I want to read a yaoi without a clear seme or uke, because I find it unrealistic that a supposedly equal relationship could be so divided (unless they both state that they are in a D/s relationship, which isn't what I'm currently looking for).

• The two are 'switches' or the one usually on top doesn't mind if the one usually on the bottom tops him (like in Lotus Eater)

• The "seme" doesn't bully the "uke" around or into having sex with him

• The "uke" doesn't blush at every little thing, and isn't a weak/weepy/easily embarrassed

• They do things besides having sex (I'd like to see them actually dating)

Basically, I want to read a yaoi where the strength of character isn't determined by your place in the bed.

Sorry I cant find or remember any yaoi with the criteria you wanted but there is a Yuri manga that fits exactly with the description.

Octave..It's very realistic, there's no clear definition between (uke/seme)..both of them are on equal terms in bed...I think?, they act like a normal couple..go on a date, hang out with friends, visiting the g.f's hometown..their work life. The best thing is that the manga chapters dont always show their sex life. They're normal!

Edit:
Here's one I just remembered!
Complex ..well it does have uke seme roles, but their relationship is quite realistic until they grow old together.

[img]http://img803.imageshack.us/img803/6167/avvy.png[/img]
Rape is imminent.

Thank you for those suggestions, Brucie 🙂

Oh! Here's another one

Sorenari ni Shinken nandesu
This is one of my favourites! The manga focuses more on their relationship and other things like worklife, carechild and their responsibilities...the sex scenes only happen near the end of the second vol. There's also a scene where the uke does want to be in control. The uke does blush a bit since he was straight, but this is definitely one of those exceptionally good Yaoi mangas out there.

[img]http://img803.imageshack.us/img803/6167/avvy.png[/img]
Rape is imminent.

I really liked Sorenari! Thank you again, Brucie 😀

MIYAMOTO Kano - her semes and ukes only switch roles a few times, and it's clear that the semes don't like it, but the main thing about her characters is that rarely does one dominate the other, and it's seldom obvious just from looking at them which is seme and which is uke. If there is an inequality in the relationship, it tends to come more from class or age.

Arashi no Ato and Signal by HIDAKA Shoko might suit you.

Rakka Sokudo - no bullying or blushing here.

The Carp on the Chopping Block Jumps Twice has no discernible bottom/top roles and the personalities attached to them. You'll have to read the sequel, The Cornered Mouse Dreams of Cheese to fully realize this, however. As for "dating," the line is slightly blurred, but I'm sure what you see with them is something similar to what you were looking for.

Quote from scarletrhodelia

If there is an inequality in the relationship, it tends to come more from class or age.

But are the semes the older persons/of higher class? Other than that- thank you for the many suggestions. Could you recommen a particular one by Miyamoto? She's quite the productive mangaka. I don't even know where to start stares at long list

H-maude: I did begin reading "The Carp..." but stopped a while in. I'll take another look at it; thank you!

Embracing Love by Youka Nitta has always been a good choice, both men in the relationship are fairly manly, and the plot doesn't only appeal to women, but has a few (if not many) gay/ bisexual male fans as well.

I like the adult womens' classy BL too, like stuff by:

est em (the QUEEN of classy-unique BL)
Miyamoto Kano (total fan-girl material and the romances are realistic, a winning combo)
Ono Natsume (a genius woman)
Yura Tamaki (her art is very realistic-y and her guys look like real guys, and the homosexual relationships portrayed are very realistic, so it borders on being a gay comic)
Takemiya Keiko (if you haven't read her work, Kaze to Ki no Uta, you haven't lived, same with Moto Hagio's The Heart of Thomas.
Mizushiro Setona (I see her Cornered Mouse and Carp series has already been mentioned)

And if you want some delightfully-wierd stuff, you might like Ayu Yamane or Nakamura Asumiko! 😳

“𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝑜𝓈𝑒'𝓈 𝓇𝒶𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓉 𝑒𝓈𝓈𝑒𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝓁𝒾𝓋𝑒𝓈 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓃𝓈.” ― 𝑀𝒶𝓌𝓁𝒶𝓃𝒶 𝒥𝒶𝓁𝒶𝓁-𝒶𝓁-𝒟𝒾𝓃 𝑅𝓊𝓂𝒾.
あたしは腐女子です。少女漫画、たくさん読んでください。

I guess Ishihara Satoru? I haven't read her yaoi titles ('cause I don't read yaoi...), but in her shounen-ai works there aren't any weak, blushing, girly ukes or nasty semes. Unfortunately, you can always tell which position each character will be in from the get-go; but in that case it's more like...it doesn't really matter, since both guys are still very equal in terms of the power they have in their relationship aside from that. And yes, I'm sure they do plenty of things besides making out.

And Yamashita Tomoko too, I think. Once again, I can only attest to her shounen-ai manga, not the yaoi ones. The guys look more or less alike in terms of size, height etc. There is blushing every now and then...but they both blush, so it should be fine.

Edit - I can't believe I forgot about Kinou Nani Tabeta?! It's an excellent series -- but only light (or vague?) BL, not yaoi. Very nice, realistic, and by no means is it focused on sex (or even romance) A humourous, well-written slice-of-life manga.

And just today I stumbled across this title; Haito Diamond. It definitely looks like what you require, but I haven't read it -- so no guarantees ^^