Is it right to find Ms. Right? But actually, the real question is, is there a Ms. Right, not just for me but for everyone? If there is, then, it is not pointless to look and find her. And since my original question is, is it right to find Ms. Right, I am assuming that there exists a Ms. Right for me. Or should I make one perhaps? Or be like one?

Since I was aware that I am different from everyone else, that happiness is not only self-derived, I have been longing for someone to be my special someone. Maybe it was culture or social conditioning, but the point is – we look for other people for validation and confirmation. I wouldn't want to be a hypocrite and say that I don't look for other people for love. Yes, it is the greatest love of all, learning to love one's self but deep in my heart, it is greater to love and be loved by someone else. Since I came to this conclusion, I realized that longing for that somebody else hurts. It hurts to feel the emptiness of your heart that no matter what I do, I could not just fill it up. It pains to realize that after all the search, after one relationship after another; there is still the void of emptiness. Each relationship brings new insights and the realization that I haven't met the one; the someone that would make my life different.

The one, Ms. Right. How could I find the Ms. Right of my life? I have tried going out for dates, meeting new people. I have been used, abused, manipulated and terribly hurt, only because I thought that if I only give-in, I will have Ms. Right. Talk about being desperate huh! But still I haven't met her. Some may argue that to meet Ms. Right, one has to be like one. One has to be the right person too. And I believe I am. I am caring, passionate, romantic and giving. I am sincere, thoughtful and sensitive. I appreciate life, I love fun. I am a good conversationalist, understanding, and smart. I am simple, and yet complicated. I am not a high-maintenance person. I admit, I am not perfect, but who is? I am not looking for Ms. Perfect; I am looking for Ms. Right.

Ms. Right for me is someone who, unabashedly, will sing me a song or recite to me a poem she had written. She isn't necessarily good looking but pleasantly clean and neat. She is confident, and supportive, understanding and romantic. She is adventurous, encouraging me to try new things and discover new activities. Sometimes, she is quiet, preferring a night on the bed, talking. Or holding hands at the movies. She would enjoy going to the beach once in a while and with me, wait for the sun to set, the moon and stars to come out, sleep on the sand with the waves of the sea lulling us to sleep only to be awakened by the sunrise. Or an evening where she will cook pasta and set the table with candles and have dessert while listening to some romantic love songs.

We could have the same taste in music, food, books; or not. She can be very complicated, and I would cherish every moment in my life I'm sharing with her understanding her complexity. She could be simple and I would enjoy every moment of simple life, as long as it's with her. I'll share with her every thought, dreams and aspirations I have.

She could be of my age, younger or older. She could be all of the above… or not, again, I'm not looking for Ms. Perfect, just the one, someone who would feel right to me.

The task of finding Ms. Right may be fruitless, but at least no one can accuse me of not having tried at all. I may be getting older, but definitely, I am getting wiser. If years from now, Ms. Right haven't come along yet, I wouldn't give up but I will go on with my life. The important thing is, aside from Ms. Right who hasn't come yet, there's another one who loves me as I am. Me.

As an old man who didn't find a spouse, I suggest you not do what I did. Simply put, don't set criteria for "Miss Right" (after all, the existence of a true MR would imply the existence of some kind of god who knows who that is, which is unlikely). Instead, go about in the world as much as possible. Be open and friendly to all women that you meet. Ignore minor flaws in them, since everyone has those. Then some woman or women will pick YOU.

Above all, realize that women truly do the picking, mostly, not men. They may wish you to initiate matters between you two, but they decide whether you're a decent prospect to start with. Then they hint at you what they want (or if you're very physically attractive they may pursue you openly). Just keep your eyes open for those hints! And be sure to act on the hints given by the best of the lot at the time you're actively looking for a mate. It's that simple.

Life is short. It's better to live it with a companion, even a "flawed" one, or one you joined up with because she picked you, though you might never have imagined, just thinking abstractly about it, that you'd want such a person!

Last edited by cecropiamoth at 11:03 am, Jun 25 2016

Thank you sir for that very thoughtful response. I'm not sure but it seems to you that my post gives an impression that I'm looking for someone perfect if I'm to infer to what you said about "minor flaws."

I did what you said even before. I am open and friendly to all women that I encounter and there were many of them. Honestly, as open as I am to know more about them (at least those who I've met so far), it appears that I do not see any of them as someone who I want to spend a long time with.

To be honest what I'm looking for is maturity in relationships. I could care less if she's pretty or not (at the very least, I wish she is hygienic and looks neat). I long for a relationship someone where we could help each other grow as much better persons than who we are now.

Unfortunately, the women I've met so far are superficial, catty, and unreasonably demanding. I do not know why. Wrong crowd maybe?

Perhaps there is a part of me who is hopelessly romantic. I'm looking for a woman who has a heart that can truly see what are essential that are invisible to the eye. Someone who could be my source of strength and inspiration. A reason why I look forward to wake up the next day. A motivation to become a whole lot better than who I am now. Same things that I will give to her in return. Am I asking too much?

As for my looks, I'm just your average Joe but hygienic and tidy-looking. I'm not in the Forbes list but I'm sure I could provide the basic needs of whoever my girl will be.

Sir, you told me the same thing what other people have already told me. They said that I will be forced to settle on someone if I don't plan on being alone for the rest of my life. If I do not want to grow old alone, I need to settle with someone available even the one whom I have no feelings at all but at the very least feel something for me. Frankly, I feel somewhat ambivalent about that proposition. At the moment, I'm not a fan of one-sided relationships. I feel it is unfair for the other party. But I think if I come to the point that I have to make a tough decision, perhaps I will pray that time will help me love her.

Thank you again.

You're life will be boring as hell. And you are looking a woman who only exists in manga.

Don't look for women whom you fantasize. Look at yourself first, are you qualifed to what standards you want in a woman? Challenge yourself first. Can you beat yourself?

I have been down this road exactly. The result is that I'm now old and alone. When I was young and looking around for a mate, a woman would periodically appear and show an interest in me. Because I was a strange combination of short, shy, and arrogant, I would not attract beauties or fascinating ladies. Therefore I would ignore their hints.

I never was willing to take the chance that affection and appreciation for one of those superficially unattractive women would grow if I spent time with her. Most likely it would have. Close physical affection is such a fundamental need that it naturally does that. But, like I said, I was arrogant (and also frightened of closeness), so I kept dreaming of the love of exciting beauties.

Unfortunately, life is pretty short, and so my result, aging solitude, was entirely predictable.

Thank you for your queries.

Whether simple or complicated, I will enjoy whatever boredom or excitement life will bring me as long as I'm with my Miss Right.

As for the manga stuff, again, I'm just an average Joe. Not your typical handsome and/or hunky bishonen. And I'm not looking for a girl who is a bishoujo either. I'm not looking for Miss Perfect. I'm looking for Miss Right. As long as she is hygienic and tidy-looking, I could care less if she is not the typical description of beautiful and/or sexy. I am taking bath twice a day, brushes my teeth regularly with mouthwash, and other stuff. Also, I don't look shabby.

I am also reliable. I never let a person down and if I did, despite all my best efforts to deliver, I apologize profusely. I am financially independent. The clothes I'm wearing, I bought it. The house I live in, I bought it. I pay my own bills. I believe I can be her strength when she is weak. She can rely on my shoulders when she needs to cry. I will be her source of energy and motivation to wake up and live for another day.

I think I can write a thousand page about who is Miss Right. I guess it's a whole lot easier to say who is she not. Simply, she's not vain, high-maintenance, superficial, catty, unreasonably demanding and unhygienic. I am none of those things.

Thank you again.



Thanks again for the response.

In my case, I make a decent effort and time to know a girl before I make a well-informed judgment about her. I humbly believe I will only bring myself pain if I continue to engage with a girl whom I fully experienced as superficial, catty, vain, among others.

I don't play for the sake of just having a mere relationship. I play for keeps. I'm not merely looking for a lover. I'm looking for a lifetime partner.

Last edited by lambchopsil at 8:29 am, Jul 5 2016

I give up.

There are only a few things that can make it extremely hard to find a woman: great physical unattractiveness, chronic behavioral weirdness, visible meanness, apparent poverty, or over-thinking the thing. That's because finding a mate is a standard thing to do, and folks of the other gender are trying just as intensely as you are to do it.

You seem to be the over-thinking type. Here's the give-away: "I think I can write a thousand page about who is Miss Right."

Good luck with that.

This.

and you should stop calling out for Miss Right like it's something that happens at first sight. Finding Miss/Mr Right is a process that you are a big part of. It seems to me that you only put emphasis on "Miss Right" and how you expect her to be rather then focusing on yourself. Like its her responsibility to be how -you- want and help -you- grow and be -your- inspiration. I don't know you personally, you're probably a nice dude for all I care, but man you got to stop being this selfish. You complain about attracting the wrong girls, but have you thought that maybe the fault lies in your outlook on relationships? That you attract these types of girls because...well you may be the exact same as them even if you do not admit/realize it?

I may sound harsh, but I have come to realize that this "Miss Right" bullshit is what usually ruins the whole dating process. You are so concentrated on your expectations that you fail to notice that they aren't even realistic. Stop over-thinking and just breathe and live.

sounds like youve had some bad experiences, but if youre consistently ending up with people who use you, maybe youre looking for a mate in the wrong place?

other than that, take a look at yourself. you say youre an average joe, clean and hygenic, ok. are you an interesting person? thats also important when people meet you. that you will be a devoted mate in the future is not something people can see when they meet you. be an interesting guy that theyll want to meet again. i cant tell you how many average "nice guys" ive met who turn out to be selfish control freaks who think they deserve a devoted woman clinging to them.

you say youre not looking for a perfect girl, but to me it still looks like youre chasing a manga dream. the dream of having a girl who is completely devoted to you and not selfish, always understanding you and being your personal muse and inspiration. the kind of relationship youre looking for takes years to develop, and a lot of trust, which is often earned through some difficulty.

if you approach every new person thinking like this, then really youre just self-centered and just thinking of yourself. think about it from the other person's perspective. i know you say youre a great guy, but thats just what you say, i cant know that and neither can other people. dont stop improving yourself. hang out in groups of smart and creative people. maybe youll have better luck.

Sorry sir, but I think your description of woman could be classified as 'the perfect one'. Just because she don't need to be pretty, she would enter to the realm of well, not perfect. The ms. right that you are describing feels more like a cookies cutter version of 'what I would like to do with my future girl' you would find in instagram or facebook feed. Find someone you could accept in their worst (help her with hangover, cramps, egoist demand), not someone you would like to go to party with. Why? Because to accept the former is harder.

I've been approached by several man, all with their own idealized version of female. Most of the time, they failed to realize that I'm not that shy cute girl that they were envisioning for. I just can't get myself to be comfortable with them.

Don't try to be the 'nice guy' who do everything the girl ask for. You are looking for a living partner, not a master to serve and vice versa.