I've read most of the posts in this thread.

Firstly, you speak a lot about getting a close friend, or group of friends. This is totally understandable! But do you really believe if you got a friend it would change how you felt on a day to day basis substantially? Sure it's good to have good company...but at the end of the day - you are stuck with yourself, 24/7. You're stuck with your own inner issues...your own insecurities, emotional problems, fears. Other people often will reflect back to you what you own problem is! Like often attracts like. Find things which annoy you in others and try to see if you have some of those qualities, can you change it within yourself?

If finding someone to be with you or help you is such an extreme priority, wouldn't that result in being dependent?

I think because of computers and the internet, it offers us all forms of easy communication but the communication is somewhat 'lacking' when compared to 'face to face', so we're stuck in limbo. It can be a good OR a bad thing depending on situation.

You've also mentioned in your first post you relied on manga as an escapism. I don't think there is anything wrong with escaping SOME of the time, but when it get's excessive - you know you're hiding from something - we all do it - I've done it for most of my life.

What I can say is that someone finally pointed out why I was escaping, life gave me some rather lovely shocks to instill it's point. I was too afraid to accept certain parts of reality. Once I accepted them, though - I didn't need to run away because there was nothing to chase me!

Speaking from someone who is a little older and has very much been a loner, I can certainly say that 'life changes' and if you don't want to change - it will eventually force you to change - that's the way it is.

You'll be given choices and things will either go downhill, or uphill. Usually the most unbelievable 'down hill' point where life has become so grotesque is where you go 'hey hold on, this is fucking awful. Am I doing something wrong? Do I need to change how I view things?' - YES!

You seemed to say you wanted a nice, long committed friend - but you've mentioned your own commitment problems.

If everyone in the whole world had 'your exact personality', what would the world be like? (this is a good one for everyone to think about).

My general comment for those who didn't read all this, or a summary is: All the good things which have ever happened to me are based around my own inner world changing, the changes happened inside. Whenever I look outside - I never find what I'm looking for. Sometimes people or situations are required to shock me into understanding my inner self, other times I work it out on my own.

I agree with your post, DreamBaby. You've put exactly into words what I, too, had to realise some time ago. However, I think rexytheking still needs some support from his surroundings because this sort of drastic change cannot be accomplished all by yourself, or at least, it would be incredibly hard. Not that it wasn't hard enough already the way it is now.

As you have already mentioned, it was someone else who pointed out the flaws in your life and your attitude. It was the same for me. If there had not been anyone to slap me with the truth, I would have never found the resolve to question my whole being and to start from scratch. For a long time, I had known that something was wrong with me, but I just couldn't pin it down. I'm afraid that we MU members won't be able to provide rexytheking with this kind of eye-opener that would make him reach a turning-point. We are just too far away.


Last edited by Tripitaka at 11:58 pm, Sep 17 2014

________________
"Stories are what death thinks he puts an end to.
He can't understand that they end in him, but they don't end with him."
- Ursula K. Le Guin, Gifts

To be savoured:
- Blood Alone by TAKANO Masayuki
- Otoyomegatari by MORI Kaoru
- Gangsta. by Kohske
- Seishun Kouryakuhon by AKIZUKI Sorata

Alright, I read through most of the first post and a little of each of the last ones and I think I get the jist. No, the internet is a terrible place to go for advice, but there are actually a lot of caring people here and very few trolls (me and like one other guy). I can't say I'm just like you, but have many of the same issues, such as pushing people away then regretting it when they're gone. While I don't know the circumstances, it happens to a LOT of people. One thing I've learned in my experiences is old friends are usually forgiving. Try to reconnect with them. Hell, it's worked for me to an extent, and I'm pretty damn close to being a hikikomori (sp?). More of an introvert, but I digress.
To me, it seems like you were blaming your friends because of some problems. It's really you (except the drama as it could stem from too many things to cover). Quit using peer pressure or whatever as an excuse. From my point of view, you fucked up good. As I stated earlier, most people are forgiving, especially if you just man up and tell them what you have said here. Admit it was stupid and you should be able to reconnect with many of them, but probably not the girl
Don't be so hard on yourself. I closed myself up and read manga for like... 3 years. Didn't work or attend college (collected unemployment ). Pushed all my friends away, but reconnected with 3 out of 6. Not bad Now I mostly watch bootlegged movies and fuck around on other websites (porn). I get out a little, but not as much as I'd like (although, I just got out of jail for breaking into a building and passing out there ). I think DreamBaby said it better, but I felt like adding my two cents anyways. I get bored and rabble on.

________________
-No longer do I quote great scholars, the famous, etc. Kids feigning wisdom ruined it.
--I wont type a post like a college report. If you don't read it just for that reason, you don't have to post why your hoity-toity ass refused to. I swear, so many people on this site are so full of themselves. A lot seem to think they always have an "intelligent and/or logical" point or show signs of a superiority complex. They never admit they're wrong. Maybe partially, but excuses abound! :\
-Stop mailing me about my comments. I don't read them.
/sigrant

Thanks! I wrote the best advice I could give and kept thinking 'how can I say the right thing? Is this any good or not.' But I want to say to you: Oh my god? You got sent to jail for passing out in a building, sorry but that is pretty funny! I mean it's not good but... you did a very silly thing when I read you 'got out of jail' I right away thought you did something impossibly terrible! Hope you understand why I'm humored!




Yeah true, It's incredibly hard to find your own inner problems without some pretty intense 'life situations', I get constant coincidences and triggers thrown at me whenever I'm heading down the 'wrong' direction, or doing something really messed up. So I learn to watch for these signs.

I also have had some help both online and in real life to point out where I'm going wrong, real life is of course better!

Life's tough huh...(I could say it 1000 times and it still wouldn't be enough)

Mostly everything i wanted to say has been said before, so i'll just stick to a two things, they may not be accurate (since we don't know each other):


i went to pretty much the same type of school as you do. It was an humanities/arts school and i happened to be more science oriented.. resulting in eating lunch with the teachers for like 3 years and basically not talking to anyone.
The first thing i realised is that uni is different. You have different people, some are smart, some are not, they have all possible backgrounds, and they don't act as stuck up as the kids in school. So if you fail with something (hopefully not) you'll probably have a fresh start, with people more like you than at school. They won't know what kind of person you were, what things you screwed up.
It doesn't mean you shouldn't work with yourself now, talking to some old friends may be a good idea, especially if they knew you "before" you started being who you are now.

And the second one - think about what Tripitaka wrote about seeing a psychotherapist. When things started to go downhill with me i went to one, and i guess it was the best idea i could make. If it goes really bad friends/family may not be enough, but even if it's fine it surely won't hurt.
(Some poeople think suggesting such things is an offense, so if i offended you, it wasn't my intention.)