Quote from Zubz313

@ Moritana

My Dear, I am certainly not insinuating that by showing love to others that you will receive it back. We both know that Jesus came and loved everyone good and bad and we crucified him. In this lies my statement. It's easy to love people that love you back but it is almost God like to love those that hate you. I also didn't imply that you need to smile back at a very angry bully. You spelled it out it won't end well. I'm saying to love him, and whether or not the bully retaliates in violence is a mood point when you compare to the disappointment of God when he sees you act out of cowardice.

but WHY o WHY would u want to love someone who is agressive to you? (well in my case they do it out of love, its like a game)...
even if you say god will reward you in the afterlife itll come much faster than u expect if u wont fight back. besides, u say u should love ur enemies, etc' lets say ur allow them to beat you up. but what if they aim for ur friend? will u still stay cool and love ur friend's enemies? i wont.
and let me tell you. not all bullies r acting out of cowardice, its a mith made for weak ppl. the coward is the one who runs away and doesnt stant up for himself.

the best security guard, EVER.

Just noticed this topic.
Yeah, I was bullied a lot in the school too. I just had the luck of getting into the worst class in our school.
Truth be told though, I never complied with the orders or demands of the bullies. But I also never fought back. Idiot. And I was beaten quite hard for that. Until bullies learned that they couldn't get anything from me and left me alone.
Looking back on it I realize how easy it would be to oppose the bullies. I guess I had some kind of mental block of not hurting others. All the way until 11th grade when I finally stood up for myself and fought with one of the bullies. We couldn't finish at school so we had to meet after school. I remeber it was a huge event back then. All the school including teachers knew about it. And half of it went to watch the fight. The next day both of us came with a nice looking faces at school. With bruises and wounds all over our faces. The resault was a draw. But after that no one tried to bully me anymore.
Now I realise that that mental power (intimidation), as said by someone here, is a lot more important that actual strength. I could easily deal with all my problems just by standing up for myself. If only I knew it back then... Well, at least I learned my lesson and now don't ever allow anyone to put me down. Physically or mentally. Guess it was a good experience in a way afterall.

u r absolutely right 😀
i learned that lesson in 5th grade.
i still dont really use all my force in a simple fight (if i do, someone might end up in a hospital. from experience..) but everyone knows that im not a woman to be bullied.

the best security guard, EVER.

you guys are too intense and take things way too seriously.

and wat's with this bullying? Must happen more in US than Canada, cause I didn't notice bullying happening.

have you guys consider simply ignore them? Fighting? I thought violence was not the answer, guess I was wrong.

Starter of Controversy.

ignoring=bully gets angrier

the best security guard, EVER.

Oh, and about this whole "love your enemy" topic.
Despite how weird it may seem the most difficult but at the same time the most productive and satisfying thing you can do is to make your enemy into your friend.
If you can turn the hostility turned towards you into the good feelings like gratitude, interest, liking and so on this is the ultimate social skill.

For example. I was riding in a bus once. I was sitting at the seat at the very end of the bus, right next to an aisle. Behind me was and empty space and a vertical pipe going up from the corner of my seat. So what do you know. On one of the stops some guy stands behind me and leans against on this pipe. He was probably tired so he started to kind of sleep leaning on the pipe. It was allright at first, but then he kinda started slide on this pipe so that he started to kind of hang over me, and then kind of lean on me. Obviously I didn't liked that.

So I politely ask him to move a bit, because he intrudes on me and my personal space. In return I hear a lot of swearing with the total message - fuck off. When I heard that my first thought was - it looks like I will have to kick some ass right now. But then a thought accured to me. Can I solve it a different way? I looked around thinking what can I do, and then I noticed an empty seat on my side. Looks like somebody left it just now. So I turn to the guy and say - "hey". The guy turns and growls - WHAAAAT? Then I tell him - would you like to seat at this place? Showing him an empty seat. And then he answers me with a completely different voice with gratitude: "Oh, thank you." And then he seats and apologises to me.
Ahhh, If you only knew how good it felt to have that big rude guy apologise to me, without even lifting a finger and to have him feeling grateful to me instead of hostility....
Now, the normal reaction in my case would be to either start a fight, or just endure him leaning on me all along. Because word obviously coudn't reach him. But this way was the most correct and satisfying.
A had a few more examples like that in my life, for example when I turned my worst enemy at work into my best friend. And each and every time I see how much better it is to solve question peacifully (of course without losing your dignity) then to start something bad, and have all those negative feelings about it.

I think you misunderstand the coward part. I'm not saying the bully is the coward in my scenario, I'm saying the person that answers back with violence and hate is the real coward. His fear will cause him either to do one of two things run or fight. A person that is in complete submission to a holy and perfect God won't allow anger to consume him and retaliate. Let's take Jesus Christ the son of God as an example, do you not know that when the first lash fell on Jesus back, a million angels drew their swords and stood in readiness to attack, but Christ said no. Hows that for complete and perfect control of ones body and mind? Hows that for true bravery? He took the worst punishment imaginable, and endured it for loves sake all alone. If that isn't bravery than what is.

Although there is great reward for this act of trust in God in the after life, there is great reward in performing this act of faith right now when your alive. There is no greater love than this that a man should lay his life down for the sake of his friends. 🙂

I guess god must not have heard me when I bought the lottery, but that's cool.

seriously, if you get bullied I think you should just change yourself to someone more likable, it's not like this is bad for the future or something. Fighting just makes it worse.

Starter of Controversy.

@astral
it ended up this way cuz u were polite. types like this (and like me) respond well to politness. if they dont, it means they need to get their nerves on something, and its better be something that sez "ouch" when u hit it, usually after a nice satisfiying fight, you both r more relaxed.

@zubz
we r losing eachother once again. what happened after the execution of jesus? everyone blamed everyone, wars began, and violance was raised. so you said he did it for love? for the sake of his friends?
its a world of eat or be eaten, pal. choose one of the both.

@lemondude
sometimes fighting back makes it better. ppl realize not to mess with you. and why would you want to change yourself for ppl to like you better? do u really think its good to change your whole life just to please other ppl?

the best security guard, EVER.

lemondude - you are both lucky and unlucky that you didn't go through bullying. You are lucky because bullying is not a thing you would enjoy. But you are unlucky because it is a severe school of life and it teaches you a lot.

Bullying doesn't stop at school. It just becomes more subtle. Instead of physical abuse you can very well be subjected to the mental abuse. Which often is more hurtful than the physical abuse. And unless you know how to
stand up for yourself and defend your views adult life might be quite difficult for you.

And yeah, I tried ignoring too. Exactly as moritana asid, it only makes bully angrier. Ignoring works well in the adult life, where you don't have a risk of physical abuse. In this case this is a good way to put your opponent down. But with bullies the best method is to immediately answer with a lot more force. Without giving any time for reaction.
I once had a big guy bump into me with such force that I almost flew to the ground. The very next second I punched him in the face with all my strength. On pure reflexes. Without even realizing what I did. You had to see him cower in fear. That guy was like 2 meters tall, with a good build. And I am like 175.

Quote from moritana

@lemondude
sometimes fighting back makes it better. ppl realize not to mess with you. and why would you want to change yourself for ppl to like you better? do u really think its good to change your whole life just to please other ppl?

so your cool with people having problems with you your whole life? Besides change is good, try new things, and I suppose look good doesn't make you feel good, and somehow makes you feel bad?

and Astral dude, at some point there's gonna be someone stronger, and as for adult bullying, I think me and my colleagues have better things to do then bullying, when money is on the line

Starter of Controversy.

moritana: - Absolutely agree. How much you know so much about fighting? 🙂
Indeed after a fight you feel relaxed with all your aggression spent. Sometime s you can even befriend the guy you just fought. I know I did a few times.

zubz: - Bravery and self control is cool, as long as it is beneficial to yourself. When you start going over the board by ENDURING something that someone is inflicting on you ... that is just not cool dude.

lemondude: - the point moritana was making, you shouldn't let other people's opinions affect you. Because if you spend time pleasing other people, you won't have time to spend on yourself. Do what you like without looking for other's approval and you will go far.

So what about someone stronger? I don't see you point.
And about adult bullying, well, if you managed to find such a place where it doesn't happen (or you just don't see it... yet) then my congrats to you. The world is not such a rosy place you think it is. And all the harder you might fall when the time finally comes.

@ Moritana

I guess I'm not getting through, that's ok. 🙂

@ Astral100

The world says to love yourself, Jesus said to deny yourself. It's all a matter of what your living for. If your living for yourself than yeah you make sense: In a bully encounter its all a matter of how you end up. However, when you live for God, you would do the things that God would do and that means doing the things the world would not.

Ah, sometimes i envy a true believer. While I am a realist and I see what is religion and how it is used, sometimes I wish I woudn't be such a pragamatic, and would also have something good to believe in. It is after all one of the several major human drives - to believe in something.