Love or Lust: the truth
15 years ago
Posts: 963
when you meet a boy/girl, do you think you would like to build a relationship with her/him, or do you think you would like to get to the point and have sex soon.
Which is the more important goal of yours.
To find love or to make love?
i really really want to know what most men think of this question, i am opening this topic to chatterbox rather than 18+ because i want to get a universal answer even for those under 18, they can say how they feel.
**As of your virginity, do you feel that it is something you did/do not care when or with whom it is taken by or do you think you should or will wait for the right person/moment? **
why because i am the president of the student council of course
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15 years ago
Posts: 1619
For me, it was always about having a relationship, not just lust. I was very careful about how and with whom I decided to give away my virginity (though telling the story it might not sound that way, given that I had only known the guy for a week). Definitely no regrets there for me.
Before I lost my virginity, it was much easier for me to hold that aspect back for it to feel "right" to me. Once that barrier was broken, it became much harder to use that as a gauge in future relationships because nothing could be compared the same after. The question essentially changed from 'if' to 'when', which made it more difficult to determine whether it was (to me) love or just lust.
I was never looking for a one-night stand or short-term "feels good" - I always wanted it to be more love than lust from the start. I know that's not what everyone wants though, and determining what the other person was looking for was what became more difficult. I didn't want to become attached to someone who didn't want the same things I did, because that would only leave me feeling empty when the inevitable happened.
If you've ever thought or said "Nice Guys finish last" and really meant it, then you should probably read this LJ post by DivaLion. It's incredibly insightful whether you're male or female.
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"If you're gonna ride my ass, at least pull my hair."
Member15 years ago
Posts: 7789
Finding it.
Member15 years ago
Posts: 2028
find love, making without knowing doesn't work for me.
15 years ago
Posts: 1762
...
15 years ago
Posts: 963
all your responses are great, but i have another question.
the last question i added is the most important question so answer it with consideration.
why because i am the president of the student council of course
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15 years ago
Posts: 1310
Lust, with hopes of some digi evolution into love (with time it will revert to lust, just to evolve again)
15 years ago
Posts: 28
To me personally, I think "finding love" and "making love" are both very arbitrary and to an extent shallow.
If I would to describe the type, it would be natural relationship building. What I mean is that, building a relationship on the basis of "finding love" seems unnatural. In a sense, we get to know someone, become friends with that for the intent that they can be a potential love interest. For me, it would be we become friends naturally without any exterior motives of finding love, but because we became friends, then began to have interest in each other.
However, of course, this isn't always possible. If you are intent to find love or make love, then you will view the opposite gender subconsciously in that light. Meaning you get to know them (maybe not fully, but partially) for the possibility of love. And even if you might think, that you became naturally friends then developed feelings, you can never know about your partners intention.
However, back to the original question, I would answer by having love naturally develop instead of either "finding love" or "making love."
EDIT:
To answer your question about virginity... I would say I'm a little on the fence with that one. Being a very logical person, I am very inclined to believe that virginity is too "hyped" and doesn't matter. Why should it be any more special then let say the first time you played video games? Or the first time you sung a song? It's just another part of life, it's just our ethical or moral stigma (most likely having Christian roots) attach some sort of superficial importance to virginity. On the other hand, while I think like this, I personally would want my first time with some semblance of special meaning to it.
15 years ago
Posts: 1005
Moderation?
I like being in relationships and being in love. But along with that comes the natural desire to have sex with my partner: Without sex, it just doesn't fit my image of true love.
As for virginity, I am clueless as to why people put so much emphasis on it. Your first time should be a natural thing with a person you like and trust, but for me it never meant 'I should wait until I find the perfect person of my dreams' (and remain a virgin forever? Oh noes. My standards for perfect are pretty high)
15 years ago
Posts: 536
hmmm this would vary from different people some may want to interact and discovery if he/she is the one and if so they would still rather not indulge on the physical side of a relationship and vice versa if two may just hit it off and find a connection through physical bond.
Its definitive that a quote must be achieve by both side to even be in a relationship its all about their approach and method some may take time some may have sex like rabbit.
Oh and the thing about losing virginity.. hmm in my experience i was madly falling for this girl. But didn't work out...SO being 18 now i still enjoy the company of woman but having a relationship is a no for me. Beside just wanting to have sex is to much of a work as well family issues on that ideal.
W.E it seem i'm the type that can't enjoy sex without some sort of attachment...-.-
..
LawL when i read this over.. i seriously need a girl-.- w/e UNI next year !!! 😀
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15 years ago
Posts: 367
I personally find one night stands a bit shallow but that is really just due to my own personal preference really, I find celebrities make marriage seem like a joke and some teenagers make a joke of love as well. But really, who am I to judge you, I wouldn't know any better.
I actually prefer it when people kind of grow onto you, like knowing them for about a year or more and you then decide to give it a try, it sounds like the kind of thing I'd end up doing. Finding it I'm not too good at, I'm very self critical and not self absorbed enough to truly go on the prowl, I have to sort myself out first kind of deal.
The topic of lust is a bit weird for me actually, its not that I don't have a libido its just that I've managed to find a lot of enjoyment in life without sex so far, I enjoy the company a lot more. Wouldn't turn down an offer from someone I was going out with, I normally take what is to offer more than crave what isn't on the menu.
For virginity well, there is a value in it somewhere, its probably somewhere along the lines of, not with someone after my money, not going to come out with STDs and not going to have a message about it being her biggest mistake on facebook (Although that would be FML worthy). There is an on-going joke with my Dad is that if I'm a virgin by 21 his getting me a prostitute for my 21st birthday, knowing my dad I wouldn't be surprise if there was actually one if it were the case. I probably wouldn't be very happy as well, but thanks for the sentiments dad...
Do not feed the trolls
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15 years ago
Posts: 1444
Which is the more important goal of yours.
To find love or to make love?
id like to find love...because it lasts longer!! lust is just something you satisfy...once it was satisfied it will eventually go away...but love once you succumb to the love of another love will only grow stronger...
As of your virginity, do you feel that it is something you did/do not care when or with whom it is taken by or do you think you should or will wait for the right person/moment?
actually i want to give my virginity to the one i actually get married to...i am very serious about that... 😐
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GUESS WHO??
15 years ago
Posts: 3380
Find it.
Besides, one night stands are forbidden for me...nor do I even have a chance at it. 🤣
15 years ago
Posts: 1310
Quote from Drab
EDIT:
To answer your question about virginity... I would say I'm a little on the fence with that one. Being a very logical person, I am very inclined to believe that virginity is too "hyped" and doesn't matter. Why should it be any more special then let say the first time you played video games? Or the first time you sung a song? It's just another part of life, it's just our ethical or moral stigma (most likely having Christian roots) attach some sort of superficial importance to virginity. On the other hand, while I think like this, I personally would want my first time with some semblance of special meaning to it.
Well you never forget your first time (or you shouldn't) that is the only truth behind virginity, if you give it to your boyfriend, and you didn't mess up picking Mr. Right, then the fact you lost your virginity with him, (or viceversa) helps in the establishment of a long relationship...
Fuck, my head hurts >_< I didn't sleep well.
15 years ago
Posts: 28
Quote from Chaoswind
Well you never forget your first time (or you shouldn't) that is the only truth behind virginity, if you give it to your boyfriend, and you didn't mess up picking Mr. Right, then the fact you lost your virginity with him, (or viceversa) helps in the establishment of a long relationship...
Fuck, my head hurts >_< I didn't sleep well.
That depends on how important you consider your "first time." I can easily relate the first video game to the equality of how enjoyable I view my pass childhood (mind you, I do remember the first game I played). But that's why I mean I'm on the fence. I analyze things logically, virginity isn't really anything special. But at the same time, that doesn't mean I don't care and would lose my virginity to just anyone. However the contradictory opinion that virginity matters in the establishment of a long relationship is moral and ethics we've grown up with. That is to say, humans have added artificial meaning to something which is actually a mode of survival for a species.
