[color=green]Wedding Engagements[/color] - A topic about wedding engagements.

(Here's some questions you can answer, and then stem off from there. Simple copy and paste)

**- Do you think an engagement is needed?

• Is an engagement just for planning the wedding?

• How long do you think an engagement should be? (in general and/or just for you)

• Do you think a guy should get a ring too once you're engaged?

• If you were proposed to without a ring, would you start counting the engagement once you say yes, or once you get an engagement ring?

• How much do you think should be spent on an engagement ring?

• How would you like the engagement ring to look like?

• Anything else to add on the subject?**

If you're married or were married

**- How long were you engaged for?

• Was it as long as you intended, or shorter/longer?

• How did the engagement ring look like?/ Was it what you wanted? **

-Sidenotes: Is there a thread about weddings? I found a few about marriage, but couldn't find one talking about weddings. I'm sure there must already be one about that, but I don't want to make a thread about weddings, and then boom locked. T^T I've had too many threads locked lately.
Oh on that note if there is one on weddings, engagements and weddings although related, not the same. (Hopefully if there is a wedding thread, a mod will agree connected, but not the same).

• Oh where the H is the how would you propose thread?
  If an answer to where these threads are please put them in a sidenote.

• If there is already a thread about engagements I think it was named horribly, and was not easy to find. Also sorry creating a repeat thread if there is one on the subject.

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I should proof read my comments more, but I won't...
So keep in mind I'm filled with typos

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• Do you think an engagement is needed?
  Hm, I don't know, sometimes I think weddings, marriage etc are not needed either, but if a couple wants to be in a engagement, okay then. Since I have no experience on this, maybe it is necessary, because a engagement says "now we are more serious than just dating and almost getting married'. It is like trying to deal slowly with the idea of being someone's wife/husband.

• Is an engagement just for planning the wedding?
  Like I said, it also could count as a way to deal with the idea of being married. Like "whoa, I'm engaged, I'm going to marry this person, whoa" or something like that. So I guess it is a period of getting more serious and real.

• How long do you think an engagement should be? (in general and/or just for you)
  As long as it is needed? But since after that comes the wedding, I bet the family will be like: "soooo, when are you guys going to get married?", so I guess one year? It is a decent time to think and plan lots of stuff and also a decent time for the rest of the family (like "ooh, I'll be waiting for the invite then!"). Two years would be more "ooh, there is a long way until you get married"... idk.

• Do you think a guy should get a ring too once you're engaged?
  Hm... Yes. I thought this would be normal? I thought both of the people getting engaged should get rings? Only the girls get rings? lost

• If you were proposed to without a ring, would you start counting the engagement once you say yes, or once you get an engagement ring?
  Once I say yes, I value the idea (the engagement), not the material (the ring).

• How much do you think should be spent on an engagement ring?
  I don't really care. As long it is a good material, so I can do other stuff without thinking "oh, I have to take off the ring'?

• How would you like the engagement ring to look like?
  ... Don't know either.

• Anything else to add on the subject?
  Nope.

I think there should be an engagement period before marriage, assuming one wants to be formally married. Engagement is more than just wedding planning it is also getting ready for married life.I would not want to be engaged for more than a year. Any longer and I would start feeling like there is a lack of commitment. I would say the engagement is official once I agree to it. I never thought about rings or what kind I would like. In general, I don't even like wearing rings but I would accept an engagement ring.

sidenote:

Quote from kitty1826x

• Oh where the H is the how would you propose thread?

There is this thread
...the most romantic way to propose to someone!!??
and this one (but no replies)
How would you propose
I don't think there are other wedding or engagement threads. I have a pretty good memory for these things. Don't be discouraged about your threads getting locked. Aren't most of your topics still open except two or so?

Looking for... shoujo with a canned peach confession. Don’t English me I’m panic.

- Do you think an engagement is needed?
No. I don't think marriage is needed either, but that's a different story. If you want to get married, just say let's get married. I mean to even think about getting married you must (in some cases) be already in a long committed relationship, doesn't that count as the engagement period? I never understood that. I mean, I do, but it is so unnecessary.

- Is an engagement just for planning the wedding?
For me, no. I take it as it being a longer commitment. But it seems like for others that's exactly what it is.

- How long do you think an engagement should be? (in general and/or just for you)
As long as is needed.

- Do you think a guy should get a ring too once you're engaged?
I thought they did...

- If you were proposed to without a ring, would you start counting the engagement once you say yes, or once you get an engagement ring?
Once I say yes.

- How much do you think should be spent on an engagement ring?
As much as they want to spend? Spending too much on a ring is not really something I'd be okay with though. Could be a rubberband or a ringpop as long as the right person is giving it to me.

- How would you like the engagement ring to look like?
Not ugly. :'3

- Anything else to add on the subject?
No. :B

As a sidenote, I guess I am engaged but not to be married, because we agreed we don't want that. So we're just engaged to each other. XD There is a ring involved, so when people do ask I say I am engaged which is a bad idea. 🤣

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Quote from NightSwan

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To dalek and BaeSooky - to my understand it's optional for a guy to get a ring for the engagement. (In the US, not sure about other places). A women would receive an engagement ring, then a wedding band at the wedding. The man only gets a wedding band, but could get his band during the engagement.
I know there's promise rings ... but I believe those are suppose to be on the right hand.

waftingwish - Thanks, I already saw those, but I could have swore there was a longer one ... Maybe I've confusing it with the "How would you confess your love" thread.

I guess now for my share on the subject.

- Do you think an engagement is needed?
Yes, I think people rush into marriage which leads to more divorces. An engagement is a pre married life. Your last chance to escape if need be, because once you get married, that's the final commitment. (For those who want to get married).

**- Is an engagement just for planning the wedding? **
No, I think it's for getting ready, and making sure you want to share your life with that person. Although like BaeSooky said I think others think it's just for planning the wedding.

- How long do you think an engagement should be? (in general and/or just for you)
Minimum 2 years.

- Do you think a guy should get a ring too once you're engaged?
Meh, since the guy only gets one ring. I guess no ... but then again how else is he suppose to show others he's about to get married.

- If you were proposed to without a ring, would you start counting the engagement once you say yes, or once you get an engagement ring?
Once you say yes.

- How much do you think should be spent on an engagement ring?
At least one month and a half of your paycheck. Someone should be worth at least that.

- How would you like the engagement ring to look like?
I wanted either a heart cut, or marquise cut diamond, and a total of at least one carat in diamonds.
White gold. Not too clunky, and not too simple (solitaire only)

- Anything else to add on the subject?
I think engagements not as important to others than it should be, which is sad.

- How long were you engaged for?
... 6 years

- Was it as long as you intended, or shorter/longer?
I wanted at least 2 years. So kind of, I wanted a long engagement ... but not long enough where it's considered a common law marriage ...

**- How did the engagement ring look like?/ Was it what you wanted? **
White gold, Heart shape cut, with two small squares on the side, and three slightly smaller round diamonds in the band (on each side).
Yes it was just like I wanted 😀
Ummm I'll post a pic later it's on my other computer.
Rings Top is the engagement ring, the bottom ring is my wedding band 🤣

Yes yes, I know I make longwinded comments, but that's just me >.<
I should proof read my comments more, but I won't...
So keep in mind I'm filled with typos

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I've really never thought much about engagements. I guess I always figured the engagement period was for planning not only the wedding, but also the married life - finding a place to live together, meeting each other's relatives, talking seriously about future plans/expectations, etc.

When my brother got married they were both still in school, living in the dorms, so they needed the time to finish out their dorm contracts, find an apartment, etc. I think they got engaged in the spring, or maybe it was around Christmas, and the wedding was originally going to be around Thanksgiving (late November) but got moved up to August because of the awkwardness of figuring out housing arrangements that would change part way through the semester.

I've never been engaged or married, but I would hope that by the time I agreed to marry someone I'd already know them well enough to not "need" an engagement period to be sure I was making the right decision. I'd definitely need time to arrange the practical stuff, though.

As far as a ring...I don't think I'd want an engagement ring. I've never like the "big hunk of precious stone" look, and they're just not practical - I wouldn't want to wear something I'd be constantly worried about damaging or losing.

"[English] not only borrows words from other languages; it has on occasion chased other languages down dark alley-ways, clubbed them unconscious and rifled their pockets for new vocabulary."
-James Nicoll, can.general, March 21, 1992

- Do you think an engagement is needed?
Yes, it is the proof of letting people know that you are together. But you can avoid getting marry, because it's like a pre-marriage, where you decide whether he/she is the right person for you to spend your entire life with.
**- Is an engagement just for planning the wedding? **
I believe not, because there are two meanings of engagement; 1) to get something done or fixed within the time and 2) a formal agreement of marriage.
- How long do you think an engagement should be? (in general and/or just for you)
I believe about 6 months or more. If you were engaged in like a week or a month/2 month, and suddenly got married; can sometime causes problems with things like "money" and "family/work". When you get married too early after engagement, things can get heavy. Like, you fell in love with someone else or your partner past away/AWOL/MIA.
- Do you think a guy should get a ring too once you're engaged?
Personally, it's their choice to get a ring or not. As long as they love me and show it, I don't need to see a guy with a ring. But in most cases, I believe they can have a ring near them, like around their neck (necklace) or in their wallet.
- If you were proposed to without a ring, would you start counting the engagement once you say yes, or once you get an engagement ring?
Once, I say yes.
- How much do you think should be spent on an engagement ring?
If you really love that person, and think that she is worth it; then get her an expensive ring. But some girls don't really care, because an engagement ring is like a priceless ring where it's a 50/50 of actually leading to marriage. So I think that person should spend like $100 to $300~ ish, I know there some who spends like over $500 or $1000. Just because of the diamond and ores it has on.
**- How would you like the engagement ring to look like? **
Simple. Meaning it doesn't need like a diamon or something. Just a simple round, flat ring.
- Anything else to add on the subject?
No...I don't think I do.
If you're married or were married
- How long were you engaged for?
- Was it as long as you intended, or shorter/longer?
**- How did the engagement ring look like?/ Was it what you wanted? **

I cannot answer the last 3 questions because I am not engage/married.

Owner of Tainted Sins & Forgotten Scans
Head Manager of Happy Tea Scans

Married 30 years
engaged for 14 months (she was in college at the time
Engagement ring was one her best friend told me she liked when she was looking at a catalog, it was a surprise she liked it. it came a couple of months after the proposal ( we were poor ;-) )

I think engagements are necessary from a psychological point of view, it's the beginning of a lifetime commitment. All the planning and working together toward the actual ceremony makes you think and tests you. I would also recommend premarital counseling to everyone who is thinking seriously about getting married. It points up similarities and differences between you and can help head off surprises and problems and the counselor can suggest solutions or compromises for any major differences

-** Do you think an engagement is needed?**
Not necessarily. If a couple has been together for a while and know they are ready to be married, what's the use of an engagement? If they're just planning to go to the Justice of the Peace or something it's not really needed (for those outside the US, its when you just visit a judge to get married rather than throwing a wedding party)

-** Is an engagement just for planning the wedding?**
I would say primarily. I think overall its for getting ready to get married. I don't see the point of being engaged if you are not actively planning your marriage. If its one of those things where "well we plan on getting married one day" I wouldn't really consider it an engagement.

• How long do you think an engagement should be? (in general and/or just for you)
  Maximum 2 years. (like the exact opposite of kitty1826x). Engagements that drag on make me think the couple really aren't ready to be married. There should at least be some type of legitimate reason for long engagements.

-** Do you think a guy should get a ring too once you're engaged?**
I haven't heard of guys getting an engagement ring before. If he wants one, then get it. If he doesn't, it doesn't matter to me. I'm all for skipping rings for both people, anyways.

• If you were proposed to without a ring, would you start counting the engagement once you say yes, or once you get an engagement ring?
  The proposal

-** How much do you think should be spent on an engagement ring?**
$0.00 I'm not one for rings, or jewelry for that matter (yes, I'm a girl who doesn't wear jewelry). There's too much emphasis on getting some expensive ring for a man to prove his worth or some BS. I'd rather see the couple use that money for down payment on a house, or maybe a really nice honeymoon. There's also the whole issue of blood diamonds (I'm not sure if this is still a current issue, but I can't understand how the countries where we get our diamonds from have some of the poorest populations in the world)

• How would you like the engagement ring to look like?
  I think tattooed rings are cool. I think I'd like to see the couple come up with something original and meaningful for them rather than just getting some standard diamond.

-** Anything else to add on the subject?**
I don't think my opinions matter too much since I'm not particularly fond of the idea of marriage. I don't think couples need to be married to be happy or proved they're committed.

Quote from kitty1826x

- How much do you think should be spent on an engagement ring?
At least one month and a half of your paycheck. Someone should be worth at least that.

I forgot to mention that I don't think a woman should see her worth, or how much she thinks her fiance thinks she's worth, in the dollar amount of a ring. I don't think that's what you meant by this comment (or at least I hope that's not what you meant) but it could be interpreted that way. Either way, I don't think an engagement ring should be seen as a modern form of a bride price.

No that's not what I meant, and thank you for pointing this out.
I'll try explaining this a bit clearer.
It follows more along the lines of actions speak louder than words. Not someone is worth a certain amount of money, but more willingness to spend a fraction on what you feel towards that person. (saying that no amount of money can express how much you love this person, and even this big amount is still nothing in comparison.) In a sense if a guy isn't willing to sacrifice a month and a half worth of his paycheck than would he be able to sacrifice anything else later in the relationship. (Saying money is nothing when it comes to love so buying something expensive shouldn't be hard to do. Willingness to do other things are harder.)
Yes he doesn't need to spend a lot, but should be willing to do so.
I'm all for grand gestures, but thinking about it the best ring would probably not cost much because it would be a precious ring from the family that has to be resized, or style changed slightly.

Oh and the reason behind my 2 years minimum. Well it takes 6 months to a year to plan a wedding. So there's your year there, the other year is to reassure yourself this is right, and you can't think properly if all you're thinking about is planning a wedding. Having at least a year alone to think Do I want to get married? Is he/she the right one for me? Am I ready? etc.
It's a different mindset when you think "I'm engaged, I'm going to get married". Talking and thinking all these things during before the engagement is one thing, but your mindset does shift once you think I'm getting married. (Also when you are married).
I think an engagement is the final place to decide if you want to commit to marriage or not, and yes time is needed to think about it. To make sure you're out of that honeymoon stage before saying I do. (Heh getting out of a honeymoon stage, only to get back in it for the honeymoon).

To TofuQueen you could always get a simple band. My husband wasn't use to wearing a ring, but now he feels naked without it on. (As do I). So losing it probably won't be an issue. Oh and they are a lot more sturdier than you may think. Although I did feel the same way the first year I had my engagement ring. Oh there's also warranties, if you do damage it. (but it doesn't cover losing it). Or like KaoriNite said a tattoo ring.

Unbeliever - I completely forgot about counseling. Yeah those are a great thing to do when you're engaged. Although I didn't go to counseling ... however I did talk about every subject that could be a major obstacle in marriage before we got engaged.

Yes yes, I know I make longwinded comments, but that's just me >.<
I should proof read my comments more, but I won't...
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Quote from kitty1826x

In a sense if a guy isn't willing to sacrifice a month and a half worth of his paycheck than would he be able to sacrifice anything else later in the relationship. (Saying money is nothing when it comes to love so buying something expensive shouldn't be hard to do. Willingness to do other things are harder.)
Yes he doesn't need to spend a lot, but should be willing to do so.

I'm guessing you're assuming that the guy is well off enough that spending a month and half of his salary is possible. Or actually most rings are probably bought using credit and loans. However its financed, I wouldn't want someone spending that much money on a ring (or vice versa). I guess I'm into more practical gifts, because I never really saw the appeal in jewelry. But even it was something that I would love, I wouldn't want my partner spending so much money on something only I would enjoy. I'd rather have a gift we could both enjoy and share together.

I don't think expensive gifts should be used as "Look how much I care for you, since I was willing to sacrifice so much money". There should be plenty of other, more meaningful, ways for a person to prove that they care for you and are willing to sacrifice for you. I don't want a relationship where spending a certain percentage of your money is necessary to prove your love.

Quote from kitty1826x

Oh and the reason behind my 2 years minimum. Well it takes 6 months to a year to plan a wedding. So there's your year there, the other year is to reassure yourself this is right, and you can't think properly if all you're thinking about is planning a wedding. Having at least a year alone to think Do I want to get married? Is he/she the right one for me? Am I ready? etc.
It's a different mindset when you think "I'm engaged, I'm going to get married". Talking and thinking all these things during before the engagement is one thing, but your mindset does shift once you think I'm getting married.

Edit I feel like the thoughts "Do I want to get married? Is he/she the right one for me? Am I ready? etc." should be answered before a couple officially becomes engaged. I feel like an engagement is for when you have already decided to get married, not for deciding whether or not to get married. I think couples should have a marriage talk where they discuss these things before they become officially engaged.

Quote from KaoriNite

I'm guessing you're assuming that the guy is well off enough that spending a month and half of his salary is possible. Or actually most rings are probably bought using credit and loans. However its financed, I wouldn't want someone spending that much money on a ring (or vice versa). I guess I'm into more practical gifts, because I never really saw the appeal in jewelry. But even it was something that I would love, I wouldn't want my partner spending so much money on something only I would enjoy. I'd rather have a gift we could both enjoy and share together.

Actually my husband proposed to me without a ring, then some time later went ring shopping with me. I didn't pick any of the rings I tried, I wanted him to think what style I liked most. Oh, point yes I know how much engagement rings can cost. (and in this economy at least in the US, I know it's not easy to get a loan, or how you can easily get into credit card debt).
So the act of saving money to buy a ring show willpower, and determination that I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Of course there are some girls that would prefer a more simple and less costly ring, and that fine. A guy should above all get a ring that suits his future bride's taste.

I guess you and I see this differently. Which is understandable, I am a materialistic (one of my flaws). I like items, probably because I grew up poor or borderline poor with a single mother, never asking or getting anything I wanted as a kid. I found someone who understand this part of me, and spoils me. ( Nice ring in the other post right?). Seeing me happy, makes him happy. I like getting jewelry, and wearing it. He see the item and smiles because I'm actually wearing it. Also it kind of gives that vibe of with each piece of jewelry I'm binding you to me (like a dog collar showing ownership). I'm probably giving off the wrong ideas on how my marriage is, but that's not the point.
I think every woman should value themselves enough to want that grand gesture of an engagement ring. (Not saying you don't value yourself if you don't want an expensive ring).
Again actions speak louder than words, simple sacrifice of money should nothing so why not do it.
You and I see differently on this ;D

Quote from KaoriNite

I feel like the thoughts "Do I want to get married? Is he/she the right one for me? Am I ready? etc." should be answered before a couple officially becomes engaged. I feel like an engagement is for when you have already decided to get married, not for deciding whether or not to get married. I think couples should have a marriage talk where they discuss these things before they become officially engaged.

To this I want to say (rarrr I can't remember this word for the life of me. I know it's something along the lines of prehindsight) you can think about something as much as you like, but until it does happen you don't know what you'll do. Ex. (true story) someone could say oh if my friend was getting jumped I would go help him. However once that situation happened said friend ran away. Not saying that person is a bad friend ... , but he thought he would do one thing, and ended up doing another.
So as much as you think you talked all about I'm ready to get married and such before officially getting engaged. You won't know if you're feelings start to sway until you get in that situation. Which an engagement is the pre test of such situation.

Yes yes, I know I make longwinded comments, but that's just me >.<
I should proof read my comments more, but I won't...
So keep in mind I'm filled with typos

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Yep, you and I are just going to have to disagree on this one. Two totally different points of view. I just wanted to point out that 1) wanting a grand gesture from your lover doesn't mean you value yourself more. The way I see it, and many may disagree with this, but if you constantly need gestures it means you feel insecure in your relationship and you want your lover to prove how much they love you. 2) Grand gestures can be made without expensive gifts. For me, effort and time count more than money spent.

Quote from KaoriNite

Yep, you and I are just going to have to disagree on this one. Two totally different points of view. I just wanted to point out that 1) wanting a grand gesture from your lover doesn't mean you value yourself more. The way I see it, and many may disagree with this, but if you constantly need gestures it means you feel insecure in your relationship and you want your lover to prove how much they love you. 2) Grand gestures can be made without expensive gifts. For me, effort and time count more than money spent.

Basically, all of this. I have friends who have rejected rings because of how "cheap" they looked, and those that do have rings always show them off to others to show how much their s/o spent on them. To each their own, but to me it just looks like they cared more about how much the ring was worth instead of actually getting one, which should be the bigger deal.

But well, I am like you KaoriNite, I appreciate practical gifts rather than anything jewelry-related.

Quote from kitty1826x

In a sense if a guy isn't willing to sacrifice a month and a half worth of his paycheck than would he be able to sacrifice anything else later in the relationship.

I have an issue with your use of the term sacrifice here, you are saying they should be willing to make this sacrifice but everything you've said after makes it seem like it shouldn't be a sacrifice at all. 🤣 If a relationship is in need of sacrifices comparable to that of a sacrifice of a paycheck for an engagement ring, well...

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Quote from NightSwan

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