While they could just be a jerk, you have to remember that one of the best ways to get over someone is to get some distance from them. It's not always the case that someone became your friend just to date you.

I suppose the questions are to both genders, as I'm curious about things, and to say the least, I've been... withdrawn from society for quite a while :/

Are people's looks really a significant factor in whether you would date someone or not?

How do you feel about shy people? What about (over)confident people? What about the kind of people who try to take charge of everything around and are just overall... douchey, not as in rude or offensive, just not caring about others and making things go their pace? It seems to be pretty common among guys, and I think it's really, really awful.

My response from a female's perspective, since I am female.

Are people's looks really a significant factor in whether you would date someone or not?
My answer - Yes, and no. (for women's looks)
Yes - It really helps if you can attract a guy by your looks. In a sense it's like a book. If it has a nice cover you get intrigued and want to know what it's about. As you read through it, you'll find out if it was worth the time. So yes, looks are significant as a lure to get the male's attention.
No - What really matter is how your personality is, and who you really are on the inside. However, a guy won't get to know the real you unless you become friends first. Which making a man think of a woman as something more is easier than a man trying to be more than just friends with a woman, but they are both is still hard to get out of the friendzone.
Yes , and no (for men's looks)
Yes - Same as above good looks is a lure. Also you wouldn't want to try going out with a guy that dresses as a slob. It gives off the impression of ' I don't know how to take care of myself ', or ' I don't care about my looks or about anything really '. Also it give off the impression that he may not be doing anything with his life like he's living at home with his parents, no job, and playing video games all day sort of thing.
No - I like to get to know a guy better for who he is not because he's a sharp dresser. You build a relationship based on how well you get along with someone, not by how good looking he is.

How do you feel about shy people?
For me I wouldn't like a shy guy. Well ... to what extent? If it's just a little bit, that's fine. If it's too much where he can't even ask me out or too scared to kiss when the time/mood is right then that's a big no.
A shy girl? Oh I find those adorable. I would probably want to eat her up.Yup I would be the aggressive type. Push, but not over the line.

What about (over)confident people?
I am probably one ... which I don't see many faults in that. I would say I have a big ego than over confident. As long as the person can admit he went too far with some things (whenever he did) I see nothing wrong. Same logic as the ego - better to be over confident than have little to no confidence. (With the ego I say - better to have a huge ego than low self esteem)

What about the kind of people who try to take charge of everything around and are just overall... douchey, not as in rude or offensive, just not caring about others and making things go their pace?
Oh that quality in a man I like. I like the take charge assertive type. If things were going a bit too quickly for my pace I would speak up. I know how to stand up for myself so this type doesn't bother me. I am okay with being lead, and pushed out of my comforts a bit. In the end I wouldn't do anything I wouldn't want to. Yes, at times I probably wouldn't have made that big of a jump, but I think it's find to expand your comfort zone. If you need a little help so be it.
I also wouldn't think of it as he wouldn't care more as may not notice unless you say something.
( I feel like I have this quality >.> .)

I hope my perspective helps.

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I am married and have been for 8 years. I married in my teens... We learned a lot along the way, but I think we are still stunted in a few areas. I've only recently gotten my hubby to open up about what pleases HIM the most. As far as talking about what pleases and displeases YOU, i tried (successfully) conveying the emotions during the act. just with expressions and your voice. when that does not work (let's say he's stopped paying attention...) I do address it rather shyly later. He's the nurturing kind so he really cares whether I'm pleased or in pain, and I talk in a way that braces him and prevents him from feeling too embarrassed. He just couldn't open up or even let show in his face or voice the thoughts going through his head or whether he was pleased or not--until recently.

So to sum it up, it's good to talk about these things--in a loving way and keeping in mind all those things that might embarrass or hurt your partner. Be forgiving or they won't open up. And you do have to open them up. The one thing I did after all these years of loyal love to my hubby that was actually meant as me giving in actually broke him down. I suggested we stay loving, loyal, and married. ... and celibate. I LOVE sex. to the point of being a nympho and that is quite stressful for a loyal married person. I thought it'd be less stress without sex altogether. That got him talking and well... teaching. Sometimes, you have to be willing to give up on something in order to let it grow--that is a serious relationship tip whether in romance or friendship. Anyway, Hope that helps! ;3

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Humans crave kindness, with one caveat. Humans can change ~

Welcome back to society. Hope you'll have a good (re-)introduction.

Looks

Like Kitty18dnsz said, appearance is insofar important as you wouldn't want to approach people who look (and smell) like they neglect their hygiene. On the other hand, you shouldn't reek like you bathed in perfume or deodorant, either. Regardless of gender, as long as you are neat and tidy, most people I know don't care much about looks, fashion style etc. Attractiveness is a matter of personal taste anyway - I've met people with the strangest preferences.

~~~~~~~

Shyness and (over-)confidence

I talked with some friends about this, and I asked them to classify themselves and others concerning their self-confidence and socialising skills. Guess what? We came to the conclusion that both were relative without exception. It depends on a person's mood, company, relationship etc. if they feel more out-going or not in a certain situation. Of course, you will have an overall inclination towards one end or the other, but this doesn't make you generally more or less likeable, given that you aren't one of those extreme cases (hermit vs. attention-addict).

Personally, I am more of an introvert (not to be confused with shy!), and I get along with both types, the quiet ones and the attention seekers.
Talking to the silent type requires more initiative and more patience but they may trigger one's curiosity more than out-going ones - still waters run deep after all. However, you have to meet a suitable counterpart first who's willing to take the time to build up some trust.
You won't have such an obstacle when associating with (overly) confident people. They're easy to talk to since they don't require any additional encouragement to make the conversation flow. On the other hand, they might be a bit too present for shy personalities. They get more touchy-feely without realising it. You might not get to say much. And they tend to go at a fast pace which drags even unwilling people along. So, both types can be annoying and amiable in their very own way.

From what I've experienced, the most important part is to have just enough self-confidence to bring out the intriguing traits of your personality. Depending on whom you approach and on who approaches you, you'll need to go out of your way to adapt to your counterpart. Initiate or respond to greetings and small conversations. You don't need to switch from taciturn observer to small-talk lion or vice versa, just put in a little effort to give your desired acquaintaince a good start. This might be stressful in the beginning but as soon as the other party knows you better, he/she will also adapt to your personality.

For instance, when I deal with shy people, I'm usually the one to strike up a conversation and keep it going with open questions or a joint activity. Spending time together helps you build a foundation of mutual trust without too much effort on your end. After some time, in some cases after a few months, your counterpart will start to open up or they might even invite you to do something together like it happened to me.
Concerning extraverted people, I respond to their advances just enough to keep it comfortable for both of us. If they get too close too fast, I give them subtle hints or tell them directly but politely that I need my personal space. They usually get the drift after that and go at a slower pace.

~~~~~~~

All in all, try to be minimally confident, friendly and sociable to trigger people's interest upon meeting them, but still stay authentic enough to give them a chance to get to know you for real. Anyway, good luck with your re-started social life.


Last edited by Tripitaka at 1:47 pm, Jun 6 2014

________________
"Stories are what death thinks he puts an end to.
He can't understand that they end in him, but they don't end with him."
- Ursula K. Le Guin, Gifts

To be savoured:
- Blood Alone by TAKANO Masayuki
- Otoyomegatari by MORI Kaoru
- Gangsta. by Kohske
- Seishun Kouryakuhon by AKIZUKI Sorata

If this is meant to be a poll, here are my personal answers:

Are people's looks really a significant factor in whether you would date someone or not?
Nope. I’m an ugly duckling case, for one. So I’ve had experience with outwardly pretty and outwardly ugly folks both. And people who are unattractive aren’t always the kindest either…

How do you feel about shy people?
Being shy or not is not a good or bad thing alone. With “depth” of personality, I can find this awesome, because kinda like what Tripitaka was saying—you have access to this normally closed off world. Or, like Kitty18dnsz was saying—you can push them down. …. but the reaction becomes quickly worthless (to me) if they’re a shallow, shy person without much depth of character to them.

What about (over)confident people?
It goes back to “depth.” I don’t mind being pushed out of my comfort zone, even forcefully. Without “depth,” if they are just pushing to push, I’m going to get really bored really fast.

What about the kind of people who…. [are] just not caring about others and making things go their pace?
In a way, that’s like the next level “over confident” person answer. Again, if I’m being pushed because they like pushing, done and done. And if I fight in earnest and still get shoved in a car or yanked out of school without reason, done and done.


For the broader perspective answer on looks mattering, I’m going to use an example. Let’s say you prefer “kind” people. Then your brain will start placing everyone in different categories of what degree a person appears “kind” when making your first little memories of them (noticing them). Let’s say you remember this guy in class who seems “kind” (clean-cut, smiles a lot, close to his friends, etc.). Is he actually kind or is that just the impression he gives? Let’s say you didn’t notice the standoffish guy at first (with big glasses, rumpled clothes, and no friends in class). The only reason you noticed him later was because one day someone left their notes at home, and he offered to copy his notes for that person. Are you actually shallow or did you just not notice him before because his characteristic of being “kind” wasn’t obvious? In that case, the answer would be the latter. You’re not shallow. But based on appearances until then, the standoffish guy had never seemed “kind,” before. Without friends in that class or an opportunity to show his kindness, he likely seemed withdrawn and never showed up on your brain’s radar for you take notice.

So, yea, appearances matter. “Pretty” vs. “ugly” aside, you may be overlooked if your better qualities do not shine through in a way that others can see them.

________________
Humans crave kindness, with one caveat. Humans can change ~

I do not understand what do people find interesting in sex?

[ Um.... this is assuming you are serious. I'm having one heck of a good laugh if you're not. ]

Two things: if your hormones and all are all right, this is the highest sense of physical pleasure one can feel naturally. It is a kind of natural "high" that I can only think to compare to positive responses from alcohol or drug use.

Second thing: communal creatures all desire to connect and interact socially. this is not a handshake or a hug or a pat on the back or a smile. it's a fairly heightened form of social interaction, be it for love or not. all animals mate, but humans go the second mile with the advanced social bonds and needs that can be fulfilled with this act.

________________
Humans crave kindness, with one caveat. Humans can change ~

As the thread titled it's called "Ask the opposite gender".
I honestly thought this might be some sort of troll. With the off chance this is serious. Here's what I think. I'm being blunt.

A) RaymanM is a kid which is that's the case. Tsk Tsk kids shouldn't be in the Adults(18+).
Also isn't this something you would ask in sex ed.?
B) You are 18 or older , and a virgin. Thus doesn't know why sex is interesting.
C) You're libido isn't functioning properly. (Which if this is the case you should get that checked out)
D) If you're not a not a virgin, and didn't enjoy the activity. Maybe you have psychological/emotional problems, and couldn't enjoy it. (Again, seek help if this is so)

I pretty much agree with childlike_thunder. If this really is a serious question you could add more on why this baffles you.

Oh I forgot one. Maybe it wasn't with the right person? I mean genderwise.

Last edited by Kitty18dnsz at 6:23 am, Nov 15 2013

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A:. There is a social background that makes it look more important than it really is, and press on people to practice it.
B There is the fact that as mammals we depend on direct procreation, even if humans don't need as much of a population growth right now, our instinct makes us go crazy.
C: As a notation to "B", hormones would make you do stuff you wouldn't on a normal state of reason, you can compare it to being drunk
D: There is the fact that as something hard to get, it's valuable, in other words, since you can not get it as easily, it's worth more.
E: There is also the value on the relationship, it helps to strength it (of course, this does not apply to casual sex)
F: A shit load of Endorphins are released on the brain, and that feels great

In my case I feel like i give up to instinct by having sex, so I feel depressed after it and sort of regret the whole thing, but in a normal person Sex should feel good, there is not much more to think about that, all I said could be called a reason, but at the end of the day people like it so they do it.


With that said, being Asexual isn't a sin (or maybe it is, I hadn't read the bible to the end), it's just isn't as mainstream as being gay, sooner or later Asexuality it's going to be a thing, and then you would be able to not feel shit and be respected for that.

Last edited by BlackOrion at 6:00 pm, Nov 14 2013

Well, I almost replied to this topic earlier, but decided not to. I rather regret that now as I had a feeling this question would lead to mockery and statements of this type and if I had said something earlier perhaps nobody would have said these things.

I feel I should point out that what you have said could be very offensive to asexuals. That's people who don't feel sexual attraction to others or have no interest in sex. Though lack of interest in sex can sometimes be a symptom of an illness, it isn't always and suggesting asexuals are somehow sick can be just as offensive as suggesting a gay person is mentally ill. Asexuality is more widespread than you probably think. You can learn more about it at Wikipedia or the Asexual Visibility & Education Network. Even if you don't believe that asexuality really exists or is natural and/or normal, please be aware that many people in the world identify as asexual and try to refrain from saying things in other public places in future that might offend others.

________________
世界のどこかに 必ず
キミの居場所が ある筈

The thought of an asexuality didn't occur to me until BlackOrion mentioned it. Now if RaymanM had given us more details in his or her question other than , and mentioned asexuality in any form I would have refrain from making a post. I was trying to work with as little as detail that was given, and cover all bases. Which I obviously forgot one. Truth be told asexuality is still a new concept to me, and something I need to learn more of at some point. If I had offend any asexual I had no intention to.

I say rude things all the time. A quality I should work on, but I don't feel I should change myself for others. I said I would be blunt. I don't sugar coat things so I don't offend others. I do however, try not to offend a specific group. I would rather offend everyone and treat them equally.

Thanks for the link to Asexual Visibility & Education Network.

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How did you know?..

I was trying to go through all the options of why you would ask your question. I guess you picked B.

Which a virgin wondering why sex is so interesting makes sense.

This goes off into two branches.
A) You're really curious as to how it feels to partake in the activity. or B) You have no urges to do the activity and don't understand why it's interesting.

For A) At the moment I don't feel like sharing why sex is "interesting" to me, and my thought as a woman.
B) Which if you have no urge. The reason could be for a number of things ranging from low libido to maybe just being asexual.

*Again more info would be nice.



Sidenote- man this cold is effecting my grammar. Sorry if something doesn't make sense. (like I forgot to type a word in a sentence or something). I need sleep

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Question for guys

What do you think of a women who is fit, wears decent clothes (not anything fancy, just casual) but NEVER EVER put on any makeup?