The reason why they are saying that "asking about religion and views on life" makes a girl feel cornered is because a lot of people consider those to be "profound topics" (maybe because they take a couple more braincells to process than the tripe most people talk about).

That immediately sets the tone of discussion to be more serious. In other words, you're already partially admitting that you're seriously considering her as a potential partner.

This, IMO, is acceptable when you're set up on a blind date, or you had prior arrangements with a girl, such as through online personals/matchmaking/dating, when the *context* of the situation is obvious: You're both looking for a partner, and it's reasonable to know about each others stances on these supposedly profound topics.

However, for a casual approach, the assumption is that no such admission/context is given. You're immediately shifting from a casual context to serious one. Giving the girl no time to prepare, "cornering" her.

never give a weak hand shake.

...never...

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why because i am the president of the student council of course

I ask most persons about those things, and I have never thought that would be seen as considering someone a potential partner... I feel really stupid right now. But what would be acceptable topics then?

You don't need to feel stupid. It really depends on context. Who knows, you might have framed the questions in such a way that these "profound" topics naturally blend into the conversation and don't seem forced.

Generally, topics that seem too personal, too intimate will give people the impression that you're interested in them.

I'm not a great person to ask, because I am like you, and I talk about supposedly profound topics (as well as superficial ones) even with male friends. I don't really care all that much if the girl is feeling cornered. Generally, if the girl likes me and thinks I'm a good catch, she'll get over "feeling cornered" fairly quickly. I don't think they'll ever admit that to me, but that's just how I've seen it.

(Nevertheless, I still avoid intimate topics with people who are effectively strangers for an obvious reason: I'm not going to get a meaningful response most of the time anyway, so there's no point.)

I think most topics are fine. Some that I personally consider a bit intimate are:
- relationships / past relationships
- marriage (strong)
- sex (strong)
- salary / income (applies to everyone)
- religion / politics (mild)
- race / ethnicity / genetics (mild to strong, depending on what ethnicities/races the two of you are)
...

Last edited by N0x_ at 12:23 pm, May 4 2011

I'm a girl and I think it's important to keep your distance physically when you're approaching a girl; at least, I get really uncomfortable when a guy I don't feel close to is invading my personal space.

As for conversation topics, it may be wise not to talk politics on a first date (if you happen to know the other person's political preference is the same as yours it's okay, but otherwise you might want to avoid this topic)

You also shouldn't immediately start talking about sex; she'll think you're just trying to get into her pants (we already think that's all guys think about, so don't confirm the prejudice). Also, she might still be a virgin (yes, we're not extinct yet), so that kind of talk would certainly frighten her.

Lastly, a lot of girls are still pretty hung up on the whole marriage thing; whereas it is probably not a good idea to be discussing the names of your future children already, you could still discuss marriage as an institution, but if you don't ever intend on getting married you better keep your mouth shut.

An absolute no-go is ex-girlfriend talk, that definitely wont earn you any brownie points.
If you want to get on her good side, make sure to compliment her, but make sure that your compliments are credible, and don't over-do it; she'll know and be offended by it.

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Agreed -- I wasn't saying don't talk about those things at all, because I'm totally fine with talking about religion if it's discussing theology, or talking about family or friends if it's exchanging funny stories or whatever, but rather don't start asking "Do you love God?" and "So you don't feel affection for a lot of people, but what about your parents, do you love them?" if you've only known a girl for a month and only spoken to her four or five times. And I'm not even sure how to explain this, but whenever I talked to him I always always felt like he was trying to get some kind of (positive) emotional response from me -- and that was what weirded me out, more than the actual topic of our conversation.

I'm female and I think it's important to keep the general tone of the conversation light-hearted and friendly if you were approaching someone for the first time. I think it's okay to ask about religion, politics etc. but only if it fits naturally into the conversation. I wouldn't really fill an awkward silence with "So... what's the meaning of life?"

I think being polite is also important. I strongly dislike people who feel the need to make every other word that comes out of their mouth a swear word. I'd also keep any humour as inoffensive as possible until you knew them well enough to know it wouldn't inadvertently offend them.

Most important of all to me is being positive. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!

I'm a female and I think the most important thing is good hygiene. Men, no women wants a man that smells (bad) and is greasy. With me I've learned it doesn't matter what pick up line a guy says to me if he smells like B.O., liquor, bad breath or an ash tray, I'm not going to give them the time of day.

I also like a man that is honest, if the only reason your interested in me is because you think I'm hot, just say it don't beat around the bush. If I'm not interested I'll let you know right away. I'm personally really open to different conversations, I like everything from astrology signs, politics (really like talking about), movies (personal favorite), music, and personal interest. The most important thing is be honest. But I admit it I like cheesy pick up lines if worked right can be a good conversation starter.

Wasn't asking for rules or techniques at all. Being true to myself and having common sense is the reason I have a girlfriend right now. This topic was made due to sheer curiosity.

Edit: On a side note, is it just me or do any of you guys/ladies find that when you are in a relationship the number of times that someone tries to pick you up increases?

Last edited by Yumcha at 8:13 pm, May 4 2011

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The world would be a bleak place without manga.

People have already posted common pointers and what not...and...I don't have much to add.

Oh. Girls usually don't like guys who have put way too much Axe/cologne/whatever.

It makes you seem like you were too lazy to take a shower and just sprayed something "good smelling" to try to cover it.

Yes. You don't seem as desperate. It's why we shouldn't spend too much time worrying about finding a partner. The desperation will show in ways that are hard to control. Time is better spent enjoying hobbies, developing skills, etc.

It's funny, because a similar phenomenon occurs with regards to jobs. When you first start looking, it's tough. Once you land your first white-collar job, the offers start piling in, and they even accelerate as the years go by. You don't even need to do job hunting. Head hunters come for you.

Desperation is a turn-off for everyone, I guess.

Last edited by N0x_ at 10:17 pm, May 4 2011

its because we always want wat we cant have

That actually depends from person to another.
You could be viewed violent.
Your input is rather directed at how to get a job from a 60-year-old corporate head.


I don't really think women are some kind of wild animals that you need to ambush.
Just don't be a total ass. Neither an ass lick. Get slowly under their skin. That is what
you do with any human. Being overly familiar only works if people are stoned or drunk,
because they don't feel that their personal space is being violated.
Just don't be awkward.
Don't tell stories about your heroic acts if they just stink of narcissism
and you are not on a par with your words.
Don't force yourself. Let people get interested in you at first.

And if you think you are a hopeless geek with no hope, fix it.
Be brave and smart. You're probably well-endowed in being a
smartass if you don't have the guts to do something yourself.

Excellent suggestion! I forgot to add that one; I also really hate it when guys wear to much cologne; it's suffocating and makes me want to throw up.

Personally, I don't really like cologne (they all have such strong smells; yuk ); deodorant is fine but PLEASE pick one that has a more neutral scent.

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If you are looking for something long term be funny, be different, be honest. Don't forget to be yourself, otherwise along the road things will get icky.

Otherwise just say that you are horny... works about... 3% of the time xD

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