Cheating
18 years ago
Posts: 1199
What!? I got with a lot of girls before I decided to settle down. I always used protection and was always very straightforward about the terms of the engagement (If I planned to stay with the person I told them, if it was a one night thing I told them that too). So when I met the person I am with now (she was also experienced) we were both sure that we weren't missing anything by committing to each other and were both ready to be with one person for the rest of our lives. I am sure that I will be able to sleep with that person for the rest of my life because there is nothing I wish I would have done beforehand.
Not that I think everyone should go about sleeping with the world....but it pays to know what you want before you sign your name on the line.
Life is tough......but it's tougher if you're stupid.
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18 years ago
Posts: 630
Quote from chueisha
If i have opportunity, of course i would try cheating x] I say it's wrong to cheat but i will cheat if i get to see a second hot guy beside my bf [if i marry then i will stick with him forever]. I mean, if i break up with one guy i still have the other, if i get busted then.. i get busted and lose it all 😐 but i don't think i'll get to cheat x] i'm pretty much too loyal to any guys i date... in fact, as long as he is a guy with a decent face i don't mind 😛
Well in truth, doesn't a girl or a guy always have the opportunity to cheat if he or she wants? The person could either find someone to cheat with (that does or does not know that the person is in a relationship) or buy it. And chueisha, aren't you 12 years old? I'm surprised you already have a boyfriend. 😳 And the talk about cheating already, wow. 😲
I ended up stumbling on a woman's blog and I think she had 5 previous relationships and she cheated on all the guys. I think she said something like she wasn't in love with them but she was with her current boyfriend (and hadn't cheated on him, yet), and I think there was a few entries and none of them even labelled her with "slut" or "cheater", to my surprise. I guess no one felt confrontational if anyone didn't agree with her. But honesty, why does she like hurting the guys is she's with? Would it be the end of the world if she wasn't attached to a guy? I think when I was reading Maclean's back in February, 80 to 89% of women and men believed cheating was wrong in their survey.
As for cheating in manga, well I guess I'm condoning the cheating somehow by reading it (but it is a story so it's better to experience through book than real life for this at least), but usually the mangaka has an element of realism in that the cheater is an idiot. I can't remember what manga I read (it might have been entitled something with "love"), but...
Spoiler for this 16-page oneshot.
This guy's girlfriend catches him cheating with a girl and when the girl is there, the girlfriend even points out where the girl's underwear is. That's got to be embarrassing, since it sort of says the girl is slut without saying it directly to the girl's face. And then the guy thought that the girlfriend had done something revengeful but she even left money for the guy and the girl he cheated with is even surprised by this. I just went over the story again, and I thought it seemed incomplete but after reading the ending again, it was an open-closed ending.
I found it while I was writing. It's Painful Love III.
And any mangaka that glorifies it or makes it no big deal, well I guess that's a story thing. If it's not the focus of the story, the "cheating" is usually handled more as an okay thing, and especially if the story supports the couple that is cheating. In Titanic the movie, Rose might have broke up with Cal, but she just leaves a note for him to find and then goes and does stuff with Jack. But she might have left the note just to not have to confront Cal and that he'd hit her. The funny thing is, didn't a lot of teen-age girls enjoy and watch Titanic repeatedly in theatres and that's why it grossed $1 billion dollars? I wonder if the "cheating" was overlooked by the younger people. I watched it a week ago and I thought Cal was crappier when I watched it a few years ago than when I watched it a week ago. He doesn't treat Rose or women as equals, but it was 1912. But I could be growing too tolerate, as him slapping her shouldn't be overlooked (but she was going to run away with Jack! He still could have frightened and threatened him in different ways like wrecking vases and such. But that's still abuse 🙁 ).
For King Arthur and his wife, she probably didn't cause the downfall of the kingdom by her cheating with Lancelot (I'm not sure how she cheated exactly) according to the legend. I read a few people felt it was too bad that she felt guilty for cheating and spends the rest of her time in a convent for a movie version of King Arthur, but when I read a version where eventually Lancelot and her sort of get a 'happily-ever-after', I was annoyed that Lancelot couldn't wait until Arthur had at least left (he was probably dead) before saying that he would marry her ASAP. This is the guy that you served under for years and years and you would give your life for him and he would give your life for you, you've spent plenty of "quality time" with his wife, and you can't wait a few more seconds or minutes until he's gone after he's left his wife for you to take care of? Come on! 🙄 (Oh, and the book is Camelot's Destiny by Cynthia Breeding, for the curious.) And I'm sort of annoyed at her by she feels less bad when Lancelot says for her to be less guilty or in fact NO guilt about the cheating. But I felt their relationship in this book is more lust than love, and even if it had been Gwen's fate, she's crying over spilled milk about fate. Arthur wasn't unreasonable so the problem was that they didn't communicate with each other. Gwen's modern enough to want an equal relationship but she doesn't even tell her husband what she wants. And so when he tries to give her room when she wants comfort it 'my life is crappy'. So because Lancelot offers equality (but really, it's more like he's treating like a queen, which she actually is), lets start making excuses.
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18 years ago
Posts: 641
not much point in cheating really, if you're that insecure about your current relationship, break it off before you run to the other ones, since it could very well become a habit and get you nowhere with anyone.
if you go around with everyone but didn't settle with any of them, that's fine, as long as it's not settled with one then cheat, that's just pointless.
that's my take on it anyways.
by the way, which story was this topic inspired by? I just read one with something like that too,
Crimson hero Volume 5 was the same situation
18 years ago
Posts: 2596
Quote from Takiko
Quote from chueisha
If i have opportunity, of course i would try cheating x] I say it's wrong to cheat but i will cheat if i get to see a second hot guy beside my bf [if i marry then i will stick with him forever]. I mean, if i break up with one guy i still have the other, if i get busted then.. i get busted and lose it all 😐 but i don't think i'll get to cheat x] i'm pretty much too loyal to any guys i date... in fact, as long as he is a guy with a decent face i don't mind 😛
Well in truth, doesn't a girl or a guy always have the opportunity to cheat if he or she wants? The person could either find someone to cheat with (that does or does not know that the person is in a relationship) or buy it. And chueisha, aren't you 12 years old? I'm surprised you already have a boyfriend. 😳 And the talk about cheating already, wow. 😲
Hmm, what i meant was if i see a hot guy beside my bf :] but not always will i see one ;]
children are growing these days, so many people have boyfriends and girlfriends and have time to jerk.. I mean in my school, there's a girl who got pregnant for a guy who cheated 3 girls and three of them are pregnant.... 😐 cheating is pretty sad...
18 years ago
Posts: 1199
I mean in my school, there's a girl who got pregnant for a guy who cheated 3 girls and three of them are pregnant.... none cheating is pretty sad...
Please tell me that these were not all 12 year olds at your school!!!!
Life is tough......but it's tougher if you're stupid.
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18 years ago
Posts: 279
As said many times previously, if you feel the need to seek to fill your "urges" elsewhere, get out of the relationship, or seriously talk things out with your partner, and find what the problem is.
Sure, there will be times when one partner may not be "in the mood", or under lots of stress, or sick, or various other issues, and the other partner wants some sex. But to just go seek it elsewhere for some instant gratification? I mean, sure sex is nice, but we are humans with thinking minds, not animals acting on the whim of phermones or hormones. Is it really that important over love and the well being of the partner? Obviously, for a full relationship, you need to have a good sexual repore with your partner, so I'm not saying sex isn't important at all. But its not all there is to life. A relationship should involve compromise, or meeting in the middle, too. And jeez, if one night a partner doesn't feel like it, don't throw a fit over it.
Oh, and I'll probably sound old-fashioned, but 12 years old?? You're still a kid at that age. Stay a kid as long as you can, 'cause you can never go back!
18 years ago
Posts: 2596
they're grade 8.. so i guess erm... 14 or 15.
but again, i'm talking about cheating and make 3 girls pregnant then got busted and then leave everything calm and the three girls take care of the children.... wtf? it's not even funny, as i said, cheating IS sad... 😐
Member18 years ago
Posts: 7789
Quote from chueisha
they're grade 8.. so i guess erm... 14 or 15.
but again, i'm talking about cheating and make 3 girls pregnant then got busted and then leave everything calm and the three girls take care of the children.... wtf? it's not even funny, as i said, cheating IS sad... 😐
That is more than true.
18 years ago
Posts: 279
I think I was 13 in 8th grade?? So these girls are going to have the babies and all the complications and responsibilities, etc, etc, with raising a child. Are they even going to be able to finish school? What about the guy? Does he have any responsibility in the matter? This particular case may not be so much about cheating as sex in minors. I guess I'm a little old-fashioned minded on that, too.
Anyway, sounds like an issue for Jerry Springer! 😀 Is that show even on anymore?
18 years ago
Posts: 2596
oh well, then 13 or 14 happy?
Look, let's stick with the topic "cheating" and not going any further, the fact the he cheated three girls, made them all pregnant, and if you want more then he kicked the latest girlfriend so that she would lost her tripple and so no more kids. He's now have another girlfriend and i am not sure what's more but let's stick with the topic okay? ^^
Member18 years ago
Posts: 7789
Quote from ladybrasa
I think I was 13 in 8th grade?? So these girls are going to have the babies and all the complications and responsibilities, etc, etc, with raising a child. Are they even going to be able to finish school? What about the guy? Does he have any responsibility in the matter? This particular case may not be so much about cheating as sex in minors. I guess I'm a little old-fashioned minded on that, too.
Anyway, sounds like an issue for Jerry Springer! 😀 Is that show even on anymore?
I doubt, but I do not prefer watching battling housewives. <.<
I just feel sick even thinking that amount of irresponsibility.
Quote from chueisha
let's stick with the topic okay? ^^
Ok.
18 years ago
Posts: 279
Quote from chueisha
oh well, then 13 or 14 happy?
Look, let's stick with the topic "cheating" and not going any further, the fact the he cheated three girls, made them all pregnant, and if you want more then he kicked the latest girlfriend so that she would lost her tripple and so no more kids. He's now have another girlfriend and i am not sure what's more but let's stick with the topic okay? ^^
Sorry Chueisha, I suppose I got a little riled up!
On topic ... Cheating obviously effects the partners, but how are children that may be involved impacted by a cheating parent?
Are there any positive aspects to cheating?
18 years ago
Posts: 1199
There are two scenarios I have witnessed with friends who had parents cheat:
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My friend in high school was living with both parents and mother turned up pregnant one day. It was odd because the father had a vasectomy a while back and could not have been the father. There was a big meltdown resulting in divorce and all the siblings had to go to therapy. All the kids ended up not seeing the point to monogamy and though weren't total sluts, did express that they probably would not want to be with just one person and would cheat as they deemed fit in a relationship. This realization came a bout at different times for her and each of her brothers and sisters, but all of them had eventually reached the same conclusion.
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My other close friend (only child) had been in high school when it was discovered that her father was having an affair at the office with another woman. When the mom found out there was a meltdown and threats of divorce. But they worked it out and stayed together. There was more counseling and therapy for all parties involved (including for my friend) and she came to the realization that there is no reason anyone should cheat, and that should she ever be in a relationship and lust after another, she would end the relationship.
So, I think those are the ways I think cheating would affect the kids. Everyone needs therapy. But I think everyone needs therapy anyways.
Life is tough......but it's tougher if you're stupid.
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18 years ago
Posts: 282
Quote from vinceasuma
So, I think those are the ways I think cheating would affect the kids. Everyone needs therapy. But I think everyone needs therapy anyways.
interesting conclusion 🙂
whatever
18 years ago
Posts: 2596
Hmm.. When my parent divorced i didn't care much, so if one of my parent cheated and then divorce i would just look at the father or the mom in a very weird looking way. A glare of saying "don't even try saying i am your daughter, don't even think about it".
But guess what, we children tend to have very simple mind 🙂 it's true. All they need to say is "Mommy got divorced" or "Daddy got divorced" and we children just sit there and be quiet when in mind we thought "oh..". Maybe that's only me and i still remember how i reacts when my mom said she divorced because it was like 8 years ago (no shock face, no nothing, just say "oh okay mommy" and then ran outside playing with some of my friends)..
So, some parents just be quiet about all the cheating stuff so their children won't be affected, in fact, some children know their parents are cheating and then snitch to the other and make problems worse. But in reality i don't think they even care if one or another divorce or cheated, as long as they have a family and place to sleep and eat 🙂
well that's me x] parents cheating doesn't affect me in general that is what i am try to say.
