are different, some may look weird in the eye of another...
Sometimes even if u done nothing wrong according to the written law, people could still judge u wrong by it... or one could even get a higher standing in the social life only by it..
It's neither bad nor a good thing.

Does this have to do with morals? I'm not exactly understanding what you're asking/talking about...

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Does this have to do with morals? I'm not exactly understanding what you're asking/talking about...

lol, no one said anything about morals. 🤣

Quote from mu2020

Those act are the unwritten rule of life... I dunno what is the term in english... Closely tied with the cultural strenght and cultural evolution of social group or community. So basically since every culture are different, some may look weird in the eye of another...
Sometimes even if u done nothing wrong according to the written law, people could still judge u wrong by it... or one could even get a higher standing in the social life only by it..
It's neither bad nor a good thing.

interesting.....unfortunately most people don't see it like that. People are often confused, shocked, and frustrated by this practice as they mis-understand the intent.

Gay book discussion thread

Quote from you_no_see_me_

this is not about cannibalism...please get back on topic

Quote from Toto

I think it is exactly the topic. I see nothing wrong.

Quote from naixing

As for the fact that Chinese people are indirect, I think Asians as a culture in general are more indirect and have a lot more, for lack of a better word, tact than western cultures. But at the same time, most of the Chinese people I know are pretty straightforward themselves, more so than their western counterparts sometimes. I know a couple people that leloMew describes perfectly. The indirectness, if there ever was any of it, has never been a problem for me, but I'm Chinese myself so maybe I'm just used to it. Who knows 😕 .

My big biff with the culture is the need to be OVERLY hospitable or OVERLY courteous as a host or a guest. I go back to China, and go to a family friend's house. The mom comes in and offers me a snack. I don't want the snack, so I politely refuse. She reasserts the offer, this time with a more *ahem compelling voice. This continues to the point it almost becomes an argument. Gets kind of annoying.

On the otherhand, say it's an extremely hot day. There's an ice cream cart so I go buy some ice cream. I ask my friend if he wants some. He politely says no. But its obvious that he really wants that ice cream cone. He's staring at it, he's licking his lips, he's sweating profusely, ya get the point. No matter how many times I offer to buy it, he'll always politely refuse. I feel like there's some sort of distance between us because of this overly hospitable/courteous-ness, and I don't like it.

I think the above three paragraphs can be summed up with saying that Asian cultures are a lot more reserved, and it's not a bad thing, but it can be annoying sometimes.

Exactly what happen around me....I'm also reserved especially around family but around close friend/person, I will relaxed a bit and will be more honest 😃

Ahahaha!

Chinese people have a way with words. Japanese people are the ones who are always reserved - my sensei used to tell us that the Japanese would never say 'no' to someone's face and would say 'I'll think about it' = no. One of the very, very interesting things about the Chinese language is how wonderfully suited it is to insult people with style without the listener ever knowing. It's a pretty, pretty language. 🙂

As for 'indirect', I guess Asians have a lot more tact. It sometimes surprises me how tactless Westerners can be. Asians almost always do the gossiping behind people's backs rather than say it to their faces outright. Community is a very important part of the culture.

Dishonest? I guess I hear that a lot about how the Chinese are a slippery bunch, especially in business. There are tons of stereotypes about the Chinese, how they hate to lose, etc etc, but you never know how each person is until you slowly get to know them, and most of the time they are nice, decent people. Well, I'm Chinese myself, so I guess I'm a bit partial.

Well people, please be nice to us. 🙂

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One of the very, very interesting things about the Chinese language is how wonderfully suited it is to insult people with style without the listener ever knowing. It's a pretty, pretty language. 🙂

Agreed - I find that especially the case with those who speak cantonese.

I speak cantonese 😀

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I think that our site admin was direct enough 🙂

Personally, I think it was high time someone asks, and someone answers. Different viewpoints are hard to overcome, just as biases and prejudices are. I guess you can only walk one path and see one way. More to the point, I think the reason why westerners (more or less) are so stumped by the east asian man's attitude to others is simply because we warm up to people at different rates. Westerners, from my viewpoint here in south east asia, are much more sociable, and make friends faster, as they are generally more open to anyone. For many east asians, it takes much more time for a relationship to be built. I'm not saying that every asian is the same, but I would safely say that this still holds true to what I have seen.

Yes, I think all this directness (or rather indirectness) has a lot to do with culture. Yet this only happens when you compare a Chinese and, say, American man. In some ways, it is an east asian thing, but America could just as likely have been twice as conservative as China, and still laying as a dormant giant.

It's all a matter of perspective.