Lust for now. I'll worry about love after I've got a sturdy job.

As for losing my virginity, It wasn't anything special. For men it's not that sacred.

[color=#ff0000]"“That's the difference between me and the rest of the world!
Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!” "[/color]

it isn't sacred at all -_-

[img]http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs14/f/2007/026/1/1/Into_Werewolf_by_AbyssWolf.gif[/img]

[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v168/Tank_soldier222/Into_Werewolf_RETURNS_by_AbyssWolf.gif[/img]

I have a male friend whose family is fairly religious, though he isn't as much, but to fit in with his family's ideals he didn't sleep with anyone while he was a teenager. It wasn't that he considered his virginity sacred or was saving himself, but the few times that he might've had opportunity, he didn't really have motive, and there was a layer of fear there.

Once he was in his early 20s and most/all of his friends had done it, he felt it was something of a stigma and didn't feel comfortable being with girls that he liked for fear that they would find/figure out that he didn't know what he was doing. (He's an online friend, so less pressure talking to me about it since we've never met IRL. Adorably cute guy, too.)

He wound up going on a cruise and meeting a slightly older woman who was willing to patiently coach him. That way he could spend his time learning without reservation or being uncomfortable because he knew her - they were never going to see each other again. It wasn't a relationship, but it wasn't a lust-only one-night stand either. It was a learning experience with her as his coach.

He said it was one of the best things that ever happened to him, and he hasn't had any issues approaching girls/women since.

If you've ever thought or said "Nice Guys finish last" and really meant it, then you should probably read this LJ post by DivaLion. It's incredibly insightful whether you're male or female.

From a bumper sticker I like:
"If you're gonna ride my ass, at least pull my hair."

Quote from tokyo_homi

when you meet a boy/girl, do you think you would like to build a relationship with her/him, or do you think you would like to get to the point and have sex soon.

Both? Sex isn't detrimental to a relationship, so by putting it off by long you're giving it too much expectations and questions, like "what if it sucks?" and etc. Building a romantic relationship for too long without having sex will hurt it greatly. Not all people are sexually compatible, and that is necessary to know for the relationship to work.

no love nor lust, and I intend to stay that way indefinitely.

Signatures are for people who have too much time and ideas, I lack the idea part....

Which is the more important goal of yours.
To find love or to make love?
Easy answer that depends on your experience. I'd say that a virgin's main goal is to stop being one. After you've had enough sex (if that's ever possible) you start to worry about finding love.

Its a fact that lust is the first thing to pop in anyone's mind, unless you beleive it's possible for a 14-15 year old to find real love.

Quote from tokyo_homi

when you meet a boy/girl, do you think you would like to build a relationship with her/him, or do you think you would like to get to the point and have sex soon.

blink Why is sex "the point"? It's definitely not the point of a relationship... It's the point of a one-night stand, sure, but if you want a relationship then obviously you're also looking for something more. Otherwise it wouldn't be a "relationship," it would be just fooling around... Not that there's anything wrong with that lol, just that I don't do it myself. I'm categorically not physically interested in anyone that I'm not romantically interested in - so for me the having-a-relationship thing definitely comes first. Sex would just follow naturally after that... What's the big deal? Sex is a simple regular occurrence when you're in a healthy relationship, it's nothing huge or the end-all and be-all of things. o_0; I think ppl would have to be really frustrated (physically and emotionally) if sex became "the point" for them. 😐 Just sayin'...

Which is the more important goal of yours.
To find love or to make love?

Obviously finding love results in making love, so isn't that better by default? Killing two birds with one stone, lol... So yeah, "find love" is my more important goal. I know I'll end up making love anyway, and my heart will be fulfilled too. 😉

i really really want to know what most men think of this question

Whoops, just realized I may not qualify to answer this since I'm a woman... Well I've offered my thoughts anyway.

**As of your virginity, do you feel that it is something you did/do not care when or with whom it is taken by or do you think you should or will wait for the right person/moment? **

I'm VERY grateful that I waited for someone I loved. It didn't actually work out between us in the end but at least at that moment, it was beautiful and meant something important to both of us, since we loved each other. I feel happy that I valued myself and my partner enough to be patient. No regrets. 🙂

Quote from tartufo

i really really want to know what most men think of this question

Whoops, just realized I may not qualify to answer this since I'm a woman... Well I've offered my thoughts anyway.

its very necessary, you have feelings too and i am interested to both perspectives.

why because i am the president of the student council of course

[img]http://i707.photobucket.com/albums/ww73/chewy_bubble2004/2d360793.gif[/img]

I'm 16 and still a virgin.

My first time will be with a person that I really love

I think sex without love is wrong... somehow

😐    

Quote from Chaoswind

it isn't sacred at all -_-

But it should be for both genders...

I'm a male and I want to loose my virginity with a girl when we're really close and in love.

Are you kidding?
The answer to questions like this should be obvious.
Isn't sex without love rather foolish and idiotic? Sometimes I wonder how such awful things happen in the world and why it is so corrupt. And then I hear what people say and I read things like what the majority of you have written in this thread... virginity means nothing, there's nothing wrong with fornication, you just want to have sex and so you should, as long as you feel like you love the person at the time it's ok to have sex, etc. And then I know.
Come on, all you people! We can do better than this.

Listen carefully, every one of you, because this is the truth, the universal truth:
Of course you should have a relationship before having sex; you should be married before having sex, and once married you should only have sex with your husband/wife. Do you even realize how many societal ills would be solved if only people would adhere to this?
It seems that many people don't even understand what sex is... sex is is a wonderful experience for a husband and wife to share together. Using sex in any other way demeans it and is wrong. Sex is not just a thing to do to feel pleasure (AKA humping like bunnies). If it was, you would have been born as rabbits instead of humans--and humans are not just another species of animal, contrary to popular belief; humans can distinguish right from wrong. Sex is deeply meaningful, which is why it is an experience you should only share with someone you are going to spend the rest of your life with, someone you are married to (and let me just say, marriage, for this reason as well as many others, should not be treated so frivolously as it is today). That is why virginity is sacred. Why is this so hard to understand?

And furthermore, it is my duty and my privilege to practice exactly what I have said above. I am a virgin, and when I find someone I am truly interested in, then I will begin a relationship with him, not because I want to have sex (a relationship based on lust and physical attraction alone is nothing but a mirage and a fallacy), but because I want to spend the rest of my life with him, because I love him. Then once we are married, I'll have sex with him. And that is how things should be.

Manga Cover Database

Quote from lynira

Are you kidding?
The answer to questions like this should be obvious.
Isn't sex without love rather foolish and idiotic? Sometimes I wonder how such awful things happen in the world and why it is so corrupt. And then I hear what people say and I read things like what the majority of you have written in this thread... virginity means nothing, there's nothing wrong with fornication, you just want to have sex and so you should, as long as you feel like you love the person at the time it's ok to have sex, etc. And then I know.

Listen carefully, every one of you, because this is the truth:
Of course you should have a relationship before having sex; you should be married before having sex, and once married you should only have sex with your husband/wife. Do you even realize how many societal ills would be solved if only people would adhere to this?
It seems that many people don't even understand what sex is... sex is is a wonderful experience for a husband and wife to share together. Using sex in any other way demeans it and is wrong. Sex is not just a thing to do to feel pleasure (AKA humping like bunnies). If it was, you would have been born as rabbits instead of humans--and humans are not just another species of animal, contrary to popular belief; humans can distinguish right from wrong. Sex is deeply meaningful, which is why it is an experience you should only share with someone you are going to spend the rest of your life with, someone you are married to (and let me just say, marriage, for this reason as well as many others, not be treated so frivolously as it is today). That is why virginity is sacred. Why is this so hard to understand?

And furthermore, it is my duty and my privilege to practice exactly what I have said above. I am a virgin, and when I find someone I am truly interested in, then I will begin a relationship with him, not because I want to have sex (a relationship based on lust and physical attraction alone is nothing but a mirage and a fallacy), but because I want to spend the rest of my life with him, because I love him. Then once we are married, I'll have sex with him. And that is how things should be.

yeah!! i deeply agree with you!! 🙂

oh please do click this!
The sweeter the apple, the higher the branch. The quieter the fart, the nastier the smell.
GUESS WHO??

I'm going to be as diplomatic as I can in saying this:

What you call truth works for you and many others.

I know that your point is that it should be what works for everyone, and perhaps in a utopia it would, but the truth of the matter is that not everyone shares your moral values, and thus while ranting like this might make some feel guilty for what they feel or hold to be true, it is still not their truth.

Like it or not, the world is made up of a lot of people who believe a lot of different things, and trying to force one thing on others is what has started every war known to man.

We all serve more good in the world by understanding that there are differences between us and allowing those differences to exist as long as they don't infringe upon others of us.

That said, back to the topic at hand: "Do you want to find love or make love" as the OP put it.

If you've ever thought or said "Nice Guys finish last" and really meant it, then you should probably read this LJ post by DivaLion. It's incredibly insightful whether you're male or female.

From a bumper sticker I like:
"If you're gonna ride my ass, at least pull my hair."

when you meet a boy/girl, do you think you would like to build a relationship with her/him, or do you think you would like to get to the point and have sex soon.

Which is the more important goal of yours.
To find love or to make love?

For me it was always really to find love, though sex along the way didn't hurt. I think (and this is my personal opinion, it's not a fact, and honestly, it's most likely not for everyone) though that having some experience in the making love department with other partners before you'd get married is ideal. Later on in life you may doubt you have what you really want, and you'd have nothing to compare it to at that point unless you commit adultery and ruin the relationship you already built up over the years.

I personally don't believe getting married is right for most people till around 25-30 years of age (I was married at 23, and it felt too early to me looking back on it now). My marriage has worked out through hard work and commitment, but because I was experienced before we got married, I know what I have, and what else is out there. My wife wasn't as fortunate, and there were points in our 10 years of marriage where that had been detrimental to its continuance.

To put it another way, how can making love be bad? It's much better than hate/war!

i really really want to know what most men think of this question, i am opening this topic to chatterbox rather than 18+ because i want to get a universal answer even for those under 18, they can say how they feel.

**As of your virginity, do you feel that it is something you did/do not care when or with whom it is taken by or do you think you should or will wait for the right person/moment? **

As a guy, in the end it didn't matter that I lost mine to the person I did. Unless you have high religious convictions which guide your life, it's not really the most sacred thing for guys. I remember my first girlfriend better than the girl I lost my virginity to. I only remember the girls first name at this point in my life.

Loosing my virginity didn't change my life in any way other than I was less afraid of the actual act of sex afterward (I had a fear of getting my girlfriends pregnant, so I worked hard to avoid loosing it till after high school just because of that alone.)

Pure sex isn't bad, but I do have to say making love is better, and only really happens when you've fallen in love. It doesn't mean sex itself is horrid or vile, but you'll get more out of the encounters where love is involved.

As with anything in this thread, each post is one based on the persons own moral values/opinions, so any such advice will not work for everyone. It's something you really have to weigh out in your own mind and decide. Everyone's life is different, and every choice you make determines who you are and where you go while you're here.

About losing virginity...

Quote from Calíbre

For men it's not that sacred.

I actually disagree with that somewhat, I know guys to whom it was quite a big deal emotionally, and those for whom it was just a "step forward" so they didn't get attached to it sentimentally at all. I mean I think there are men to whom it IS sacred, just like there are also women to whom it isn't sacred. It goes both ways.

This is gonna sound weird since normally we don't know much (or don't want to know much lol) about our family's sex lives, but I know for sure that for my brother it was a huge deal to lose his virginity because he was so much in love with this girl at the time, and it was like... it meant something to him, she meant the world to him, the sun and the stars etc. Just even the thought of touching her made him spazz, I kind of teased him about it at the time. 😀 I happened to be in the house the night it happened for them (don't ask lol, it was a holiday camp and a bunch of us young ppl were staying there), and the next morning my brother was like a new man, like he was on cloud 9 not just physically but like spiritually or something, and when that girl came up in a conversation recently, almost 10 years later, he still got this soft look on his face. 🙂 It was definitely sacred to him. They were going out and he thought he'd marry her, proposed to her and everything... Too bad it didn't work out for them, as she wasn't nearly as romantic or in love as he was (not a bad girl or anything, just not madly in love with him)... Well, now my brother's happily married to his soulmate so I guess everything worked out after all. 😃

Therefore I think it actually depends on a person's feelings at the time, whether you're naturally romantic or not, stuff like that - I don't think that losing one's virginity is/isn't sacred for ALL men or ALL women. It's just a matter of temperament or even just the situation, maybe it wouldn't be as much of a deal if you weren't in love with someone at the time, idk. Anyway I don't think it can be the same for everyone. Just my two cents. 🙂

Quote from Wonderland

Pure sex isn't bad, but I do have to say making love is better, and only really happens when you've fallen in love. It doesn't mean sex itself is horrid or vile, but you'll get more out of the encounters where love is involved.

Yes, THAT. Total agreement. I don't think sex by itself is wrong or bad - just that sex with love is even better, and more memorable by far.

Love. I'm not the type that runs around trying to bang every girl I meet.
Sure.. Making out with people when your wasted is "ok" But I don't really find it to be awesome without any feelings involved.

My mates sometimes try to tease me because I'm still a virgin, (though they fail horribly.) I personally want to loose mine with someone that I love.

What I think is a real shame is that a lot of guys are ashamed of being a virgin, and they stress themselves to have sex.
I don't know how it is for girls with their friends, but at least among guys it can be quite harsh to be a virgin, since there is alot of hype around it, and how its "uncool" to be a virgin.