you are the key, mams ;D

"Rule No. 1 is, don't sweat the small stuff. Rule No. 2 is, it's all small stuff." - Robert Eliot, Writer

"Oh boy, here we go...again." - Israfel

I'm getting too old....

Quote from Mamsmilk

This has to be a secret spam plan. 🤣

🤣
here's this one
Top 10 signs you are geek

10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address.

9. You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is "Hi, what's your URL?"

10. Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.

11. You're amazed to find out spam is a food.

12. You "ping" people to see if they're awake, "finger" them to find out how they are, and "AYT" them to make sure they're listening to you.

13. You search the Net endlessly hoping to win every silly free T-shirt contest.

14. You introduce your wife as "my lady@home.wife" and refer to your children as "client applications".

15. At social functions you introduce your husband as "my domain server".

16. After winning the office super bowl pool you blurt out, "I feel so "colon-right parentheses!"

And the number one sign you are an Internet Geek:

1. Two Words: "Pizza's Here!"

Here's another one

Three drunk men

These three guys got together one day and were talking about how drunk they got at a party the night before.

The first guy said, ''Man I was so drunk last night I went home and blew chunks.''

The second guy said, ''Man that was nothing I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I got my DWI.''

The third guy says, "Man that was nothing. I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I picked up a prostitute and my wife caught us in bed.''

Then the first guy said, ''No -- you guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"

Quote from Israfel

lol, sucks

A little old lady was sitting on her front porch in her rocking chair, reflecting on her long life, when suddenly her fairy godmother appeared to grant her three wishes.

"What would you like for your first wish?" the fairy godmother asked.

The little old lady said, "I guess I'm like everyone else, and would like to be rich."

POOF! Her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

"And, for your second wish?" asked her fairy godmother.

The little old lady said, "Well, like everyone else, I wish I were young and attractive."

POOF! The little old lady was now a beautiful young woman.

"And, for your third and final wish?" asked her fairy godmother.

Now the beautiful young woman was trying to come up with her last wish when Burt, her tomcat, walked across the porch in front of her.

"Oh!" she said. "Can you turn Burt into a handsome young prince?"

POOF! Suddenly, before her very eyes, was the most handsome young prince she had ever seen.

He smiled at her with a manliness that made her knees weak. Her heartbeat quickened, as lust coursed through her every fiber. The handsome young prince slowly approached her and whispered softly in her ear: "Don't you wish you hadn't had me neutered..."

This reminds me of a joke

An old woman with no legs and no arms is lying on the beach, after a little while an attractive young man walks by

"Excuse me, sir," the old woman said

"What is it" he replied

"Well I was just thinking I haven't been hugged in so long, so will you hug me"

"Alright" he said, so he picked her up and gave her a hug

The next day the man walks by again and sees her

She stops him again and says, “I haven’t been kissed in so long, will you kiss me please”

He sees nothing wrong with it, so he picks her up and kisses her on the cheek and puts her back down

On the third day the old woman is still on the beach

She stops him yet again and says, “I haven’t been screwed in so long, will you please screw me”

He says alright so he picks her up tosses her into the water and says, “There your screwed” and walks away

Quote from fjgs19

Here's another one

Three drunk men

These three guys got together one day and were talking about how drunk they got at a party the night before.

The first guy said, ''Man I was so drunk last night I went home and blew chunks.''

The second guy said, ''Man that was nothing I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I got my DWI.''

The third guy says, "Man that was nothing. I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I picked up a prostitute and my wife caught us in bed.''

Then the first guy said, ''No -- you guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"

[img]http://i217.photobucket.com/albums/cc278/Mamsmilk/Blaa/Wut.png[/img]

Quote from fjgs19

Quote from Mamsmilk

This has to be a secret spam plan. 🤣

🤣      

here's this one
Top 10 signs you are geek

10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address.

9. You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is "Hi, what's your URL?"

10. Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.

11. You're amazed to find out spam is a food.

12. You "ping" people to see if they're awake, "finger" them to find out how they are, and "AYT" them to make sure they're listening to you.

13. You search the Net endlessly hoping to win every silly free T-shirt contest.

14. You introduce your wife as "my lady@home.wife" and refer to your children as "client applications".

15. At social functions you introduce your husband as "my domain server".

16. After winning the office super bowl pool you blurt out, "I feel so "colon-right parentheses!"

And the number one sign you are an Internet Geek:

1. Two Words: "Pizza's Here!"

While I do none of that...getting the joke itself is geeky. 😀

Quote from fjgs19

Here's another one

Three drunk men

These three guys got together one day and were talking about how drunk they got at a party the night before.

The first guy said, ''Man I was so drunk last night I went home and blew chunks.''

The second guy said, ''Man that was nothing I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I got my DWI.''

The third guy says, "Man that was nothing. I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I picked up a prostitute and my wife caught us in bed.''

Then the first guy said, ''No -- you guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"

...... : :Blow chunks...as in barfing..notwhattheguydidinthejokeIdon'tevenhaveadog : : ewwwwwwwww 😛 😀

** [color=green]Mad people either have no sense or too many extra senses... [/color]**
[color=red]On the net, men are men, women are men and children are the FBI. =D[/color]

Here's another one

10 fun things to do in public.

1.Sit in the middle of the sidewalk and laugh maniacly.
2.Ask some one for the time then start giggling uncontrolably
3.Stop walking in the middle of foot traffic and start singing the theme song to the love boat.
4. Pretend you are going ship recked on a bus.
5 Do a hula dance in a mall
6. Go to the electronics department and dance along to the music.
7. Go to a shakespeare play and wave a foam finger around.
8. Go up to a complete stranger and go "I loved you! Why didn't you call me?!?.
9. Pretend you are apart of the IRS and want to make sure people are paying taxes.
10. Make a "save the lobsters" picket sighn and march around the lobster aqurium in a suppermarket.

Quote from fjgs19

Here's another one

10 fun things to do in public.

1.Sit in the middle of the sidewalk and laugh maniacly.
2.Ask some one for the time then start giggling uncontrolably
3.Stop walking in the middle of foot traffic and start singing the theme song to the love boat.
4. Pretend you are going ship recked on a bus.
5 Do a hula dance in a mall
6. Go to the electronics department and dance along to the music.
7. Go to a shakespeare play and wave a foam finger around.
8. Go up to a complete stranger and go "I loved you! Why didn't you call me?!?.
9. Pretend you are apart of the IRS and want to make sure people are paying taxes.
10. Make a "save the lobsters" picket sighn and march around the lobster aqurium in a suppermarket.

Uh...is that like list that a friend made for you after hanging with you long enough? 😀

** [color=green]Mad people either have no sense or too many extra senses... [/color]**
[color=red]On the net, men are men, women are men and children are the FBI. =D[/color]

Quote from Nelo_Neko

Uh...is that like list that a friend made for you after hanging with you long enough? 😀

No (n_n)

that was kinda mean, nelo...

"Rule No. 1 is, don't sweat the small stuff. Rule No. 2 is, it's all small stuff." - Robert Eliot, Writer

"Oh boy, here we go...again." - Israfel

I'm getting too old....

I demand more products!

[img]http://i217.photobucket.com/albums/cc278/Mamsmilk/Blaa/Lulz.png[/img]

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word 'penis' in tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class.

The next day she went into the room and she saw, in larger letters, the word
'penis' again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the
culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the
same word written on the board, and each day it was written in larger letters.

Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words, "The more you rub it, the bigger it
gets!"

Quote from Israfel

that was kinda mean, nelo...

It's okay I don't care (n_n)

here's another one

smart salesman

A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -
"Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"

Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"

The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again -
"Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?

Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"

The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -
"Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".

Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
"HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like crap!!!"

"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"

[img]http://www.engrish.com/image/engrish/my-juice.jpg[/img]

[img]http://www.engrish.com/image/engrish/plussy.jpg[/img]

Quote from Israfel

that was kinda mean, nelo...

Nothing, It just reminded me of something my friend did in high school. I don't have the list anymore, he read it out loud.... 😛

I hate roaches but apparently not as bad as this guy!

** [color=green]Mad people either have no sense or too many extra senses... [/color]**
[color=red]On the net, men are men, women are men and children are the FBI. =D[/color]

I know you like it! 🙂

[img]http://www.engrish.com/image/engrish/coolpis.jpg[/img]

Or for a diet...

[img]http://www.engrish.com/image/engrish/humanwater.jpg[/img]