unrealistic sex has always been there
the marketing is always full-page splashed embraces rather than tiny snapshots of the tentativeness a person experiences through stages of an encounter
when it's a long-term couple, I think it's very relatable to take a survey afterwards

most MCs don't know anything at the start of a series, sex included; so mistakes are likely.
there can be unwinnable conflicts where compromise is not considered and they'll throw out a 'if you really loved me' ultimatum and they'll just burn the relationship down to get on to the next arc and a new face copypasta'd at infinitum

they could do whole arcs just on consent; where the initiative for encounters evolves and the closer to reality of variation in partners is closer to 31 flavors than plain vanilla

I totally agree with you and I think that authors of BL and GL should write arcs about consent, discovering one's sexual desires, learning how some sex practices are actually done and the compromises that couples do to make sex work for both because they'd be interesting and realistic.

I noted that the problem about “the partners of the protagonist are basically plain vanilla instead of the many flavors present in real life” exists in heterosexual romances too: I guess that part of the problem is that every society has the bad habit to elevate only one model of body type and personality as ideal, while ignoring all the others, and that publishers think only about the monetary gain so they often prefer to follow a determined scheme instead of trying something new or exploring the different kinds of beauty and charms present in real life.

• It's likely included in the romanticization of toxicity and dubious consent, but I still hate how many (mostly older) bl consider rape as a romantic start into a relationship cause the top couldn't control himself since he "loves" him too much... or relationships between an older guy and a teen or very young adult as something that just happens.
• An often bi top that finds out about a bottom having a crush on him and uses him as a tool for sex while treating him like shit, sometimes even with the context of being friends or (step-)family and that behavior is "justified" revenge for the bottom "taking away" the non-gay friend or family.
• Mentally messed up tops that are considered pitiful, the author clearly aiming for the reader's empathy. Like he is successfull, good-looking and so on with his world crushing down because he isn't "normal" and his status is endangered by being gay, which may be quite realistic, but in no way an acceptable reason for abuse. But of course, if he finally opens up and shows his weakness "despite being a manly guy", the bottom forgives him.
• All the slut-shaming, especially with the bottom "awakening" to his "true self". I assume that's part of the fetishization issue, but the needy desperate bottom and the under control top that then goes overboard since the bottom seduced him, are so not sexy, it's just so much better if the bottom is confident and fully aware of how much the tops wants him. And of course it's even better if there isn't a clear role.
• The opposite of this, a bottom without backbone that just goes with the flow. Most obvious in love triangles where both tops take it for granted they can have him, only question to whom he "belongs". Or the insecure bottom that finally "gifts" the top his first time and of course is the bottom. Though that likely is included in your second point.
• A setting with models/actors/musicians and lots of drama. Car accidents and similair situations to bring new tensions into a story that finally got over all the needless drama. One shots and short manga with a real dumb "funny" situation as the starting point.

I really love how the uke in Honto Yajuu is depicted, confident and he is neither shamed for enjoying sex a lot nor for being not the smartest. Sadly there are so many other cliches in that story that ruin it for me. Like everyone being gay, that itself I don't mind in the slightest, as unrealistic as it may be, but how an author throws tons of shallow gay characters at you instead of just focusing on the main charakters and their relationship/personalities.

Regading action stories with bl, I personally don't see a need for it beside representation. I rather miss a lack of friendship themed motivations in action manga, there pretty much is always a guy and a girl, even if there is no romance. And of course the guy that does everything for his beloved maiden in need...

What would I give for more stories with close friends that go on adventures together, but also have good talks like you have them between really good friends. And that already would be a first step into representation of bl since, from what I do read sometimes in the comments, just the possibility that two characters might be more than friends is already a reason to drop a manga for many people...

Lastly, I apologize for my bad english, I hope everything makes sense. Also, what is your opinion on Urasekai Picnic, Uchi no Musuko wa tabun Gay and Welcome to Room #305!, in case you know them?

I reflected a bit about the problem of finding a tall muscular hunk bottom in BL stories and I think it’s related to how the genre is born: it was created by female authors influenced by the homosexual subtexts present in many 19th/early 20th century novels by English, French and German authors about all-boys schools and the idealization of androgynous beauty present in some trends of the Romanticism and Decadent movements and who wanted to tell stories about heavy subjects that would have seen as inappropriate and scandalous if they would have happened or they were done by female characters by ‘70s Japanese audience.
Indeed, both Keiko Takemiya and Moto Hagio admitted that they used male characters because they were given more freedom than female ones due to the sexist and misogynistic double standards of the time and Moto Hagio said that she used to perceive boys as put in some kind of ambiguous position between masculinity and femininity when she was a young woman.
So part of the problem and the reason why there are the seme and the uke archetypes is because originally the uke was meant to be a character with whom the female readers could relate in some way.
But I think that East Asian authors are also influenced by how male homosexuality was treated in their cultures before the Westernization; as on one hand it was accepted but on the other it had to be practiced according to specific social rules: there were an active and a passive roles like in heterosexual relationships and the first one belonged to the one who was or the oldest between the two and/or the one with higher social rank because it was “the superior role” while the second belonged to the younger one and/or the one with less social status because it was “the inferior role”.
This perception was present in other societies too (like Ancient Greeks) as they were elitist and sexist cultures and so they thought that the discriminations they applied in daily life were natural and present everywhere.
Some of these concepts still persist today like the one that see women in a passive sexual role because of their nature, while anthropological and historical studies and surveys show how women can easily be the ones to dictate the sexual intercourse and thus being the ones with the active role and the medical ones demonstrate that babies conceived this way are still healthy like the ones conceived when the woman is the passive party, unlike what some ancient myths and prejudices say.
There’s also the fact that there’re women who fetishize love and sex between men so they don’t depict the actual experience and desires of queer men but their own imagination of it, like men who fetishize love between women do when they represent queer women.

I didn’t know the Bara genre was being invaded by Furries: I didn’t think there could be some many in the Bara audience.

I agree with you that depicting rape as a romantic start is unacceptable and I hate mentally messed up tops that are considered pitiful as I do with mentally twisted men that should be forgiven as they are pitiful in heterosexual love stories because abuse should never be condoned: one of the things I like in “Sakuragari” by Yuu Watase and “The dumb husky and his white cat shizun” by Meatbun doesn’t eat meat is how it’s pointed out that the top’s actions and reasonings are messed up and they pay for them in the story.
I find the slut-shaming about the bottoms and the bi top that uses the bottom as tool for sex while treating him bad and that depiction of his behavior as “justified” revenge towards the bottom for taking the non-gay friend or family in the context of being friends or (step-)family as extremely homophobic tropes and story devices.
I don’t know about BL stories about the entertainment industry because my favorite genres are fantasy, science fiction and mystery fiction but I agree with you that there should be more adventure mangas whose protagonists are motivated by friendships: one of the reasons why I love “Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind”, “Inuyasha”, “Inu x Boku SS”, the “Avatar” franchise and the “Puella magi Madoka magica” franchise is this fact.
I don’t know the series you cited but I’ll look for them: thanks for this piece of information ☺️

Oh boy, what a great question, here we go, in no particular order (mostly for BL):

1. "I'm not gay, I'm just into you cause you're different" and other cases of casual homophobia
2. oh my god where is the lube
3. the sudden yandere switch out of nowhere
4. the uke choosing the most basic ever "strong seme" when the way more charismatic 2nd love interest is right there
5. uke/seme has one character trait and that's how uke or seme they are (either how small and super clumsy/whiny they are or "I'm the biggest strongest man ever, what are these emotions I am emoting rn"
6. nerd x popular, bully x victim, ceo/mafia boss x just some guy are very overdone, hard to find anything fresh
7. stupid drama that's there to cause the big riftTM in the relationship of the two childhood friends for ages (resolved as soon as they talk)
8. there is one woman in the whole manga and she's trying to "steal" the mc's love interest/is a rival ex character
9. biphobia, so much biphobia ew
10. going against the 'fated mates' trope and somehow creating the 2nd most vanilla boring no chemistry relationship ever
    11)90% of omegaverse BLs having mpreg and the vague idea that the couple's true happiness comes from getting a kid, why just why
11. the insane lack of nonbinary people and just basic trans men/women/ gender non conforming rep in BL/GL, not just in a manga focusing on a character's identity and self discovery
12. honestly, "and they were classmates", what I'd give for more interesting specifics or uni/college, workplace or even weirder settings...

I have a completely separate set of standards for BL than any other type of media, I think because I spent so many years scrounging for yaoi scraps. Not to say other long-time readers should have the same warped standards, just that that's how it happened for me.

Despite the fact that my personal bar is practically on the ground, here are a few tropes that have always and likely will always be an immediate no for me:

• I'm straight but it's okay if it's you – not to be confused with straight-to-gay in which the character in question accepts that liking even this one guy merits a reexamination of their sexual identity
• I'm obviously the top – whether it's because of physical appearance, age, size, or just a refusal to even try to bottom based on idk, male pride or something, it reeks of all kinds of bad personality. Especially when they don't discuss it first. My toxic trait is that this doesn't bother me at all if the primary protagonist is the bottom and if I think the smut is hot, but by then we're crossing from romance to pure smut and many of my tastes have changed.
• don't treat me like a woman – do you think women are the only ones who deserve kindness and affection? Do you think men are the only ones who deserve honesty and respect? Yeah, thought so, losers. Go home.
• rape-to-love – self explanatory. Because I'm a toxic monster, I will put up with this ONLY if it only occurs in the beginning, if it's addressed as a negative issue, and if it's extremely hot. There are so many enjoyable stories out there that would be 10/10 if not for one extremely unnecessary sexual assault in the first chapter. WHY😕 But I'm desperate for content always at all times, so I read them anyway.

I'm sure there are more but these are the highlights.

I've surprised (and disappointed) myself over the years by growing accustomed to and even getting into things like taboo relationships, age gaps, toxic lovers, etc., though my opinion largely hinges on the way the text frames those actions.

I haven't read much GL because I've been put off by all of the bland teen romances I've encountered, but I've been keeping an eye out for something with mature and confident characters, realistic body types (small chests), and an interesting plot beyond cookie cutter romance tropes. Someday soon, I hope.

BL fiend | tag gremlin | metadata yum

I totally agree with you 👌 and I add:
For the 1) I find irritating all the casual form of homophobia present in many BL stories and the fact that overcoming and getting rid of homophobia isn’t one of the main themes of the story too;
As you rightly pointed out in 2) BL stories should depict the regular usage of lube or the application of other sexual practices between men that don’t involve anal sex when there isn’t any lube;
For 3) I hate it too and it’s irritating on how much it happens in many East Asian stories regardless if they are BL or not;
I hate that there are traits and roles that are rigidly divided between the seme and uke, as if there were only one true way to be queer and as if the possibility of two partners loving switching positions didn’t exist;
I hate the kind of pairing you cited in 6) so I avoid stories that have them and I agree with you in 7) that the “childhood friends in love with each other” should be dealt better, and I mean it not only for BL stories but for all kind of live stories in general;
I find the trope you pointed out in 8) irritating too and I add misogynistic: part of the reasons why I love the classics of the genre and the stories written by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu, Priest, Meng Xi Shi, Fei Tian Ye Xiang and Western authors is because they write many female characters with different roles that aren’t this one;
I agree with you with 9) and 12) that it’s irritating and hateful the fact that bisexuality and pansexuality aren’t contemplated in most BL or GL stories and how there aren’t nonbinary and trans characters (part of the reasons why I love “La calaca de azucar” by Lelecat and Cristina Kokoro and “Cemetery boys” by Aiden Thomas is the fact that these series represent them);
I totally agree with you in 11) that having children doesn’t necessarily mean that the couple is happy and I think omegaverse stories should be used to explore the concepts of gender, gender roles and their social meanings like “Marginal” by Moto Hagio does instead of wasting their potential for this;
I think like 13) that exploring the relationships between adult characters and/or characters living in historical or fantasy or science fiction settings more interesting than slice-of-life school stories too.

I love this topic!

One really annoying cliché that comes to mind is the classic misunderstanding. A character walks into a situation (usually a pseudo-sexual one), makes an assumption about their partner, they argue and then split up. Then, we, as the readers, have to sit and wait for them to come back together and clear things up. Sometimes it takes the characters years to realize their mistake.

I agree with you that “I’m straight but it’s okay if it’s you” trope is a bit irritating, especially in the way it’s normally played in BL stories, and it reeks biphobia and panphobia.
I hate the “I’m obviously the top” and the “rape-to-love” tropes to the core.
The trope “Don’t treat me like a woman” reeks sexism and misogyny because kindness, affection, honesty and respect are the basis of all kind of love and every humans need them regardless the gender: heck, one of the causes of domestic abuse by men against women is the fact that these men think that they are giving the women of their lives kindness and affection but since they believe that women don’t deserve honesty and respect because “women are too emotionally frail, nervous, incapable to do anything on their own and inferior to a man in skills and smarts” so they don’t realize how messed up is their love and their ways to express it.
I have found some GL stories set in schools that are interesting like “Shiroi heya no futari” by Ryouko Yamagishi and “Oniisama e…” by Ryouko Ikeda and “Pieta” by Nanae Haruno as they deal with dysfunctional relationships and families and mental issues and the ones like “Aoi hana” by Takako Shimura and “Girl friends” by Milk Morinaga because they deal with genuine queer girls experience.
But I can advice you good GL stories that belong to the fantasy and historical genres and mystery fiction and/or have adult protagonist:
-“Moonlight garden” by Kang Unnie and MissPM
-“Her Shim-Cheong” by Seri and Bi-wan
-“Hatshepsut” and “Medusa” by Ryouko Yamagishi
-“Blind passion” by Hyun Eunmi and Sohn Gaepi
-“Gunjou” by Ching Nakamura
-“Happy sugar life” by Tomiyaki Kagisora
-“I’m more dangerous than you” by An De
-“Kinoko ningen no kekkon” by Kei Murayama
-“Mage & Demon queen” by Color_LES
-“Vengeance”, “Opium” and “On a leash” by Aji
-“Watashi o tabetai, hitodenashi” by Sai Naekawa
-“Sakura no ki no kami-sama” by shiuriri
-“Okisaki-sama to ningyohime no ohanashi” by Shinoa
-“Monstress” by Marjorie Liu and Sana Takeda
-The anime series “Puella magi Madoka magica” and the manga “Mahou shoujo Madoka magica- Majuu hen” and the film “Puella magi Madoka magica- The rebellion story” by Magica Quartet have all a strong GL subtext while the mangas “Mahou shoujo Oriko magica”, “Mahou shoujo Oriko magica- Betsu hen” and “Mahou shoujo Oriko magica- Sadness prayer” by Magica Quartet and Mura Kuroe have a clear GL text

I forgot to advise you about these novels centered on sapphic love that you could like:
-“Female general and eldest princess”, “Clear and muddy loss of love” and “Matrilocal marriage” by Please don’t laugh
-“Seven of infinities” and “The red scholar’s wake” (part of the “Xuya universe” series) and “In the vanishers’ palace” and “Fireheart tiger” by Aliette de Bodard
-“A master of Djinn” by P. Dièlí Clark
-“The locked tomb” series by Tamsyn Muir
-“The singing hills cycle” series by Nghi Vo is centered around nonbinary wandering cleric Chih and their talking bird companions Almost Brilliant who record stories whose protagonists are often women involved or in strong female friendships or in sapphic love stories
-“This is how you lose the time war” by Amal El-Mohtar
-“The saga of the Renunciates” (formed by the books “The shattered chain”, “Thendara house” and “City of sorcery” and part of the “Darkover” series) by Marion Zimmer Bradley
A friend of mine advised me to read the sapphic historical novels written by Sarah Waters and the science fantasy sapphic novel “Light from uncommon stars” by Ryka Aoki too.
PS: If you’re Italian or you know Italian language, read the heroic fantasy series “Il ciclo delle Amazzoni” by Gianluigi Zuddas because it has awesome and diverse female characters and beautiful sapphic romances.

I agree with you totally: I hate these kinds of poorly written misunderstandings 😡
I know that many relationships problems can be caused by misunderstandings in real life, so if an author wanted to write some of miscommunication to add drama to the story, s/he should use the ones that actually happen in real life as basis instead of these stupid ideas 😡
Why are there few authors who know how to write a good and realistic misunderstanding?!? 😭

Speaking of the romanization of sexual assault, I am currently reading Reverse by Yuitsu. It came out in 2020. The plot revolves around a sexually frustrated handsome detective named Ukishima., who gets aroused during dangerous situations. The seme is a sexy ex cop named Makabe who works for some bad guys. He is a suspect in a crime investigated by uke detective. To make a long story short, he rapes Ukishima, but due to his arousal, feels his victim enjoyed the encounter. To makes matters worse, the victim considers his violation the best sex he ever had. That was definitely a WTH moment. The rapist also blackmails the detective into a rough sexual relationship, in order to get info on the case. As with yaois, tender feelings develop down the road. The story is interesting, put I also tire of a rape scene being crucial to the story. To be honest, the chemistry between the men is steamy, but the fact that he cares about a guy that callously raped him, and taunted him that he enjoyed it gave me a slimy feeling. I think the artists could do better.

😳 😳 🙁 🙁 😢 😢 😢

Okay!

I HATE "rape to love" plots more than anything. It's gross and it's way too prevalent.

Things that annoy me in BL:

• Lack of older / bigger / dominant / muscular bottoms and younger / etc tops.
• Sex in chapter 1 (unless it really makes sense for the story which is hardly ever)
• Penetrative sex being depicted as the obvious end-goal or in grossly unrealistic ways
• The normalisation of toxic/abusive relationships, jealousy, and "sleeping with the boss" (or coach or teacher)
• Excessive emphasis in the artwork on genitalia which then have to be censored, resulting in distinctly unsexy light sabres all over the page
• Edit: forgot to include the complete absence of pubic hair

I seem to be in the minority but I don't have an issue with "I'm straight but in love with a guy" - of course it can written in a way that feels homophobic, but that depends on the author. (Could be because I've had a similar personal experience 😁 )