But Meta, what if that person is your brother? It's really hard to say no to family, unless you're not close to your family. It's also hard to say no to close friends. Think about it. The nice person and the normal person were friends, normal friends. Then, circumstances changed (say that the nice person suddenly got more rich). The normal friend acts like a leech now. The nice friend has an attachment to that normal friend (since they were friends for so long, yatta yatta (is that how you say it?) It's harder to get rid of that friend.

Really? Brainwashing? I can't do that, if only. My persuasive essays suck. Then my life would be so much easier (but then having a clone that is exactly like me and I can merge with would help as well). Yeah, nice to see you too.
Ah, I'm never around the nice people long enough to get tired of them. Plus, I'm usually only around them when I'm happy. So, that helps.
blakraven66, lol. I'm like the only one in my class that asks people for paper. Then, it's not because I don't have paper but because I'm too lazy to take it out myself (same applies to pencils). My friends have learned to say no though. I guess they're not push-overs, super nice people, or maybe they've just gotten used to me.
For me (to answer my question), I'd most likely do nothing (too sleepy to be paying attention). Once in a while I'd do a, b, and d though.
Edit: How much would you charge though? Price that they'd normally have to pay to get that service, lower price, or higher price (hey, how else are you going to get them to not take advantage of you?)?
Edit edit: Then, you're not being a nice person anymore though, are you?

Quote from ippy

Edit: How much would you charge though? Price that they'd normally have to pay to get that service, lower price, or higher price (hey, how else are you going to get them to not take advantage of you?)?
edit: Then, you're not being a nice person anymore though, are you?

hmmm...personally i don't charge more than what i payed for the paper myself...it's just so i don't lose money on this...imagine a pad of paper which you paid with your money all gone in one day and you didn't even use it >.>
on other things like just teaching them on math, history etc...or proofreading their work..i just do for free...as long as i like the subject(math, english, history) anything else i just say i don't know how or i'm tired...
and when they tell me to do their assignments a big NO!! usually does the trick...
for group works if they push ALL the work on me then i just don't do the work...it's not like i'm the one who needs the extra credit anyway or i just tell the teacher that my group mates didn't help...i don't mind if they give me the hard part as long as we all work on it i'm ok with it...

Quote from ippy

But Meta, what if that person is your brother? It's really hard to say no to family, unless you're not close to your family. It's also hard to say no to close friends. Think about it. The nice person and the normal person were friends, normal friends. Then, circumstances changed (say that the nice person suddenly got more rich). The normal friend acts like a leech now. The nice friend has an attachment to that normal friend (since they were friends for so long, yatta yatta (is that how you say it?) It's harder to get rid of that friend.

Really? Brainwashing? I can't do that, if only. My persuasive essays suck. Then my life would be so much easier (but then having a clone that is exactly like me and I can merge with would help as well). Yeah, nice to see you too.
Ah, I'm never around the nice people long enough to get tired of them. Plus, I'm usually only around them when I'm happy. So, that helps.
blakraven66, lol. I'm like the only one in my class that asks people for paper. Then, it's not because I don't have paper but because I'm too lazy to take it out myself (same applies to pencils). My friends have learned to say no though. I guess they're not push-overs, super nice people, or maybe they've just gotten used to me.
For me (to answer my question), I'd most likely do nothing (too sleepy to be paying attention). Once in a while I'd do a, b, and d though.

I completely understand what you are saying cause I'm right now in a very similar situation. When it comes to close friends leeching off you, sarcasm is the best way to say "No". Say something like: "In your dreams" with a big smile on your face when someone asks you to buy something. Or "You buy me a _____ and I'll get you that CD you wanted." Make it understandable that monetary favours must be reciprocal, and that you expect your money back in one form or another whether its cash or something you wanted.

When it comes to family it's very different. First of all I don't have any brothers but I have a ton of cousins, and luckily I'm the oldest so saying "No" to them isn't a prbolem. If its a younger brother that asks for a favour then depending on what it is you have the right to ask him to do something for you. If its an older brother well usually just help him but make him understand that you are not a 24/7 helping service and that you will help in your free time and when said help does not screw your life, whether it's school life (grades), or social life.

Hope that helps. Also try practicing saying "No" to people you consider acquaintances or those you see very rarely the more often you say "No" the easier it becomes. Then you will be able to say "No" even to your brother.

The best darkness is strange and surprising. – Alucard

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the universe. – Albert Einstein

Quote from Meta

I completely understand what you are saying cause I'm right now in a very similar situation. When it comes to close friends leeching off you, sarcasm is the best way to say "No". Say something like: "In your dreams" with a big smile on your face when someone asks you to buy something. Or "You buy me a _____ and I'll get you that CD you wanted." Make it understandable that monetary favours must be reciprocal, and that you expect your money back in one form or another whether its cash or something you wanted.

that's pretty much what i do most of the time when a friend asks for favours...

i don't make friends that would leech of me, nor would i leech out of a friend, sure we'd let each other borrow stuff, but we wouldn't let ourselves go to the point you just described >.>;

[img]http://www.ponpokopon.net/Katsu1.jpg[/img]

Quote from Meta

When it comes to close friends leeching off you, sarcasm is the best way to say "No". Say something like: "In your dreams" with a big smile on your face when someone asks you to buy something. Or "You buy me a _____ and I'll get you that CD you wanted." Make it understandable that monetary favours must be reciprocal, and that you expect your money back in one form or another whether its cash or something you wanted.
Also try practicing saying "No" to people you consider acquaintances or those you see very rarely the more often you say "No" the easier it becomes. Then you will be able to say "No" even to your brother.

Nice tips. I especially like your first paragraph. I'll try that out today. I'll bring money just in case it doesn't work though. I still want the drink. Saying no to acquaintances is quite easy. I'm not a nice person, just a push-over to friends.

So, I'm thinking about this some more, maybe those people are nice because they haven't had to face the harsh reality of life yet (also known as had something devastating happening. No, breaking your door does not count, or does it? Though that might cause some privacy issues.)/naive. Or maybe they just haven't grown up yet. So, think about it. What age group are the nice people usually in? Your age group? Younger than you? Older? In my experience the nice people are younger than me (elementary kids, and the young ones not the older half) or a few VERY scattered nice people in my age group. I don't think I've met an adult that was completely nice yet. They do try to help, but there always seems to be a twinge of doubt or sarcasm in their mind. They also seem more controlling than really nice people seem.
My opinion: Nice people seem to do simple, kind (won't hurt the nice person unless the recipient asks for the favor again and again, etc.) gestures out of nowhere and expect nothing in return.

ranmaru, what about the situation I just described? The whole you/a friend suddenly got rich/something great happened, are you sure you wouldn't leech off of them and vice versa?

Edit: Well, I'm out for now. Manga are just too hard to resist.

well you see, in our tradtions, our parents teach us since young that you aren't supposed to leech of people, even friends, it's supposed to be a shameful act, so it's rare to find people like that here, (in kuwait)

i don't want you to get it wrong, sure we treat each other, but it's not something we'd just expect, unless the firend asked to take us somehwere on her/him for a treat, between close friends, somebody would say, oh let me treat you this time, and so on, but for someone to actually come and say Treat me, it's very rare

[img]http://www.ponpokopon.net/Katsu1.jpg[/img]

Quote from ranmaru

but for someone to actually come and say Treat me, it's very rare

it's pretty common though so common that its already considered nothing more than a joke now...people will say treat me and the person being asked will just laugh and brush it off

Quote from blakraven66

Quote from ranmaru

but for someone to actually come and say Treat me, it's very rare

it's pretty common though so common that its already considered nothing more than a joke now...people will say treat me and the person being asked will just laugh and brush it off

lol i think it's embarrassing to say that, most people feel that way here, i'd consider a person who asks for a treat to be either bold or poor XD

[img]http://www.ponpokopon.net/Katsu1.jpg[/img]

Quote from ranmaru

Quote from blakraven66

Quote from ranmaru

but for someone to actually come and say Treat me, it's very rare

it's pretty common though so common that its already considered nothing more than a joke now...people will say treat me and the person being asked will just laugh and brush it off

lol i think it's embarrassing to say that, most people feel that way here, i'd consider a person who asks for a treat to be either bold or poor XD

yeah...but like i said...here unless it's a beggar asking to be treated is already a joke...no one takes it seriously anymore...even the person asking knows its a joke unless they actually ask an ignorant person...

@ippy I seem to understand you quite well since we have similar personalities when it comes to friends. I am polite to strangers and acquaintances but when it comes to friends I used to help them out at my own expense even when I couldn't afford to. I'm not talking just about money, but also things like time. When I would give up my study time and barely pass tests just to help my friends. The problem arose when I understood that very few people would go to such lengths for me as I did for them. Just because someone is a good friend doesn't mean I have to sacrifice myself for them.

The best darkness is strange and surprising. – Alucard

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the universe. – Albert Einstein

Quote from Meta

Just because someone is a good friend doesn't mean I have to sacrifice myself for them.

Hmmm depends on the situation & the circumstances.

Your example of giving up your (needed) study time to help them, I think is in the realm of "too nice" because you're harming yourself (well, your grade) in favor of helping them. In most circumstances, you won't be the only help resource they have, so if you say "I'm sorry, I can't, I really need to study" they can get help somewhere else.

In some situations you may be the ONLY one who can help for whatever reason, & then it can be more important to help the friend, but there ought to be some balance - help them some but less than they'd ideally want, and study for yourself some but less than you'd ideally want.

"Lack of planning on your part does not equal an emergency on my part." 😃 I'll help people out as I'm able, but if their situation is due to their own irresponsibility, I'm not going to make it a high priority.

"[English] not only borrows words from other languages; it has on occasion chased other languages down dark alley-ways, clubbed them unconscious and rifled their pockets for new vocabulary."
-James Nicoll, can.general, March 21, 1992

People like me, for example, will not trust my life to a best friend because I know what humans are. But other people, like someone I know, will trust their life to few best friends.....personally, that is foolish. Human are logic machines affected by shapes of factors. They can reach some pretty extreme conclusions.

[color=green]Life, what would it be without so much wrongs and rights?
[/color]

[color=red]Star Trek XI http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZiR-NETDr0[/color]

So I'm still innocent in believing that some humans will sacrifice self for others? I believe all humans are neat and nice at the basis.

Quote from Nis

So I'm still innocent in believing that some humans will sacrifice self for others? I believe all humans are neat and nice at the basis.

not innocent, just naive and inexperienced....no human is innocent.

[color=green]Life, what would it be without so much wrongs and rights?
[/color]

[color=red]Star Trek XI http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZiR-NETDr0[/color]