Well,i L-O-V-E! the plot! Just improve the drawing
(sorry,i usually judge a manga by its drawing)and
I'll definitely read it! Maybe i'm too naive about
the details of improving a manga so i'll leave it up
to you but please don't rush! After all, we people
here will remain otakus, i mean manga lovers for
like forever,right? I'll be expecting it...
Ofcourse i'll read it! (just answering the original
question)

He's as goth as anyone can be 8]

That was just a regular rough draft of him >_> Like, y'know, school uniform and whatnot

I've been playing around with comedy, especially around Sunny, and I've gotten some ideas. 8D Of course, manga comedy is mostly expressed in the drawings, so I can't explain it here... xP

I've been drawing, and changed styles [once again]. My friends told me they like my current style [my guys actually look like guys o_O; And I've been trying to make like... bishies. xD] so I'll probably stick with it for a while. ^_^

>__>

I've also been inking [digitally, mind you] more often, and trying to get a start on toning [I've done it before but I can only do the basics, but I wanna improve to more 8D].

I have more stuff to add to the plot, but I'm too lazy to type it right now.

And like I said, I don't plan on starting this in a LONGGGGGG time. xD That's why I wasn't wanting like, art critique at the moment. >_>

I also judge a manga by its art [I've gotten turned off various mangas because the art style sucked *coughHYDcough*] so I'm not gonna be like, a hypocrite and do half-assed art x_<

I've read lots of manga where the guy looks girly [SA is one of my fav mangas, but srsly... Kei looks too girly -_-] and I'm obsessive over guys that actually LOOK like guys [not really bishie-bishie... but I love Yoh from Koukou Debut 8D]

oi, I get it =3

I said "normal" cause I tend to read the bizarre fantasy types of manga o.e lol


Yay for bishies! =D good luck.

Guys, maybe the dad is kinda a Jane Eyre sort of thing? You know, forced to gain custody of his child by a promise his deceased wife, yet not wanting her, so treating her like crap.

Looks interesting, if slightly Cliche, your manga does.

________________

Your art looks like a web comic artist's work.

I'm not sure exactly what creates the line, but there is a line between the manga-style and the web comic styles of comic book drawings.

The Japanese might reject your story, be prepared for that. Because you are not Japanese. They are xenophobic. I don't believe I've ever heard of an American mangaka being serialised in a shoujo magazine like Nakayosi, Cookie, Ribon, Lala, Hana to Yume, etc... You get my point.

Also, consider your target audience.

And a publisher, who do you want to publish your work? And would you try to get into a shoujo magazine?

There are a gazillion of them out there, to name a few:

Cookie
Margaret
Nakayosi
Ciao!
Hana to Yume
LaLa
Betsuma
Betsu Fure
Chu Chu
Cheese!
Asuka
Sho-comi

...

Well, anyway...

The plot seems interesting.
But it has too much abuse.. I mean, how come everybody pushes Maemi away and treats her so poorly.. isn't this a little too much?^^

How long is the manga going to be? do you have an idea for the end?
Even though the manga is at the begining of it's way, it might be good to think which direction it's heading.

Last edited by NightSwan at 7:34 am, Jan 30 2008

________________
Hrodulf and Bjornolfr, you will not be forgotten.

And if the world were black and white,
you would be my rainbow in shades of grey.

Click 'n Play!

If I had a fantasy self, it'd be a tentacle monster.

No, actually, it's NOT enough. However, don't worry - she won't go through all this alone! xD It's not a mopey manga, it's mostly mystery. And trust me, much [MUCH] worst is going to happen to her than what I have mentioned. MUCH, MUCH worse.

It sounds cruel I know, but if there was no abuse, it wouldn't be put together like I want it to. ^^ It's not as bad as it sounds, trust me. xD It all has a reason [well, most of it]. People DO go through this IRL [not the whole dad-thing but the abuse can be related to] so I want people to see it as it is. It's one of the things I want to get across. Yes, it's cruel. However, I don't want to cut her any slack just because she's MY character. I want to make her strong and for people to see that this world isn't as safe and happy as it looks like. It's much worst than people picture it.

"OH, THIS PERSON GOT RAPED / MURDERED / WHATEVER ELSE." When you hear that, you think "oh that sucks" but don't go into much further thought. I WANT people to go into much further thought. I WANT people to know what others go through. I hope you understand what I'm getting at. I'm not trying to make her go through hell - I actually want to make her strong, and other crap. >_> No whiny heroines who burst into tears because someone dumped them [oh lord, kill me]. Gah, I can't explain as well. -_- But trust me, this abuse is necessary to make my plot. It has A CRAPLOAD of drama. But like I said, mystery is the main genre. n.n Omg, I love mystery. @__@ <333 I LOVE PLOT TWISTS. They make me squeal like a 5 year old.

Length of it... hm, I've gotten arcs and crap planned out. However, I'm not going to estimate if it's going to be 5 or 395739853 volumes. I'm not that into the plot to know how long it's going to be. I'm not going that in-depth into the scenes / arcs. I'm just thinking "THIS'LL HAPPEN HERE, AND THIS'LL HAPPEN THERE", not really saying "THIS CHARACTER WILL DO THIS HERE, AND THEN THIS CHARACTER THAT, AND THEN THIS, THEN THAT". We'll see how long it'll come to when I think more.

I've also got a rough idea for the end. It might change over time, though. Nothing will be given about the end, so don't even bother asking. xD

And Bee, ever heard of pen names? ;D There can surely be many, but we just don't know. I've heard of many mangakas who's face have never been seen and work in the dark (Tsugumi Ohba is one, but he's probably just some other mangaka working under a penname). Y'KNOW?!?!

>___>

*cough*

I'd actually love to become an assistant for a mangaka. o__o; I heard that you learn a lot from this. >__>

WELL, EITHER WAY, I won't start on this project for a few years. I'm working on a new novel right now [a mystery one - aha, shoot me xD]. >___> And anyways, I have to improve my artwork. I want to learn more about screentoning, and anatomy / structure of the human body. ^^ I want to be satisfied with my art, and not do a half-assed job. >_> Y'know?

Enough about that.

I'm going back to working on my novel and working on month-old art commissions.

First of all you should stop being so hyper and emotional, because it's really hard to read your post if you get off topic and overuse emoticons.

I have one important piece of advice to give you: don't write a mystery novel. You will probably fail at writing a good mystery novel, because there are a lot, and I mean a lot, of important things you need to learn before you can write a compelling story.

You should learn how to write interesting characters that aren't one dimensional, you should learn how to pace your narrative, you should learn how to convey your message to the reader and you should get some experience.

Start off by writing short stories and show them to your friends, parents or teachers. I'm sure you're English teacher has a lot of good pointers to give you. Also if you have a literature club at your school then join it.

So basically my advice to you is: if you want to write, start at the beginning

Um... I've been writing for years now >_>

Well, I get your point..
But when a person goes through too much abuse, he can become unstable and other things..
You say you want to make her her strong, not a winp, but you're saying you want her to be even more abused...

I know what abuse is in person, and although it can make a person stonger, it can also ruin him..
You mentioned you don't want winy characters that wine over being dumped.
After going through abuse some might become too attached to people they date(if at all), and afraid to be neglected and "dumped".
I'm not saying all casaes are alike, but..

You should take that in acount.
Writing about a thing such as abuse, you should do some research..

I like you're general idea and you have a nice style.
(I'm more into historical novels and stuff though).




What's wrong with her being emotional?..
It can help her create great things..
Although I've read once "people who are interesting in person aren't good writers, people who are good writers are not interesting in person"
But that was written by a person who had his won view over things~.~

________________
Hrodulf and Bjornolfr, you will not be forgotten.

And if the world were black and white,
you would be my rainbow in shades of grey.

Click 'n Play!

If I had a fantasy self, it'd be a tentacle monster.

sounds good. I would read it as long as the art is at least decent. ^_^

This honestly sounds like some type of shojo that i'd actually read. However, I didn't read every single comment (read most of the plot posts), this plot doesnt make it seem like it'd be that long of a manga. You'd probably get it to about 5-7 volumes, 10 if you're trying to hold it out for as long as possible. Still, I myself prefer short manga, so this fits my style. I was just warning about the possiblity in case you wanted a longer one.

Also, will the father be forever the evil douchebag? I think you should give him some pity points. It's really generic if you just make the main antagonist pure unadulterated evil, but if you gave him a background and history as to why he became the way he is (abusive, and whatnot) people'd have more sympathy to him. No one is truly 100% the devil, and I think it'd make the plot more interesting (as well as make the manga longer), if you made the father a more round character.

Finally, are you appealing to the younger crowd with this manga? It looks like it's borderline older shojo/josei. This is just speculation.

the story's kind of confusing. Jumping from an issue to another immediately. There are too many problems on which the story will concentrate.

I haven't updated in a bit so I think I'll do a short update.

Hmm...

Well funkmu, the dad is basicay the mystery. There is a past and background to him because I've never heard of a parent who comes back to take their kid just to abuse them. I thought that was self explanatory but I guess I was wrong. ^_^ So hopes that clears up.
Again, I'm trying to aim for borderline shoujo/shounen but not really josei or seinen ages. Mid teens probably cause of the themes it deals with. I've some of the story planned out so I've gone a bit more into the characters. This is just brainstorming but it's so fun to do. ^_^

As for the whole complex abuse / etc that you mentioned NightSwan...

Some of the things I'm writing from personal experience so I hope that's "research" enough. Because this also deals with betrayal and a fuckload of psychological stuff, research is required and yes, I have started. ^_^
cornelia you're right about some of it but you gotta understand that in one way or another, everything is that stupid diary's fault. It all links to it one way or another. The moment Azusa found the page was like Pandora's Box opening.

As for length... Again don't know how long. ^_^ Hopefully in a few months I'll have a fair estimate. I'm pretty sure this will go for more than 5 volumes though.

I've also gotten most character design sheets done for most major characters. I've got a few of the prolotue pages drawn so after I get lazy and get to work, I'll post them.

The character sheets are really just for me to develop a "look" for the characters. I can describe the top main char for now though. The rest later I'm too lazy to type.

Maemi (girl) - "fake look" : black wig (midriff length) and round glasses. Hairstyle changes a lot cause I love drawing it. She wears like... Mix of boy and girls clothes (not alternate but a mix of both, girl clothes from Azu and boys from bro's hand me downs)
(boy) - "real look" : dyed short brown hair, clear contacts ... Boy clothing (brother's hand me downs) and male uniform

Actually your story is quite good, but has several cliches. But then again what story is completelly original? I'm also pursuing the same goal as you, and luckily my work has been published several times.
I'm from Mexico and being an artist is hard because almost 97% is not fond of manga style or anime...
I can be of some help if you need editing, proofreading and red lining ^_^

I'd read it 'cause the story actually got me (nowadays I'm reading only shojo and overly dramatic romances) I'm actually running out of things to say but...keep drawing and if you need anything I can put you in contact with some friends in an editorial over here.

________________
Great power...humanity has got to know it's limits...
~Vaal Zantseuken