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Hatsukoi no Atosaki  
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Nishina is doing well at his prestigious company but after divorcing from a loveless marriage, his success at work seems empty. A chance meeting at a cafe brings him into contact with the owner, Miyama, an old high-school classmate. It seems that Miyama has forgotten him until he asks Nishina why he's no longer wearing a wedding ring and what Nishina said to him 10 years ago in high school.

(Miyama also appears as a minor character in "After a Storm", set two years before the start of this series)


Related Series
After (HIDAKA Shoko) (Side Story)
Double Line (Prequel)

Associated Names
Consequences of First Love
Hatsukoi no Katei
The Process of First Love

Groups Scanlating

Latest Release(s)
v.1 c.Extra (end) by blthings over 4 years ago
v.1 c.4 by blthings over 4 years ago
v.1 c.3 by blthings over 4 years ago
Search for all releases of this series

Status in Country of Origin
1 Volume (Complete)

Completely Scanlated?

Anime Start/End Chapter

User Reviews


User Rating
Average: 8.3 / 10.0 (385 votes)
Bayesian Average: 8.16 / 10.0
 25% (95 votes)
 23% (87 votes)
 28% (108 votes)
 15% (58 votes)
 4% (17 votes)
 3% (10 votes)
 1% (4 votes)
 0% (1 votes)
 0% (0 votes)
 1% (5 votes)

Last Updated
June 26th 2016, 4:57am PST



Category Recommendations





Original Publisher

Serialized In (magazine)
Hanaoto (Houbunsha)

Licensed (in English)

English Publisher

Activity Stats (vs. other series)
Weekly Pos #832 increased(+10)
Monthly Pos #1369 increased(+569)
3 Month Pos #2575 increased(+403)
6 Month Pos #3340 increased(+488)

List Stats
On 215 reading lists
On 252 wish lists
On 1241 completed lists
On 6 unfinished lists
On 293 custom lists

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Lovely, heart-warming and heart-wrenching   
Rating: 9.0 / 10.0
by keyracunan
July 6th, 2012, 9:05am
This is my ugly summary that doesn't do justice, if someone interested to know:

Nishina Tooru and Miyama Kouhei were classmates. They didn't have anything in common until Miyama found out that Nishina's grandfather is the owner of his favorite coffee shop. Being a coffee and coffee shop lover, Miyama began to befriend Nishina, and the friendship developed into something more as he became infatuated by the latter. However, Nishina accepted Miyama's crazy love mainly to feed his superiority complex, thinking that gay relationship will only be momentarily. It was too late when he realized he was wrong, as Miyama's seriousness isn't something that could be taken easily. When their surroundings started to murmur ugly things about them, Nishina started to feel uncomfortable, and Miyama's obvious adoration to him only freak him out, and it got worse day by day . In the end he cut the relationship with some cruel words, leaving Miyama speechless and brokenhearted.
The story takes place 10 years after, when Nishina, a divorced, salaryman with dull life met Miyama who is now a coffee shop owner. All memories return, and this time it's him who begs for the other guy's love.

My opinion:
If you want scandal, plot-twist and racy sex scene, don't read this. Hatsukoi no Atosaki is so realistic that you adrenaline-lovers might find it dull. It started and ended "just like that", like a fading part in the song.
However, this is one of my favorite one-volume tankoubons up until now. The story is about trying to forgive, trying to believe and trying to give a second chance. The characters, the unspoken bitterness from their expressions, and the conversations that particularly heart-wrenching are just addictive. Nishina seems cunning and opportunistic, but you can't help but pitying him for his pitiful life, and adoring his persistence. Miyama is one of those people who live their life out of the boundary, so free that he doesn't know what he lives for.

Some quotes from the character:

"The one who takes it for real is the loser. The one who regrets is also the loser." - Miyama

"I don't know if you'll love the present me. But I love the present you, Miyama. I truly love the way you live your life, from the bottom of my heart" - Nishina

Oh, and:


No uke and seme. They're reversible. yay.
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i actually love the ambiguity   
Rating: N/A
by gwkimmy
February 14th, 2013, 12:25pm
this series reminds me a bit of the cornered mouse dreams of cheese in that the relationship dynamic is somewhat similar (also the reversible part XD). one of them is desperately in love with the other and insecure about the other's feelings while the other person is, after being away and experiencing life in general, clinging to this one experience that made him feel more than he had ever felt, ever. i dont think that nishina is quite in love with miyama yet by the end, however he does truthfully acknowledge that miyama had made him feel happiest in his life, even if in the end those feelings troubled him greatly. his life after leaving miyama had been dull and lifeless, the life he had supposedly wanted for himself and also miyama. "normality". turns out normality is not it's all cracked up to be and nishina ends up regretting giving up miyama, who continued being himself and ended up living out his dream.

i think the lack of certainty about the relationship gives a nice edge of reality to the story and gives a great commentary that not all relationships are fluff and romance like we read in other bl stories and that some live on shaky territory like this one. i thought it was really nicely done.
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Very nice   
Rating: 9.0 / 10.0
by MirayAllen
July 3rd, 2013, 3:31pm
Despite the happy ending and the fact it was, for the most part, a true slice of life, I found this story far more heartbreaking than I was expecting. Like mtmt1311 pointed out, it's hard to just overlook what Nishina did in the past, not only because one should always take resposability for their actions, that's a no brainer (plus, what he did to Miyama was seriously damaging, as we saw), but also due to the way he acts as his current self. He didn't care enough to look for Miyama after their graduation, he didn't care enough to leave the wife he didn't love, he might have been scared of loniless (most of us are) but he could also be a tremendous jerk. And then he may just be frightened of not being normal. To the very end, this ambiguity of intentions lingers, but that's hardly a flaw.

As far as we're talking fiction, I think it's fair to say Nishina behaved like a darn real highschooler. He loves the attention Miyama gives him - it empowers him, and he grows conceited enough to trick the poor boy into confessing his real feelings for him. Then things start to develop a lot faster, and because he's far weaker than Miyama, the one who never cared and never will, he can't refuse him. It scares him so much he leaves. Weak, weak, weak. The fact that his feelings for Miyama rekindled would have been more convincing if he didn't say, so bluntly, he totally forgot all about him. I feel sorry for Miyama, and on that alone I don't think Nishina should have gone to his cafe after he learned the truth.

I'm glad he did though. I liked this very much. I don't usually like it when the characters can't come clean with their feelings for each other (and no matter what Nishina said, his actions tend to go against his words), but I did like Nishina. He is a nihilist who totally lacks passion in his life, but when it came to Miyama he sure was lustful. I think it makes for an interesting case, even though they are probably far from being the perfect healthy couple. Miyama's obsession for Nishina is also very intriguing. Perhaps he felt attracted to that nonchalant-lustful side of him too, or maybe it was something else that I completely missed, fufufu. I did feel for him though, especially when--

Spoiler (mouse over to view)
near graduation he goes to Nishina and starts talking about the arrangements of their future life together. So sweet <3

Visually speaking he reminded me of Neil from Shingakkou - Noli Me Tangere, who I love, so every time a close-up came up I would squeal like a fangirl. It was nice, ahah.

I wish there was more to this couple. And I loved, loved, loved the art and the fact that they were a reversal couple. I'm totally addicted, ahah. Can't wait to read more from this author!

... Last updated on October 2nd, 2013, 5:26am
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Realistic view on facing life.   
Rating: 9.5 / 10.0
by Yankee-chan
October 16th, 2013, 1:09pm
I liked it, just like the other works of HIDAKA Shoko.

The drawing style is kept simple, yet it is matching the atmosphere and attractive in it's own way. For me, especially the eyes are drawn in a likeable and sharp way, so that you can easily get a glimpse of the characters feelings through them.

The storyline is a strong point of this piece of work, if you ask me. It is interesting and mature, because it deals with a topic, that people easily try to forget or ignore after entering the adult life. It shows another side of the first love scenario, aside from the prettied and getting closer to the realistic side. The fact, that the characters face their feelings during high school and in front of many others, that are also at an age, where they become aware of such things, is definitely a difficult thing to point out. Still - The author pulled it up well. I could clearly see the drama coming and how things have changed, after the characters matured. Actually I loved it, how the ending kept the characters wondering and hesitating, because this let them seem more realistic.

As for the characters theirselves, they are distinctive and you can understand their behaviour quite well, after getting the first introductions and details.

That's why, if you got some time and if you like mature viewpoints, then you shouldn't miss this one. Give it a try and maybe you get to like it, just like it was for me the case.

... Last updated on October 16th, 2013, 1:10pm
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Rating: 9.5 / 10.0
by sofistree
August 27th, 2013, 4:05pm
I loved this because a) you can tell people apart, b) there was no "top" or "bottom" and you couldn't tell who was supposed to be the "boy" or "girl" - they were two guys who liked each other, c) it didn't wrap up into a pretty bow with everything magically solved.

I do wish there was more - I'd like to see if they make it.

I wish we'd gotten a view of when/if Nishina was comfortable enough to say that he was dating Miyama.

But overall it was a calmer manga, which I like (no weird tiny people waving their arms around crazily in an effort to convey emotion - this conveyed emotion in better ways, like with facial expressions and words and body language).

Lovely, overall.
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Loved it   
Rating: 10.0 / 10.0
by Lilyanna08
April 22nd, 2013, 11:48pm
Finally I can see some real life feelings. The main character has totally normal reactions - people just react this way and there's nothing beautiful in such a behaviour but it just feels out-of-real-life. I just loved this aspect of the story.Even while reading I just wanted to say "Come on we are just human , people learn from their mistakes". As for me absolutely great you can rarely find something so "truthful".
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I pretty much liked it   
Rating: N/A
by juls91
April 15th, 2013, 7:35pm
Who am i kidding? I liked it a lot to be honest. I liked how the characters were. Out of the related stories this one is my favorite. Maybe one of the main reasons is because it didn't drag too long for them to convey their feelings. Some people might complain about Nishina and the decisions he made in the past, but i get why he did it, it is shown after all. But i loved it, and both characters are totally of my liking! The only thing missing is more chapters of them AFTER the whole thing happened, like the extras but longer XD

... Last updated on April 15th, 2013, 7:36pm
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I dont like Nishida & the ending   
Rating: 5.0 / 10.0
by mtmt1311
February 10th, 2013, 9:07pm
I really like this author and her longer works but I'm not a fan of this one. The story is fine but the ending is unsatisfied and I can not bring myself to sympathize with Nishida. He was cruel, selfish and opportunistic in the past. Even if I try to forgive him for what in the past, what he did even now is still selfish and insensitive as ever.

Spoiler (mouse over to view)
Past: He led Miyama to confess knowing that Miyama had feeling for him. He was lonely and he felt superior that the popular and cheerful Miyama paid attention only to him. But then he realized that not the attention he wants (since they're gay). He said its was Miyama fault for forcing feelings on him but he never actually tried to talk to him since he dated with the mindset that this relationship only lasted until graduation. They never had real couple conversation. They kept it as casual as ever, when it got serious, they ended having sex. At the end, he basically told MIyama: "Dude, ur not normal. Come back to ur right mind. This is crazy. Bye bye" and disappeared.
Now: He FORGOT Miyama but COINCIDENTALLY see him after the divorce (his wife started it anyway) and stick to him like glue despite the painful memories he caused for Miyama. Nishida did confess but he failed to give a proper apology or ask for forgiveness.
I really question about his love. In the past, he was afraid of the surrounding so he broke it off. Now he says he does not care about surrounding. If he is still, would be want Miyama back? Or he run away just like in the past?
I doubt Nishida is really in love with Miyama. When he saw Miyama and Ando together, his first thought was "Oh yeah, hes gay" No trace of jealousy. When Ando reveals that they're just sex buddies. He showed no relief, just his usual cold self.
Nishida said he loves Miyama now but he actually never get to know the present him really. He just kept having flashbacks of him in the past and Miyama now is no way the same as who he was in the past (Nishida's fault btw). So Nishida's confession (if it is one) really not convincing.
I feel bad for this insecure relationship. Miyama is still in constant worry of Nishida might leave him again for his "normal" life. It would not make sense if they get lovey-dovey all the sudden for what happened in the past but their reactions is still like two strangers, more like sex buddies.
Without the third party intervention, they hardly know the other's feelings. They also failed to discuss things through. Every time Miyama asked for sex, he said yes but when Miyama asked about the past or his feelings, he clams up. When the conversation got serious, they just had sex. Nishida still hiding their real relationship in front of others. He denied it right in front of Nishida. They acted just like in the past. "Reviving" first love is just a fancy way of ending this. For me, they are repeating the same mistake. One is lonely (in high school and now after divorce), the other one just blindly in love.

The end is rather dull with so many unresolved problems. After reading the last chapter, I wouldnt known that it was the end after someone told me that. It was not a bittersweet ending but rather a ending that gives you a heavy feeling, not really a fresh start. It was a realistic(?) read but I would not read it a second time. If u want a story with a hero that appears to heal the main character's broken heart or the betrayer comes back and begs for forgiveness. This is not it.

... Last updated on February 12th, 2013, 12:17pm
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Love it   
Rating: N/A
by sandyatthebeach1
February 8th, 2013, 1:47pm
Hidaka Shoko is one of my favorite yaoi mangakas- her style is amazing, and her stories are never childish, overdramatic, or shallow. At the same time, if you're looking for those "awww" and "kyaa" moments, you're probably going to be disappointed. Her stories have a sense of realism to them, and are more mature... which may sound boring, but she somehow makes it not boring at all. This manga is no exception- it's gripping, yet well-paced. It makes your heart pound, it makes you feel for the characters and want to yell at them and forgive them at the same time. The art is also great, and I like the coffee shop a lot... makes me crave caffeine, haha. I really recommend this! The characters are realistic and imperfect, yet relatable... and don't think just because this is more mature, the sex scenes aren't hot. 'Cause they still are. wink

... Last updated on February 8th, 2013, 1:50pm
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Good, but...   
Rating: 8.0 / 10.0
by AeeDee
February 8th, 2016, 6:54pm
It feels a bit unnecessary. I suppose the mangaka felt that Miyama had some personal demons to battle, but his carefree, relaxed attitude was one of the things I enjoyed most about Arashi no Ato. I don't entirely share the view that he needed fixing, necessarily. I figured that was just... how he was, and his attitude was refreshing in how different it was from most characters in BL stories, especially for how young he was. I appreciated his outlook, naive or odd as it may have seemed.

But if we get around that, it's the usual good writing here from Hidaka Shoko. It's realistic, nuanced, and each character feels unique, as they always do. Even a minor character ends up having a surprising amount of personality. I'm not a big fan of the main couple, but clearly I don't represent everyone. There's nothing really.. even wrong with the couple, I just feel like Miyama deserves a character that is more dynamic and interesting to balance him out.

Spoiler (mouse over to view)
This story operates on the "You're my long lost love" trope. I get it, but I don't understand why it had to be such an ordinary-seeming person. I don't believe that Miyama wouldn't have the emotional maturity to move on after being treated so badly, by someone that didn't deserve his affection in the first place. So my disagreement here is entirely based on what feels more realistic to me: I was not expecting the couple to work out in the end. I kept wanting Miyama to take more of a stand for himself, to realize the past is in the past, old wounds shoudn't be re-opened and he can (and should) move on to someone more genuine and compassionate if he really wants to open himself up to those strong emotions again.

For what it is, it's fine. It's a worthy sequel. I just hoped this character would've had a more dynamic ending that was worthy of him. He was surprisingly one of my favorites from Arashi no Ato, but this story feels very... ordinary. A little dull, but well-written and worth checking out.
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