Trusting After Lying
15 years ago
Posts: 774
Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken.
But you can still see the crack in the mother ******* reflection.
...sorry... couldn't resist. 🤣
I'm actually an idiot when it comes to these things.
I'm an extremely forgiving person and see every day as a new day... so I tend to forget things and leave them alone once I can. But I AM a woman so I will bring it up in the next fight we have.
15 years ago
Posts: 101
Depends on who it is, why they're lying and what they're lying about.
Circumstances are everything.
15 years ago
Posts: 833
How I would react would depend on many things. This reminds me of something Nietzsche said, it was something like this: "I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that I can't trust you anymore".
Far-off places with sweet sounding names.
15 years ago
Posts: 1354
Well, it depends on why they lied and what they lied about and how frequent the lying was - if I find out that someone's a pathological liar, then no way am I ever trusting them again! Or if it turns out that someone lied about something big for a selfish reason (e.g. "I met with my ex a couple of times but didn't tell you because you wouldn't like it"), then I wouldn't trust them either.
BUT if I found out that someone only told a small lie that didn't really matter too much in the big scheme of things, and if their motivation was relatively unselfish/innocent/silly/immature, I might find it in me to trust them again.
For example: I've sometimes lied about why I'm late for work. >_>; I mean, I don't want to get fired because my boss discovers that I was too stupid to set my alarm for 6 AM and mistakenly set it for 6 PM instead. embarrassed So, little lies like that are forgivable, I think! Lol...
I've also been known to lie to female friends when they're trying out clothes and ask me: "Does this make me look fat?" Hey, I'm not cruel. I'd rather lie than tell a harsh truth, at least in simple matters like this. (In serious matters, I'd tell the truth even if it was harsh - for example, if a soon-to-be-ex asks me why I'm breaking up with them. They deserve to know the truth; I should respect them that much.)
Only if someone lies about something big, like cheating on their significant other or embezzling money from their employer or something... OR they lie repeatedly for pathological/selfish reasons, even if the lies themselves are small... Only then is it unforgivable.
Otherwise, I'm willing to truly forgive and forget. 😃
I don't think it's true forgiveness if you don't also FORGET. I would never bring up something I had "forgiven" in a future argument, because then it would mean that I had never truly forgiven and let go of it. That's what I think, anyway.
15 years ago
Posts: 398
Quote from tsuto
I would let it go, but I will remember.
Quote from Azuka
I forgive (after a loooong while,) but i never forget.
and believe , it takes a lot of time to get me to forgie you, if it was serious.
Quote from blakraven66
I'd forgive, but not before making them feel guilty about it.
Forgive but not forget...
It's quite painful if sb close to you hiding the truth from you and you have to find the truth from the 3rd party. Maybe that person does not believe in you so he/she lied to you or just didn't tell you anything.
Or maybe he/she afraid that once you know, you gonna judge them.
