way back in middle school I was bullied quite often, one time i finally stood up for myself which led to the kid telling me to hit him in a taunting way (i was the weak quiet one so i supposed he thot i couldnt hurt him) so i punched him....in the throat...i made him cry 😀 ...after that me and him were friends, so my advice would be give him a good hit. 9/10 that will solve the problem. if you show that ull stand up for urself im fairly certain that hell see bullying u is no fun ne more and move on to a diff target.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Quote from Table

There is a guy in my class who i really hate he happens to be one of the most popular people in my year level. Since the start of the year he has been picking on me for no reason i can deduce but i have ignored it as the bullying was relatively petty. Today he said something made a very stupid insult and i pointed it out.
He spat in my face...
Im pretty pissed off right now and i am thinking of doing something in revenge preferably something that he would be unable to figure out who the culprit was.
I am looking for suggestions for the best way to pay back this person or suggestions for how to deal with it.

Also telling the teacher or something is not an option as its pretty obvious what will happen. The teacher will scold him and force him to apologize and nothing else will result. The bullying will just get worse.

:-(

Well you can report him to the school if you want btw cus spitting in someones face is assault (if you are in america that is) but he'd obviously know so... wouldn't be that discreet.

Currently Reading: Gave up counting after 100 Manga...
Currently Watching: everything

Quote from Hanae

I don't think revenge is a good idea. If you do it openly, he will start bullying you even more and you will regret it. If you want to do it "that he would be unable to figure out who the culprit was"... sorry, but only cowards do such things. And it won't solve your problem.

Being bullied is basically a question of attitude. I'm a girl, I'm quite weak, I had good grades at school - but I've never been bullied in my life. And my friend, who was good at sports etc was bullied a lot. I was wondering - what was the difference? Once I asked one of the bullies why they never tried beating me up, and he said that I look like a person who wouldn't accept such things being done to her. And he was probably right - if someone spat in my face I would become furious. Some boy did it when I was three or four years old and I threw a handful of sand in his eyes. He regretted it.

So, if you are bullied, you probably look like a person who accepts being bullied. You just have to show that you won't put up with this any longer. You have to get angry and show him that he won't like you when you are angry 😉 And I'm not talking about simple shouting and waving hands, I'm talking about real fury.

Oh, and don't kick him in the balls. Cheap tricks are cowardly and would probably make him bully you even more.

I second this.

Quote from Hanae

So, if you are bullied, you probably look like a person who accepts being bullied. You just have to show that you won't put up with this any longer. You have to get angry and show him that he won't like you when you are angry 😉 And I'm not talking about simple shouting and waving hands, I'm talking about real fury.

Ok, perhaps its just me but i think thats bad advice for a guy. In my school when someone was being bullied and they retaliated without violence but anger/words that usually turned into a more physical bullying afterwards...If you provoke them with words they will show their disapproval.

Violence with no warning whatsoever can shock the person. Makes you look less like a pushover and if there is lots of people around they usually break up the fight.
He might seek revenge but after a month or so he will seek a easier prey.

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I believe in letting people do as they wish, as do I myself. Sometimes, of course, what I wish to do is kill them and they do not wish to die. This gives life interest.
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Quote from BoxBox

Quote from VampireBanana

@BoxBox: just some country, yeah? 🙂 I want to protect my own privacy. And crap... did I really bring the thread off-topic. -__-;;; Oops! 😛

.....no one is going to find out who you are if you tell them your country....unless it's one of those tiny places where there's only 1000 people.......oh I see. 🤣

Wait....is it Taiwan?[The place that gone rogue from Mainland China lol]

This is friendly off topics ness. We are building our friendship here. No one can stop us, not even the almighty Manick! Yep, this here below is what Manick actually looks like:
[img]http://images.protopage.com/view/236004/8402ze7bqiip55f472n9mub5b.jpg[/img]

THAT IS MY FAVOURITE PICTURE OF LIFE FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS!

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Quote from fr33noob

Ok, perhaps its just me but i think thats bad advice for a guy. In my school when someone was being bullied and they retaliated without violence but anger/words that usually turned into a more physical bullying afterwards...If you provoke them with words they will show their disapproval.

I guess my vocabulary is too poor 🙂 I was talking more about the 'I'm really angry so you'd better not approach me because you are going to regret it' type of fury than the violent and aggressive one. I don't know if there are separate words for these two things...

Quote from Hanae

Quote from fr33noob

Ok, perhaps its just me but i think thats bad advice for a guy. In my school when someone was being bullied and they retaliated without violence but anger/words that usually turned into a more physical bullying afterwards...If you provoke them with words they will show their disapproval.

I guess my vocabulary is too poor 🙂 I was talking more about the 'I'm really angry so you'd better not approach me because you are going to regret it' type of fury than the violent and aggressive one. I don't know if there are separate words for these two things...

I'm still a fan of "less talking, more punching(especially in sensitive areas, such as the neck/throat)". You'll either get beat up or they won't mess with you again.

Quote from 狂気

Quote from Kitteh_13

Who CARES if people think you're a snitch? Do you really need approval from people who already hate you?

You don't need to justify yourself to others, but you need to be able to accept that it's cowardice. Most of all people need to justify their acts to themselves. I think you should just do what you think is right no matter how hard it feels and you don't need to justify yourself anyone, not even yourself.

How is it cowardice? Do you even know what bravery or courage are? I would not think I was being brave if I went and picked on somebody physically smaller than me. Courage and so on are defined as being able to take things calmly and make a decision, it is not about rushing in like an idiot and picking fights. Quite frequently taking the non violent solution shows more courage than having an emotional outburst and hitting somebody (you could do that in fear).
Is it also "cowardice" if you report a crime to the police? Courage is not like in manga where some person does some inhuman thing, people show courage everyday (not all people).

Quote from Peep

Quote from 狂気

Quote from Kitteh_13

Who CARES if people think you're a snitch? Do you really need approval from people who already hate you?

You don't need to justify yourself to others, but you need to be able to accept that it's cowardice. Most of all people need to justify their acts to themselves. I think you should just do what you think is right no matter how hard it feels and you don't need to justify yourself anyone, not even yourself.

How is it cowardice? Do you even know what bravery or courage are? I would not think I was being brave if I went and picked on somebody physically smaller than me. Courage and so on are defined as being able to take things calmly and make a decision, it is not about rushing in like an idiot and picking fights. Quite frequently taking the non violent solution shows more courage than having an emotional outburst and hitting somebody (you could do that in fear).
Is it also "cowardice" if you report a crime to the police? Courage is not like in manga where some person does some inhuman thing, people show courage everyday (not all people).

I agree with you, its not cowardice to tell someone else however that method fails more than 90% of the time. Sometimes you have to see things for what they are...It will become cowardly if you avoid confrontation all the time, If you know confrontation is the only way but you choose not to confront them and tell someone else, that could be seen as cowardice.

I'm not saying cowardice is bad. It is a self defense mechanism but it isn't always the right one.

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I believe in letting people do as they wish, as do I myself. Sometimes, of course, what I wish to do is kill them and they do not wish to die. This gives life interest.
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Quote from Peep

How is it cowardice? Do you even know what bravery or courage are? I would not think I was being brave if I went and picked on somebody physically smaller than me. Courage and so on are defined as being able to take things calmly and make a decision, it is not about rushing in like an idiot and picking fights. Quite frequently taking the non violent solution shows more courage than having an emotional outburst and hitting somebody (you could do that in fear).
Is it also "cowardice" if you report a crime to the police? Courage is not like in manga where some person does some inhuman thing, people show courage everyday (not all people).

I never said anything like that, why do you need to make it look like I did? I'm not saying you should bully someone yourself, or even that bullies aren't cowards. What I'm saying is that if someone pick on you, it's cowardice to get help from others, except if the person who picks on you is a lot older than you (unless you're an adult) or if it's a group of people. How do you compare telling to teacher about you being bullied to reporting a crime to the police? Bullying is a crime, but it's something you should take care of yourself if possible, not tell the police. But of course you should report things like stolen cars, rapes etc. to the police.

Also, I'm not saying it's more brave to solve things violently, I'm saying it's more brave to solve them yourself, than go get help from others. If a kid of your own age bullies you, what's brave in going to get help from teachers? And if you had read my earlier posts you would know that I never said anything good about emotional outbursts, but said that it's important to have a strong mind, whether or not you have physical strength.Where did I ever say picking people weaker than you is courage? Are you perhaps misinterpreting what I say on purpose? If you're afraid to tell teachers and your parents about bullying, doing so doesn't mean it's brave, it's just other kind of cowardice, you do it because you're even more afraid to not to do anything or try to solve it yourself.

If you disagree with me, at least make a more logical argument.

Quote from fr33noob

I'm not saying cowardice is bad. It is a self defense mechanism but it isn't always the right one.

So anything is good as long as it protects yourself as long as it doesn't people who are uninvolved? Is all that "doing the right thing" stuff even when you end up getting hurt lies? In the end there's nothing permanently good, nothing that would be the right thing to do if it ends up hurting people. So what's the right thing to do in the end is measured in the result. So there are really no virtues. You always need to consider the results, that's all there is to doing the right thing?

Is this what you mean? Or if it's not, perhaps you'd like to tell why isn't cowardice bad—because you say it's self defense mechanism? Things that are natural characteristics are always right? Isn't killing natural too, sometimes a self defense mechanism, sometimes an instinct to get food, and so on for various different reasons? And how do you define what's the right decision? That which helps you achieve your purpose is right in that sense, but is it right is a bit more complicated. I can't quite surely say that I disagree with you since I don't understand your reasoning, perhaps you might explain yourself a little.

Far-off places with sweet sounding names.

Come now guys... we need to stop feeding the troll.
I've given up.

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I would have gotten angry as well if someone spat at me. If the person was much stronger at me, I wouldn't try to hit that person, but I would scream like hell at him. I mean like really screaming. And I would spit back, trying to make a scene and get as much attention as possible. So that everybody can see and hear this.
Another method I would use is to attack him verbally, making him regret the things and making him feel guilty.
There are a lot of people who recommend violence. I don't think that that's a good idea. It could easily backfire. First it would have to be a one on one "fight" and it's unlikely that a bully would be alone, you might be the one who ends up beaten up. Also accidents easily happen, as for all when one is in rage. You or the other person might get hurt badly. Maybe that's only me exaggerating, but still... Don't do something that you might regret later. If I would be hit in an sensitive area, like the throat, the chest or something like that, I would have serious breathing problems.....

I think you have to use a method your most confident in, some are more confident in violence and some other are more confident in verbal arguments. If you really want to get back at him, you have to be 100% determined, or else it won't work.

Quote from 狂気

Quote from fr33noob

I'm not saying cowardice is bad. It is a self defense mechanism but it isn't always the right one.

So anything is good as long as it protects yourself as long as it doesn't people who are uninvolved? Is all that "doing the right thing" stuff even when you end up getting hurt lies? In the end there's nothing permanently good, nothing that would be the right thing to do if it ends up hurting people. So what's the right thing to do in the end is measured in the result. So there are really no virtues. You always need to consider the results, that's all there is to doing the right thing?

Is this what you mean? Or if it's not, perhaps you'd like to tell why isn't cowardice bad—because you say it's self defense mechanism? Things that are natural characteristics are always right? Isn't killing natural too, sometimes a self defense mechanism, sometimes an instinct to get food, and so on for various different reasons? And how do you define what's the right decision? That which helps you achieve your purpose is right in that sense, but is it right is a bit more complicated. I can't quite surely say that I disagree with you since I don't understand your reasoning, perhaps you might explain yourself a little.

Well the most common cowardice is brought on by fear. Fear is something within all humansdisincluding mentally ill. Cowadice in most cases is a way of avoiding those fears...A way of survival that heeds no praise and seeks ones comfort. People who do such things are not neccesarily bad people or any less than the other...

However my point here is that this method of survival is not the best way at all times. It can even escalate the situation, facing your fears is something a strong willed person is able to do. Not physycally but mentaly strong. The mental abuse the bully inflicts is far worse than the physycal abuse. Action is sometimes a recomendation.

Face up to things is what i was getting at. I mean seriously, spat in the face? When would you take action..?

[img]http://i1114.photobucket.com/albums/k528/fr33noob/on3winged9.jpg[/img]
I believe in letting people do as they wish, as do I myself. Sometimes, of course, what I wish to do is kill them and they do not wish to die. This gives life interest.
[img]http://www.nodiatis.com/pub/26.jpg[/img]

Quote from 狂気

I never said anything like that, why do you need to make it look like I did? I'm not saying you should bully someone yourself, or even that bullies aren't cowards. What I'm saying is that if someone pick on you, it's cowardice to get help from others, except if the person who picks on you is a lot older than you (unless you're an adult) or if it's a group of people. How do you compare telling to teacher about you being bullied to reporting a crime to the police? Bullying is a crime, but it's something you should take care of yourself if possible, not tell the police. But of course you should report things like stolen cars, rapes etc. to the police.

Also, I'm not saying it's more brave to solve things violently, I'm saying it's more brave to solve them yourself, than go get help from others. If a kid of your own age bullies you, what's brave in going to get help from teachers? And if you had read my earlier posts you would know that I never said anything good about emotional outbursts, but said that it's important to have a strong mind, whether or not you have physical strength.Where did I ever say picking people weaker than you is courage? Are you perhaps misinterpreting what I say on purpose? If you're afraid to tell teachers and your parents about bullying, doing so doesn't mean it's brave, it's just other kind of cowardice, you do it because you're even more afraid to not to do anything or try to solve it yourself.

If you disagree with me, at least make a more logical argument.

Of course my points are logical, you just misconstrued them and believed them to be relating to something else.
"Are you perhaps misinterpreting what I say on purpose?" No. Although I was tempted to be sarcastic in reply to that. You just missed the connotation & context I used.

It does not matter if they are the same age, a child or teenager the same age could still inflict serious damage on another or just make the person's life hell. It is brave that a person is willing to risk their social reputation. The two of them are obviously older teens, do you really think throwing a punch at a guy a lot bigger and stronger than it will solve anything? What it will do is get him beaten up, then it will get him beaten up again, then if he needs to tell the teacher the other guy has witnesses that he was attacked first.

It is called a comparator. I agreed with most of your post I initially quoted, but I think by labelling it cowardice you set it as a forbidden option.
Why rapes & stolen cars, what about assault and battery? What about threats? These are crimes, but if you indoctrinate a child into a belief system that they should always fight battles themselves instead of acquiring help then they will either end up in prison or have a knife in them.
How adults deal with interpersonal conflicts is reflected in how they developed as a child. If you have a child unwilling to get help and always fighting losing battles, how do you think the adult will turn out?

You never said those points, I did, by expanding on your arguments with examples it is possible to show you flaws in them. Like the one where you insist it is brave to fight somebody, but cowardice to get help, it can be vice versa, somebody might be pent up with stress and fear and strike out. The point I am making is hitting somebody is not inherently brave, it can just as easily be motivated by fear and not produce anything worthwhile.

Again, you never said picking on somebody weaker is brave, this is an expansion. The spitting guy is not brave in the scenario is not brave because he will attack somebody (possibly).
Yes, I concur it is important to have a strong mind, but a strong mind does not equate fighting. There is quite the stigma in schools about telling a teacher of an incident (one of the reasons bullying is so prevalent, they can not do much if they do not know about it) so is it not somebody who has a strong resolve (or perhaps out of desperation) that informs their teacher?

Quote from Peep

It does not matter if they are the same age, a child or teenager the same age could still inflict serious damage on another or just make the person's life hell. It is brave that a person is willing to risk their social reputation. The two of them are obviously older teens, do you really think throwing a punch at a guy a lot bigger and stronger than it will solve anything? What it will do is get him beaten up, then it will get him beaten up again, then if he needs to tell the teacher the other guy has witnesses that he was attacked first.

If you consider bravery as doing something despite your fear, then it's technically bravery. But courage is considered a virtue, and no matter how I look at it, it doesn't look like much of a virtue the way you put it. Even if it takes courage to tell someone about the bullying, it could be because they're even more afraid not to.

Quote from Peep

It is called a comparator. I agreed with most of your post I initially quoted, but I think by labelling it cowardice you set it as a forbidden option.

Here I understand you well. It's human nature that you don't want to do anything "wrong". Even when people are proud of being "evil" and doing "bad things", in their mind the laws of the society aren't truly "good". Their idea is that what they do is right even if it's labeled "evil" and things that are labeled as "good" might be wrong.

Everyone has faults and everyone does things they don't really believe in, but truly accepting that it wrong is a great step towards doing it right. I'm not judging people based on their bad or weak traits. Everyone has weaknesses. If you see some drunk bum sleeping in the park, the first thing that comes into many people's mind is disgust, and even if the drunken bum is someone too weak to try harder in life, it's not something he should be judged for. We don't know his circumstances. It could be that most of who click their tongue and look away when they walk past him would have even committed suicide if their life had been like his.

Cowardice very often comes from the way a person is raised, or if not directly, at least it didn't prevent them not to turn into cowards. And then again, the way they are raised like that is a consequence of yet another thing. I do not judge people who are weaker than me. But if you're weak, you should at least strive to become stronger (not physically, though it might help you become stronger in some cases). But then again, because of some other things it might be that the person isn't the kind of person with such motivation. Still, that doesn't take away the fact that what we are is in the end our own responsibility. You can't say a murderer is innocent just because he's one because of the way he was raised.

This is entirely off topic, but in this way of thinking, even if people are responsible of their actions, perhaps if what they do wrong is due to something that happened in their past, it could be corrected and they could be healed, instead of putting them in jail (assuming that there exist such things as ethics, otherwise "healing" them would be the same as re-educating them).

And just because this reminds me of something Gandhi said (or a translation of it?), I'll quote it here: "Man is the sum of his actions, of what he has done, of what he can do, nothing else."

Quote from Peep

You never said those points, I did, by expanding on your arguments with examples it is possible to show you flaws in them. Like the one where you insist it is brave to fight somebody, but cowardice to get help, it can be vice versa, somebody might be pent up with stress and fear and strike out. The point I am making is hitting somebody is not inherently brave, it can just as easily be motivated by fear and not produce anything worthwhile.

And that's the reason why I said they were illogical. Your points didn't follow mine, they conflict with them. I was just being too vague (though perhaps reading my earlier posts would have helped understand them), so you should have instead put in it a way of asking whether I meant that and that, or just ask me to be more specific about points you thought too vague.

I don't really see how you came into conclusion that I encouraged hitting someone. I was talking of having stronger mind to prevent bullying. If you have strong mind, the first thing is to try to solve it alone with the bully and yourself without violence, if that doesn't work, then fighting back—and if you do it without weak mindset it will most often stop the bullying whether you beat him or get beaten up, the last thing is to do is ask for help, but it's cowardice if you do it with weak mindset (if you do it for wrong motives, i.e. because you're too weak to face the problem yourself), and I see it as very unlikely such an approach is required unless—as I said before—you're bullied by a group of people, or someone significantly your elder, but even then you should first try to solve things peacefully with the bully/bullies.

Another point I'd like to make is that the bullied almost never considers the bully's circumstances. Of course they're wrong bullying you, but everyone's wrong sometimes. They often just brand the bully as "bad" because they are not thinking rationally, but are driven by their negative emotions, which isn't any different from the bully—in which case you might also consider if not the bullied would also bully someone weaker than them because of those negative emotions (in case that's the reason for the bully to... bully), if they were physically stronger (like bullies usually are) or have something to place physical strength (or something of the sort).

This reminded me of a manga Nijigahara Holograph in which a bullied boy told the teachers and his mother about the bullying, and then his mother is in school shouting how his precious, kind little boy gets bullied by these evil little devils, and the bullied boy is hiding behind her back obviously feeling good of himself and repeating his mother's insults towards those bullies (and in this situation it's obviously partly his mothers fault that his like that). This might be a bit extreme example, but the important idea is to try to be strong and do what you think is truly right, not to let hate effect your judgment or just try to find the easiest way out. Of course it's difficult, but if you do not succeed in doing the right thing, there's no need to deny you did wrong because everyone does that, and just try to learn from it and try harder the next time.

Far-off places with sweet sounding names.