Well, just lately I seemed to notice a major problem with my social life (Note: I'm a male, 16 years old.) Everytime I get close to a girl, even if all I wanted was to be a friend. It seems that everything will work fine and then it'll hit this point where the girl just shuns me. There are many many instances, minor and major that this happened to me. Here's three major examples.

The first time this happened at around grade 5 or so to grade 10. Where as I was friends with this girl (really good friends, like best buddy kind.) for those five years and once she hit highschool, I was totally shunned. (Changed msn, didn't add me. Starting hanging out with other people, or note: 'cool group')

Second time happened from grade 10 to grade 11, where as this girl is rather always angsty and comes to me for help all the time. And now she doesn't even text me.

Third time is even more weird. Basically we are net friends, we met through an online gaming community and such. Anyway, we started talking a couple of months ago and started talking about everything. (Usually real life stuff) and lately she just basically is starting to shun me.

Yet, I can't really see any significant problem on my side. In fact, I asked some of my friends and they seem to...not be able to name any problems of my personality/characterstics that'll make such happen. I mean, I'm also a nice guy and all, if there's a problem, I'm always open for them to talk to and all...It's not a nice feeling when you give it your all to be friend and get close to someone and after a while you realize, "Maybe it was one sided, maybe only she was important to me and I'm nothing to her." that kind of thing.

This was more or less a rant, but for all the fellows who seem to have the same problem, feel free to drop a comment. Heck, if you want to drop a comment, go ahead and drop a comment.

Wow! I used to have the same problem. I won't make a generalization of you, but I will tell you what I went through and maybe it will help.

When I was in elementary and Jr High, I had no friends. I was a nerd who liked Japanese stuffs and wore big glasses with a funny haircut (homemade) and my mom made me wear Rex Kwon Do pants all the time to school. I got made fun of and no girl I liked would ever talk to me.

Then when I went to high school I started to dress myself and got a good haircut and some wire rimmed "cool guy" glasses. Plus I went to a high school where no one from my Jr High went (so that helped). I started to meet all new people and they wanted to hang out with me and stuff. I was overly nice to people all the time cuz I still had a self esteem issue, but everyone always said I was really nice so it was ok. I still didn't have any close friends, but I noticed that every once in a while a girl would start to always hang out with me and I would think "I have a friend!!" But then after a few weeks I would get all iggied and she would like lose interest and stop talking to me. I would be all sad and stuff, cuz I wanted a friend and I totally would wonder what I did wrong to lose such a cool girl as a friend and I must have a problem (lack of self esteem talking)
Then one day around 11th grade I realized - those girls liked me. I was so concerned about being a good friend and gentleman and whatnot I missed out on having a little girlfriend. Totally sucky. They were taking the time to hang out with me for weeks and it was me keeping everything plutonic by not taking any steps. Girls don't just wanna hang out forever. They prolly thought I was gay or impotent or something. Who knows?

So yeah..... that was my low self esteem keeping girls as friends instead of telling them how I felt and stuff and making out like a little 15yr old horndog that I coulda been. Like a nerd.

So if nothing else. Feel better and laugh at me for being a nerd.

Life is tough......but it's tougher if you're stupid.
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5th grade to 10th grade: Some girls are like that. The pressure of the new environment sometimes makes people try to be as popular as possible. A lot of people will try to get into the cool groups since popularity is mistaken as happiness. Plus, going into high school can be seen as a fresh start, and maybe she wanted to change herself.

10th to 11th: Some people will go to others for help and not even consider those who support them as friends. It happens a lot with smart/nice people. Sometimes I feel that the smart/nice ones are really noticed. The really noisy ones, funny ones, etc are the ones that people befriend in my opinion. I guess I'm trying to say is that a lot of people (at least in my area) don't bother to connect with others that don't give off a big, flashy impression. Even the stupid, tactless people are popular.

net friend: Okay, I've done the same thing. In my case, some random person started to talk to me online. We start talking a lot, but topics run out after a while. Finally, I sent a message that is short and almost impossible to reply with something that is significant. So, the person doesn't send a reply. I wait for a week or so since he/she could have been busy. When I'm positive that there will be no response, I don't bother to send message. "Hey, I don't know this person in real life." Also, I get lazy. After a while, I don't even feel trying.

-So that's all I can think of as possible situations that make sense to me. I really think those examples are common. You shouldn't worry about those kind of girls. If your friendship is that shallow to them, I think it's better if they left you alone. People shouldn't have to go through that kind of stuff, but these things happen. Try to not let this kind of stuff bother you.

Uh. I'll give my response, guiltily, as one of those girls who just started ignoring guys too...

Anyway, I guess one thing you should know is that girls tend to be nonconfrontational? And also, girls can get sick of a guy if he hangs out with her too much. Actually, it happens to everyone, I think, just depending on the personality, how fast it happens. (erm. I do anyway, I don't mean to offend anyone by generalizing girls >.<)

I'll share a few instances. There was this guy I hung out with in high school. We had just met and quickly became close friends, and we confided in each other a lot. After a while, honestly, he just started getting on my nerves and I was tired of hearing his problems, so I just left him. I didn't want to confront him about the issue 'cause it'd be a bit awkward and I didn't want to start drama.

Also I've had a few net friends whom I've stopped talking to. Mostly 'cause when we got too close, he'd start to talk about his life problems, and I know it's cruel, but I just thought that it was pathetic and I was getting pretty tired of hearing of it. So like before, I just left them.

Oh and about being a nice guy, it's great and all, but I don't think girls want pushover guys. Like I'm not saying go out there and be a jerk, but you don't have to try and be so nice. Just be yourself. And if you guys don't get along, then that's life, probably better that she left you now than later.

I know it sounds really cruel and in your eyes, I probably seem like a really horrible person >.< but I can't say that I'm not, but I hope what I've said has helped you, at least.

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Man these girls hurt. But Hey from a guy. Just go and talk to them, some one will pick up and listen to you. Just few things to remember, they are just as uneasy as you at first contact, talk is everything, their name is to be remember, you and the other are good for each other, big One here do not get pushy - everyone likes friends - so if it only stays that way it is good too.

I have many girls that are friends, some forget I am a guy at times (could be the long hair halfway down the back). But hey its fun, just when someone goes off right in front of you it take, don't sit there and smile.

love and peace

I never even try. ^_^
I've been a target sometimes, but
they were jailbaits. <.<

The thing is, I'm also quite shy and ingoing. I don't know, first action seems very erm, hard for me. I guess I'll be waiting for a girl to target me then? Haha. I do make an effort to overcome my shyness from time to time, but it's a fundamental problem and not exactly easy to just suddenly say, 'I can do it'

Quote from Lybi

Uh. I'll give my response, guiltily, as one of those girls who just started ignoring guys too...

girls can get sick of a guy if he hangs out with her too much. Actually, it happens to everyone, I think, just depending on the personality, how fast it happens. (erm. I do anyway, I don't mean to offend anyone by generalizing girls >.<)

....

I know it sounds really cruel and in your eyes, I probably seem like a really horrible person >.< but I can't say that I'm not, but I hope what I've said has helped you, at least.

Just so you know, it doesnt sound cruel. Its just the truth. To me if a relationship (friendship or otherwise) is based on licking each others wounds and not out having fun, then it gets annoying and tiresome. And even when you are having fun, some people are just tiring to be around.

I am perfectly guilty of not talking to guys (and some girl friends) for months at a time after spending lots of time with them for a few weeks. Then I just get a random urge to call them again and spend time with them. Its nothing against them really, and if they call in that time, I don't mind making plans with them usually. I dunno, its strange but true.

And, for real friends, if you think they are avoiding you for a reason, you can always just straight up ask. I have done that before.. scary, but effective. You get told right there whether to go away, or if you had the wrong impression. To me, if you cant ask someone directly what is going on, they arent worth having around. You dont care enough/they are too touchy to bother with.

Quote from adliss

their name is to be remember

Yeah, people don't like it when you don't remember their name, don't know why. Also, people hate being called, "Hey you!" Once again, don't quite know why.

One reason might be that they were just too busy and forgot once then it just built up, you know, accidental.
The net thing, depending on where you're talking, it could be that your message was deleted before the other person was truly able to read it.
It just happens sometimes. So, you shouldn't take it personally; maybe everyone else around you is being shunned by that person, too.

Hahah... wow. You speak the truth about happenings. Don't worry 'bout it, man. It happens to all of us. Lately, it's like, a lot of times both the girl and I get busy, so we don't talk to one another for months, but then we talk again after a while. I do think that hanging out with someone too much can be too ... restrictive on both the guy and the girl.

I know that you're shy... but so am I. If you really want to hang out with her more than just friends... do ask her out.

Uhm... so, I dunno, you're right about being shunned, but again, I'm not sure that's the exact right word for the situation. The solution: just make more friends and such. You'll have more people to fall back on if you really want to talk with people about problems. Keep at being a nice guy... but you'll get frustrated with that many times. Girls like confident guys, so they'll usually go for the ones that seem jackassy in high school... all cuz they are confident in being a loser. :/ hahahaha...

-Max

Nis,

I see you are in my time zone, if you live in LA, I can introduce you to some females that will definitely make the first move. Just don't leave your wallet lying around. LOL.

...seriously

Life is tough......but it's tougher if you're stupid.
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sounds to me like you have an obsession.......you are scaring the girls away.....

[color=green]Life, what would it be without so much wrongs and rights?
[/color]

[color=red]Star Trek XI http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZiR-NETDr0[/color]

Hello Nis 🙂

I want to help you, but I don't know how I could do that.
I don't know, what your charakter is like (I hope, that you understand, what I say, because my mother tongue is not english).
When I was a little bit younger, I started to become interested in boys (when I was 11years old). But I looked like a normal girl next door. They liked my character, but my lok wasn't "beautiful", just normal and average. Now, I'm older and I got female features. And now, I get many compliments and many people say, that I'm "beautiful". That I'm nice and have a sweet smile (!!??), is drop in by chance and I know nobody, who doesn't like me. I'm not arrogant and I notice every name of new friends emmidiatly (that makes you charming). Now, I am popular but me and my friends don't want to become one of the "cool" one. we are nice, normal, god at school etc. Some monthes ago I got to know a nice guy and nnow, we are a couple, because I don't thought: "I want to become his girlfriend!!! I want to become hs girlfriend!!! I don't want to...". I was nice, I laughed very much in his nearness and I was just as I am. Now, we are a happy couple and many guys envys him, because I'm his girlfriend. What about your look? What about your behaviour in the nearness to a girl, who you want to become closer to? I think, that you try convulsive to get closer to a girl. But you must build up a relationship slow and your behaviour must be natural. I hpoe, that I could help you a little bit 🙂 Good Luck 😉

ok nis ill tell you something im 15 fat and i still have "really close" girlfriends if your looking to get in chicks pants maybe you should analyze what your actually saying a girl when you say it girls fucking hate when you're too clingly also when you have the overly cheering disposition it gives them the impression that you only want to be their friend this is all on the deriving from the fact that you want to eventually get in their pants. Also if you do live in a city or near one i would advise checking out emo, metal, rock, and electronica scene basically anthing having to do with music becuase i promise if you hang out enough in "scene"(if your gonna label it) places you will find people similar to you with similar interests not to mention really "outgoing" girls(my preference unless im really interested) that will probibly if pushed will fuck you in public so yea try it out
This is also to any1 having trouble some helpful suggestions

For the OP's original post, are you just feeling generally "down" about things? Why do you need a girlfriend at 16 years old? Is it because everyone around you had a girlfriend? You would feel even lonelier if your close friends that you hang out choose to spend their free time with their girlfriends over you. So yes, I'm asking why you need a girlfriend since won't you have to worry about school? You're probably not too far from graduating (even 3 years away doesn't seem like that much since the time seems to fly by) so if you have exam at the end of grade 12 (assuming you might not have a grade 13 where you're at, or that school doesn't end at grade 11) that will determine your life (I didn't suffer through SATs but people in the USA do), you'll most likely choose the exam over the girl, and I think any reasonable girl would know that the importance of that exam will be picked over her.

Also, if you've only been casual friends, the girl could change when she's in a relationship in a bad way. Maybe the "what if..." aspect is what is bugging you? And I think for the stuff that happened in grade 5, you should let it go. That girl might not have meant it as personally as it seemed to you. Oh, and reading the relationship problems (there are family ones in there, but relationships for people that are couples are there too) in the advice column is probably a good reminder that not all girlfriend or boyfriend relationships are rainbows and lollipops.

Quote from vinceasuma

Then one day around 11th grade I realized - those girls liked me. I was so concerned about being a good friend and gentleman and whatnot I missed out on having a little girlfriend. Totally sucky. They were taking the time to hang out with me for weeks and it was me keeping everything plutonic by not taking any steps. Girls don't just wanna hang out forever. They prolly thought I was gay or impotent or something. Who knows?

So yeah..... that was my low self esteem keeping girls as friends instead of telling them how I felt and stuff and making out like a little 15yr old horndog that I coulda been. Like a nerd.

So if nothing else. Feel better and laugh at me for being a nerd.

Wow, I actually read several of the posts at once, and thought this was the OP said what vinceasuma said. This is the guy with a girlfriend (if I recall correctly) and yet he's so hard on his past self, that he even thought the girls through he was impotent or gay. O_o Besides, if vinceasuma had been a "horndog", well, he could've ended up a player that think he's God's gift to women. 😛 🙄 And maybe he would've missed out on anime and manga (they are geeky types of hobbies on the North American side of the world, admittedly).

I guess he would really consider whether he could trade what he actually experienced for what could have been if he had starting dating the girls. That is, if it could really happen that he could go back in time.

Quote from ippy

Yeah, people don't like it when you don't remember their name, don't know why. Also, people hate being called, "Hey you!" Once again, don't quite know why.

Isn't "Hey you!" used to accuse people that seem suspicious or seem like thieves in movies? So it has a bad connotation. At least that's how I see it.

I know I forget people's names, although I'm able to remember people's faces pretty well (from my perspective, at least). But really, if a person is planning to have a relationship that's a boyfriend-girlfriend-one, that guy had better remember that girl's name. Otherwise, that guy could be just thinking of that girl as just a piece of @$$. There may be sometimes that girl doesn't mind being that way, but I think it's fair to say most or all girls think that a guy thinks she has a mind, and isn't just a trophy girlfriend. I'm sure the more appealing girls have to watch for this.

There are two occasions on TV where I've seen the situation where the guy forgot the girl's name, and it could be understood by the audience why the relationship was over between the two. The first one is on a Seinfeld episode where Jerry forgets the name of the girl he is dating, and so he goes out several times with her and tries several ways to figure out or find out her name (I don't know if he even has sex with her during this period, in which case, I'm surprised she only walked out on him). When she finds out that he doesn't know or remember her name, she walks out on him. The occasion is on a Friends episode where Joey and Phoebe decide to match each other up with their friends. Since Joey screwed up, he spends his energy trying to ensure that Phoebe doesn't realize that he paired her up with a complete stranger. And so when the girl that's he's probably been spending 10 minutes asks him what her name is (or she'll leave), he admits defeat and says goodbye.

It might sound like they were being hard, but if these are guys that a girl has met, they've failed a pretty big first step. So how many other times might the guy screw up further down the road?

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