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Manga Info
Bokura no Koi wa Shi ni Itaru Yamai no You de  
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As children, twins Umi and Sora became acquainted with a four-year old Beniko. Years later, Umi has moved away, and Sora confesses to Beniko that he'll propose to her when she turns 18. But when Sora dies in a traffic accident, why does Umi appear before Beniko looking and acting just like Sora?


Related Series
Aishite Kudasai, Sensei (Alternate Story)

Associated Names
Bokura no Koi wa Shi ni Itaru Yamai no Youde
Our Love is as Painful as Reaching Death
Zerrissene Seelen (German)
حُبنا مؤلم كبلوغ الموت

Groups Scanlating

Latest Release(s)
v.3 c.Part 4 (end) by Antisense Scanslations over 5 years ago
v.3 c.Part 3 by Antisense Scanslations over 5 years ago
v.3 c.Part 2 by Antisense Scanslations over 5 years ago
Search for all releases of this series

in Country of Origin
3 Volumes (Complete)

Completely Scanlated?

Anime Start/End Chapter

User Reviews


User Rating
Average: 6.8 / 10.0 (209 votes)
Bayesian Average: 6.77 / 10.0

Last Updated
September 14th 2020, 10:00am PST



Category Recommendations





Original Publisher

Serialized In (magazine)
Cheese! (Shogakukan)

Licensed (in English)

English Publisher

Activity Stats (vs. other series)
Weekly Pos #517 increased(+65)
Monthly Pos #762 increased(+174)
3 Month Pos #994 increased(+6)
6 Month Pos #1092 decreased(-31)
Year Pos #1097 increased(+1)

List Stats
On 751 reading lists
On 514 wish lists
On 489 completed lists
On 51 unfinished lists
On 296 custom lists

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User Comments  [ Order by usefulness ]
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Well drawn but problematic  
by moonmystery
July 25th, 2020, 8:03am
Rating: 3.0 / 10.0
This manga was actually pretty good, if you laugh off the premise. IF you take the characters too seriously, you'll want to slap every single one of them for their stupidity and lack of clear communication. The ecchi scenes were well drawn though.

Problematic parts: assault, rape?, more assault, more rape, etc. I get that the author was probably going for some dark kinky sh*t, but wow author really glossed over the potential consequences of rape... If i were the girl I'd transfer schools, not keep going with the dude's twisted shenannigans. This girl was a sad doormat.
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by herosusan123
March 9th, 2017, 12:52am
Rating: 1.0 / 10.0
I can't stop laughing. Every time she looked out her window he was there, and he only went to school so he could breath down her back the entire time. Sex in random places and situations (literally out of nowhere). Its the strangest thing ever, and I don't understand how someone could write something as bad as this. It must have been some 14yo child. Also, its not bad because of the genre... its bad because its poorly written.
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by Mykie
November 12th, 2015, 3:14pm
Rating: N/A
Omg I thought that in the end
Spoiler (mouse over to view)
Umi would kill himself. It seems like his mind broke o: I still died when those two got together at the end <3
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by Lazy Turtle
October 9th, 2015, 7:03pm
Rating: N/A
Spoiler (mouse over to view)
he liked her when they were he pushed her down the stairs?

he loved her when they're he blamed her for his brother's death and sexually assaulted her multiple times?

umi why u so cray cray
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The Ending..  
by CL-gurl
September 21st, 2015, 1:30am
Rating: 10.0 / 10.0
Spoiler (mouse over to view)
If only Beniko's heart was big enough to love and accept both of them.. Maybe it was but with the ending, it was too late. For Umi to resign himself to disappear and became Sora is tragic and a little bit irony because I believe Beniko did/do have feelings for Umi. Hence her reaction when she met with Umi/Sora at the end of the manga. In my honest opinion, Umi felt guilty for everything that happened and this is his way to compensate, both Sora and Beniko. With no regard for his own feeling.

... Last updated on September 21st, 2015, 2:16am
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by kyeoptae
September 20th, 2015, 4:54am
Rating: 8.0 / 10.0
I find kurumatani haruko's work to be a bit on the dark side... and this may be a big turn off for others.
Anyway, It's been 4 years and this series is finally fully scanlated. I would say that it has been a pretty rough road, there were times where I'd get to annoyed by the main lead but there are also times where I'd put myself in her position and think otherwise.

I feel like there were several chapters wasted on the main lead trying to figure out her feelings and being so conflicted about everything but I guess I wouldn't like it either if the mangaka rushed. So overall, I feel like the pace of the manga was just right. Though the ending could have been given more detail.

Speaking of endings,
Spoiler (mouse over to view)
the ending was totally unexpected! Umi's letter definitely confused me this for beniko or sora? But the last few pages really hit me there. At first, I thought "wow this guy is an idiot for beniko" but then slowly you laugh at how ridiculous that ending was. I guess others would have different opinions on that haha.

I wouldn't recommend this to everyone because like I said, it is pretty dark shoujo and there might be individuals who may feel disgusted reading this (I know I did for the first few chapters). My high rating is mainly because the plot was very interesting and unique and I feel like this is worth reading if you're looking for something new!

... Last updated on September 20th, 2015, 4:55am
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Not for everyone, but I found it enjoyable  
by alicewhite3151998
July 18th, 2015, 8:18am
Rating: 10.0 / 10.0
Bokura No Koi Wa Shi Ni Itaru Yamai No You De is not for everyone, especially with the plot being as dark as it. (By reading the first few chapters you can already tell how the manga is going to further conduct itself.)
Though this manga might not be for everyone, I found it to be a very enjoyable read. It's a story with a fast moving the plot packed with drama that never seems to subside.
My thoughts on the characters:
Beniko: hasn't annoyed me so far, so good for her. Her character isn't the most stable and she is pretty much willing to put up with Umi's tourture due to guilt.
Spoiler (mouse over to view)
he's dead already, and when he was alive he was a pretty good guy with a solid relationship with Beniko. But when he dies problems arise.

Umi: devious, manipulating, conniving. How is it that hes so smart and cunning when plotting against Beniko, but fails to realize his own feelings for her?

Spoiler (mouse over to view)
I really want to see if/how Umi finally realizes that his twisted feelings really translates to obsessively loving Beniko; and if Beniko will accept Umi.

--Although this manga is not completely scanned I am eager for the next update.
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by anngeelaah
September 15th, 2013, 10:27pm
Rating: N/A
Yes, I want moreeeeeee. I want to know the ending and why You-Know-Who is treating her like that. There must be a reason and I can't wait to know. Please finish releasing the manga. sad
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No really guys, you have to read until the very end  
by fictionalscience
August 21st, 2013, 4:46am
Rating: N/A
And I'm not saying that because it's a particularly good manga or anything. It's pretty good. That guy is obviously epic-cray. But there's a twist in the very end (even though it doesn't seem like a very well-thought of twist). Other than that, I'm a tiny bit pissed that the girl keeps getting stripped, but the guy is always fully clothed (in his uniform, every friggin time) *facepalm*

... Last updated on August 21st, 2013, 4:48am
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by Liinah
June 5th, 2013, 2:11pm
Rating: N/A
I don't consider this to be sick like some, but I do understand it's probably due its genre. People come across shoujos always expecting happy-ish stories. Still, this doesn't make the manga any better. It has a different aspect, but it's not enough. Beniko is just plain boring. She's weak and can only hold onto her memories and try to understand Umi's hate towards her when she could just ignore it so she wouldn't "suffer" by remembering her loved one, since it seemed to be so painful to her seeing Umi acting like Sora. Umi on the other hand, started out as a nice character.
Spoiler (mouse over to view)
By any means I refer to "nice" as personality wise, but about the character itself. He wanted Beniko to suffer, it was entertaining seeing how he was dealing with his own pain by making her pay for it. However at some point it got a bit predictable. Umi had this look in his face that showed how deep down he didn't want to hurt the girl. If it turns out that he really liked her ever since they were kids, he'll keep torturing her, but at some point they'll turn into lovers. If it's like this, the ending will be definitely terrible for me.

The art is nothing outstanding, normal for shoujos.

... Last updated on June 5th, 2013, 2:15pm
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