Quote from Whatever

Just keep in mind its usually a sign of insecurity.....

of course its a sign of insecurity and so what ? everything we like or dislike is based on something. if both are happy with the way things are going who cares if you label it "unhealthy".
lets say you are into taller guys (which most women are) what is that a sign of ? shallowness ? does that make you any more heahty than if you were into someone being jealous ?

I am one of those jealous/possesive ones. but you definetely would need an open-minded lover,when u r like this. in my situation, I ruined my life long love. cause he was not the type to give away some of his freedom. my words hardly reached him. despite, he used my possesiveness for his own good - in many ways ...now I think my happy moments worth being lonely now. "to love one,till it makes you think I am just ok with breathing the same air" was the most delicious yet sour pleasure I have ever taste.

in additon, I have say I never get irritated when somebody got jealous of me in any way/for any reason. human beings tend to own..be it a pet or lifestyle/status or a person..so it is ok,I can understand

There is a great song by an australian band called Sparkadia about jealousy, funnily enough it is called Jealousy, amazing i know.

Saying that jealousy is a part of love is totally wrong, if you respect, know and understand your partner, which is after all where real love comes from, as well as acceptance and trust, jealousy should not exist or barely at all. It does show insecurity because one or other of the partners feels like their partner is not giving a part of themselves to them that they don't already give to others, i think that is why it is so important to have a serious physical relationship with another person only when both parties know each others minds and have a respect for the other person as a person.

If my boy/girlfriend got jealous and clingy, then i would just leave them, or they would have to get over it, i have no interest in people who can't respect my need for space. I am already feeling sorry for whoever becomes me boyfriend/girlfriend. 🙂

We work in the dark, we do what we can, we give what we have, out doubt is our passion and our passion is our task, the rest is the madness of art. Henry james

I have no experience in having someone be jealous/possessive over me (LOL sadtimes..) but I think I would get annoyed.

I don't want someone to be always hovering over me just to make sure I'm not in contact with any other guys. It makes me think that he doesn't trust me. Obviously, I'm not saying I want him to be so carefree about it that it would seem he doesn't care.

Although, I don't mind it if he feels the need to be possessive because it makes me feel that he doesn't mind showing to others I'm with him and I think that it'd be nice if he was possessive if a guy was trying to move onto me, like grabbing me towards him if he sees a guy has an ulterior motive (again, it hasn't happened to me. Forever alone 🙁 )

So basically, being really over the top with the jealousy and possessiveness is not cool! Everyone's not an object and I'm sure everyone (or at least most people) would want to have a social life that is mixed and not of the same gender.

[img]http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_loz34q6G3s1qfy2kdo3_250.gif[/img][img]http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_loz34q6G3s1qfy2kdo4_250.gif[/img]

I wouldn't say that someone being jealous or possessive is a good thing, but it's not unhealthy in a relationship either. There are times when it's alright to feel jealous/possessive of your partner, because that can show that you really care about them and it can also make you more aware of the fact that they are not your possession and that you have to treat them as an equal in a relationship. These feelings are fine in small doses, but if you are taking it to a more extreme level where you're feeling upset anytime they talk to someone or worse, then there is a definite problem.

Quote from Pocono

Quote from Whatever

Just keep in mind its usually a sign of insecurity.....

of course its a sign of insecurity and so what ? everything we like or dislike is based on something. if both are happy with the way things are going who cares if you label it "unhealthy".
lets say you are into taller guys (which most women are) what is that a sign of ? shallowness ? does that make you any more heahty than if you were into someone being jealous ?

Nah. Being attracted to tall people is simply a physical attraction. Theres nothing unhealthy or healthy about it. Being attracted to jealous (insecure) people is a sign of insecurity. These ppl dont feel good about themselves unless someone else is miserable and possessive over them. In turn the jealous person doesnt trust well and is always jumping to negative conclusions. Every person in their eyes is out to steal their bf/gf. In the end it will destroy the relationship. Sooner or later ppl are going to get tired of their bf/gf thinking bad things about them when they are out w/ their friends. Sooner or later they will feel trapped and suffocated. They might think its what they want or that they wont but its all just a matter of time. Jealously is indeed a very bad and unhealthy thing. It can only lead to unhappiness. It never leads to anything good. Both may be happy at first but in the end it will eventually fail. If its not the jealous person leaving due to a fit of jealous rage it will be the person who is constantly being doubted. Jealously even if its light is just a bad thing. Its a moment of doubting and thinking the worst about a person.

No offense to jealous ppl. I am a jealous person too. I just suppress it now because I've learned it never leads to anything good. Of course ppl are gonna disagree...because they are insecure and love people feeling jealous over them. Its a vicious cycle. Or they want to somehow reason how their jealously is ok and a good thing.

This is just a matter of opinions. Maybe you wont budge but neither will I. We must agree to disagree.

I feel the need to point out that I misread the topic as jealous/OBSESSIVE thus wrote about obsessiveness. Anyway, my opinion on jealousy is that it shows a lack of trust. Which is something that undermines the very idea of a relationship. If you don't trust someone why would you be in a relationship? Simply take the time necessary to get to know anyone you associate with before progressing the relationship further. If they are someone untrustworthy don't get in a romantic relationship. Thus any jealousy really boils down to a person jumping into relationships without looking for rocks beneath the surface. Totally avoidable.

Octopodes If I spoke Greek, but English is the one I speak.

Quote from TaoPaiPai

the worst thing about this is that
females want to be treated as objects
not only want to but get sexualy attracted to cavemen behaviour

you should feel ashamed
coz you and your like shame all your sex

[this is not something you should share or feel proud of...seriously]

I think you are way over the line with the insults. When did I ever say I was wanting to be treated like an object? People don't treat objects in the way I'm talking about. Whenever did you get madly obsessive about your toothbrush?

As for an obsessive/ jealous type of relationship, I think I need to clarify that I was actually in one for years, and even though it did fall apart. (Due to other reasons)
I think the parts where he was obsessive over me were the most wonderful moments in our relationship. I didn't feel insecure at all, on the other hand it made me much more confidant. Not to mention I was really thankful to have someone who loved me like that, and it made our love all the more stronger.
I wasn't feeling down about myself at all, and usually stuff like that happened when I was neutral or even already happy in my life, so it's not like I needed it. It was just extra icing on the cake for me....

As for possessive jealousy, I do agree that in extremes it can be suffocating, but without at least a little, doesn't it make the relationship seem phony and flat? (I notice this even about other people in relationships, and even manga.)

[img]http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn232/laurelkath/Random%20shit/loreal.jpg[/img]

Quote from LittleKittyGroans

As for an obsessive/ jealous type of relationship, I think I need to clarify that I was actually in one for years, and even though it did fall apart. (Due to other reasons)
I think the parts where he was obsessive over me were the most wonderful moments in our relationship. I didn't feel insecure at all, on the other hand it made me much more confidant. Not to mention I was really thankful to have someone who loved me like that, and it made our love all the more stronger.
I wasn't feeling down about myself at all, and usually stuff like that happened when I was neutral or even already happy in my life, so it's not like I needed it. It was just extra icing on the cake for me....

It would seem that you've misunderstood the meaning of being Insecure,
Let me explain.

When you're insecure you want conformation that dampen/quell's your insecurities.
If you are Insecure in an relationship (for whatever reason) you want a partner in that relationship to confirm that your Insecurities are wrong.
So in an romatic realtionship the insecure one would want the partner do display that they Do Care, that they Do Love, and a Jealous/Possessive person would repeatedliy display such behavior and therefore reasure their Insecure partner that "all is well" (so to say).

An Insecure person doesn't like being Insecure, they want to be Reasured, and when Reasured they would feel Secure again (and therefore feel better).

And I dont know whether you mixed them up or not. But in the Topic title it says Possessive, and in your last post it says Obsessive, they are not the same thing.

I'll try to divide them:
#Possissive is to have a "it/he/she is Mine" attitude/approach. (to simplify)
#Obsessive is to be excessivly attached to Someone/Something and Devote alot of
ones energy towards the Obsession.
#Jealousy is a display of dissatisfaction towards an Object of Desire (Person, Item, Postion, Etc).

So something like that.
Sometimes it is hard to keep them apart and they rarely appear without one another

If you want to succeed
Then you don't need Good Luck
You need the ability to overcome Bad Luck

Happines and Light needs a source to exist
Hatred fuels itself and Darkness exist where there is no Light

[img]http://www.nodiatis.com/pub/7.jpg[/img]
† Lightmare †

I do like it when someone is jealous/possessive, but those terms aren't usually desirable. And that's because their behavior can become unbearable. My brother had a gf who was absurdly jealous, if he spoke to the waitress to make an order she would study his eyes. I feel that having someone who is possessive can be a sign that they are serious about you and they believe you are capable of finding someone else. But it also plays as a red flag for possible issues in trust and trust/commitment is a crucial thing in a dedicated relationship.

To Lightmare, I even quote myself:

I wasn't feeling down about myself at all, and usually stuff like that happened when I was neutral or even already happy in my life, so it's not like I needed it. It was just extra icing on the cake for me....

[img]http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn232/laurelkath/Random%20shit/loreal.jpg[/img]