Alright peeps. I just started a summer college class. English 1301 and I have a Narrative essay due monday. I just got done typing it but wanted intput on it first. I typed this up in a bit of a rush. What I'd like everyone to do is point out any mistakes I've made, anything that confuses you, and anything I can do to make it better. Please and Thank You, here it is:

Another Deadly Sin

Another day and its stress; but I reminded myself as I looked directly into the mirror calming my breath and remembering the past. A fault that I could recognize about myself was anger. Whenever I felt someone wronged me my blood would literally boil. Dealing with my emotion was extremely difficult for me and I had trouble overcoming it.

I remember his angry face disciplining me over something I couldn’t even understand at such a young age. As time went on up until I was about eight years old, life was at its simplest. One big event that I can still remember to this day, which probably incited my quick tempered habit, is the very first time my father enraged me when I wasn’t entirely at fault. This “event” as I like to call it had begun with a dispute with my younger brother. We were both playing video games and broke out into an argument over who had the next turn. In a quick rush of fury the next thing I knew I had the controller in my hand and my brother was on the floor screaming with tears. Apologizing didn’t seem to quite him down, and neither did anything else. What I heard next was my father shouting for me to come downstairs. With all his might, or voice rather he threatened to break my arms off for hurting my younger brother. Looking back at this event now I can understand my father’s concern but the way he expressed it angers me deeply today.

All the frustration and arguments I had in the past, that event when I was eight years old being the most memorable, didn’t even compare to my last years of High School. Here I was about seventeen years old, senior year was almost up and I felt like a weight was slowly being pulled off my shoulders. The way this played out was that my parents at the time were going through a lot at each of their places of work. I’d somewhat understand what they were going through but not completely. Money was on the tight side and I’m sure my parents were pushing aside thoughts of how much of a cost I would be in the coming years and soon my brother. Now, my Dad I can say isn’t that bad of a guy actually, I found him rather sensible and caring yet he wasn’t. Not exactly a good description but that was the way I saw him. My mother on the other hand was always kind and was a mother when she had to be.

Anyway, my father had come home late one evening and my mom didn’t have dinner ready on time. As we all sat down at the table my dear old Daddy just lost it. Everything he held in as well as our money situation made him hurt each of us with words. His mouth was a stereo turned up just too high. Soon after the fiasco, I sat my Dad down and calmed him down and saw a major reflection in my mind. I had seen things like people screaming or fighting in anger but that very night a different chord was strummed in my brain. A click of sorts just went off in my head where I told myself, anger is a manifestation of hate that just simply made you weak. I couldn’t be the sort of guy, or person, an individual controlled by an emotion that only destroys. To this very day I remind myself that anger is a weakness, yes there are times when you just want to let loose but never worth it.

To put everything together, I can say that I’ve come to handle my emotion of anger in a somewhat better manner than in the past. I’ve learned to sort difficulties out in a calm manner rather than in a crazy one. I’ve dynamically changed the way I deal with people and in doing so see myself in a better light. In conclusion, these events in my life have taught me to deal with my anger and to overcome it.

Dealing with my emotion was extremely difficult for me and I had trouble overcoming it.

Shouldn't it be "Dealing with my emotions"?
or
"dealing with this emotion" perhaps?
or "dealing with my feelings"

Also

I can say that I’ve come to handle my emotion of anger in a somewhat better manner

handle my anger maybe?

you just want to let loose but never worth it.

but it's never worth it

I’ve dynamically changed the way I deal with people

Drastically?

thoughts of how much of a cost I would be in the coming years

how much of an expenditure I would be...

Apologizing didn’t seem to quite him down, and neither did anything else

...seem to quiet him down...

With all his might, or voice rather he threatened to break my arms off for hurting my younger brother.

Consider revising maybe?

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

P.S. Dead Fantasy. Look it up.

I don't know if a manga forum is the best place to get writing advice, but here are a few thoughts.

1. In paragraph 2, you talk about your father's face, then the incident about your little brother. I suggest trying to reorder these ideas, so that they don't jump from father-brother-father. Lumping the ideas to go from brother to father could add more momentum.

2. The theme of the essay, your anger, gets short shrift at the beginning of paragraph 3: "All the frustration and arguments I had in the past, that event when I was eight years old being the most memorable, didn’t even compare to my last years of High School".

In the next sentence, you go into how the burden began lifting. This is one area to definitely flesh out. Writing about oneself is hard, so it's understandable, but your essay looses focus at this point.

3. You use some good concrete description, like the controller and the blood. However, the mirror was mentioned once, alluded to in the second to last paragraph, but is cast aside in favor of a musical metaphor (strum). Continuing with the mirror to the end could tighten the essay.

A suggestion on grammar:

Paragraph 1, Sentence 1
"Another day and its stress; but I reminded myself as I looked directly into the mirror calming my breath and remembering the past."->

"Another day and its stress, but I reminded myself as I looked directly into the mirror calming my breath and remembering the past."

Change the semicolon to comma. A comma + a conjunction (but, and, or, for, etc) can join two clauses. A semi-colon is stronger and doesn't need a conjunction to bind the clauses into a sentence.

Paragraph 1, Sentence 4
"Dealing with my emotion was extremely difficult for me and I had trouble overcoming it."->

"Dealing with my emotion was extremely difficult for me, and I had trouble overcoming it."

Add a comma. Again, use a comma + conjunction (this time "and") to join two clauses.

Ref. Barry Tarshi's "Grammar for Smart People"

Another day and its stress; but I reminded myself as I looked directly into the mirror calming my breath and remembering the past don't ever use a semicolon unless you actually know how to use one. As such, you don't need one here. A simple comma will suffice. Another comma should go after mirror. It won't look pretty and some teachers will mark you off for it, but sometimes you gotta tell them to suck it. (Not literally tho)

Sarcasm just doesn't work over the internet.

Really guys and gals thanks for the help.