I think my friendship with someone who was really close is over. I say "I think" because we never talked about it. We never talked about it cuz I've been ghosted... I've been the one to take the initiative for a while now, because I know she's going through a lot. When she was being cold and unresponsive I just brushed it off as her being in a bad mood. But I see her being responsive and interactive with everyone else in her comments and stuff. I asked her several times if something was wrong, and that we could talk about it, but she always said no and I am just on autopilot mode. The last time she answered my message was a month ago. I am still waiting for an answer lol... though I can clearly see her being online and commenting on our friend's stuff. And honestly, I don't wanna take the first step anymore. I am tired of talking to her and feeling like I am talking to myself. I am tired of having to keep a conversation fun just for her to reply with "same" or "ikr" or "mood." Like okay, I get it, you're not well, but I have feelings too... I deserve an explanation at least... right?
am I in the wrong? I really don't know. the worst part is that I am 99% the only one thinking about this. She probably just forgot to answer me and thought nothing of it. She probably thinks everything is well lol. I don't wanna ask her because I am afraid she'll confirm my fears, she'll confirm that she's simply grown indifferent to our relationship.
It hurts like a bitch
I want to forget her like she's forgetting me
but I see her everywhere
she's commenting on every post i see, so she's always in my newsfeed.
are my worries valid? I am hurt, I want to tell her, but she's just gonna say something like "okay." I don't wanna get my heart broken by the harsh truth... so I just want to forget. what do I do... The worst part is that I have no one to tell this to. Everyone still thinks we're besties and I don't want to correct them, cuz a part of me wishes we still are...

Last edited by Yuurena at 1:10 pm, Feb 8 2023

________________
Boys in love are the prettiest thing in the world

I’m sorry but you should stop investing emotional energy in this person. If she never reaches out, answers in one-word sentences when you do talk, and isn’t behaving that way with other people, it really sounds like she’s not interested in continuing your friendship (or at least places much less value in it than you do). You deserve friends who care about your feelings and want to talk to you.

I have the same relationship between me and my best friend as you do. In the end, I choose to forget about her. I just accept it and move on. I know it is hard for some people but it is what is it. We can't force people to like us. If you still want that friendship and don't care to sacrifice your feeling, then do what you want to do to fix that friendship. But if you are already exhausted, just move on. Find someone who appreciates you and become someone who appreciates themselves.

Honestly, I've been in this situation, this person has already risked losing you, he has time for everyone, but not for you. Even if it's painful, you should cut him out of your life or you can do "Ghosting" like he did, that is, pretend you don't care.

________________
MILESTONES
1st: Death Note

But how do I get myself to stop investing emotional energy in her? Like we've been friends for so long and she meant so much to me. I don't know how she got herself to stop caring altogether but I can't do it as easily... do you have any tips?

________________
Boys in love are the prettiest thing in the world

It's comforting to know I am not alone in this 😢 especially since I can't share it with anyone. How did you manage to forget about her? I am really struggling to do it.

________________
Boys in love are the prettiest thing in the world

She won't care even I ghosted her haha... she literally couldn't care less. Hell, I'd probably be doing her a favor. Less drama for her to deal with. I should have seen this coming honestly. I've seen how she's ghosted a lot of people before after they got attached to her, but I clung to the hope that I was special
I guess not lol
Well, how do I stop caring for real? 😢

________________
Boys in love are the prettiest thing in the world

Ehhhh, I think this is the first time you are trying to forget someone who means a lot to you, so it might be a bit difficult, as they say, firsts are always hard. You are a really well-intentioned person from what I read in your writings, you still say things like "she wouldn't care even if I ghosted". This may seem selfish to you at first, but no matter what, always think of yourself first, is this relationship hurting you, okay, cut it out, you will have a hard time, but you will get used to it.

________________
MILESTONES
1st: Death Note

Good luck. Always sad to lose a friend for what seems like no reason, especially when you were close.

My advice is to look back on your friendship and realize that that friend has changed and they are longer as close to you as they once were or as you initially thought. Friendship as with most relationships is a two way street. Both of you guys have to be invested.

Just reflect on the friendship and then look towards other friends. One door closed, means other door is waiting to be open. Avoid trauma dumping on your other friends and complaining about this previous best friend though because that means you aren't over it yet.

Thank you, I'll do my best 😢

________________
Boys in love are the prettiest thing in the world

Thank you for saying that! I will do my best!

________________
Boys in love are the prettiest thing in the world

you should comment on all your friends content to!
and then go out, & create content with your friends so your ghosted friend can comment on it
and then they're the one left behind
it's not right to force change on a sick person
that's really a conversation you can have with yourself after it's done;
you turned your friend into something useful for you
or alternately, you destroyed them

Firstly I confirmed that she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. As for me, I just tell her that she should take her time until she was ready to tell me what reason she avoid me in the first place.

She also countlessly makes a post about a toxic friendship. I asked her "is it about us" or "tell me if something is wrong, and I will try my best to fix it" but she told me that it was not about us and I should mind my own business.

So I try to meet new people or find healthy hobbies to distract me. It was hard at first, but I finally move on.

I suggest you take time off from her. Block her on social media and avoid all thing that makes you remember her. Take your time. Honestly, it will be hard and hurtful but that is what has to be done.

instead of blocking, in order to take sweet revenge , if she uses instagram, there is a button called mute or something if she uses instagram, you don't see her posts, stories, she will see that you are having fun with someone new and she will go crazy whens she sees that you are not looking at her story etc. 😀

________________
MILESTONES
1st: Death Note

I agree in muting rather than blocking! Who knows if she will care at all, but at the very least, muting shows you've moved on just as she has moved on. Blocking will likely lead to them reaching out and a confrontation, tbh. It also gives them fuel to call you toxic and/or dramatic since you didn't try to talk to them and "nothing was wrong." Or gives them the feeling that they have some kind of power over you -- muting is the way to go.

But to answer your question, no, you're not overreacting. My theory is one of these four things:

1) You were a convenience friend: Essentially, you were someone this person had around to have someone to always talk to. The moment things picked up in other areas, they do the bare minimum with you.

2) Your friend isn't mature enough to say something is bothering them: You described them as being moody beforehand and you were mature enough to give them grace. I am not sure if this person is extra touchy, but they might have taken something small and blown it out of proportion in their own head. Or maybe it's perfectly in proportion, but they should have the courtesy to say something if you two were friends.

3) She's outgrown the friendship: While it might have had value to you and depth, it could have always been a shallower connection for her. This is ok and it's not your fault -- sometimes people miss each other or move at different paces.

4) She doesn't even know anything is wrong: The most generous of the theories. On her end, she doesn't see any issues. Maybe she doesn't see your posts, maybe she's trying to build a friendship with others, maybe she doesn't know you need that engagement because you two message each other. She's used to you being around always and never complaining, so she sees this as status quo.

All this to say, you have a right to end this friendship if you feel you're putting more effort into it than the other person. These things happen to everyone, too, so it's not like you did anything wrong or that something is wrong with you. I would try to bring it up to them if you want closure -- but closure if for you and you alone. If you can mourn the friendship without talking to them, I would just silently lay it to rest. It happens even when you don't know why -- it hurts, but it's freeing to not have to cling to something that doesn't bring you joy or at least contentment.

Last edited by flowinmyboat at 5:27 pm, Feb 11 2023

________________
http://i.imgur.com/LxhWm.jpg (will reformat this some day…)